Dork Period
by Usagi-Zakura
Summary: Jak and Daxterstar WarsNarutoKHwhatevercrossover, a sequel to my two other fics Dork2 and Dork3. Jak, Naruto and Luke Skywalker goes with their friends to do random stuff. Contains spoilers, Yaoi and utter randomness.
1. Ehm's wife the chocolate cake

**Miss.Ecofreak: welcome ladies and gentlemen and not so gentle men, to the newest, third, most random (since this time it's _not_ based on any serious story) episode of Dork! (Dork 2 and 3 is under Games-Jak and Daxter. I've just moved this fic because it was getting a bit too much Naruto. Since this fanfic was originally written for the Jak and Daxter-section, Jak will sometimes comment this.**

**Zakura: Is that a bad thing? Naruto rules!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: anyway! IMPORTANT NOTE: this fic contains spoilers for Jak2, Jak3, maybe Jak and Daxter, Star Wars (random spoilers everyone knows), Naruto (it spoils episodes not even I've seen but have read and heard about), Dork2, Dork3 and Dork Period.**

**Zakura: this is Dork Period.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: not to mention: I do not own any character of Jak and Daxter, Jak2, Jak3, Naruto, Star wars or any one else who appears in this fic except Well (partly, my cousin made up his name and I made up his looks), Ehm, Civilian Guy, Cornelius and maybe some other random people who pops out, and yes, I do own Zakura the killer rabbit, her two cages (the indoor and outdoor cage), her transporting cage, her dog leach (rabbit leaches are so short so I bought a dog leach instead), her harness, her water bottle, her stuffed rabbit, my bed…**

**Zakura: oh just start the fic already!**

**This has happened:**

Jak and Daxter TPL, the one sentence-version.

Daxter falls into a hole of dark eco and turns into an ottsel so Jak has to find a way to change him back but fails and kills the only guy who can change Daxter back and so they find a strange machine and Dork 2 can begin.

Dork 2 Reckless driving, the very short version.

Jak and Daxter crash-lands in Haven City and Jak is captured by the Krimson Guards.

Daxter escapes and goes to find some pizza.

Meanwhile Baron Praxis does experiments on Jak using Dark eco to create a perfect dark warrior. When nothing happens Praxis decides to kill Jak after lunch.

While Praxis and his drunken commander Errol is eating, Daxter appears (two years passed though) with pizza.

He saves Jak and they go of to get revenge on Baron Praxis.

On the way they meet a lot of strange characters, like Errol's little brother Cornelius, a kid, Kor, a crazy leprechaun called Well…ehm…eh who thinks he's a flut-flut-bird and lots of others.

In a mission to destroy some imperial cruiser-looking ships, the Millenium Falcon from Star Wars appears, saving them before it gets shot down by Jak who thinks Star Wars has nothing to do in a Jak and Daxter-fic.

Kor turns out to be evil though, he kidnaps the kid, who is the heir of Haven City's founder and kills Praxis.

Jak tries to save Praxis, just long enough to figure out where he's hidden the precursor stone, a very important artefact, as soon as he's figured that out, he drops a gigantic bullet on Praxis killing him.

Jak, Daxter and Well…ehm…eh sneaks into the metalhead nest where Kor is and meets a very annoying director.

They kill the director, befriend metal Kor, and finds out the kid is actually Jak who went back to the past where he could grow up safe from harm.

Little Jak is sent to the past and everyone in Haven City lives happily for about two weeks or so.

Dork 3 nothing special, the very short version.

Jak is thrown out into the wasteland and left to die, Well, Daxter and Pecker the moncaw follows him to avoid being given a stupid t-shirt by Praxis' daughter Ashelin.

In the wasteland they find a city called Spargus, and meets up with Damas, who is trying to find his missing son, and Well's hyperactive cousin Ehm…Wait! Think I've got it! No forgot it who is trying to find more candy.

They also meet a very indifferent monk, Seem.

Soon they also uncover an evil plan to destroy the planet, in which Errol, who was thought to be dead, plays a key role.

As they find their way back to Haven City, Torn is especially glad to see them, and Well and Daxter figures out Jak is homophobic (something Torn is not happy with).

The evil Vefrs (**Veger: MY NAME IS VEGER!)** however is not happy. He fears Jak's dark side, which is a side-effect from the dark eco-experimentation Jak went through in Dork2.

Jak gets a light side too, and Daxter has an argument with the precursors.

Luke Skywalker wants to kill Jak for shooting him down, he also annoys Jak with the fact that Luke knows his own father, Jak never knew his father.

Soon he figures out Damas is his father though, but Damas dies soon after.

Jak goes to stop Veger from saving the world since that is HIS job, along with Well, Daxter and Ehm, he goes into the centre of the planet to ask the precursors for help.

The precursor wants to thank Jak for being so good at saving the world, and gives him the opportunity to be changed into a precursor.

Veger complains, HE wants to be a precursor instead, but he changes his mind when he figures out the precursors are nothing but 3 little ottsels like Daxter, but it was too late.

Jak kills Cyber Errol, Ehm, Well and Daxter's girlfriend Tess are transformed into ottsels, Veger gets a new "friend" in Kleiver, Kleiver takes a sidekick, Jak and Cornelius opens a caps-shop and burns down Ashelin's t-shirt stand, everyone marries someone and lives happily for like… say… four days?

**(Keira: HEY! I WAS IN THIS FIC TOO! WHY DIDN'T YOU MENTION ME? AAAAARGH! I FEEL LEFT OUT!)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: now we can start**

**CHAPTER 1**

**EHM'S WIFE, THE CHOCOLATE CAKE (EXTREMELY SHORT CHAPTER BUT THAT WAS ONLY BECAUSE I MADE UP SOMETHING EVEN MORE INSANE AND HAD TO MAKE IT A CHAPTER OF ITS OWN)**

It was a beautiful sunny day in Haven City.

The sun was shining Baron Praxis was lying underneath a large bullet and looked pretty much dead and rotten, Errol was lying dead in the desert next to the ruins of the dark maker terraformer and life was good.

"Watch out! There's a giant lizard chasing me!"

Almost.

A green ottsel was running through the city at full speed before Jak (who just happened to pass by wearing a caps with the text "Man I hate those annoying leprechaun-ottsels") grabbed it by the tail.

"What's the matter little really annoying leprechaun-look-alike?" he asked. "There are no lizards here"

"Yes there are! They ate my wife!" Ehm…Wait! Think I've got it! No forgot it said.

"Your wife the chocolate cake?" Jak asked.

"Yup. She was delicious" Ehm said.

"The chocolate cake you ate last night while we were watching the incredibles at Damas' house?" Jak asked (Damas is dead but they are still watching movies at his place).

"The same" Ehm said.

Jak threw his father's nuisance at the sea and went into the Naughty Ottsel to see his own nuisance.

As he walked in he found a caps-stand with Cornelius behind the counter (yup, inside the bar).

The youngest and only alive Elfin-brother was wearing a caps saying "Caps! Buy your caps here! Hurry up while they're still hot".

"Hi Jak! Come to get another caps?" he asked.

"No. I thought you placed the stand in Spargus" Jak said.  
"We're expanding! I decided to make one in here too" Cornelius said.  
"Then who's selling caps in the old stand while you're here?" Jak asked.

"I am" Said Civilian Guy as he came out from behind the counter of the Naughty Ottsel with a bottle of beer in his hand. "I am just taking a break right now".

"I thought you worked in an ice cream stand out in the desert" Jak said.  
"That's only a part-time job. I needed another one now that I'm a dad" Civilian Guy said.

"You got a kid? But you only married last week!" Jak said.

"Yup, his name is Random Pet" said Civilian Guy and showed Jak a little puppy.

Jak decided to ignore the idiots in the bar and walked into Daxter's living room.

There he saw his two best friends in the entire world eating computer chips and watching the game.

"Hi Dax. Hi Jinx" Jak said.  
"Shut up Jak. We're watching a couple of dopes playing hide and seek" Jinx whispered.

"Behind the chair you moron! He's behind the chair!" Daxter yelled at the TV. "Did you leave your eyes at home? Everyone can see he's behind the chair! HICK!"

"Daxter! Have you been stealing beer from the counter again?" Tess yelled from the kitchen.

"What do you care woman? HICK! It's my bar I can do whatever I want!" Daxter yelled back. "Including taking a free drink HICK!"

"It's not for free, you bought it at the market" Tess commented.

"Yeah, but I used Jak's money" Daxter said before he was attacked by Dark Jak.

"Man this is an interesting program" Jinx said, completely ignoring Jak and Daxter who were busy trying to kill each other.

**Miss.Ecofreak: … my back pack, my shoes, my imaginary pets, my hair, my cds, a DVD of the Lion king…**

**Zakura: this might take some time, please review and tell Miss.Ecofreak to shut up.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: … (pant) my crayons, my pen case and everything in it, my dreams (sure hope so), my…**


	2. Dark Jak VS Naruto

**Miss.Ecofreak: welcome to the 2. chapter of Dork Period which is four times longer than the last.**

**Zakura: and has four times the amount of Naruto-characters… seeing there were none in the last chapter.**

**Jak: and let's keep it that way.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: oh no, we can't do that (evil laugh) Besides Zakky, if it had been four times the amount of Naruto-characters in this chapter there wouldn't be any since 4 times 0 equals 0**

**Zakura: says the girl who keeps claiming she sucks in math.**

**Jak: I hate that precursor/human.**

**Answer to Thee Slushee: Naruto is created by Masashi Kishimoto, not me that's for sure. And Civilian Guy married Random Woman, as shown at the end of Dork3.**

**Zakura: all she owns of Naruto is the manga editions of volume 1-6, one example of the Norwegian editions of Shonen Jump featuring Naruto, a black headband from the village hidden in leaves (where Naruto lives) and a small toy of Sakura.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: and a bunch of drawings I sketched, one was even shown in the fanart-page in Jump. **

**Answer to Meowen: funny. I know a girl who would be thrilled to have Elliah Wood pursuing her, at least she did that before. He is kind of cute**

**Zakura: with those unnaturally gigantig blue eyes... Yuck**

**This chapter contains a fight between Jak and the Naruto-crew, (maybe some spoilers as well, but most characters act out of characters since I don't know all of them and it's funnier this way). I'll try to make it understandable to Jak-fans who haven't watched (or read) Naruto, either way it's quite stupid and random, enjoy.**

**CHAPTER 2**

**DARK JAK VERSUS NARUTO**

Just then, Well…ehm…eh came walking in the window with a large smile on his foot.

Miss.Ecofreak and her killer rabbit both agreed this was pretty weird.

"Hi Daxter! Hi Dark Jak. Hi Metal Kor. Hi Jinx. Hi Tess. Hi random Naruto-character" he said.

"Random Naruto-character?" Jak said in surprise and ran away from Daxter in order to attack Konohamaru instead **(fun fact: Konohamaru is just a little kid)**

"You can't beat me! I'm the grandson of the third hokage! And an innocent child! Don't kill me! Aaaaah!" Konohamaru said before he ran away screaming.

Daxter, now happy to be free from Dark Jak's grip turned to the ottsel-turned leprechaun in the door.

"Hi Well. How do you do?" Daxter asked.

"How do I do what?" Well asked.

"How are you able to smile with your foot" Daxter asked.

"Oh… fiction-tricks?" Well suggested, he wasn't so sure himself.

"Jak! Can you stop beating that kid so loudly? I can't hear the TV" Jinx yelled.

"Fine. I'll cut his throat of so he won't scream" Dark Jak said.  
"Oh no you don't! Kage bunshin no jutsu!" Naruto (who had appeared out of nowhere) screamed and created dozens of clones of himself.

"Hah! You can't beat me with that! Dark blast!" Dark Jak screamed and used dark blast so all the Narutos died.

The real Naruto survived, he used henge no justu (transformation) to transform into an elephant.

Then the elephant (who was actually Naruto in disguise) stepped on Dark Jak.

"You make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry" Dark Jak said and turned into giant Dark Jak, and by doing so, he crushed the roof of the Naughty Ottsel and tossing the elephant of.

"Ottsel toss!" Dark Jak yelled and threw Daxter at the elephant.

Daxter hit Naruto in the head, so he got a large ottsel-shaped bump there.

Once again Miss.Ecofreak and her killer rabbit agreed that was pretty weird.

The elephant turned back into Naruto, since he was unable to use any hand seals to do his attacks when he didn't have any hands. **(The ninjas need hand seals to use their jutsu/magic)**

"You can't beat me! I have an attack that is going to kick your ass!" Naruto said and formed a random/some random hand seal(s).

Suddenly Naruto was replaced by Sasuke.

Miss.Ecofreak and her killer rabbit both agreed Sasuke was stronger than Naruto since Naruto is a blockhead.

"Hey!" Naruto yelled from beside Daxter's radio that was currently playing "Eye of the Fluffy Little kitten With Tiger-stripes".

"Hm. I should have known he wouldn't be able to do it himself" Sasuke said.

"Now I will kick _your_ ass" Jak said and used Dark Bomb.

Sasuke jumped out of the way and used his sharingan to copy the dark bomb and then Sasuke used the dark bomb on poor Dark Jak.

"That hurts! What did you need to do that for?" Dark Jak asked.

"I felt like it" Sasuke said. "Besides, I need practice so that I can kick Itachi's ass later. But then again you are very strong so I think I'll sit this one out".

Then he used kawarami (replacement technique. Same technique Naruto had used) and was replaced by Sakura.

"What? Do you expect me to do any better?" Sakura asked in surprise because she knew she was the weakest on the team.

Then Sakura was replaced by Rock Lee.

"I will protect you with my life Sakura" Lee said.

"This is getting highly annoying" Dark Jak said. "Besides, I wasn't going for Sakura; I just wanted to kill Konohamaru".

"Oh… in that case" Lee said and was replaced by Neji.

"What am I doing here?" Neji asked Lee who was standing next to Daxter.

"You have to fight that guy because we don't really want to" Lee explained.

"Ok…ay…" Neji said. "But what if I don't want to either?"

"Come on! I'm getting bored by just stand here watching Naruto-characters fly by" Dark Jak said. "Listen, fight me or I'll kill your cousin".

"You will?" Neji said and cheered.

"Aw… you weren't supposed to be happy about that, why don't you just summon another ninja I can fight?" Dark Jak asked.

"Aw… okay" Neji said, still disappointed Dark Jak wouldn't kill his sweet innocent cousin Hinata, and was replaced by a naked Tenten.

Miss.Ecofreak was the only one who thought that was pretty weird, her killer rabbit only thought her stupid comments was getting highly annoying and tied her owner up to a chair.

"Hey! Stop replacing yourself by me when I'm in the shower!" Tenten said and was replaced by Naruto.

"We meet again" Dark Jak said with a smirk.

"Oh crap. I guess I have to use the powers of an old friend" Naruto said, then without warning he grew short fangs, got red eyes and looked pretty much… fox-like.

"What in the name of Sig's pudding did just happen?" Dark Jak asked.

"Don't know that?" Daxter asked and read out lout from a Shonen Jump magazine. "Twelve years ago a demon fox, in Japan called Kyuubi, attacked the village hidden in leaves, in Japan called Konohagakure, the shinobis, in Japan called shinobis, fought it and Iruka's parents died. Then the fourth hokage, in Japan called fire shadow in English but in Japanese it's called Hokage, appeared and sealed the gigantic fox in a tiny baby and then the hokage died too. That tiny baby grew up and now he's right in front of you".

"That didn't make sense to me. Who is Iruka?" Dark Jak asked.

"Never mind. Just go on kicking Naruto's butt" Daxter said.

"Not so fast. First I want to summon my friends and family to help me" Naruto said, and then he did that.

But since Naruto was an orphan, no family appeared.

Instead, Sasuke and Sakura returned.

Sasuke called on his older brother Itachi **(Er… Sasuke? Bad idea)** while Sakura called on Ino **(Zakura: why did she do that? I thought they were rivals?)**

Ino called on her team mates, Shikamaru and Chochi and Lee called on himself to help Sakura.

Then he also called on his team mates Neji and Tenten and their teacher Guy/Gai **(that name was written differently from the manga and the anime)**

Unfortunately Naruto's summoning turned out to be useless as Sasuke and Itachi started fighting each other **(See Sasuke? I told you that was a bad idea!)**, Sakura and Ino stood by adoring Sasuke, Chochi and Shikamaru realised the safest option was to watch TV with Jinx, Lee was busy adoring Sakura, Gai was making sure everyone enjoyed the springtime of life, Neji still didn't feel like fighting and Tenten was still naked so she went back into the shower.

"I guess there's still just you and me then" Dark Jak said. "Me and my little friends".

**Miss.Ecofreak: (still tied up to a chair) mmmfmhmm.**

**Zakura: what Miss.Ecofreak is trying to say is; "I sure hope you liked my fic, now I have to go and clean both of the rabbit-cages inside-out."**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (glares)**

**Zakura: she also says that her rabbit is the cutest in the world**

**Kiara: shut up! (Attacks Zakura and unties Miss.Ecofreak)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: thanks Kiki. What I really wanted to say is that my rabbit can be a pain in the neck sometimes and none of her cages need further cleaning right now, but I still love her.**

**Kiara: …**

**Miss.Ecofreak: and the other rabbit that just suddenly randomly popped out of nowhere. Another fun fact: that joke about Well smiling with his foot is inspired by another fic I wrote where a character keeps popping in with a smile on his foot/tail/stomach and his mother yells at him to smile with his mouth like normal people. **

**Zakura: (is tied up to a chair) mmmffmm**

**Miss.Ecofreak: please review while I go to put Zakura in her _outdoor cage out in the rain _and take our guest star back to my school where she lives. Next chapter you will see who Jak's little friends are.**


	3. The Supers attack

**Miss.Ecofreak: Hiya, I'm back! I'm so sorry for the loooong wait...**

**Zakura: ... since yesterday... stupidhead**

**Miss.Ecofreak: he he. Rabbits have no sence of humour.**

**Answer to Babyblues15: this one's for you Zak.**

**Zakura: Brown eyes are cuter, I have brown eyes!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: but blue is a nice colour.**

**Zakura: no it isn't! You only say that because your eyes are blue!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (sings) blue eyes. my baby's got blue eyes.**

**Zakura: she does not! I'm your baby (or the closest you've got to one) and I have brown eyes"**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (sings) blue eyes. Jak, Daxter, Torn, Elliah Wood, I, Kate, and all of those people's got blue eyes but my rabbit does not cause her eyes are brown as well as her fur though her fur is brighter**

**Zakura: can we just start the story?**

**CHAPTER 3**

**THE SUPERS ATTACK**

Jak's little friends turned out to be a small gang of ottsels in funny suits.

Daxter wearing a superman-suit (only he had written superottsel on it).

Well wearing a Santa Claus suit.

Ehm wearing a sugarman-suit (however that looks like).

Tess wearing a Mr. Incredible-suit and Veger looked pretty miserable in his Elastigirl-suit.

"Why do I have to dress like a girl?" he asked.

"Because you are a little sissy, now use your elastic powers to beat Naruto" Dark Jak said.

"I don't have any elastic powers ecofreak! I'm only wearing a dorky suit!" Veger complained.

"Aw don't be that way Helen" Dark Jak said.

"My name is not Helen! Only because you forced me to take on an Elastigirl-suit doesn't mean my name is Helen!" Veger yelled.

"Don't mind Elastigirl, she's probably on her period" Daxter said. "Now I, Daxter Kent (Aka: Superottsel), will use my laser eyes to finally finish of this guy!"

Daxter stared at Naruto for a minute, and nothing happened.

"Hm, perhaps ottsels don't have the same powers as men" he thought out loud.

"Then I, Extremely Hyperactive Leprechaun (Aka: Sugarman), will defeat you with my sugar-powers!" Ehm yelled and started throwing cupcakes at Naruto.

One of the cakes missed and flew across the globe to a spy-school in England where it hit a strange bold guy who had just been given the best grades at the school.

"And now I will be declared this years international man of mystery" the bold guy bragged and started laughing evilly, and so did his friend who had the second best grades and therefore was dubbed "Number two", until the cupcake hit him in the head (the bold guy).

"Who throws a cupcake? Honestly" the bold guy said.

Back at the Naughty Ottsel, Tess was getting ready to throw Naruto of the saloon.

"Now you will… pant… regret that you… pant… ever showed your…pant … ugly face he... re in our… pant… fic" she said as she was pulling Naruto's leg.

"This isn't working. Claus, you'll have to use your superpowers" Jak said to Well.

"I don't have any superpowers, I just hand out presents to everyone" Well said.

"Oh… then you can give Naruto this from me" Jak said and gave Well a ticking present.

Well walked up to Naruto with the present.

"Here Naruto. Jak's bought some ramen for you" he said.

"Ramen? I'm in heaven!" Naruto said and ate the package before even unwrapping it.

fortunately for Naruto, his stomach acid dissolved the bomb before it got time to explode which is completely ridiculous but this is a ridiculous story so Miss.Ecofreak couldn't care less, only Zakura complained for lack of believability which is strange cause she's just a rabbit and should necessarily care about believability in a written story since most rabbits don't even know how to read…

"GET ON WITH IT!" Itachi yelled before he was attacked from behind by his little brother.

"Wow, Sasuke-kun is so damn cool when he's fighting his older brother" Sakura said dreamily.

"Even though he gets his ass kicked" Ino said which was true, after all Itachi is Sasuke's _older_ brother and a lot stronger.

So while Sasuke was getting his ass kicked and Itachi was kicking someone's ass, Naruto kept looking at his opponent with a puzzled expression, and he was definitely not getting his ass kicked.

"Well aren't you a bunch of losers" he said and formed an L with his fingers and put them in front of his forehead.

"I am no looser! I only look like one because these losers forced me" Veger complained.

"This is such a troublesome match" Shikamaru said as he was on his way out from the kitchen and heading for the couch with a sandwich for himself and Jinx and everything in the fridge for Chochi.

"Fear not! The hero has finally arrived!" a new voice said.

"It's a bird!" Daxter shouted.

"It's a powerpuff girl!" Well shouted.  
"It's a… oh wait, it's just a bird anyway" Ehm said.

And he was halfway true.

Up at the broken wall of the Naughty Ottsel stood Pecker the mon(key)(mac)caw, and he was wearing a headband from Sunagakure (village hidden in sand) and a bunch of ninja weapons.

"Finally! The great jounin (high classed ninja) is here" Jak said.

"High classed ninjas aren't supposed to show them selves before they attack" Veger muttered.

"Aha, but I haven't shown myself, this is just a dummy I fixed a microphone on" said the Pecker-dummy.

Then suddenly the real Pecker appeared and hit Naruto in his head with Shikamaru's sandwich.

"That didn't look like a ninja attack for me" Veger commented.  
"Helen. Now you stop complaining and be happy we finally got some decent help" Jak said.

"Hmp, if that's a ninja of sand, then sand-nins suck" Neji said before Temari attacked him from behind with the same sandwich Pecker had used.

"Aw, Temari! Please give me back my sandwich" Shikamaru said. "Kankuro! Gaara! Your sister stole my sandwich again and it's so troublesome!"

"I didn't steal your sandwich; I only borrowed it from Pecker. I had absolutely no idea it was your sandwich honestly. Please forgive me if you think I stole your sandwich, I will never use your sandwich as a weapon anymore…" Temari explained.

"Fine just give it back" Shikamaru said and took his sandwich from Temari and started eating (although it was full of hair from Neji and Naruto). "The sand-nins are acting way out of character. How troublesome" he said.

"No we're not" Gaara said lazily as he sat down in the couch eating popcorn** (anyone who knows who Gaara is, try picturing him sitting down in a couch eating popcorn and looking rather lazy. That's a funny mental picture!)**

"I don't really care if the sand-nins are in or out of character or not since THEY DON'T BELONG ON THE JAK AND DAXTER-SECTION OF THIS PAGE! CAN WE GO BACK TO TELLING STORIES ABOUT US NOW?" Jak yelled.

Somewhere else, a young boy was happy to start his adventure with a little yellow rodent he called Pikachu, or electric mouse…

"Now you're doing this only to annoy me right?" Jak asked.

"Fine, if you don't want us here we'll leave" Temari said and took her brothers Kankuro and Gaara (who was watching TV) back to Sunagakure.

"Why couldn't she just take away the leaf-nins as well?" Jak wondered. "Oh well, seems we have to beat them ourselves. Helen, make yourself useful and stretch out so you can knock out both Sasuke and Itachi at once before they decide we are bigger enemies than they are".  
"For the last time you idiotic freak-son of Haven City's former king. I AM NOT ELASTIGIRL AND I DO NOT POSSES ELASTIC POWERS!" Veger yelled.

"Fine, then I guess Sugarman will save the day instead and become a great hero" Jak said.

"Aye aye captain!" Ehm said and threw up on Itachi.

"Eyw, that's gross! I'll get you for this you stupid Itachi!" he yelled **(Fun fact2: by looking at a Japanese English dictionary online I figured out that Itachi actually means weasel, weird huh?)**

Itachi started kicking Ehm's ass until the hyperactive ottsel fainted and Itachi threw him on top of Sasuke who was already unconscious and walked over to the TV to watch Hide and Seek with Jinx, Chochi and Shikamaru.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun is so gorgeous when he's unconscious" Ino said said, not lifting a finger to help the love of her life.

"Oh, Sakura-san is so gorgeous when she's adoring Sasuke" Lee said.

"Oh, Lee-san sure has big eyebrows" Sakura said as she wasn't looking at Lee, she was looking at Sasuke.

"We lost one rat but at least we managed to defeat to of the ninjas" Jak said in an uplifting speech to his remaining helpers.

"We didn't defeat any of them" Veger commented. "Itachi kicked Sasuke's ass then he got tired and went to watch TV".

"What's your big plan chief?" Tess asked.

""Well, my first bomb plan didn't work, so this time Well will have to ask his little elves to make an even larger bomb, then Elastigirl will lift it up…"

"Stop it right there! There is no Elastigirl here because I am not Elastigirl and I do not have elastic powers. I'm nothing but a stupid assed ex-count who was transformed into a stupid little rat by the precursors because I actually though precursor might be a bit taller" Veger complained.

"Fine, then Superottsel will fly up with the bomb and drop it in Sakura's head" Jak said.

"Why Sakura? She doesn't do anything but adoring Sasuke and commenting Lee's eyebrows?" Veger said.

"Who's the leader here? Why don't you just do as you're told for once instead of constantly complaining?" Jak asked.

"His eyebrows sure are huge" Daxter said.

"Er… chief? We have a problem" Well said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: that was the end of the Dark Jak VS Naruto fight**

**Zakura: er?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay. not yet. But soon. Naruto-characters will keep popping up but other characters will appear as well, please review**

**Zakura: (sings) brown eyes. I have got brown eyes.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: shut up Zakura.**


	4. Third Return Of the Jedi

**Miss.Ecofreak: is this new login-thingy supposed to make things easier or did they just put it up to annoy me?**

**Zakura: sure, cause everything on this page is about you (rolls her eyes)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: what? You mean it's not?**

**Zakura: idiot.**

**Answer to Babyblues15: JACKPOT! I was planning on asking about that when I wrote the chappy but I forgot, then again I've already put in some other Austin Powers-comments in Dork3 (Ashelin's shirts)**

**Jak: so can we start now? I want to kick Naruto's ass**

**Miss.Ecofreak: sure, but first I want to intruduce you to some other friends of mine**

**Jak: who?**

**CHAPTER 4**

**RETURN OF THE JEDI**

**Jak: NOT AGAIN! I ALREADY KILLED THAT GUY!**

The Millenium Falcon (the same one as Jak shot down in Dork2) flew across the walls of the Naughty Ottsel and landed on the ninjas.

The good news was that now all the ninjas (except those who were still watching TV) fainted, the bad news was; now they had to fight the Jedi knights who came out of the ship.

There was Jak's old enemy Luke Skywalker, his trusted droids R2D2 and C3PO, his sister Leia, Luke and Leia's father and also the creator of C3PO, Anakin Skywalker, Anakin and Luke's teacher Obi Wan Kenobi, Obi Wan's dead teacher Qui Gon Jin and Yoda who needs no further presentation.

"Holy shit" Jak said and jumped up into the arms of Daxter.

"We are here to get revenge! Because we are all very angry at you" Luke said.

"Now calm down Luke, don't forget, anger is the path to the dark side. Anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. Right Yoda?" Ehm said.

"Aw, the dark side screw it" Yoda said. "Kick your asses, we will".

"Yeah! The dark side rules! We get these cool red light sabres!" Anakin said.

And so the jedis attacked the ottsels/elf/moncaw.

"Arrk! We need more help for this one! Call in Justice League!" Pecker said.

And so Torn came in dressed as Batman, Ashelin came dressed as Wonder Woman, Keira came dressed as Hawk Girl, Samos came in dressed as that alien guy and Clark Kent came in dressed as Superman (to everyone's surprise).

"Oh great, more lunatics" Veger said.

"Don't you dear threaten my ex! Now you will all die at my hand!" Torn yelled and threw bat-shaped pieces of paper at Yoda.

Yoda got the paper in his eye.

"Cut paper! Dying I am! Revenge me you must Vader Darth" Yoda said and died. **(Zakura: of a paper cut? Miss.Ecofreak: he's old. Kiara: very old. Miss.Ecofreak: what are you doing here? Kiara: saying Yoda is old.)**

"Aw, why am I always the one who have to revenge people?" Anakin asked.

"Because Jedi can't let himself be driven by anger, you are a sith so it doesn't matter" Obi Wan said.

Anakin glared at his old master. "You never commented Luke when he wanted to kill Jak to revenge the Millenium Falcon" he commented.

"That's your job. I'm not his father, but I am the closest thing you've got for a father" Obi Wan said.

"Oh… okay. Luke, stop being angry. Torn, now I'm going to kill you for murdering Yoda" Anakin said.

"Why would you care? You killed your own teacher and wiped out almost every Jedi on the planet" Torn said.

"There are no Jedi on this planet moron! Prepare to die!" Anakin said and charged at Torn.

Torn screamed like a little girl and jumped into his bat mobile which, like the throwing bats, was made out of cardboard so he didn't get far.

Only one inch actually since the car moved a bit as Torn jumped into it.

But then the car broke, unable to support Torn's weight.

"Aw, stupid cheap piece of shit" Torn muttered.

Anakin started slicing up the last pieces of the car since he of some reason found this necessary to get to Torn who was inside (or on top of it).

"Leave Bruce alone you dark person wearing a mask" Superman said and shot out laser beams at Anakin so he fainted.

"Wow, you might think he would die from that" Keira said.

"Daddy!" Luke said and sat down next to his father crying.

"You almost killed him! I'm going to get you for this!" he said accusingly to Clark/Superman.

"You killed him first" Clark said stubbornly.

"No I didn't! He died of his own cause he took his mask of" Luke said just as stubbornly.

"You took his mask of" Clark said.

"But he asked for it!" Luke said.

"Funny. They are arguing about who killed a person who is still alive" Ashelin said.

"This is a funny story" Leia said, during the short fight those two became best of friends.

So Luke started a light sabre-duel with Clark Kent, who was using his hand as a sword.

"No I will use this kryptonite on you!" Luke yelled and pulled out a piece of the deadly substance.

"Nooo! That is the only thing I can't take! Nooooo! I'm fainting!" Clark screamed before he too fainted.  
"Doesn't anyone die in this fic?" Jak asked.

"Yes. Yoda did" Daxter said. "But now I must avenge my fellow kryptonian! Feel the wrath of my laser eyes Jedi-freak!"

Daxter glared at Luke, but once again nothing happened.  
"When are you guys going to learn that taking on a dorky costume won't give you super-powers?" Veger asked.

"Hey! You're right Helen! ("My name is not Helen!" Veger yelled) I'll have to get bitten by a radioactive bug!" Daxter said.

"Dick" Veger muttered.

"But where am I going to find a bug? I know!" Daxter ran over to the Millennium Falcon and pulled out Naruto's head.

"Naruto! Quick! You need to tell me Shino's number" Daxter said. **(Shino loves bugs, he's grown up with them)**

"And why would I want to do that?" Naruto asked, sounding surprisingly healthy considering he had a large space ship on his stomach (it was on the ground since Jak had shot its feet of in Dork2).

"I'll give you a bowl of ramen" Daxter said.

"Okay" Naruto said and handed his phone book to Daxter.  
Daxter, as the friendly never-breaking-promises-ottsel he was, walked away with the phone book and did _not_ give poor Naruto his hard earned noodles.

Finding Shino's number in the book was a difficult matter, seeing that Naruto had written every name backwards and every number as well.

Soon Daxter figured it was probably since he was Japanese and they did write things in the other direction but that still didn't explain why Naruto and all the other ninjas was talking (and writing) English.

Odd… he had to figure that out later, now it was time to find that stupid bug-loving ninja.

He finally found the number and managed to type it in the right order.

Soon the sound of "Insert random background sound from "Bugs Life" here" started playing from the couch.** (I've never even seen Bugs life. Only the short clip with the ant and the caterpillar at the end of Toy Story 2)**

"Shino you ninja-bastard! What are you doing in my couch?" Daxter asked in the phone, although Shino was only three feet away.

"I'm watching this highly amusing TV-show with my good friends Itachi, Shikamaru and Chochi and of course my new friend Jinx" Shino explained.

"Er… whatever. Do you have a radioactive bug I can borrow?" Daxter asked.

"Sure, it's on my head" Shino said **(wow, he actually had one)**

Daxter picked the radioactive bug of Shino's head.

"Great! Now all I have to do is make it bite me" the ottsel said smiling.

The bug… didn't do anything.

**Kiara: the bug is lazy**

**Zakura: get out you bastard**

**Kiara: you're a bastard too, your parents are two different breeds.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: why on this ball of dirt does Shino have a radioactive bug?**

**Zakura: cause its randomand funny like everything else you've written?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Is Light Within random and funny?**

**Zakura: okay, almost everything you've written**

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay. Please review and next time I will explain why the bug doesn't bite.**

**Kiara: I'm telling you! Its lazy!**

**Zakura: GET OUT OF HERE STUPID DWARF-GIANT RABBIT BEFORE I USE MYGREAT NINJA ATTACKSAT YOU AND PROVE WHY I AM KALLED THE KILLER RABBIT!**


	5. Odd languages

**Miss.Ecofreak: oh I'm in 7.heaven! Guess what I found in the chinchillacage at school**

**Zakura: why would we care?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: A BABY-CHIN! He was so cute, he almost looked like a small mouse where he was sitting in front of the wooden box...**

**Zakura: WE DON'T CARE SO JUST START WRITING!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: oh... are you in heat today?**

**Answer to Meowen: Yes I have. Apparently it's "normal", don't ask mye why.**

**Answer to Babyblues15: Question 1. He just does. 2. Shino will explain everything in this chapter. 3. Later. 4. How the heck should I know? I'm no doctor. 5. You'll have to ask Babyblues15 about that. Miss.Ecofreak doesn't know. 6. I'll update this in about six years.**

**Zakura: you just did update it.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Damn! Oh well, here's the chapter you've all been waiting for since... yesterday.**

**CHAPTER 5**

**ODD LANGUAGES**

"Come on stupid bug! Bite!" Daxter yelled.

"Oh, did I forget to tell you its dead?" Shino asked.

Daxter glared at Shino (**that trick isn't working smartass!)**

"I hate you" he said. "You and all your filthy bugs."

"Behind you! He's behind the lamp" Shino said, totally absorbed in the TV again. "I have to tell my friends about this TV".

He picked up his phone again and called a random number.

Soon someone picked up in the other end.  
"Wraff wraff"

"Hello? Who is it?" Shino asked.

"Wraff Wraff"

"Oh. Hi Akamaru **(Akamaru is Kiba's dog, Kiba is some guy who has a dog) **is Kiba there?"

"Wraff wraff"

"What? Is he out shopping?"  
"Wraff wraff"

"Oh. So he's chopping wood! Sorry. Couldn't hear you probably. Perhaps you should finish eating first"

"Wraff"

Silence, Daxter took out a large hammer but Shino didn't notice a thing.

Soon Akamaru was back.

"Wraff wraff"

"So you're done? Great. When will Kiba be back?"  
"Wraff wraff"

"But when he comes back will you ask him to meet me at the Naughty Ottsel?"

"Wraff wraff"

"Thanks. I'll tell him. Bye"

Shino hang up and turned to the crocadog who was in the couch next to him.

"Akamaru wanted me to say hi from him".

"Wraff wraff"

"No… I don't think he's pregnant, he is a male after all" Shino assured the crocadog, not being quite sure why he asked.

"Can you talk to dogs?" Daxter asked he had completely forgotten about the dead bug and why he was mad at the leaf-ninja.

"No. What makes you think that?" Shino asked.

"Superottsel! Stop talking to the enemy!" Jak yelled as he came in on a zoomer (**note: they're still in Daxter's living room)** and snatched Daxter while shooting Shino.

Shino survived because his bugs created a shield of their own bodies, but he was unable to fight since now he had two million bugs to bury.

Jak flew around in Daxter's living room for a while yelling insults at the Jedis and sith who was fighting his "superheroes" before he was shot down by R2D2 (**Who says that droid can't fight? R2 is the coolest droid in the Star Wars universe and he rocks in Episode 3 while R4 got his head shoot of. Zakura: R4 is a wimp! Miss.Ecofreak: what do you know? You've never seen him? Tim the enchanter from Monthy Python: GET ON WITH IT!)**

"You'll pay for that droid! Prepare to feel the wrath of Dark Jak!" Jak yelled.

He stood there glaring at the beeping droid but nothing happened since he was out of dark eco (**when did he change back you might ask? I don't know, he just did sometime during the fight)**

"Okay… forget that. Prepare to feel the wrath of Light Jak!" Jak yelled.

He transformed into Light Jak and flew away… Light Jak can't fight, at least not as good as Dark Jak.

"Beep beep?" R2 asked.

"I don't know R2. Perhaps deep inside he's nothing but a little sissy" said 3PO.

Suddenly a crazy-looking guy with a dog came running over to the TV.

"Akamaru told me you found a great TV-show" he said.  
"Funny. I never told him that. Perhaps he's got a sixth sense or something" Shino said. "Whatever, sit down and watch it with us".

"It really rocks the house" Zakura said, when did she come in you might ask?

Without their leader, all the supers started running around like headless chickens, everyone but Helen that is.

"GOD DAMN IT! MY NAME IS NOT HELEN!" Helen yelled. "And why are you all acting like you've lost your heads only because Jak flew away? In fact, I don't even know why we are fighting these guys"

"Because I don't like the ending of Jak and Daxter 1" Luke suggested.

"Because Jak made Padme pregnant" Obi Wan suggested.

"I did not!" Jak yelled from the roof. "That evil-looking guy in a mask did!"

"Because you killed Yoda. Hey wait! I don't even like Yoda!" said Anakin.

"Because I don't like the empire" Leia said.

"Beep beep" R2 said.

"Because I didn't get to appear in JakX" C3PO said.

"Because the title "Reckless Driving" doesn't make sense whatsoever" said Qui Gon.

"Luke, Jak and Daxter didn't create Jak and Daxter 1 so what happens there is not their fault. Obi Wan, Jak is right, Anakin is the father of Padme's kids. Anakin, you killed every Jedi except Yoda and the ones who were shot by storm troopers so shut up. Leia, if you dislike the empire go fight your father instead. R2, it's not our fault you're short. C3PO, Jak didn't create JakX either. Qui Gon, that title wasn't supposed to make sense" Veger said. "My point is; why are we all fighting each other when there is a much bigger enemy out there?"  
Everyone thought over this for a moment.

"Hey... she's right!" said Sasuke, who had just woken up and had managed to crawl out from underneath the Millennium Falcon looking surprisingly unharmed.

"I'm not a girl" Veger said and pulled of his pants. "See? I'm so not a girl!"

But nobody saw, they all either turned away or pulled their underwear over their heads so they didn't have to see Veger's… equipment.

After Veger had taken on his pants again, Light Jak came flying down from the roof.

"Elastigirl is right. We shouldn't fight each other. We all know who the real enemy is right?" he said.

**Uh oh.**

"Exactly! So let's go kick Miss.Ecofreak's tail!" Daxter yelled.

**Miss.Ecofreak: yikes! (Runs of)**

**Zakura: oh great. Just go and leave all the work for me. Please review. I'll see if I can catch Miss.Ecofreak so that she can finish uploading the next chapter.**


	6. Mission Orange soda

**Miss.Ecofreak: Okay I'm back. I've got myself a couple of bodyguards so I feel pretty safe.**

**Zakura: You went to find a good bodyguards and came home with a couple of rats?**

**Brownie the degu: we're not rats! We're the degu-sisters!**

**Greytass: and we're dangerous**

**Miss.Ecofreak: she's right. Brownie here bit me quite badly once**

**Zakura: stupidhead**

**Answer to Meowen: Yeah! He's my favourtie droid and the cooles character in the star wars universe!**

**R2D2: (blush)**

**Zakura: I didn't know droids could blush**

**Miss.Ecofreak:he's a chobit! (Computers with feelings from Chobits, manga and anime)**

**Zakura: yeah right.**

**Answer to Babyblues15: stop eating my fics!**

**Zakura: Yup, I sure am the real star. I'm the only one who comes up with USEFUL information here**

**Miss.Ecofreak: whatever. let's see what stupid plans Jak has thought of**

**CHAPTER 6**

**MISSION: ORANGE SODA**

Jak had called in his best men to his "Plan room" (which was in fact Daxter's toilet) to discuss how they could get rid of the insane author.

In the room with him was Daxter, Darth Sidious **(Hey! Where did he come from?)**, Akamaru the dog and R2D2.

"So… any ideas?" Jak asked.

"No, but there's a hole in my chair" Darth Sidious complained.

"That's the toilet Hideous" Jak said.

"Sidious!" the sith-lord corrected.

"I think we should just go up to Miss.Ecofreak's office/living room and tell her we don't like the way this fic is turning out" Daxter said.

Everyone in the room + some guys who weren't in the room looked at Daxter for a moment, until they threw him out and replaced him by Ehm.

"We all know that doesn't work. We've tried three times already" Jak said. "Do you have any ideas hyperactive-and-extremely-annoying-leprechaun-who-has-been-turned-into-an-equally-annoying-precursor-ottsel?"

"We can take away her orange soda" Ehm suggested.

"Good idea! Let's go take away her orange soda!" Jak said and so they did.

Jak gathered a team consisting of himself, Darth Vader, Cornelius and Anakin Skywalker.

And so they headed of to Miss.Ecofreak's house.

"We must be quiet, so we don't get noticed by her dog" Jak whispered.

"Oh. That's no problem" Cornelius commented (not whispering). "He's already caught our sent anyway".

Sure enough, Max the dog was standing right in front of them growling.

And so the heroes and the Darth Vader ran away screaming (Max is no big dog, nor is he very scary. These guys are wimps)

"That didn't work" Jak said as they were panting and hiding in the bushes. "We need some kind of distraction for the dog".

"I know what distracts a dog" Cornelius said.

So he sneaked out to the other side of the house.

The heroes and Darth Vader didn't see what Errol's little brother did since they were playing chess, but soon Cornelius came back.

"One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble… oh hi Cornelius. Did your plan work?" Darth Vader asked.

"And what was your plan?" asked Anakin (although Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker is more or less the same person).

"I just let Zakura the Killer Rabbit out of her cage, now Max is busy trying to catch her" Cornelius said.

"Smart Cornelius. How did you know Max wanted that rabbit?" Jak asked.

"I was guessing" Cornelius said.

"But now we can finally get into the house to take all of Miss.Ecofreak's orange soda!" Anakin said and pulled the other heroes into the house as Darth Vader ran behind him. **(What the? How can he do that?)**

They got into the house without being noticed by the guards (there are no guards there).

"Great, now all we have to do is find the orange soda" Jak whispered.

"Hold on" Cornelius said and ran over to the computer.

"What are you doing?" Jak asked.

"I'm reading. I love to read stories where Errol is in pain" Cornelius said.

Jak looked over his shoulder and realised it was "Trash Planet" Cornelius was reading, the part where Errol was dying.

"Whatever. Come on Darth Anakin, let's find the kitchen" Jak said.

Finding the kitchen wasn't easy, first they had to walk out of the living room, then in another door that lead to the kitchen, but there they finally found the kitchen they had been looking for in the last three hours.

"AAAA!" Darth Vader yelled.

"What's wrong Anakin?" Jak asked.

"There's a guinea pig here!" Anakin said, pointing a shivering finger at the guinea pig-cage.

Cornelius came in to see what all the noise was all about.

"What the? Miss.Ecofreak doesn't have a guinea pig? All she's got is a rabbit and a dog! What is that pig doing in here?" Cornelius asked.

"She's probably just making stuff up. Who are you little guinea pig?" Jak asked.

"My name is Darth Vader" said the baby guinea pig. "And this here is my friend Obi Wan Kenobi. (Another guinea pig appeared) Wanna play?"

"Darth Vader? Obi Wan? There's something familiar about those names?" Darth Vader said.

"Just ignore the little babies. We have to get the orange soda" Jak said.

He walked up to the fridge but suddenly the three guinea pigs **(yup, whenever they're mentioned, one more appears, they are mating like rabbits)** blocked the door.

"I'm afraid we can't let you do that Jak" the third pig, Luke said, with an annoyingly calm voice.

"Dudes, you're all like five inches long, what are you supposed to do?" Jak asked.

The fourth guinea pig opened its mouth. "We have big teeth" she said.

"Padme's right. And they are sharp" said the fifth guinea pig, Jar Jar Binks.

"Er… Jak? Maybe we should get out of here before more of them arrives" Anakin said and shivered as a hamster crawled up on his shoulder.

"WHERE DOES ALL THESE ANIMALS COME FROM?" Jak yelled.

Two chinchillas jumped down from the ceiling and stared at him with big (and I mean big) black eyes.

"Don't you like us Jak?" the white male asked.

"But we are so cute" said the black female. **(Black velvet chinchillas are sooooooo beautiful)**

Jak didn't like the chinchillas, all he cared about was his own brown velvet chinchilla that he got for Keira, and mentioned chinchilla was called "Damn Rodent".

So Jak took Anakin's light sabre and cut the head of the poor chins except the black one since the author found black velvet chinchillas soooooo beautiful, she did find the while ones cute as well but not as cute as the black ones.

He shouldn't have done that.

"Don't bother the non-existing animals!" Zakura yelled and flew on Jak from behind.

"How did she get in here? Darth Vader! Why didn't you close the door?" Anakin asked.

"Because I'm you, idiot" Darth Vader said.

"Now you will all feel the wrath of Fluffy the Killer Hamster!" said the hamster on Anakin's shoulder and attacked poor Ani.

"Ha ha! You walked right into my trap!" said a new voice.

On top of the fridge was a brown ottsel with sharp horns, Miss.Ecofreak's non-real form and her two degus-bodyguards. "I knew you would turn against me, so I gave Ehm the idea of coming here to steal my orange soda. But what you didn't know is that I also filled the room with fictional and non-fictional animals and I don't even have any orange soda!"

"Damn! We have walked right into her trap!" Anakin said as Fluffy the hamster was trying to strangle him (with no luck).  
"Yes Ani, we heard that" said Jak. "But why isn't Cornelius being attacked?"

"Because he's my favourite OC. If Daxter came in here he would probably go unhurt to" Miss.Ecofreak said. "Now you two have to go to jail while Cornelius can go back to the Naughty Ottsel".

And so Jak was stuffed into Zakura's rabbit cage and Darth Vader and Anakin were both put in a hamster cage while Cornelius was free to go simply because the author liked him and was out of cages.

When he returned to the Naughty Ottsel all the others were standing outside waiting to ask if the mission was succeeded.

"Nope. Darth Vader, Jak and Anakin have been put in animal cages" Cornelius said casually and walked in to get a drink.

And nobody ever bothered to ask how he got away, they just started planning how to rescue Jak and Anakin (nobody was very keen on saving Darth Vader though).

**Miss.Ecofreak: that's what you get for pissing up a dark precursor and her killer animals!**

**Zakura: you only have two pets. The others were just school pets or OCs**

**Miss.Ecofreak: yes we do have a bunch of guinea pigs named after star wars characters (none has the name Darth Vader though, his real name is Dot Vader)**

**Zakura: and for how long do you thing you can keep these maniacs in small animal cages?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: to the next chapter or so. Meanwhile, review.**


	7. Daxters big plan

**Miss.Ecofreak: Update time! **

**Zakura: that's gotta be the lamest intro you've ever written**

**Miss.Ecofreak: why don't you make up something?**

**Zakura:...**

**Miss.Ecofreak: guessed so.**

**Answer to Meowen: Animals that haven't been handled have a tendency to bite, some animals that have been handled too (glares at Zakura)**

**Zakura: but human fingers taste quite good.**

**Answer to Babyblues15: hell yeah! I can't beileve some people actually wears these adorable creatures' fur! Fur is best looking on a chinchilla (hugs black chinchilla)**

**Stitch: (gasp) you know (gasp) if you don't let go (gasp) you will figure out how it feels to be bitten by a chin!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: wups (lets go of Stitch the black velvet chinchilla. Yup, he's a real chin)**

**Answer to very angry: oh crap. I totally understand why you're angry, that fic is driving me nuts! It just sits there in its own little folder stuck at the same chapter and I can't seem to figure out any good ideas! I am sooooo sorryyyy!**

**Zakura: get on with it. and no more chins please**

**CHAPTER 7**

**DAXTER'S PLAN**

"So tell me. Why don't you want to save your apprentice?" Luke asked the emperor as they were both sitting in the couch watching "Monthy Python and the Holy Grail" on TV (it's so great when enemies stop fighting and sit down to watch TV together)

"Darth Vader's getting old. I've got a new student now" the emperor answered.

"Really? Who?" Luke asked.

"King of the who?" the woman at the TV asked.

Darth Sidious pointed at someone behind them, there was Ashelin talking to Leia.

"You mean Ashelin is your new student?" Luke asked.

"No. That girl beside her. Your sister" the emperor said.

Now Luke was done being the emperor's friend and attacked him.

As they were fighting, Jak and Anakin came in.

"Jak! Anakin! How did you escape?" Daxter asked.

"Anakin took out his light sabre and sliced the hamster cage in two while I used my morph gun and blew up the rabbit cage" Jak explained. "That is why I am all covered in ash".

And sure enough, a guy named Ash (might be that guy from Pokemon) was hanging on to his back.

"Darth Vader is where?" asked Yoda, who surprised everyone by his presence since he should have been dead by now.

"Nobody likes him so we left him in the hamster cage" Anakin said, how he was able to do that was a mystery because of two things;

Anakin and Darth Vader is still the same person

Anakin had sliced the hamster cage in two so it wasn't exactly escape proof anymore.

"Okay. But now that you are free, we can start planning how to defeat Miss.Ecofreak" Daxter said.

And so Daxter gathered _his_ best men, Tess, himself, Well, Yoda and Mickey Mouse **(you might wonder what Mickey is doing there, me too)** and went into his plan room, which was in the kitchen locker (must be why all the people in there had to be small).

"Okay, before we start there is one thing I want to know" Mickey said. "Why are we in a locker?"

"So that Miss.Ecofreak won't spy on us" Daxter said.  
"I have a feeling she knows what's going on either way, after all she's the one writing this crap" Tess said.

"Shh! So… does anyone have a good idea on how to defeat that stupid dark precursor once and for all?" Daxter asked.

"Precursor she's not" Yoda said. "A human with a funny nick names, she is"

"Whatever. She's evil, her insane rabbit too. We have to find a way of stopping her from making our lives insane" Daxter said.  
"I've got an idea" Well said. "I've heard she didn't always write Jak and Daxter-fics. Maybe if we find some of the people she made fun of before, we can figure out how they got rid of her".

"Good plan ottsel-look-alike! Let's call someone of Miss.Ecofreak's old victims from before she registered, and who are small enough to fit in this locker" Daxter said.

Five minutes later Veemon from Digimon came into the locker.

"Sorry I'm late. I didn't find my way out of Davis' room because it looked like a tornado has hit in there" he said. "What did you want to talk about?"

"We just want to know how you got Miss.Ecofreak to stop writing stupid stories about you" Mickey said.

"Why do you care? She has never written anything insane about you?" Veemon said.

"She does now! She stuffed me into a small locker with three weasels and a blue dragon" Mickey said.

"Okay. But you want me to know how you can stop Miss.Ecofreak? ... Oh no. she's started again. WE'RE DOOMED!" and with that, Veemon ran out of the locker screaming.

"Okaay… does anyone know anyone else who's got their lives made insane by Miss.Ecofreak?" Daxter asked.

Five minutes later, without anyone asking for them, Tobias the red-tailed hawk from animorphs came into the locker.

Did anyone ask for someone who has been in one of Miss.Ecofreak's fics from before she registered here? he asked.

"Hey! How are you able to talk without moving your beak?" Mickey asked.

I am using telepathy, since I can't talk in my hawk form… man it's crowded in here Tobias said.

"Are you claustrophobic?" Daxter asked.

No… maybe… a little… GET ME OUT OF HERE! Tobias screamed and flew out of the closet screaming like a little female hawk.

"Help at all, that didn't" Yoda said.

"Who can we ask now?" Daxter asked.  
"Let's put up an ad in the paper, and ask for people from Miss.Ecofreak's older fics" Tess suggested.

"Good idea! You do that Mickey since nobody will miss you if you are ruthlessly murdered on your way to the Haven Times office" Daxter said.

Mickey glared at him for a moment, but he still left to put in a public notice in the paper.

He came back about five minutes later since it was absolutely no reason for Zakura to ruthlessly murder him, besides she was afraid she would be sued by the Disney-cooperation if she did.

Yet another five minutes later nothing happened. **(Got you! I bet you expected something to happen now?)**

But ten minutes later, when all the characters in the closet were playing cards, Harry Potter came into the locker.

"Hey Harry! How are you able to fit in such a small cupboard?" Daxter asked.

"I am used to being put into small closets" Harry said. "I heard you needed help. Miss.Ecofreak had this really annoying habit once of writing Harry Potter-parodies once. She wrote three different ones of the same book. One starring a stupid comic-character she had called Larry, one simply starring me, and one starring you".

"She wrote me into a Harry Potter parody? Why wasn't that uploaded?" Daxter asked.

"Because it was also containing Artemis Fowl, Zoot from The Tribe, Peeves and lots of other character from other books, movies and games. She had no idea where to put it" Zakura said.

Everyone glared at Zakura for a moment before Harry used his magic to transport her to the top of Kilimanjaro.

"So how did you get Miss.Ecofreak to stop writing about you?" Daxter asked.  
"She stopped writing about me when she started writing about you" Harry said, and left now that he had answered the question.

"Oh great! That means she won't stop until she's sick of Jak and Daxter! And everyone knows that's never going to happen!" Daxter said.

"What does that mean? Do you think you are better than Harry Potter, Animorphs or Digimon?" Mickey asked.

"We've got to be better than Monthy Python at least. She's never written anything about that" Daxter said.

"Actually she has. She wrote a parody of The Holy Grail starring her own characters and some from other stories" Well said.

"How do you know every fic she's ever written?" Daxter asked.

"I am an OC. All of Miss.Ecofreak's OCs are my family" Well said. "Although my name was originally made up by her cousin but…"

"Better than Monthy Python, you are not" Yoda said. "Monthy Python rocks. So does Star Wars".** (Now there's a smart alien)**

"Yeah right! Jak blew your ship up in Dork2" Daxter said.

"That's it! Let's kill him Yoda" Mickey said.

And then Mickey and Yoda attacked Daxter while Tess and Well was watching.

"This is far better than that time when Erol found out Cornelius had stolen his pet unicorn Keira" Tess said.

"Funny. I didn't know unicorns even existed" Well said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: please review. I've gotten past my "internet-time" again so I have to go.**


	8. A total Waste of Time

**Miss.Ecofreak: here I am again to waste your time!**

**Zakura: that line should make anyone want to read your chapter.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Well this chapter IS a waste of time, just a bunch of randomness:p But that's what Dork2-3 and Period is all about**

**Answer to EcoJak: Thank you. And you're welcome, one thing I really liked was when half of the characters turned into animals. The odd thing is, I often draw them as animals too :D They're way easier to draw than elves and humans.**

**Answer to Sligthly less angry: okay okay. Its updated.**

**Zakura: lazy bum**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well why don't you try to finish it?**

**Answer to Babyblues15: Yes I did. And it turned out weird. I don't think I'll upload it though, its all full of characters from different fictions and fanfictions so it might geta bitconfusing. But I am working on a star wars parody that I might upload sometime. I tried writing it with Jak-characters but they didn't fit in so I used the original cast instead.**

**Answer to Meowen: well why don't you ask Daxter what he was doing in the closet in the first place? These guys pick strange HQs.**

**Zakura: that's because the person writing this story is strange**

**Miss.Ecofreak: yeah rig... HEY! I'M THE ONE WRITING!**

**CHAPTER 8**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME (FOR THE CHARACTERS)**

"I doubt these meetings are getting us anywhere" Naruto said from the couch as he, Itachi, Jinx, Chochi and Shikamaru were still watching TV (Shino had gone to the pet shop to buy a ladybug for his bugs)

"And what are you going to do about that?" Darth Sidious asked (**He keeps popping in here)**.

"Nothing. I just stated it" Naruto said and opened another box of ramen.

"Oh… can I have some of that ramen?" Jinx asked.

"No way you stupid elf. This is mine! My own!" Naruto said. "My prrrrrrecious" he hissed afterwards.

Inside the locker, Daxter had defeated Yoda and Mickey Mouse, and thrown them out in the kitchen where they were now sitting eating chocolate pudding.

"I think we should steal all of Miss.Ecofreak's orange soda" Well said.

"Nah, Jak, Anakin and Darth Vader already tried that, and they ended up being locked in animal cages. Besides, everyone knows Miss.Ecofreak doesn't drink orange soda, she drinks coke" Daxter said. "And a lot too seeing all the randomness she writes"

"Right… so what should we do?" Well asked.

"That's what I was asking about!" Daxter complained.

"Stop arguing. Let's just figure out what we are going to do about the crazy author" Tess said.

"I was just about to say that" Well said.

"Aw, Naruto is right. This doesn't get us anywhere" Daxter said.

In the toilet, Jak and his crew had just hatched a brilliant plan.

"I am telling you Jak. This is the best plan ever!" Darth Sidious said.** (Wasn't he sitting in the couch?)**

"Yes! Now we can finally solve all out problems!" Anakin cheered.

They were looking at a newly hatched chicken, which they had hatched using an incubator, and of course they thought they were the first ones who had figured out this practical use for the incubator which they had earlier used as a chair.

"Think of the possibilities. Now if a hen dies, we can still hatch its eggs by putting it in this machine!" Jak said.  
"Yeah, that's really great you guys… but haven't we forgotten something?" Cornelius asked.

"What was that supposed to be?" Darth Maul asked.

"I don't know… I just feel like we've forgotten something very important" Cornelius said. "But I can't remember what… did we plug in the incubator?"  
"Of course we did. We wouldn't be able to hatch this chicken if we hadn't" Darth Sidious said and pointed at Jak, who was holding the plug while channelling blue eco (and finding a practical use for that talent as well).

"Oh… I guess I'm just imagining things" Cornelius said and continued to admire the chicken.

"We need to name it" Darth Vader said **(hey! How did you get out of the hamster cage?)**. "Let's all suggest one name except Cornelius, he'll only suggest Keira anyway and I'm damn sick of pets named Keira".

So all the people in the bathroom wrote one note with a name suggestion for the chicken.

Jak suggested the name "Cow", Anakin suggested "Luke", Darth Maul suggested "Chicken", Darth Vader suggested "Keira" and Darth Sidious suggested they should call the bird "All Power To The Dark Side"

When everyone had given their name suggestions, they decided to vote on which name was the best, and as they did that, let's go see what's going on in the Naughty Ottsel Saloon.

You see, in the bar area, Kor had gathered a bunch of people trying to do the exact same thing as all the other gangs tried to (not including hatching birds)

There was Kor (obviously), Veger, Errol (who kept annoying people by showing up when everyone hoped he was dead) general Grevious (that guy in Star Wars 3 who's always coughing) and Tanya the sparrowflut, how she fitted into this gang nobody knew.

"Sooooooo… anyone who has a good idea?" Kor asked, without actually explaining what the problem was.

"I don't!" said a random javosaur (funny duck like creatures from South Park)

"Who on this ball of dirt invited the javosaur?" Errol asked.

"I didn't!" the javousaur shouted before he was thrown out.

"That damn ecofreak! I'm sure she was the one who invited him" Kor said.

"Who? Jak?" Tanya asked.

"No. I'm talking about Miss.Ecofreak whose real name remains a mystery" Kor said.

Suddenly a certain Naruto-character came in the door acting out of character (like lots of people here do).

"Sorry I'm late. Did I miss the molestation of an annoying javosaur?" Oroshimaru asked while taking another bite of his sandwich (aka: the sandwich he stole from Shikamaru which is full of hair but that is another story).

"No. Don't worry about that, we would never molest a javosaur, we're not evil either" Kor said making everyone around him (and some who was standing in square shape) look at him with a puzzled expression.

Then Kor and Tanya (what she was doing there in the first place nobody knew) was thrown out/into the living room where they were forced to watch TV with the other TV-slaves.

"Man these guys annoyed me! HICK! And why are you eating Shikamaru's sandwich which the sand-nins used to hit people in the head with earlier?" Errol asked.

"Because I… YUCK!" Orochimaru said and threw the sandwich back to Shikamaru who was happy to get it back but too damn lazy to fight for it.

"But now that we're all (cough) here and the two impostors (Kor and Tanya) have been thrown out, we can decide what we need to do to get rid of the annoying Jedi Council" General Grevious said.

"What? I thought we were here to HICK kick Jak's ass?" Errol said.

"I don't want to beat no Jedi Council. I only want to be the strongest ninja ever" Orochimaru said. "And I want Sasuke's sharingan but that can't be achieved by beating up some guys with a laser sword".

"I want to become a precursor!" Veger said.

"But you are a precursor HICK!" Errol commented.

"Aw, but not like this!" Veger complained looking down at his fuzzy feet.

"Well whatever way can you become a precursor?" Orochimaru asked.

Okay, they didn't get anywhere either.

**Miss.Ecofreak: And they think they can beat me? They don't even seem to realise I control every single aspect of this story!**

**Fluffy The Killer Duck: And me!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: you don't even exist. Besides, weren't you a hamster?**

**Fluffy The Killer Whale: I am a transformer (sings) transformers! Robots in disguise!**

**Zakura: dude… that's not how a transformer looks like**

**Fluffy The Killer Bunny: Well I am a special transformer!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: more like an animorph who thinks he's a transformer.**

**Fluffy The Killer Murderer: and what is that supposed to mean?**

**Errol: and they say we don't get anywhere? HICK! Please review… figure out a name for the chicken and free us from the terror of Jak! HICK!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: what the?**


	9. The Robbery

**Miss.Ecofreak: Hi. I have stomach ache after eating to much chocolate but I still feel fit to update this. (more reviews! whopee!)**

**Answer to Babyblues15: NOOOOOOO! Don't take away my love (hugs coke)**

**Zakura: man you're pathetic.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: He he, the Jak/star wars/Naruto-characters also has problems with thieves, but they don't miss any coke. Here's the update (so please don't steal my coke Babyblues:)**

**CHAPTER 9**

**THE ROBBERY**

Things weren't looking good for our heroes and bad guys.

The world was going nuts as a result of a fanficwriter drunk on cola and lots of other stuff with sugar in them, but worst of all; they were out of French fries!

"What can we do now? The only guys who could make these things lives far in Spargus, and one even died in a desert storm!" Jak said as he looked in the empty locker and all the other characters glared at Torn, Ashelin and Keira who suddenly and for no reason at all started fighting over who's fault it was that the person died.

"We had a lot of fries left yesterday" Daxter said when he was done glaring (and figuring out for the tenth time that he couldn't shoot laser beams out of his eyes). "That means someone must have stolen it!"

Dramatic music plays.

"Drop the harmonica Sakura" Jak said to the pink-haired Sasuke-lover with the harmonica.

"I am pretty sure it has to be Darth Sidious who stole the fries!" Luke said.

"What the? How can you be so sure?" the extremely ugly emperor asked.

"You're evil! That's proof enough for me! Come on Torn, arrest him" Luke said.

"I'm afraid Hideous is right ("SIDIOUS!" Darth Sidious/the emperor yelled). We need prof" Torn said as he was holding Ashelin in a death grip.

"You said prof instead of proof" Ashelin commented as she was holding Keira in a death grip.

"Ashelin! Let go of me!" Keira said as she was holding Torn in a death grip.

"I meant it. We need a professor who can figure out this mystery" Torn said.

"But where can we find a professor in this precursor-forsaken city?" Jak asked.

"At the local university, we look" said Yoda who had recovered from his tragic death.

"We don't have any universities in Haven City" Torn said. "Baron Praxis blew them up and built krimson guard schools and then Cornelius blew them up and built casinos".

As he said the last sentence Cornelius backed out of the door whistling before was attacked by Torn, Ashelin and three different Keiras (Keira the elf, Errol's old guinea pig Keira, and Errol's old gingerbread woman Keira)

"Er… shall we go look at the casinos? Maybe there are some professors there trying to win some money seeing they are out of jobs?" Anakin suggested.

"That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard! Great job my young padawan!" Obi Wan shouted.

"I. Am. Not. Your. Padawan. Anymore" Anakin said.

"But it was still a stupid idea! Let's go!" Jak said and so they all ran of to the local casino named Keira's casino (all the casinos where named that except for one which was named "The Casino That Keira Owns")

Keira didn't own any of these casinos of course, Miss.Ecofreak did, she had only let Cornelius build and name them (though she might prefer he named them after her).

In the casino they met a lot of people, both OCs and other characters of Jak and Daxter and other fics.

They met a lot of smart people there too.

Dexter from Dexter's lab, Jak's crocadog, Mar, Pikachu, Fluffy the killer iguana **(Miss.Ecofreak: what are you doing here? You're not smart!)**, his brother Gingy the tasty gingerbread man, his sister Olivia the sadistic soy bean, Miss.Ecofreak the dark precursor and Jimmy Neutron the boy genius (who was arguing with Dexter over who was the biggest boy genius).

But they didn't feel like any of them qualified as professors.

So they went to another casino called "Keira's casino" where did met only morons.

Then they went to "Keira's casino", but all they found was Tom the cat.

In the next casino they met Jerry the mouse, who was hiding for Tom and annoying Miss.Ecofreak with their presence.

So later Tom was scared to death by Zakura the killer rabbit and Jerry was stung to death by Fluffy the killer bee (and a bunch of other Africanized bees obviously)

Then our heroes and bad guys went to Disneyland, where they met Mickey Mouse again and rode roller coasters.

"Do you know what? I feel like we have forgotten something" Jak said as he was eating cotton candy.

"Really? What would that be?" Daxter asked.

"I don't know. But it had something to do with French people I think" Jak said.

"I know! We must go to EURO Disney!" Daxter suggested.

Then our heroes and bad guys went to Disney Land resort Paris, to figure out whatever they had forgotten.

"Nah… I don't think this is it" Jak said as he was eating popsicle.

"Then perhaps we should visit the statue of liberty? It's from France" Daxter suggested.

And so they went to New York to visit the Statue of Liberty which came from France.

"No… I still can't remember what it is" Jak said as he was eating a hamburger.

"Hm… maybe we must go to Paris?" Daxter suggested.

"We just were in Paris" Jak said as he was eating a hot dog.

"Really? When?" Daxter asked.

"Disney Land Resort Paris. Remember?" Jak said as he was eating a cold dog (his hot dog got cold).

"Oh… but then we must go to Bahamas!" Daxter said.  
"Why?" Anakin asked.  
"Because I want to go to Bahamas! Come on!" Daxter said.

And then they went to Bahamas.

"No… something still doesn't feel right" Jak said while he was eating French fries.

"Relax Jak. Go sunbathe instead" Daxter said.

"How can one bathe in the sun? It's made out of gas!" Jak said, acting extremely stupid and smart at the same time.

"It's a saying Jak" Daxter said.

And so, for no apparent reason, they all went to Alaska to look at wolves.

That didn't do well.

Although wolves don't attack humans, they seemed to have no problem attacking elves.

So Jak and the other elves spent their day running from the wolves while the Star Wars and Naruto-crew and the ottsels were watching, and laughing.

Why didn't they attack the ottsels you might ask? Well these are some very stupid wolves.

So Jak shot all the wolves and was once again attacked by a killer beast (Fluffy the killer unicorn) while the others were partying.

"Hurray for big hero Jak!" Keira yelled.

"I love him so much!" Torn yelled and Jak ran away with Fluffy (this time a rat) hanging by his hair.

**Miss.Ecofreak: hm, perhaps I should have marked this chapter as a waste of time too.**

**Jak: what are you talking about? We had to find the French fries! (Scratches his hair)**

**Zakura: well have you found it yet?**

**Jak: not really (scratches his hair)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Fluffy! Get out of Jak's hair.**

**Fluffy the killer flea: (Jumps out of Jak's hair) But isn't he the enemy?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: sure, but with you in his hair I wouldn't be able to do this (hits Jak in the head with a shovel) I can't have him listening to my crazy plans. Speaking of crazy, Zakura, how can a dwarf rabbit scare a cat to death?**

**Zakura: my mom taught me!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well that explains it all. Although your mother has always been way bigger than you and any other lop dwarf I've ever seen. Please review or… or I won't get a review from you**

**Fluffy the killer panda: and that makes me a sad panda. (South Park Quote)**


	10. Ratty and Rodenty

**Miss.Ecofreak: why does so many people hate rats? I'm just asking.**

**Zakura: cause rabbits are way cuter?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: coughnotcough**

**Zakura: bless yo.. HEY!**

**Answer to Star Earo: good question. Just look at this sweetheart and I call it "Killer Rabbit", weird**

**Zakura: hey! let me down!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: picures can be found on my webpage on the link saying "om Zakura" (about Zakura), although it's norwegian everyone should be able to see the pictures.**

**Zakura: why didn't you just make your webpage in english so more people could understand.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: too lazy... But here's a new chapter, in english so more people could understand (and since no one is uploading norwegian J&D-fics) Enter Ratty and Rodenty!**

**Zakura: he he, inspired by the South Park episode where all the animals have names like "Rabbiti", "Porkupini", "Woodpeckery" and so on.**

**CHAPTER 10**

**RATTY AND RODENTY**

The quest to find whoever stole the French fries continued in Spain.

"Wait a minute!" Jak suddenly said.

"What's wrong?" Daxter asked.

"Something I read in a book once… Spain is the homeland of…" Jak started.

"Lions?" Daxter asked.

"No… worse" Jak said. "The wild rabbit".

Just as he said that, Zakura appeared over a hill.

"ATTACK!" she yelled and a colony of killer rabbits ran across the hill and attacked a pack of sheep that were peaceful eating grass… their grass.

The heroes and villains hid behind a hotel and luckily the killer rabbits didn't see them.

"Whoa, perhaps it was a bad idea to come here" Anakin said.

"That was very troublesome" Shikamaru said shivering.

"Perhaps we should go to Syria instead?" Obi Wan suggested.

"Are you nuts? That's where the hamster comes from!" Jak said.

"Chile?" Yoda asked.

"Full of degu" Jak said.

"The mountains of Andes?" Naruto asked.

"Killer chinchillas" Jak said.

"How about the sewers under New York?" Veger suggested.

"Too many rats" Jak said.

"Man. Aren't there any place on this planet that isn't crowded with rodents?" Pinocchio asked.

"Duh…Who's the dummy?" Ottsel Dummy asked.

"Get lost Pinocchio this isn't a Disney-fic!" Jak yelled and Pinocchio was quickly eaten by a couple of rats.

"Hey look! Those rats ate Pinocchio" Daxter said.

"Hey yeah. What's your names little rats?" Jak asked.

"My name is Ratty the killer rodent and this is my brother, Rodenty the killer rat" said one of the rats.

"Wow. Your parents had some imagination for names" Anakin said. "I whish my mom or the emperor would give me a nice name like that".

"Yeah… You could be Darth Humany… brilliant" Luke said. "Why don't you change your first name? But tell me so I can go ask Obi Wan to adopt me"

"No no. I was thinking more like Darth Persony, or Many Skywalker" Anakin said. "Sounds quite good doesn't it?"

Luke and Leia weren't listening; they were on the phone trying to change their last names.

"Hey Leia! Why do you try to change your name? You're adopted!" Ashelin asked.  
"It's because my adopted father has the habit of dressing up like a chicken while running around in the streets crying like a guinea pig" Leia explained.

Everyone stared at Leia with puzzled expressions as some fool in a chicken suit ran by squeaking like a guinea pig.

"How dare such a moron take away my little girl?" Anakin asked.

"Why don't you rats join us on our heroic quest?" Jak asked the two rats.

"Hey! I'm no rat! I'm a rodent!" Ratty said.

"I'm the rat" Rodenty said.

"Okeeeei… Will you join me?" Jak asked.

"Are you searching for a holy grail?" Ratty asked.

"No" Jak said.

"Oh. Damn. I won't be needing this then" Ratty said and threw away the grail he had in his back pack.

"We are searching for whoever stole our French fries" Daxter said.  
"Fine. We'll help you. Right Ratty?" Rodenty said.

"Can we have some of those fries if we find them?" Ratty asked.

"Sure you can" Daxter said.  
"Then count me in!" Ratty said.

"Great! Now let's continue our quest to find whoever stole our French fries and go somewhere rodent-free" Jak said.

"Technically the rabbit is no rodent, it's of the hare-family or lagomorphia so…"

"Shut up fool dressed in chicken suit who are squeaking like a guinea pig" Jak said.

Then the crew went to the moon which was the only place they could think of being rodent and rabbit-free.

**Miss.Ecofreak: I wish I had rats**

**Zakura: But you've got me!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (looks at Zakura for a moment)… I wish I had rats**

**Zakura: well I wish I had a chimpanzee; maybe it would like me better**

**Miss.Ecofreak: It would treat you like a toy, chimps don't make good pets**

**Zakura: neither does humans!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: sigh… please review and give me a good argument for me to tell my mom about getting rats.**


	11. Return of Fluffy

**Miss.Ecofreak> Welcome and... somethings not right here... some of the marks I try to type end up all weird, I cant even write a question mark!**

**Zakura> whatever, as long as you can still write**

**Miss.Ecofreak> stupid internetthingy... **

**Answer to argument dude> that might have worked if...**

**Zakura> No rats!**

**Miss.Ecofreak>... she agreed. keeping rats and rabbits together is not a very good idea**

**Zakura> I would kill them if you got them near me**

**Miss.Ecofreak> more likely they would kill you**

**Zakura> you were saying _cant get a question mark here_**

**Miss.Ecofreak> so... still no rats here, and no guinea pig although my birtday was yesterday, all i got was a lot of money to buy a new harness for Zakura, a brush for Zakura, two DVDs and a manga book of Dr.Slump. Anyway, enjoy the return of FLuffy!**

**CHAPTER 11**

**RETURN OF FLUFFY**

Jak really liked the moon.

Sure it was cold, barren and completely inhospitable but at least there were no rodents (except Ratty and Rodenty) and absolutely no rabbits.

"I hate this place!"

Well not everyone liked it.

"Oh come on Darth Hideous, what's so bad about this place?" Jak asked.

"The air here makes my hair all sticky" the emperor said. "And by the way, my name is Darth Sidious".

Anakin looked at him for a second or two.

"1. There's no air on the moon. 2. You don't have any hair" he said.

"So what? I still don't like it" Sidious said.

"This place is simply troublesome" Shikamaru said. "The rats stole my sandwich".

"We did not!" Rodenty said with his mouth full of food.

"I hate this place too! I can't breathe here!" Daxter said.

"I'm surprised we're even alive seeing none of us are wearing are wearing space suits… none except Samos that is" Veger said.

Yoda had died again from the lack of oxygen.

"What's his problem eyh?" Civilian Guy asked.

"You've spend way too much time with Krew" Luke said. "And Yoda is practising for an audition. He wants to play Kenny McCormick in South Park since the last Kenny died".

"Aw… all my doppelgangers died from lack of oxygen too" Naruto said. "How are we going to find the French fries here anyway?"

"And why on earth are we on the moon?" Sasuke asked. "Couldn't we just go to 7 Eleven to buy some more fries?"

"I know somewhere completely rodent and rabbit-free" Rock Lee said. "Let's go to the Pacific Ocean!"

"Great Lee!" Jak said.

Then the heroes, bad guys and rats went to the pacific ocean on a ship they named "Keira HICK"

**Guess who named it!**

"I love this place!" Jak said.

"Well I don't. The humid air makes my skin look horrible" said Darth Sidious.

"Your skin _always _looks horrible. Now let's find our candy!" Jak said.

"Er… Yoda can't help" Luke said.  
"Why not?" Jak asked.

"He just drowned" Luke answered.

"How troublesome" Shikamaru said.  
"How on earth can the same character die twice in only 21 lines?" Jak asked. "Whatever. All those who haven't died search the ship and find that fries!"

So everyone searched the ship and found popcorn, potatoes, chips, potato chips, pineapples, apple computers, cheesy pops, cheese doodles, sugar (which Ehm quickly ate), French, Miss.Ecofreak's hidden storage of cola,** (Miss.Ecofreak: nnooooooooo!)** Zakura's hidden storage of carrots, **(Zakura: what? I only hid it because I don't like carrots)** some more sugar, Ritalin, fries, beer (which Errol quickly drank), carrots and chimps, but no French Fries.

"That didn't do. What now?" Jak asked.  
"Perhaps we should look in the Atlantic Ocean?" Naruto asked.

And so they did.

They sailed to the Atlantic Ocean and searched the ship there only to find the exact same things except no sugar this time.

Yoda drowned here too.

And so they went to Gran Canaria only to be attacked by mice who ate their ship and so they were stranded.

"Oh no! This is horrible! We are stranded on a tropical paradise!" Leia said as she was sunbathing.

"Yeah… how are we going to survive?" Mace Windu asked from the pool (in case you were wondering where he came from… he was on vacation on the canaries when the other guys stranded)

"Where's my troublesome sandwich?" Shikamaru asked.

"How will we find food?" Keira asked as she was eating a hot dog Jak bought for her.

"All this sun is going to make me sunburned" Darth Sidious complained. "How am I going to find a nice girlfriend if I look like some kind of sith lord?"

"You can stop blocking the sun for a start" Darth Vader said as he was sunbathing… yes still wearing his robot suit. (Duh, he dies if he doesn't wear it)

"Oh no! Yoda just died of leukaemia!" Luke said.  
"When did he get that?" Anakin asked.

Yes this was all getting very confusing.

In fact the killer rabbit started wondering weather the author had gotten too much coke which was odd seeing her coca cola-storage was on the ship that had been eaten by mice.

"My tail is getting sunburned" Ratty said. "I wish I was a squirrel."

"Why? Because then you would have lots of fur on your tail?" Rodenty asked.

"No. If I had been a squirrel people won't mistake me for being an ottsel" Ratty said.

"Well I wish I was a rat. Because if I had been I wouldn't need to get so insulted when people call me rat" Daxter said.

"Everyone, don't panic! I'm going to find a way to get us of this island!" Jak said and jumped in the sea, he was in fact the only person panicking though. He didn't even touch the water since he changed into Light Jak and flew back to the beach.

"I want my daddy" he said when he was back on land. "Why isn't he here?"

"Because he died?" Daxter said.

"That's no good reason for leaving his son unattended! He should at least get a nanny! That's it! I'm calling child care!" Jak said and went back to the hotel to find a TV where he could watch the Simpsons.

"Everyone is going insane because of the isolation of this deserted island" Daxter said.

"You're the insane one here. I wouldn't exactly call this place "Deserted"" Veger said.

"Stop it Helen! We've got to keep out minds together do you understand that? We can't give up! We'll find a way to survive!" Daxter said shaking Veger.

"Okay" Veger said as he backed of slowly.

**Miss.Ecofreak: oh no! Our heroes and bad guys are trapped on a non-deserted island! What should they do?**

**Zakura: I've got a question  
Miss.Ecofreak: just one?**

**Zakura: the chapter is called "The return of Fluffy" where is that crazy rodent?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: he went to Miami**

**Zakura: then why on earth did you call the chapter "The return of Fluffy?" **

**Miss.Ecofreak: to confuse and annoy.**

**Zakura: right… this entire fic is getting confusing.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: It sure is! Now review or I'll kill Yoda!**

**Yoda: kill me not! I mean no harm!**

**Zakura: er…**


	12. Lost

**Miss.Ecofreak: hello and welcome to Dork Period**

**Zakura: perhaps you should have said that in the first chapter**

**Answer to Mr Light Chicken Bulbs: you might ask... how can Darth Vader run after Anakin Skywalker? **

**Answer to babyblues15: fine then. you can go (releases Yoda from the bird-cage he was in)**

**Zakura: why do you have a bird cage? You don't have a bird**

**Miss.Ecofreak: never said I never wanted one**

**Zakura: thought you wanted rats?**

**Miss.Ecofreak:... and iguanas, filches, crabs, hamsters, guinea pigs and another rabbit. But on to more important things.This chapter has absolutely nothign to do with a certain TV-show called Lost, I've never seen that show although its apparently very popular in Norway. Its simply a chapter about the J&D-cast, the Naruto-cast, the Star Wars-cast and Ratty and Rodenty who are stuck on a tropical paradise.**

**Zakura: why can't they just get a plane ticket and go home?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: because they're morons. Ladies, gentlemen, rabbits and rodents, I give you Chapter 12!**

**CHAPTER 12**

**LOST**

Three hours had passed since our heroes, bad guys and rats had been trapped on the non-deserted island.

Jak, Chochi and Shikamaru were still up in the hotel watching various TV-shows.

The jedis were in the pool playing with each other while Darth Vader was barbequing.

Daxter was sitting on the beach looking for passing boats and trying to get a tan.

"I should have had a t-shirt, its damn hot out here" the ottsel muttered. "Maybe Ashelin has some… no way. I don't want to sink that low".  
Suddenly, his worst enemy appeared.

"Look mommy! I found a new pet!"

"Yikes!" Daxter yelled and ran away from the girl who was desperately trying to cuddle with him. **(Miss.Ecofreak: giggles. There's a character from another fic that I made up for the sole reason to bother Daxter. Her name is Annie, and she appears in Undercover Ottsel as a desperate cuddleaholic).**

Veger had seen Annie coming, and was now hiding in a three.

"Why do little human girls always have to be so annoying?" he thought. "And how can a t-shirt make the weather cooler?"  
Ratty and Rodenty had crawled down into the sewers to avoid the hot sun. There they had encountered a rich female sewer rat.

"Hi there sweetheart. Do you want to go to the beach with a real man?" Ratty asked her.

"Well sure… is it Brad Pit?" the sewer rat asked.

"Er… no"

"Orlando Bloom?"

"Er… no"  
"The backstreet boys?"

"That's a band"

"But they are men right? But is it Matt Damon?"

"No"

"Britney Spears?"

"That's a girl damn it!" Ratty complained.

"He's talking about me" Rodenty said and his brother glared at him.

"What? You? I don't want to hang out with any dirty rats" the sewer rat said and walked of.

"But… you're a dirty rat too!" Ratty said and started crying. "I'm not even a rat. I'm a rodent"

"Don't worry, I've got something that will cheer you up" Rodenty said.

"Christina Aguilera?" Ratty asked.

"Er… no. I found a chicken wing" Rodenty said.

"Whoo! Me want!" Ratty said.

"Noooo! All Power To The Dark Side! You killed him!" Darth Sidious yelled.

"Cow is dead!" Jak yelled.

"Noooo, not Luke" Anakin cried.

"Chicken! My poor Chicken" Darth Maul cried.

"Poor Keira" Darth Vader said.

"Dude… what's that chicken's name anyway?" Cornelius asked.

"The hot dogs are finished" Luke yelled and everyone came to have a bite.

After eating hot dogs and the rest of the chicken Cow/Luke/Chicken/Keira/All Power To The Dark Side, the heroes, bad guys and rats all decided to go swimming.

"Hey! We're not supposed to swim before an hour after we ate" Jak said.

"Oh come on. Your mom can't punish you when she's dead (as I've said a billion times before)" Daxter said.

"Hm… I guess you're right" Jak said and jumped into the pool.

But then suddenly a lighting bolt hit the pool and everybody in it got shocked so badly they had to go to the movies to see Peter Pan.

**Zakura: hey wait a second!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: what?**

**Zakura: I know you have a sick sense of humour but that didn't make any sense whatsoever. **

**Miss.Ecofreak: er… fine**

I mean; they all had to go to the hospital.

**Zakura: that's better**

In the hospital, Shikamaru finally got himself a new sandwich, and boy was he happy.

"Hm. This sandwich tastes different from the last one" he said.

"Probably because it's not full of hair after Pecker and Temari used it to hit people in the head with" Neji said from the bed right next to Shikamaru. "My head still hurts from that… or is it because Tenten hit me in the head with a large shower cabinet after that?"

Shikamaru stared at the sandwich for a moment, and then he hit Neji in the head with it.

"OW! What did you need to do that for?" Neji cried.

"You were right. Now its fine" Shikamaru said and happily ate the sandwich and then he got another one and hit Neji once more.

"Okay that's it! Now you're in for it! You're going to regret that!" Neji yelled.

Unfortunately he was unable to do anything more than coming with threats; he was in a hospital bed with all of his body covered in bandages.

"Come on moron! Give it all you got!" Shikamaru said.

"Okay! I will!" Neji said.

Silence.

Neji pushed a button next to his bed using his nose (the rest of him was covered in bandages remember?)

"Nurse? Can you please come kick Shikamaru's ass?" Neji asked.

"Sorry. I'm busy with another patient. TOO THE LEFT! TO THE LEFT! I'll help you as soon as this TV-show is over… I mean when I'm finished" the nurse said in the com.

"Okay…" Neji said. "But it doesn't matter! Even though I'm all covered in bandages I can still use my kamehameha!"

"Dude. That's not a Naruto-move, that's not even a ninja-move" Shikamaru said. "Besides it's completely impossible"

"No it's not! I saw it on Dragonball! Kame…hame…ha!" Neji yelled and nothing happened.

"Told you so" Shikamaru said.

"Hey hey! Not that it isn't extremely fun to watch two ninjas trying to kill each other, but isn't this a Jak and Daxter-fic?" Jak asked from the bed next to Neji.

"No way. It's a Jak and Daxter-Naruto-Star Wars-Dragonball-teletubbies-crossover" Neji explained.

"Why teletubbies?" Shikamaru asked.

"Because!" said a purple thingy in the bed next to Shikamaru's bed.

Suddenly 17 teletubbies jumped out of the same bed and Jak just stared at them looking horrified until they left.** (Zakura: Hey! What happened to Dark Jak? He was supposed to change! Miss.Ecofreak: only if someone _says_ Tinky Winki)**

"F-fine… but if this is a Jak and Daxter-spiralnoodles-lizardrock… whatever. Why isn't it under Jak and Daxter-Naruto-Star Wars-Dragonball-Teletubbies-crossovers instead of under Jak and Daxter?" Jak asked.

"There's no such thing" Neji said.

"Well it should have been" Jak muttered.

**Miss.Ecofreak: couldn't it be an idea to have a section like that on f f?**

**Zakura: you're the only one who writes Jak and Daxter-Naruto-Star Wars-Dragonball-Teletubbies-crossovers as far as I know**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well you can't read so how can you tell? **

**Daxter: (runs by)**

**Annie: (follows him) come here kittykittykitty!**

**Ehm: (follows both) SUGARKICK!**

**Zakura: what the?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: please review **

**Zakura: what the hell was that?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I just asked the readers to review**

**Zakura: no, not that. I meant…**

**Daxter: (runs by once more)**

**Annie: (follows him) come here kittykittykitty!**

**Ehm: (follows both) SUGARKICK!**

**Zakura: … that.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: a girl and two ottsels.**

**Zakura: well I can see that**

**Daxter: (runs by once more)**

**Annie: (follows him) come here kittykittykitty!**

**Ehm: (follows both) SUGARKICK!**


	13. The Fake Truth About Rodents

**Daxter: (runs by once more)**

**Annie: (follows him) come here kittykittykitty!**

**Ehm: (follows both) SUGARKICK!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well that was annoying. This chapter spoils the start of DragonballZ (which in Norway is known simply as Dragonball nr 17)**

**CHAPTER 13**

**THE FAKE TRUTH ABOUT RODENTS**

The nurse grabbed both ottsels by their tales as they ran by.

"What are you two doing out of bed? You should rest so your broken legs can heal!" she said.

"I will only go back to bed if you lock the door and make sure she's outside" Daxter said pointing at Annie.

"Aw… poor Daxter-kun has hurt himself" Annie said. "Don't worry! I've got a doctor-playset for my birthday".

"Please no" Daxter said.

"Oh great! That must mean you're a qualified doctor! We don't have much help now that all the characters of this fic was hit by lighting and needed medical attention" the nurse said.

"You've got to be kidding me" Daxter said.

"Yes I am. Get out" the nurse said to the girl who didn't get out, she hid under Daxter's cage.

The nurse placed Daxter back in his cage, cage 13 in room 13 which was on 13. Floor.

In the cage next to Daxter was a black cat and on the other side were two guinea pigs.

"Don't bring us into this" one of the guinea pigs said. "No. we don't want to be in your insane fics" the other said.

And so the guinea pigs evaporated.

But on to something far more exiting.

Four hours later all the characters had recovered from their broken limbs and burn damages, all except Yoda who… died… but recovered like three days later.

The heroes and bad guys decided to go to Palmitos Park and look at the great bird of prey-show they had there. **(I've seen that!)**

That was quite good, until some jerk on a flying cloud came in and crashed into Ratty.

"My… wings…are…broken" Ratty gasped.

"Dude, you don't have wings. And dude on cloud, what did yah need to crash into my bro for?" Rodenty asked.

"Oh? Sorry little… rodent… My name is Goku, Son-Goku" the cloud-riding dude said.

"See? Told you it was a dragonball-crossover" Hinata whispered to Neji.

"No… I said that!" Neji said.

"What are you crashing into Ratty for? Cloud-guy?" Jak asked.  
"I am on an important mission!" Goku said in a heroic manner.

"Wow. He's so neat" Leia said.

Han Solo glared at Goku.

"Okay… perhaps someone can stop interrupting so that I, the main character, can hear what heroic mission the cloud-guy is on?" Jak asked.

"Sorry" Leia, Han Solo, Neji and Hinata (who were fighting over who said that this fic was a dragonball-crossover) said in unison.

"My mission is to stop my evil twin-brother… okay actually he's my older brother but that's unimportant right now. He's planning to take over the entire world!" Goku said in an equally heroic manner.

"But doesn't your brother's species only consist of like four dudes? I can handle that with my great demon-fox-powers!" Naruto said.

"And I will use my whatever-demon-powers!" Gaara said.

"And I will use this sandwich!" said Temari.

"Hey… Sandwich mine that is" said… Yoda. **(Hah! You weren't expecting that were you? Annoying brother: Yes I did! The grammar revealed him!)**

"People who don't know their grammar doesn't deserve to posses the great powers resting inside this piece of bread" Temari snarled. "That's way cooler than having a Kyuubi or Shukaku inside you, you two fools with demons inside you".

Gaara, Naruto and Jak glared at her.

"Now you're interrupting again. How can your evil brother take over the world with help from only two dudes?" Jak said.

"Actually your brother died in Dragonball 17/DragonballZ 1" Daxter said.

"Sure, but before he died… actually millions of years ago… he unleashed a terrible army on the planet. He put out two highly dangerous animals, which suddenly started breeding in huge number and evolved into a large variety of species!" Goku said.

"Gasp!" everyone said.

"How terrible" Ratty said with no emotion whatsoverev. **(Miss.Ecofreak: well that was a hard word. Zakura: stop that. You misspelled "whatsoever" on purpose!)  
**"What kind of animals are these?" Keira asked in horror.

"Oh they are really frightening. They have huge teeth which grows all of their lives, so that they have to gnaw on things constantly to keep them from growing into their lower jaw! And they breed in huge numbers, the smallest ones can breed twice a month, and have one thousand babies a year! Some of the bigger ones only get like two or three babies every third month or so but they are fully evolved from birth! Instead of naked little ugly things with black holes behind their skin for eyes… yuck" Goku said.

"Yeah right!" Ratty said.

"Hold on! I know what animal group that is! It has to be the rabbits!" Jak said.

"No" Goku answered.  
"Then it must be… that other family… what's it called? Those who look like lagomorphs but aren't. (**Forgive me for constantly using the Latin name but I don't know the English… I know the norwegain name but that won't help)** You know… the little things with round ears" Jak said.

"Rodents?" Anakin suggested.

"Oh my god you're right! I'm so proud of you my very young padawan!" Obi Wan said.  
"For the last time; I am not your padawan and I'M NOT EXACTLY YOUNG EITHER! LOOK! I'M LOOSING HAIR!" Anakin yelled.

"Your skin's burned of too so that's the least of your problems" Luke said.

"Ugly as he may be. Rodents are the right answer. The precursors unleashed another group of animals to destroy them. That's when the lagomorphs came" Goku explained **(Zakura: since when did he become such a genius? Miss.Eocfreak: since when did Raditz use rodents to take over the world when even a baby of their race can wipe out all of man kind? This is just a fun joke)**

"Why didn't those foolish little ottsels just send out cats or foxes instead of hares and rabbits?" Veger asked.

"He tried but it didn't work! The rodents were breeding too quickly. So instead they created an animal which breed equally quick" Goku said.

So since we are all tired of all the talking (**We equals Zakura, the non-existing Fluffy and me)** something fun happened.

A large eagle got stuck in Son Goku's hair and they had to work four hours to get it out. **(That was fun! Let's do it again!)**

Then a large hawk got stuck in Son Goku's hair and they had to work four hours to get it out. (**Classics never die! Once more!)**

Then a large falcon got stuck in Son Goku's hair and they had to work four hours to get it out. **(Zakura: thank you it's not funny anymore! (Rips the keyboard out of Miss.Ecofreak's hands))**

"Okay… now that we've got rid of all the birds stuck in my hair perhaps someone can tell me where to find my brother so I can kill him?" Goku asked.

"Why would you want to kill your own brother? Don't you realise he's the only family you've got left now that your mother, father, grandfather, uncle, aunt, pet dog, grandmother, pet dinosaur and your old cloud died when your home planet blew up... or in the cloud's case got killed by a demon?" Sasuke asked.

"Because he's an evil son of a bitch" Goku said.

"But if he's as son of a bitch, and you're his brother, that must mean you're a son of a bitch too!" Jak said.

"Yeah! And that kid behind you must me the grandson of a bitch!" Daxter said and pointed at Goku's kid Gohan who was standing right behind his father for no apparent reason.

"How did I end up in this messy parody of a joke?" Gohan asked and started crying.

"You guys are even stupider than I was! I'm leaving!" Goku said and left.

"NO! Please stay!" Leia shouted after him.

Then Han Solo used the cannons on the Millennium Falcon to blast Goku and Gohan's cloud into little cloud-pieces so the family fell to the ground and hit themselves really hard.

"Well that was educational. But since Goku's now at the hospital we must fight these evil rodents for him!" Jak said.

"Aw… do we have to? These birds are awesome!" Daxter said before one of the eagles snatched him up and brought him home to its nest.

"Fine… we save Daxter… then we go fight the evil rodents!" Jak said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: what happens next? A. They all forget about Daxter and go save the world from rodent-domination? B. They all forget about Daxter and the rodents and goes to find their missing French fries? C. They all forget about Daxter, the rodents and the French fries and goes to destroy me? D. They all forget about Daxter, the rodents, the French fries and me and starts fighting each other? E. Someone shoots me for talking too much? F. None of the above or bellow? G. I go on like this until Z? Or Z. I completely mess up my alphabet and go back to first grade?**

**Zakura: well that was a whole bunch of bullshit**

**Fluffy: really.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: that's not bullshit!**

**Daxter: (runs by once more)**

**Annie: (follows him) come here kittykittykitty!**

**Ehm: (follows both) SUGARKICK!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: that's bullshit! (Points at a bull who's just done his business)**

**Zakura: (glares and the threesome who just passed by) when will they stop doing that?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: but enough bullshit. Please give me nice reviews!**


	14. Boulders and Eels

**Annie: (runs by) come here kittykittykitty! Sigh… where did Daxy-kun go?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I have no idea (hides a large box behind her back)**

**Annie: oh… there he is! (Runs after a random weasel)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: she's gone. Pay up**

**Daxter: (comes out of the box) thanks kid. (Gives me a review) your fic stinks**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well you don't smell very well either. Get lost!**

**CHAPTER 14**

**BOULDERS AND EELS**

Last time we left out heroes they were at Gran Canaria looking for Daxter.

This time they are lost in the Lost Woods.

"Neat music" Luke said while dancing.

"Why on earth are we our here in the forest all of sudden?" Veger, the only reasonable ottsel on the team, asked.

"The world is filled with mysteries and I have sworn to discover them all!" Jak said in a heroic manner.

"Stupid founder" Veger growled. "I wish he would get a large boulder in his head".

Then suddenly a large boulder hit Jak in the head.

"What the f just happened?" Veger asked.

"Jak got a boulder in his head and is now unconscious. Nothing worse" Seem said.

"Cool! His wish came true! Hey Vulpix! Wish me a big castle built out of chocolate!" Tess yelled.

"No way! I would rather wish you to remember my name!" Veger yelled.  
"Aw… Veger! Be nice!" Tess said.

"Something strange is going on here in this wood" Luke said. "The dark side of the force must be behind it!"

He looked behind the log and sure enough, Darth Vader was right behind carrying Daxter as if he was an injured puppy.

"Shouldn't you help us rescue Daxter instead of running of into this forest with fancy music playing?" Darth Vader asked. "This poor ottsel was missing you so much".  
"Stop acting as if I was an injured puppy or something and let me down!" Daxter yelled. "And why is Jak trapped under a large boulder?"  
"Cause it fell on his head" said Torn, he was crying over the boulder, not doing a damn thing to remove it.

"Where are all the other bad guys? I noticed the start of the chapter says "our heroes", nothing about Oroshimaru and the others" Naruto said.

"They fell into a pool and have been swimming ever since" Darth Vader.

"Oh… my poor brother… lets throw electric eels in the water!" Cornelius said pulling some eels out of his pocket getting shocked.

"Where did you get those eels from?" Darth Sidious said **(he popped up again!)**

"I am always prepared in case Errol would fall into a pool" Cornelius said with an evil grin and got shocked.

"You'd better put on some rubber gloves before you touch them so you won't get shocked" said Cornelius' pet bird Tanya pulling a couple of rubber gloves from her pocket… she has pockets?

"Wow! You're always prepared in case I should want to touch electric eels!" Cornelius said.

And then they all ran of to throw electric eels in the pool… all except Jak that is…

"Er... Hello? Can someone remove this boulder from my head?"

Throwing the eels turned out to be harder than Cornelius had thought it'd be, they were so slippery he kept loosing them on the way.

"Perhaps you should put them back into your pocket?" Daxter suggested.

"No way! I want to see Errol's scared face when he sees me coming with eeeeeeeeeeeee…."  
And so Cornelius fell into the pool, with the eels and got shocked.

"Ha ha! I knew you would come and put eels in the pool so I removed the pool and got up!" Errol said with an evil laugh.

"Argh! Brothers shouldn't be so mean to brothers" Cornelius said.

"Gee Errol… thanks for telling us what you planned" Kor said sarcastic, he was still in the pool and got shocked.

"Oh… I knew I forgot something" Errol said.

"How on earth did you manage to move the pool?" Veger asked.

"What do you mean?" Errol asked.

"You MOVED the pool" Veger said.

"Your point is?"  
"THE POOL IS JUST A HOLE WITH WATER IN IT!"

"And why wouldn't I move it?"  
"HOW DO YOU MOVE A HOLE?"

"Ninetails, you don't have a fantasy" Errol said** (Miss.Eco: first Vulpix, now Ninetails… get it? Zakura: foxes make me shiver)**

"YOUCAN'TMOVEAPOOLJUSTLIKETHATANDMYNAMEISVEGERIAMNOPOKEMONSTOPSAYINGMYNAMEWRONGANDGETMEOUTOFTHISINSANEFANFICTION!" Veger yelled with a high-pitched voice so he sounded like a little girl.

"I didn't really get that. Can you press space every now and then?" Errol asked.

"He said: You can't move a Pokemon just like that. My name is Pool I am no fanfiction. Stop saying my name wrong and get me out of this insane Veger… I think" Seem said. "But who cares anyway?"

"I think what he said was: please kill the innocent kid" Daxter said.  
"No, it was: I want a sandwich… well you're not getting mine" Shikamaru said.

"NO DAMN YOU! I SAID: …never mind" Veger said and walked away.

He walked back into the Lost Woods with the fancy music and sat down on a large boulder.

"How did I get into this mess?" he thought out loud.

"Please for the love of Mar, or me, get this boulder of my head" Jak said from underneath the boulder.

"I just wanted to be a great hero" Veger said. "But instead… I got stuck in this stupid ottsel body… I wish I had someone who cared for me"

Then someone who cared for Veger appeared.

"Oh… is the little ottsel sad?"

"Oh no… NOT YOU!" Veger yelled.

"Here kittykittykitty!" Annie yelled.

"I HATE YOU MISS. ECOFREAK!" Veger yelled.

"GET THIS BOULDER OF MY HEAD!" Jak yelled.

**Miss.Ecofreak: chocolate anyone?**

**Veger: (runs by) AAAAAAAA**

**Miss.Ecofreak: nope? More for me then.**

**Zakura: geez… this is getting crazier everyday.**

**Fluffy: and that's the way I like it!**

**Jak: oh brother… REMOVE THE ROCK!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: YOU DON'T HAVE A BROTHER SO STOP WHINING AND REVIEW!... Oh right… you can't review. But then you (you who are reading) review.**


	15. Jak is tortured again

**Miss.Ecofreak: warning, this chapter makes no sense**

**Zakura: since when did this story make sense? Geez.**

**CHAPTER 15**

**JAK IS TORTURED, AGAIN**

The boulder disappeared into a black hole for no apparent reason and so Jak, our biggest hero and founder of Haven City, was free to go.

And he would, if he hadn't broken every bone in his body.  
"I hate this fanfiction" Jak said.

"MEEEE TOOOOOOOOO!" Veger yelled as he ran by closely followed by Annie.

"Come back Fluffy Amidala! I'll make you feel better!" Annie yelled, getting Veger's name COMPLETELY wrong.

"I'm Fluffy! She's Amidala! That thing over there is Veger!" Fluffy said pointing at Padme the guinea pig and then at Veger.

"Thanks Fluffy. You're the kindest killer cat I've ever known" Veger said.

"Why am I here?" the guinea pig asked.

"Be gone rodent from hell!" Zakura's little brother… let's call him Juliet, said and Padme ran away screaming like only a guinea pig (and Kiara the rabbit **Kiara: hey!**) can.

"Perhaps it wasn't such a smart idea to use rodents after all" Raditz said.

"Be gone person from hell!" Goku yelled and Raditz ran away screaming like only a person can…. Er?

"How long do we have to suffer trough this?" Jak asked.

**Miss.Ecofreak: For as long as people find it funny**

"Well I do NOT find it funny AT ALL so PLEASE stop this INSTant!" Jak yelled.

**Miss.Ecofreak: Well then… I DO find it VERY funny so I WON'T stop until Damas rises from the dead.**

"Hi. Did I miss something?" Damas asked.

**Miss.Ecofreak: Er… what I meant was: I won't stop. EVER! (Knocks Damas down with a book (aka: Lord of the rings, Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix and The Book of Bunny Suicides in one book (or as it's called in Norway, Kamikaze Rabbits, I like that title)… really big) for being there when I didn't want him to be there.)**

**Zakura: What a peculiar mix of stories in that book**

"Someone please get me out of this forest. I think its werewolves here" Jak said.

A howl could be heard in the distance.

Then a boy with short sharp ears and a green tunic came through the threes with a dead flower in his one hand and a triangle on the other.

"Hi person in green tunic! Will you please help me up?" Jak asked. "I just think I heard a werewolf and there may be bears in the woods as well."  
A bear cry (as Kenai in Brother Bear… that's not far away from Lost Woods… probably) could be heard in the distance.

"Sorry person with all his bones broken. I'm going to propose to a princess" the guy in a green tunic said and walked away whistling.

Only a few feet away stood a princess with sharp ears and a triangle on her hand stood next to a large cage with a green monster that also had a triangle on his hand.

"Hi there! Look what ran into my trap!" the princess said to the guy in green tunic, pointing at the monster.

"Great! But er… Princess? **(Not saying her name… what a stupid head)** I want to ask you something… will you marry me?" the guy in green tunic said holding out the flower.

The princess looked at the dead flower unimpressed but seemed determined not to hurt the boy more than necessary.

"Oh… I'm sorry. But I am already engaged… with…er…Sheik!" she said.  
"Oh. That's too bad…. HEY WAIT A SECOND!" the boy yelled.** (Some people might not understand anything about what just happened there… since I purposely avoided telling the character's names (well I never liked Zelda… what the k is she doing in my fic?)… But if you happen to have played a certain N64-game (gasp! Not even PS!) or did as I did, watched another person play it, maybe you'll understand)**

"I don't mean to interrupt the romantic setting but… I'm like dying here!" Jak said. "I'm afraid I'm going to get eaten by an eagle".

The cry of a golden eagle was heard in the distance.

But the three Nintendo-characters had vanished; all had been transformed into frogs and were now looking for a princess to kiss them. (**Zakura: but Zelda was there! She's a princess! Is she looking for a princess too?)**

So Jak was still alone in the Lost Woods, listening to the song **(about the only thing about Zelda I DO like, the music, especially Saria's song which is played in the Lost Woods in Ocarina of Time)**

"Are you going to advertise for games you don't like or are you going to help me out of this mess?" Jak asked.

"No Jak, that's all wrong! What you're going to say is "are you gonna keep yapping? Or are you gonna help me out of this mess?" Daxter said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: I'm gonna keep yapping! Oh Annie!**

Suddenly Annie came running and chased Daxter away.

"Hey! He was supposed to help me!" Jak said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: my point exactly. You've insulted me so now you can just lay there.**

"I NEVER INSULTED YOU, YOU FUZZY LITTLE BITCH!" Jak yelled and got struck by lighting.

**Miss.Ecofreak: freak**

So Jak stayed there, just lying on the ground sulking as a small green dinosaur walked by.

"Oh, a cute little dinosaur. Do you mind helping me get back to the hotel?" Jak asked.

The dinosaur ate a turtle.

"Er… that's nice, but will you help me?" Jak asked.  
"Yoshi!" the dinosaur said.

"Nice to meet you, Yoshi. My name is Mar, but friends call me Jak. But can you help me up? All my bones are broken you see" Jak said.

Yoshi ate a taco.

"Can you… give me something to eat? I haven't eaten since last chapter" Jak said.

"Yoshi!" Yoshi replied.

"Oh for the precursor's sake. SPIKE!" Jak yelled.

Spike the flut-flut came running.

He's a very mean flut-flut who tries to kill anyone but Jak.

Spike killed Yoshi and millions of other dinosaurs in various colours cried, but were quickly chased away by the crazy bird.

"Hey Spike! Mind helping me out here?" Jak yelled.

But Spike didn't hear (or he didn't care), he just kept chasing lizards, that was big fun for the bird who had been tied up to a pole for years.

"Be that way you stupid ecofreak" Jak said. "Sure hope it's not dinosaurs in this forest".

Someone shouted "Yoshi" in the distance.

"Never mind" Jak said.

Days became months, months became weeks, and after three days of waiting Jak was very hungry.

"Burgers anyone?"  
Okay, not that hungry.

**Miss.Ecofreak: what's going on Jak? Where did that burger come from?**

"Oh, the bones in my fingers still work, so I called a fast food restaurant to have it delivered" Jak said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: (takes Jak's cell-phone away)**

"Hey! I was about to call an ambulance!" Jak complained.

**Miss.Ecofreak: that was why I removed you phone.**

"You're such an evil little…"

But then the chapter got an abrupt end and Jak was saved by… let's say... Sly the racoon, so the chapter could have a happy ending.


	16. Fun in the Slytherin Common room

**Miss.Ecofreak: here we go again! for a new fun-filled installement of Dork Period**

**Zakura: we all knew that so just start the chapter already!**

**Answer to Babyblues15: me toooooo:) Mario World is in fact one of the only Mario-games I enjoy playing over and over again (blue Yoshi rocks the house!)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: now we can start**

**CHAPTER 16**

**FUN IN THE SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM**

"Okay. Now I'm getting seriously sick of Miss.Ecofreak tormenting us in every possible way she finds entertaining! It's time we do what we were supposed to do!"  
The heroes and bad guys who were sitting in the Slytherin common room stared at Jak with a puzzled expression.

"Do we have to start fighting each other again?" Naruto asked.

"No" Jak answered.

"Oh thank ramen. I was afraid I would get kicked behind by Elastigirl again" Naruto said.

"What the... you never got kicked behind by Elastigirl BECAUSE SHE WAS NEVER THERE!" Veger yelled.

"What are you doing in our common room?" Draco Malfoy asked.

"Seriously Jak. Can't you just give it a break? I'm trying to watch TV here" Ratty said.

"Shut up and listen!" Jinx yelled.

"How are you able to get a TV working inside Hogwarts? I thought electric stuff stopped working here" Hermoine asked.

"What are YOU doing in our common room mudblood?" Malfoy asked.

"Goyle let me in. We're going out didn't he tell you?" Hermoine asked.

"You're going out with…? Jak! I want to help end this madness!" Malfoy asked.

Jak looked as if Christmas had come early. Well not exactly Christmas since he never liked Christmas after he got hit in the head with Damas' throne on Christmas Eve when he was a kid but that was another story.

"Great! With my great wizard army…"  
"I'm one wizard not an army"

"Fine. With this one meaningless person…"  
"HEY!"  
"…I'm going to end Miss.Ecofreak's tyranny once and for all!"

And so Jak pulled Malfoy out of the common room.

"So… who bets he can do it?" Daxter asked.

"I don't"  
"Me neither"  
"Are you kidding?"

"Insane we are you must think"

"Oh my"

"Wraff"  
"Thought so. French fries anyone?" Daxter asked.

"Oh yeah"

"I want some"

"Don't you have any ramen?"

"French fries good they are"

"I don't eat. I'm a droid"

"Wraff"  
Ten minutes of French fries eating later, Jak crawled into the common room with Malfoy walking casually behind him.

"She's in the Gryffindor common room. We don't have the password so we couldn't get in" Malfoy said.

"It was horrible! We tried for nine freaking minutes!" Jak panted.

"What did you do the last minute?" Daxter asked.

"We sneaked into the kitchen and stole some food. How come?" Jak said straightening up.

"I wonder what Miss.Ecofreak is doing in the Gryffindor common room?" Luke wondered out loud.

"Whatever it is, it's probably nasty" Darth Sidious said.

Meanwhile in the Gryffindor common room.

"Argh! He's been crushed in a violent way!"

"See? You do suck at chess" Ron said.

Miss.Ecofreak looked down at the wizard chess board in front of her.

"Best out of 1299" she said.

In the Hufflepuff common room.

"What? What's happening in here?" Hanna Abbot asked.

Sorry. Wrong common room.

In the Slytherin common room our heroes and bad guys did all sorts of strange things.

"Zzzzzzzzzzzz"

Maybe not _all _sorts of strange things.

Veger was sitting awake, thinking of his one true love.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Nothing… he was thinking.

"Why are we in a wizard school all of a sudden? This doesn't make any sense" Veger thought out loud. "And how am I going to make professor McGonagall love me?"

"Hey! I didn't think that!" Veger yelled. "Though she is kind of cute".

Then he decided to go out to get some fresh air.

But as he opened the door from the Slytherin common room he saw…

"Phil Collins is holding a concert in the dungeons?" Veger said.

Sorry. That's not what he saw.

The Phil Collins concert disappeared and was replaced by…

"Neville Longbottom?" Veger said.

"Oh thank god someone came! I forgot the password and couldn't get in" Neville said.

"But… Gryffindor is in the tower" Veger said.

"Really? Where am I now?" Neville asked.

"You're in the dungeons outside the Slytherin common room" Veger said.

"Damn! Wrong room again! Last night I slept three hours outside Snape's classroom, and the night before that I slept outside the doors of the White House. I really need to do something about my bad memory" Neville said and walked out, heading towards the Ravenclaw common room.

"What a strange little boy… oh well" said Veger and walked out where he was run down by James Potter and Sirius Black on broomsticks.

"WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME?" Veger yelled.

Miss.Ecofreak poked her head out of the girl's dormitory in the Gryffindor common room.

"SHUT UP HELEN! PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!" she yelled.

Zakura poked her head out of the rabbit cage next to the school.

"I'M TRYING TO SLEEP TOO!" she yelled.

"I HAVEN'T SLEPT FOR DAYS BECAUSE MY GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME!" Dean Thomas yelled from the windows of the boy's dormitory in Gryffindor.

"NO WAY IT'S BECAUSE YOU SNORE TOO LOUD! THAT'S WHY I CAN'T SLEEP!" Ginny Weasley yelled from the kitchen window.

"JAMES POTTER! STOP HAUNTING THE CASTLE ON YOUR BROOMSTICK! YOU'RE DEAD!" Severus Snape yelled from the window of his office.

"WELL YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD EITHER!" James yelled from his broomstick.

Lupin howled.

"WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?" the minister of magic yelled from the window of McGonagall's office. (What was he doing there?)

"PERHAPS IF WE ALL STOPPED YELLING WE COULD GET SOME SLEEP?" Dumbledore asked from the window of Hagrid's hut.

Everyone silenced, and within minutes they all fell asleep, those who were poking their heads out of the castle windows fell down and hurt themselves real bad.

"This must have been the stupidest chapter you've ever written" Veger said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: Wanna bet? Let the reviewers decide. If most of you say this is the stupidest chapter of Dork Period Veger will get one chapter of and not appear in the next chapter, but if they don't the next chapter will be all about you.**

**Veger: save me…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: review and vote for you favourite chapter. Veger's future happiness depends on you.**

**Zakura: not really it's just a fic and he's not even real.**


	17. The Fate Of Veger

**Miss.Ecofreak: welcome back to the very exiting chapter where we get to know what is the stupidest chapter of the fic**

**Zakura: you've got... two reviews saying two different things**

**Veger: one bets mine don't it?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: bestfire's favourite is chapter 7 and Thee Slushee says chapter 16... oh whatever, let's just say Veger lost and we'll make a chapter all about him because I WANT to write a chapter all about him:)**

**CHAPTER 17**

**THE FATE OF VEGER**

Veger was strolling down the streets of Haven City, wondering how he suddenly was back home when only the day before he was on Hogwarts.

Then again the chapter before that he had been in Lost Woods and before that he had been on Gran Canaria, so it might not to be that strange.

But right now he was worried something crazy and humiliating would happen.

"Giggle"  
"Ha ha"  
"Hi hi"  
"Okay why is everyone laughing?" he asked the random people around him.

"He's not wearing any pants" said a sign which a small green-haired boy was holding.

"I HAVEN'T WORN PANTS SINCE THE PRECURSORS TURNED ME INTO A PRECURSOR AND NOBODY COMMENTED IT BEFORE!" Veger yelled.

"Whatever you say Margaret" said a sign which the same boy was holding.

Veger growled and walked back home to get a pair of pants.

But as he reached his house he realised the palace had fallen over it.

"Hey!" he yelled.

"Sorry John" Torn said. "We were trying to rebuild the palace but it keeps falling down, the guy who designed this should die!"

"If you don't agree with the design, why do you keep rebuilding it?" Veger asked as the palace was pulled back into position.

"It's an historic building! Don't you know it's been there for 3 whole years?" Torn said as the palace fell over once more.

"Ashelin thinks it ridiculous" Veger commented as the palace was pulled back into position.

"Ashelin thinks t-shirts makes great winter coats" Torn said as the palace was shaking dangerously.

"Well I think that… HELP!" Veger said as the palace fell on top of him.

Torn looked at the fallen building for a moment.

"Maybe Violet is right. Just leave it there guys and we'll build an animal shelter on top of it" he said to the constructions workers.

Later in the former Hip Hog Heaven now known as the Naughty Ottsel without a roof.

Naruto was currently doing something with the fact that the bar was roof-less.

"Why do I have to fix the roof? It was giant Dark Jak who broke it" Naruto said.  
"Yeah but it was because he was fighting you. Besides it got some scratches when you turned into an elephant" Daxter said.

"Hey, where's Bob?" Tess asked.

"You mean Wulper?" Luke asked.

"No no son, his name is Ron Weasley" Darth Vader said.

"Wasn't it Regev?" Jak said.

"Who cares?" Seem asked.

"Whatever his name is. Where is he?" Tess asked.

"I think I saw him underneath the palace which Torn and his construction crew is now building an animal refuge on top of… or maybe it was just a mouse, just ignore it" Seem said.

Just now Jak realised she was wearing a caps from his and Cornelius' caps stand which had the intelligent text "Worry. Don't ignore anything! We're all going to die! PANIC!"

"We must stop that shelter from being built!" Cornelius said in the same energetic way he always used whenever he suggested to blow up anything baron Praxis owned.

"So we can save Veger?" Leia asked.

"No. So we can save Keira, Keira, Keira (you know the rest)" Cornelius said.

"Are your pets in danger somehow?" Keira (the elf) asked.

"Torn is probably building that refuge so that he can lock all of them in!" Cornelius said.

"Why would he do something that cruel? You've been looking well after them considering you have 101 different pets" Jak said.

"I don't know why. But he's probably trying to steal them" Cornelius said and ran out to destroy the animal refuge.

"Should we stop him?" Luke asked.

"Luke Skywalker my friend. It's time you learn to relax. Just remember the phrase "Hakuna Matata", that's a wonderful phrase. Nothing horrible will ever happen in this city" Seem said.  
"Hakuna Matata? That's jut a passing craze" Luke said.

"IT AIN'T NO PASSING CRAZE!" Seem yelled and started singing Hakuna Matata for some strange reason.

Meanwhile Torn was busy building an animal shelter on top of Veger when it suddenly blew up.

"Hah! There will be no more evil plans from you Praxis' heir!" Cornelius said rode ran by the confused commander on a broken zoomer laughing and waving with a pair of underpants.

"Having to care for 101 pets must have finally caused him to get a nervous breakdown" Torn said.

"Nervous commander? Cornelius gets himself into more trouble than Jak, Daxter, Errol and every American president all together every week. Nothing makes him nervous" a completely ordinary FL-guard said.

Sure enough, five minutes later Cornelius ran by again riding a yakow which he was whipping and twenty angry farmers ran after him.

"Wow. I'm really glad someone removed the building on my head" Veger said. "But I would be even happier if that someone hadn't blown it up! I've got burn scars all over my beautiful wings".

So he went to the hospital to ask someone to heal his scars but before he got there he was run down by a pack of wild beasts followed by Cornelius on his flut-flut who was chasing them through the city so he could keep them as pets in his room.

"I really hate that guy… he's like Jak, Daxter and Errol in one person" Veger said. "And I really hate Jak, Daxter and Errol. This means I hate Cornelius three times as much as I hate Jak, Daxter and Errol".

He got up and walked towards the hospital to ask someone to heal his scars, including those he had gotten from being run over by all the animals.

But before he got that far he was stepped on by a giant.

He didn't even get time to get up again before Cornelius returned on his leaper lizard chasing an elephant which luckily didn't step on Veger.

"Phew"  
But then the elephant remembered he had left his keys at home and turned around stepping on Veger.  
"You enjoy watching me suffer don't you?" Veger said before a large Animal shelter fell down from nowhere.

"You were right You. The Sim City-way is way easier than building houses the normal way" Torn said and shook hands with You the FL-guard.

Veger crawled out from underneath the building and fainted.

"And it was about time we made it too. Look! There's an injured animal in need of rescue" Torn said.

Two people in uniform named One and Two appeared; One had a notebook in his hand.

"This ottsel has obviously been used as bait in the training of a fighting cock, look at the scars" One said.

"That's animal cruelty, but we need more evidence, let's take pictures of the ottsel and take them back to the office so we can see if we can prosecute the owner" said Two and took some pictures of Veger.

Then the two Animal Care Inspectors left and so did Torn and You, leaving Veger lying there beaten up and bloody.

You see, One and Two didn't have the authority to remove animals without a court warrant.

Cornelius and Spot (that's his flut-flut) came riding by.

"You know Veger; you should apply for a part in Happy Tree Friends. They could need some guy like you to die in horrible ways" he said.

When he didn't get any answer from the ottsel he walked by, Spot stepped on Veger and scratched him badly with his claws.

"I hate you miss. Ecofreak… you and that stupid rabbit" Veger moaned.

I guess you can guess what happened next.


	18. Haven Animal Freedom League Guard

**Miss.Ecofreak: who loves watching Animal Cops/Animal Precinct/Miami Animal Police? I DO!**

**Zakura: yet you make fun of them**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I love playing Jak3 too and I make fun of it. In this chapter we meet (once again) the stupidest animal welfare officers anyone's ever known with their own idea what is the kindest way to kill an animal, and the stupidest owners seeing that it's Dork Period we're talking about. But first some reviews**

**Answer to babyblues15: I want two rats and name them Jak and Daxter:) (if my stubbourn mom can stop staring at me as if I was nuts whenever I mention rats)I'm updating now**

**CHAPTER 18**

**HAVEN ANIMAL FREEDOM LEAGUE GUARD**

The animal cops had taken their footage to the judge (named Name) who decided Veger was undoubtedly being neglected.

Name gave One and Two **(inventive names isn't it?) **permission to remove the animal and give the owner a large fine.

But as they realised Veger didn't have an owner they decided to give him the fine and put him in jail for animal abuse towards himself.

"This is an outrage!" he yelled three days later as he was back at Naughty Ottsel, he now had a large gap in his tail from being bitten by Zakura. "I am outraged beyond words! I haven't been neglected! I've always fed myself very well and never participated in cock-fighting! Why are they giving me this fine?" **(Talk about being "outraged beyond words")**

"Because they think you are a fine person?" Well suggested.

"You like fines? Fine! You can take it!" Veger said and gave the fine to the deliriously happy leprechaun-ottsel.

"Just be glad they decided to let you keep yourself" Cornelius muttered. "How was I supposed to know you're not allowed to keep more than 52 robowski dwarf hamsters and 28 campell dwarf hamsters? That's not fair, they get like 10 000 children a week!"

"But don't dwarf hamsters go pregnant for 21 days?" Tanya asked.

"Not my hamsters" Cornelius said proudly. "I've breed a whole new race, which go pregnant for only 5 days and give birth to 5 000, even the males, which makes it 10 000 baby hamsters. Besides the babies are weaned in only three hours, and reach sexual maturity at 5 hours! Of course the only draw back is that they only live for three weeks".

"Why on earth did you breed such a strange hamster-breed?" Ratty asked. "We rats are much cuter anyway."  
"I did it to increase the sinking hamster population in the Amazons; do you know there are less than three hamsters living wild in that rainforest?"  
"I didn't know there were any wild hamsters in the Amazons" Ratty admitted.

"PRECISELY! That was what I was trying to fix, until those animal cops came and took them away" Cornelius said.

"Hey yeah. They are quite annoying. They came by my house today claiming I used my crocadog to growl at strangers, isn't that what dogs are supposed to do?" Jak asked.

"Well I don't think they are supposed to growl on _command"_ Daxter said.  
Jak glared at him for a moment.

"Crocy-boy? Growl!" Jak said and his dog started growling.

"Well I still think you should try and get him house clean instead" Daxter said.

"Nah, why do I have to do that?" Jak asked.

"One came by and said my chinchilla was given the wrong food" Keira said. "As if hamburgers and tacos aren't food any more".

"They said my mouse was abused. That's not true! She's a damn prostitute!" Pecker said.

Everyone looked at him for a moment.

"Okay… that was more than we needed to know" Jak said.

Meanwhile One and Two, along with their companion Three, was driving through the city.

"We've just received a report about a rabbit which is starving in South Town. We don't know if it's a stray or if it really has a careless son of a bitch of an owner which I am about to kick the ass of" One said until Two interrupted him.

"Er… One? Who are you talking to?" he asked.

"To the viewers! Those guys on TV always do that!" One said.  
"But… we're not on TV" Two said.

"That is sooooo unfair" One growled.

After getting lost like fourteen times they finally reached South Town.

"Now we only have to find the rabbit" Three said as she left the car.

"I think it might be that one" Two said and pointed at a rabbit close by.

The rabbit was holding a sign which said "Feed me", next to it was a bowl of salad, a carrot, two large bags of rabbit food, a banana, a dead brown velvet chinchilla wearing a black hat and a piece of gum.

"Hey. Why do you complain? You've got lots of food" One said.

"Brains…" the rabbit said zombie like and went for the officer's heads, Two responded by cutting the rabbit in half with the chain saw he just happened to have.

"Unfortunately that rabbit was too aggressive to be put of for adoption and was humanely put to sleep. **(Zakura: so… cutting them in half with a chain saw is humane? But I always thought I was brutal while using it)** Who wants rabbit stew?" he asked his friends.

Meanwhile at Cornelius's house, Cornelius was busy trying to mate his two chinchillas.

"Come on! They've been together for four years why haven't they mated yet?" he asked the vet who just happened to be there.

"Are you sure it's male and female?" the vet asked.

"I have proof. Look at their pedigree! The breeders named them Jack and Maria. So they have to be male and female" Cornelius said.

"Then I have only one possible explanation" the vet said. "None of them are real chinchillas, Jack is chinchilla rabbit, and Maria is a fur coat".

And so the vet left, leaving Cornelius to ponder over how he could mistake a rabbit for a chinchilla, and how he could think the fur coat was a live animal.

"Maybe they just need romantic music?" he wondered.

**Miss.Ecofreak: you never listened to the vet, did you?**

"What vet?" Cornelius asked.

Civilian Guy realised he hadn't appeared for some time and appeared.

He had some problems with his dog, Random Pet, who was trying to kill the family ca… the family. What else?

"Who would think mixing a dog with a tiger, a wolf, a lion, an elephant and a hamster would make such a cruel animal?" He asked Three and Four who was busy restraining the puppy.

"This dog is a mix between dog, tiger, wolf, lion, elephant and… hamster?" Four asked in disbelief.

"Yup. Cornelius raised it" Civilian Guy said.  
"I should have known" Four said and tore the puppy's head of.

"Well this wolfdogtigerlionelephanthamster is too aggressive and had to bee humanely put to sleep"

"Humanely?" Civilian Guy said in disbelief.

"I'm sorry you lost your pet mr. Guy" Four said.

"Oh screw him. I was trying to get an excuse for buying a pure breed Chihuahua anyway which I could use to guard my cat, she's received threats from the mice" Civilian said.  
"That's good you are ready to move on. Just DON'T buy that Chihuahua from Cornelius" Three said.

They decided to go see Random Pet's breeder and confront him with this "family-killing"-problem his puppy had.

"What? I'm waiting for chinchilla babies!" Cornelius said.  
"That chinchilla is dead… it's a coat" Four said.

"Gasp! You agree with the fur industry!" Cornelius said. "Get out of my house animal hater!"

"I don't agree with the fur industry… but that "chinchilla" is a fur coat" Four said.

"I like fur" Three said and Cornelius glared at her.

"Don't hurt her feelings, she's sensitive and it might affect her pregnancy" Cornelius said.  
"Whatever. We weren't her to comment your way of breeding dead chinchillas, but we've been having some problems with an animal called "Random Pet" which supposedly was born her.  
"Oh him… he was the result of a non-planned litter" Cornelius said.

"SO… you weren't knowingly breeding crosses between tigers, dogs, wolfs, lions, elephants and hamsters?" Four asked.

"No way. I was planning to use an illegal experiment from a far away planet. But the hamster got out of the cage" Cornelius said.

Four and Three looked at him for a second.

"I'm afraid we have to take away your hybrids" Four said.

"I knew it! You're an animal hater and now you're planning to make fur coats of all the pets in the world! I see what your plan is! YOU CAN TAKE MY HAMSTERS! YOU CAN TAKE MY HYBRIDS! YOU CAN TAKE MY SPARROWFLUT (Tanya gasped) BUT YOU CAN NEVER TAKE AWAY MY PRICED UNDERWEAR!"

Wow. Cornelius really HAS gone nuts. Or maybe it's just because the city has gone nuts, either way…

**Miss.Ecofreak: …please review and give your support to the animal cops/police/precinct/whatever… nah, just give your support to ME and review my fanfic!**

**Zakura: and give me some fresh brains.**

**One: killer rabbit! (Comes with spear)**

**Zakura: AAAARGH! (Runs away)**


	19. More Stupid Animal Lovers

**Miss.Ecofreak: Hi! I'm back! And today I had a two and a half months old chinchilla on my shoulder!**

**Zakura: who cares?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I care. Hugo is so cute, and so nice. Ever since we came back from summer vacation his parents seems to have gotten nicer too, Lilo and Stitch just got more grumpy... odd. But then again who cares about my private life?...**

**Zakura: ...I've been asking you the same thing for months...**

**Miss.Ecofreak: ...here's something more relevant, Dork Period chapter 19**

**Answer to Mr. Light Chicken Bulbs: aw, but that's what makes it so funny:p He he. Okay, I'll see if one of the missions will end sometime, maybe they'll finally find their french fries. One mission actuall was completed! Darth Vader rescued Daxter from the eagle although everyone else forgot all about him.**

**Answer to babyblues15: way to go! Naruto rules!**

**CHAPTER 19**

**MORE STUPID ANIMAL LOVERS**

One had found his way to Hogwarts, where he came crashing into McGonagall's classroom.

"Stop whatever you're doing this instant!" he yelled.

"We're transforming animals into teacups, what's your problem?" McGonagall asked.

One gasped.

"Teacups? That's horrible! You should be transforming them into pillows! Or else it would be animal abuse!" One said.

McGonagall looked at him with a puzzled expression, before she transformed One into a pillow.

"There, now everyone can play pillow fight" she said to her students.

All the animals cheered.

Two had gone to the park area in Haven City and was now talking to the owner of the animals there.

"These rabbits live in horrible conditions! When was the last time they got out of their cages?" he asked.

"These are not rabbits. They are yakows and they live in a large enclosure" the farmer said.

"Argh! Here's a large piece of shit! You can't have cleaned this cage in hours!" Two yelled.  
"That's just one piece of shit. I'm sure it would be a lot for a rabbit but not for a yakow" the farmer said.

"Besides, the room between these pillars in the fence is too big, the rabbits can jump out" Two said.

"Do you have eyes? They _are_ yakows. They _are_ big" the farmer said.

"Aw look. That female has only one kid. What happened to the rest of its litter?" Two asked.

"She only got one. YAKOWS ONLY GET ONE KID!" the farmer yelled.

"And look at this food! That's yakowfood! Not good for rabbits! They would get too fat!" Two said.  
"They _are_ yakows" the farmer repeated.

"Look. Here's the best rabbit food money can buy. Just give them a handful of this every day and make sure they have enough hay" Two said holding up a box of "The Best Rabbit Food Money Can Buy", it had a picture of a smiling yakow on it.

"A handful of that to twenty yakows?" the farmer said in disbelief.

"No reason to thank me sir, I'm just doing my job" Two said and gave the farmer the rabbit food.

As soon as Two had left, the farmer burned the rabbit food. **(Zakura: hey! You could give that to me!)**

Three was on vacation.

Oh whatever.

Four was busy trying to catch a stray ottsel.

"I'm not a stray! I'm a free person!" Veger yelled.

"Oh no! Don't run into the road, you can get hit by a car!" Four yelled back.

"There are no cars here and I'm not running into the road, I'm standing right next to you and you are running in circles around me" Veger said.

"Wow. These guys really are stupid" Hermoine said.  
"Yeah, stupid. Want another ice cream?" Goyle asked.

A gigantic French lop (**big rabbit, but man are they adorable!)** came by and ate Four. All the animals cheered.

Another place Jak came running into the Naughty Ottsel.

"Hey guys! Guess what I've just learned!" he yelled.

But there was no one there.

A while later Jak came running into the freedom leagues HQ.

"Hey guys! Guess what I've just learned!" he yelled.

But there was no one there either.

A while later Jak came running into the Naughty Ottsel.

"Hey guys! Guess what I've just learned!" he yelled.

But we've already established that there was no one there.

"Hey guys! Guess what I've just learned!" he yelled again.

Still no one there.

So later Jak came running into the Hip Hog Heaven.

"Hey guys! Guess what I've just learned!" he yelled.

But the Hip Hog is the same as the Naughty Ottsel so that didn't get him anywhere.

A while later Jak came running into Damas' house.

"Hey guys! Guess what I've just learned!" he yelled.

"What? We're watching Star Wars here" Anakin said. "I can't wait to se how this'll end".

"But I've just figured out who's the only person Zakura the Killer Rabbit fears!" Jak said.

Everyone in the room and someone obviously weren't in the room cheered.

"Who is that my extremely intelligent son?" Damas asked.

"She's scared o… hey wait. Didn't you die in the last fic?... f the animal freedom league guard-guys!" Jak said.

"That's grea… so did Errol…t Jak/Mar! Now we can get those stupid animal lovers and make them chase away Zakura! Then we won't have to fear Miss.Ecofreak ever again!" Damas said.  
"Well actually we still have to fear her made-up killer hamster, her dog and Miss.Ecofreak herself" Ratty said. "Not to mention the neighbour's cat. I'm scared of that one."

"It's a good plan Jak, but we've got a problem" Daxter said.

"What is that? My ottsel-like little friend" Jak asked.

"One was just turned into a pillow, Three is on vacation and Four was just eaten by a gigantic killer rabbit" Daxter said.

"Then we must find Two immediately! Before someone ruthlessly murders him as well!" Jak said and ran out through the window, forgetting he was in a tower so he fell down and broke his thing.

"My little toe! I can't walk for months!" Jak cried.

"Oh no. what do we do now? Without Jak there's no way we can save Two from a horrible fate and defeat Zakura the Killer Rabbit" Keira said.

"Since when has Jak been of any use in this fic?" Veger asked.

"Since he defeated Metal Kor and left baron Praxis dying underneath a large bullet!" Cornelius said.  
"That was Dork2. Besides, he didn't even defeat Kor, he just cut the head off some guy and befriended Kor" Veger said. "But what exactly has he done in _this_ fic?"

"He knocked out all the ninjas" Daxter said.

"No. They were knocked out when the Millennium Falcon landed on them" Veger said.

Everyone thought over this for a second or two (all except Veger who had made up his mind).

"He… I mean I killed that vicious dinosaur" Jak said.  
"That dinosaur wasn't very vicious and it was eaten by your flut-flut (though I had no idea flut-fluts ate dinosaurs). You didn't do anything" Veger said.

"He blew up the evil white killer rabbit!" Keira said.  
"No. That was King Arthur in Monty Python and the Holy Grail" Veger said. "But we should really use a holy hand grenade like that"

"Good idea Dolores Jane Umbridge! Let's go find the holy hand grenade!" Jak said and ran out the door, completely forgetting his broken toe.

"What the? DON'T EVER MISTAKE ME AND THAT EVIL WITCH EVER AGAIN!" Veger yelled. "God I hate Umbridge. She's mean to my love".

"I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH MCGONAGALL SO STOP WRITING THINGS I'M NOT SAYING!" the little old ottsel yelled.

**Miss.Ecofreak: oh sweet love. And I sure want to kick Ms Umbridge's butt**

**Zakura: no. You should BITE!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: humans don't usually bite Zak.**

**Zakura: how' bout dark precursors?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: How am I supposed to know?**

**Zakura: You should. You're the one who called yourself that.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: yes and? I know! I will accept the fact that she is a fictional character and just totally ignore her and ask the real people out there to PLEASE REVIEW AND I'LL BECOME A HAPPY YET STILL DARK PRECURSOR!**

**Zakura: and keep writing stuff that reminds me sort of like Monty Python and the Holy Grail.**

**Preview for the next chapter, Chapter 21. What on earth happened to chapter 20:**

"Since when did we start doing previews?" Jak asked.

"Don't ask me. You're the hero" Daxter said.


	20. Dork Period And The Holy Hand Grenade

**Miss.Ecofreak: and they said it was impossible to make a parody of a parody (laughs)**

**Zakura: No one said that.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well those who didn't say that were right! It is possible! I've done it before and now I sort of did it again. + writing very stupid things that have nothing to do with Monty Python and the Holy Grail or any other fictional characters whom I don't own but still appears randomly in this fic (although they're sometimes acting very OOC) I sure got a lot of reviews since last time (even more than one eachperson sometimes) That makes me glad (whoho, that word means the same in Norway and England/US/any english speaking country.**

**Answer to Mr. Light... Yes I know: thank you, I will:)**

**Answer to Meowen: I love Happy Tree friends, we watched it at school once when we were supposed to work on our school newspaper:p **

**Answer to Beastfire (or to beastfire's muse): hey Ivy! Let's go start an I-hate-Umbridge-club and call it DA**

**Zakura: Too late. Harry Potter already did**

**Miss.Ecofreak: oh…. Then let's go join it**

**Zakura: what happened to accepting the fact that she's a fictional character and just ignore it?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: it died. Now here's a brand new chapter of Dork Period, or two actually…**

**CHAPTER 21**

**WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED TO CHAPTER 20?**

"Oh my ottsel! We're being taunted by evil people!" Jak yelled.

Bet you wonder what's going on eyh? That's because you just started reading chapter 21 without reading chapter 20 first.

**CHAPTER 20**

**OH, THERE IT IS**

**DORK PERIOD AND THE HOLY GRA…HAND GRENADE**

Jak had been given a quest from Veger to find the holy hand grenade.

Well not exactly "Given" a quest, he just felt like finding it.

He was followed by his good friends, sir Mar, the brave (**Jak: hey! That's me!)**, Sir Daxter, the wise, **(Zakura: are we still talking about the same ottsel?)** and sir idiot, the not quite as wise as sir Daxter, **(Veger: I swear! One day I'm gonna kill you badly!)** and the suitably nicknamed, Sir Didn'tWantToJoinThisQuest.

"Why not?" Jak asked.

"It's only a rabbit. Nothing to worry about" Seem said casually.

"It's not only a rabbit. That's the foulest rodent ever! (Except that rabbit in Monty Python)" Jak said when suddenly two rabbits and a hare flew at him from behind.

"CALL ME RODENT ONE MORE TIME AND THIS FIC IS LEADING TO A TRAGIC END!" Zakura yelled.

"I forgive Tim, he didn't know better but YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BY NOW THAT WE ARE MEMBERS OF THE HIGHLY REGARDED HARE FAMILY! NOT OF THE HATED RODENT POPULATION!" the white killer rabbit from Monty Python said.

"AND FOR THE PRECURSOR'S SAKE GIVE ME A DECENT ROLE IN THIS FIC!" Fluffy the killer hare said.

"Get of me stupid ro… hare-thingies. I don't write this crap!" Jak said and ripped the three hare-thingies of his back.

"Just ignore the lagomorphs. We need to find the holy gra… hand grenade" Daxter said.

And so they engulfed on an epic journey that…

"Stop that epic talk, you don't even know what you're talking about" Jak said.

Fine. And so they went on an entirely stupid journey as they often do in this fic. Let's just hope that this time they will actually complete it.

Soon they reached a castle, Aka a large rock that they for some reason called castle.

"Ahoy there!" Jak yelled up to the top of the rock.

But soon he wished he had never said anything, up at the top of the rock, a large round head appeared.

"A-oh!" said Tinky Winky. "Come for a biiiiiig hug?"

"Oh no! It's the teletubbies! Run for your lives!" Jak yelled and ran, tripped over a teddy bear and fell into a pool of chocolate pudding.

"No that was random" Daxter said, and turned to the teletubbies.

"Hi guys! We're looking for a holy hand grenade. Whose rock is this?" Daxter asked.

"It belongs to Winnie the Poh. He made it in chop class" Tinky Winky said.

"Huh?" Jak said. "Since when did that stupid bear have anything to do with this fic?"  
"Since now you silly son of a hamster!" Winnie the Poh said, appearing out of absolutely nowhere.

"My son is not silly!" Damas the hamster said.

"Er… dad? Why are you a hamster?" Jak asked.

"I don't know. I just found this weird blue box and started petting Fluffy the Killer Hamster and then suddenly I was changed into one" Damas said.

"I would say "odd" but then again this is Dork Period so I'm not very surprised" Jak said.

"Stop it with your not paying attention to us you stupid worshiper of a little stupid weasel" Dr. Hamsterviel from Disney's Lilo and Stitch said.

"Ottsel! Not weasel you little gerbil!" Daxter said.

"I am not gerbil-like I AM HAMSTER-LIKE!" Hamsterviel yelled.

"You're also Lilo and Stitch-character-like so get out of this fic!" Jak yelled.

"I have just as much right to be here as you, this is a Jak&DaxterNarutoStarWarsTeletubbiesDragonballMontyPythonHarryPotterWinnieThePohLilo&StitchSureHopeIDidn'tForgetAnyone-crossover" Hamsterviel said.

"And what an annoying crossover it is" Jak said and blasted the "castle" to pieces so that all the other characters were scattered around the desert.

Later Jak decide it might be a good idea for the team to go separate ways in search of the grenade.

But now out time's up. To be continued.

**Miss.Ecofreak: I hope that didn't make too much sense to you**

**Zakura: Because if it did we've failed and I'll be forced to eat this large ham**

**Miss.Ecofreak: exact… huh?**

**Zakura: hah! Now it made no sense.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: what I find pointless is Dr. Hamsterviel from Lilo and Stitch (I love that movie/series) is so obsessed by being called hamster-like. Looks more like a gerbil to me, because of his tail, hamsters have little short furless tails, but gerbils have long fuzzy tails like Hamsterviel.**

**Zakura: tell that to the L&S-fans not the J&D-fans**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (sigh) this is MY author's note. Not yours. Anywayz, review and you'll make a mentally confused rabbit happy.**

**Zakura: … you're not talking about me are you?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: of course not. I'm talking about him**

**Fluffy the Killer Rabbit: look at me! I'm an airplane.**

**Zakura: oh, I thought you meant Balder (who he is? Never mind)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: see yah later.**


	21. Jak Meets A Very Foolish Hamster

**Miss.Ecofreak: here it is, a chapter with a looooong title**

**Zakura: or just the tale of sir Jak**

**CHAPTER 21**

**THE TALE OF SIR JAK (YOU CAN ALSO CALL IT "JAK MEETS A VERY FOOLISH HAMSTER THAT IS ABOUT TO DIE IN LIKE TWO WEEKS" IF YOU LIKE)**

As Jak rode through the forest on his trusted hamster…

"Damn it Mar! I told you not to take a double hamburger" Damas moaned.

…when the hamster was shoot by an arrow with a note on it.

"Oh no. this is from some poor soul who's been trapped in a castle by its father who wishes it to marry against… Cornelius' will… what on earth does he have to do with this? Oh well, I shall rescue the person! Brave Damas! You shall not have died in wane!" Jak said.

"Er… I'm not quite dead Mar" Damas said, he didn't look dead at all; he was running around in his hamster wheel as always.

**Zakura: and I reckon you won't reveal where that hamster wheel came from?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: you're really the smartest killer rabbit ever!**

"But you died in the last fic. So therefore, to not make that death you suffered trough in the last fic wasted, I shall rescue the poor person locked in a castle! Bye bye father!" Jak said and ran of into the distance, claws ready to slice open someone's chest.

"It is a very strange boy we have honey" Damas said to his wife.

"Why am I a rat?" said his wife who was indeed a rat.  
"Probably since I am a hamster" Damas said.

"But rats don't marry hamsters" his wife said.

"No one said this fanfic was reasonable" Damas said.

Dark Jak reached the castle and killed half of the people who were in his way; the rest killed themselves because their loved ones had died.

But as he reached the tallest tower he let out a scream.

"Rodents!" he yelled.

The little female hamster on the table looked at him with its big black eyes.

"Oh hi Jak" she said.

"Keira the 234332? Is that you?" Jak asked.

"Yup. Only with my new owners I am called "Destined to die in about two weeks". But you can call me…"  
"234332?" Jak suggested.

"I was about to say Pinocchio, but Destiny sounds good" the hamster said.

"So… Rob… Pinocchio. What is your problem and why did you shoot my father with a note tied to an arrow?" Jak asked.

"Well you see… my new family wishes me to mate with this other hamster here, to make babies that might last for more than three weeks, but Cornelius doesn't like that because that would make the babies crossbreeds between the stupid Syrian hamsters and the fine race, the foolish hamsters" Pinocchio said.

"The foolish hamsters? You mean that idiotic new race that Cornelius bred?" Jak asked.

"We are not idiotic! We're foolish!" Rob said. "Now save me and let me mate with my own breed!"

"Wow. You sure are picky about your partners. This Syrian hamster can't be that bad?" Jak said.

"You bet he is! It's Fluffy!" 234332 yelled.

"Oh no! We must save you! I don't want any more Fluffies around and seeing how many kids your race produces every 5 days" Jak said.

He grabbed the hamster and ran outside, followed by a herd of wild elephants that just appeared out of nowhere.

"You know, this is starting to go from weird to really, really, freaking, very weird" Jak said.

"NO! The love of my life is missing! How am I going to move on?" Fluffy yelled.

"Poor thing. I know she might be hard to forget but…" Zakura started before Fluffy asked; "Do you have plans for tonight?"

Zakura looked at him for a moment.

"You're too fat" she said.

"I can change!" Fluffy said and started doing a little break dancing and was transformed into a seagull.

"You're still too fat" Zakura said.

"I can change some more!" Fluffy said. He started dancing again and was transformed into a fox.

Zakura ran away screaming.

"Hm. This wasn't very smart was it?" Fluffy said to himself.

Jak made his way back to his father without any further difficulties.

Sure he fell into a pond filled with crocodiles, caimans, alligators, piranhas, piñatas, water rats and gerbils and was almost eaten.

And later he fell into a pond filled with crocodiles, caimans, alligators, piranhas, piñatas, water rats and gerbils and was almost eaten.

And so he fell into a pond with only one abnormally large tarantula but _after that_ Jak came back his father.

"I'm back from my heroic mission and saved the maiden!" he said triumphantly.

"Great son! I'm proud of you… but where is she?" Damas asked.

"Oh, she got eaten by a gerbil" Jak said. "But I saved her from her forced marriage!"

"Oh yeah. Better dead than married" Damas said and his wife gave him a death glare.

**Miss.Ecofreak: (can't stop laughing)**

**Zakura: thank you for reading this chapter… I would comment what Miss.Ecofreak just said but she's not speaking.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (still laughs) piñatas.**

**Zakura: stop laughing at your own jokes, it looks pathetic**

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay. But still. (Laughs) piñatas! Please review people and you'll get a piñata! (Probably not, but review anyway)**


	22. The tales of Sir Idiot, Jak and Daxter

**Zakura: PIÑATAS!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I don't have any!**

**Zakura: but you said that if anyone reviewed you'd give them piñatas**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I said maybe**

**Zakura: piñatas!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: sigh (gives Thee Slushee and Beastfire piñatas (where they came from? Don't ask))**

**Zakura: much better.**

**CHAPTER 22**

**THE TALE OF SIR IDIOT**

"Can I ask you why you've called me "Sir Idiot"?" Veger asked.

**Nope.**

"Then can I ask what they are doing here?" Veger asked and pointed at the boyband who was walking behind him singing (or they weren't singing, they had a cd-player with them and pretended to be singing).

"Stupid idiot Veger. He is an idiot. He's a very big idiot. Stupid ex-count Veger" the boyband/cd-player sang.

"STOP MAKING MY LIFE MISERABLE!" Veger yelled.

But the boyband didn't stop making Veger's life miserable.

They just kept playing their annoying music.

"We enjoy making Veger's life miserable, because he's an idiot. We hate Veger" **(Don't ask me what melody this is, some lines fit in with the song about Sir Robin in Monthy Python but some lines don't. You can sing it with any melody you want)**

Veger just kept walking and tried to ignore the boys, and then he met Sasuke in the forest.  
"What are you doing here?" Sasuke asked in surprise.

"I was about to ask you the same question" Veger said.  
"Well I… was here to… er… meat someone" Sasuke said.  
"You mean meet someone?" Veger asked.

"No. I meant mit some... oh heck whatever. What are you doing here?" Sasuke repeated.

"He's a fooling around like the big jerk he is" the boyband/cd-player sang.

"That's what I thought" Sasuke said.

"NO DAMN IT! I was looking for the holy hand grenade to get rid of that crazy killer rabbit!" Veger yelled.

"Oh… I should have known if I wasn't busy getting my ass kicked by Itachi exactly when you decided to do that. Have you found it yet?" Sasuke asked.

"No. we're still looking and I feel like I'm in a stupid comedy" Veger growled.

"Well good luck being in a stupid comedy" Sasuke said and walked away.

"Say boyband. Wasn't Sasuke acting a bit out of character?" Veger asked the boyband.

"Hell no. He's probably just here to meet a boy… I mean girl! Girls tend to act strange when…I mean boys tend to act strange when they're about to meet a cute hamster… I mean girl" one of the boys said.

"Right. I will never do that" Veger said, but stared like an idiot when McGonagall walked by.

"I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT!" Veger yelled.

**THE TALE OF JAK AND DAXTER**

The tale of Jak and Daxter starts in Sandover where they were in a boat moving towards Misty Island… wrong tale.

They where walking in the forest of the knights who say NI, **(You might wonder how Jak can be here when he was also saving the foolish hamster… keep wondering)** when they suddenly encountered the knights who say EKKI-EKKI-EKKI-PRTANG-ZOO-BOING! **(I don't guarantee that was exactly what they say, maybe it is, because I wrote it down, or maybe it isn't since it was a while since I wrote that)**

"Oh no! Not the knights who say ekkeeekeeke… whatever!" Daxter said. "Those who hear them seldom live to tell the… (Splat) what happened just now?"

What happened just now was that Dark Jak slaughtered the knights who until Monty Python and the Holy Grail said Ni in about three seconds.

"Those who hear me seldom lives to tell either. Let's go Dax" Jak said after he had transformed back.

"Great. I haven't seen Dark Jak in a while now" Daxter said.

Later the two friends met an old hag.

"Hey! Onin says old hag is a naughty word" Pecker said.

**Who cares bird brain**?

"And birds aren't dumb! Especially not macaws" Pecker said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: I said: who cares? **

**Tim the Enchanter: GET ON WITH IT!**

So we skipped the scene because I don't really think it's a very nice scene, with or without swallows.

What do they got to do with the story anyway?

So later they met Daxter, Veger and Mar (**yup, they met themselves too)** and there was much rejoices.

**(We take a break for a few hours while the main characters throw a party)**

They walked around in the wilderness for days, and were forced to eat the boyband and their cd-player.

And there was much rejoices.

**(We take a break for a few hours while Veger throws a party)**

Summer changed into winter, winter changed into spring, the spring leaked, the leak became a flood, and the flood washed the main characters away until they hit the bridge of death.

There they met an old hag.

"Onin says you're a very evil little girl" Pecker said.

**Monty Python-crew: GET ON WITH IT!**

"Fine then. Onin says that if you want to cross this bridge you must answer three questions" Pecker said.

"Ask me the questions bird-brain. I'm not afraid" Daxter said.

Pecker glared at him but decided to ignore the insult so that King Arthur wouldn't start yelling "get on with it".

"Onin says: What is your sister's mothers' fathers' uncle's nephew's daughter in law's daughter's brother's name?" Pecker asked.

"Daxter the handsome" Daxter said.

"What is the quest of King Arthur in the movie which this chapter resembles?" Pecker asked.

"To seek the holy grail" Daxter said.

"Do you want a gum?" Pecker said.

"Yes" Daxter answered.

"Fine. Just go" Pecker said.

"But I wanted gum!" Daxter complained before Pecker threw him across the bridge.

"Oh come on! Everyone can do that!" Veger said and walked up to Onin.

"What is your name?" Pecker asked.

"Veger" Veger answered.

"What is your name?" Pecker asked again.

"Still Veger"

"What is your name?"  
"Vigr. Oh shit!" Veger said and was thrown into the valley of nasty thingies.

From deep down bellow, Jak and Daxter (who still stood on the other side of the bridge) could hear him scream; "Noooo! It's a TV which only shows reruns of the same Pokemon-episode!"

Jak walked up to Pecker slightly frightened.

"What is your name?" Pecker asked.

"Guess" Jak said.  
"Er… I don't really remember" Pecker said and was thrown into the valley of nasty thingies.

"That was easy" Jak said and walked across the bridge. Ignoring Onin completely.

Over at the other side, Jak and Daxter reached a tall castle.

"Sayonara!" he yelled up to it. (Sayonara means good bye)

"You're leaving already?" Neji asked from the top of the castle.

"Neji's got a point. Don't you mean konishiwa?" Zakura yelled from the top of the castle. (And this means hello, sorry if I misspelled it)

"What are you doing up there?" Jak asked.

"Making sure none of you steals the holy hand grenade" Zakura answered.

"Trying to find Lee, he got lost somewhere" Neji said.

Suddenly Sasuke appeared over the top.

"What are you doing up there?" Naruto asked.

"What are you doing down there? I thought you were stalking Sakura at the mall" Sasuke shouted back.

"Oh… I forgot" Naruto said and disappeared.

"So what are you doing up there?" Daxter asked.

Suddenly Itachi appeared over the top.

"What are you doing here?" Sasuke asked.

"I came to ask you to GET ON WITH IT OR I'LL KILL YOUR FAMILY!" Itachi yelled.

"You already did" Sasuke commented.  
"Whatever. Just get on with it!" Itachi said and disappeared to stalk Naruto who was stalking Sakura at the mall.

"If you will not give us the grenade I shall take the castle by force!" Jak yelled.

"I would like to see you try!" Zakura yelled back.

"Really? What joy would you find in watching him take away everything you hold dearly?" Sasuke asked.

"Since when did you ask such stupid questions?" Zakura asked.

"Why is…"  
"GET ON WITH IT!" Luke Skywalker yelled from the Millennium Falcon that was circling the castle.

"…Naruto such an idiot?" Sasuke said.

Jak decided to take the castle by force since Zakura didn't seem to have any intention of giving him the grenade.

So Jak transformed into Dark Jak and started scratching the walls with his long claws.

It took him three hours to realise that didn't work.

"We need to go for plan b" he said to Daxter. "Ask Luke to just blow up the whole thing".

"Why didn't you just do that in the first place?" Daxter asked and Luke blew up the whole thing with the cannons aboard Millennium Falcon.

The entire castle blew up, but Sasuke and Zakura survived because they went out to stalk Sasuke (in Zakura's case) who was stalking Itachi who was stalking Lee (now we know where he went) who was stalking Naruto (why you might ask) who was stalking Sakura who was stalking Neji who was looking for Lee who was stalking Daxter at the mall while Jak was scratching the castle walls.

"We did it! Now let's find that hand grenade" Jak said.

Luke cheered.

Veger (who had appeared out of nowhere) stared at the castle in shock.

"And how are we supposed to do that?" he asked.

"We just… go look in the… on no" Jak said.

**Zakura: and so the castle blew up and the holy hand grenade was lost forever, I love a happy ending.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I assure you. It's not over yet (evil laugh)**

**Jak/Naruto/Star Wars/all the others-crew: (shivers)**


	23. Ninja Confusion

**Miss.Ecofreak: Hi folks. I'm so glad to get so many nice reviews for this fic, now my biggest goal is to get more reviews on this than I got for Dork3**

**Zakura: good luck, that fic got 157 reviews**

**Miss.Ecofreak: so? This one's longer! (I think) I can't finish this since so many odd things happen that I have to write more about. Now it's time to make fun of the Naruto-characters again. In case I haven't mentioned this before; Naruto hates Sasuke since Sakura is in love with Sasuke and Naruto is in love wiht Sakura and Sakura hates Naruto, (did you understand that? it's a jelousy-thing), Sasuke hates Itachi because Itachi killed his family (and they're brothers), why Itachi hates Naruto I have no idea but it seemed fun.**

**CHAPTER 23**

**NINJA-CONFUSION**

Disappointed over his failed mission, Jak went to the mall to buy himself a bag of French fries.

There he encountered Naruto, Sasuke and Itachi who were fighting each other and Zakura who was watching them and eating popcorn.

"Hi Killer Rabbit, Uzamaki and you two Uchihas. Why are you fighting each other?" Jak asked.

"Because Sasuke is an idiot" Naruto said.

"Because Itachi is an idiot" Sasuke said.

"Because I'm in love with Neji… I mean Naruto is an idiot" Itachi said.

"Because I dooooooooo" Zakura said without actually explaining what she was dooooooing.

"So if you kick each other's butts you'll become less stupid?" Jak asked.

"Yes" all three ninjas said in unison.

"Wow. You guys really are idiots" Jak said and let the ninjas fight.

The three ninjas looked at Jak's back for a while.

"Did he just insult us?" Naruto asked.

"Nah, I think he just insulted you two" Sasuke said.  
"Now you're in for it!" Itachi said, and so they started fighting again.

Jak went to the French fries-shop (wow, does there really exist a shop that sells nothing but French fries?) where he met his father (still in hamster-form) and Yoda who were discussing internet-discussions.

"I'm telling you green man. Internet-discussions are the future" Damas said. "Soon no one has to leave their homes ever again! They can shop food over the internet, find friends over the internet, get married over the internet!"

"But kids they get how?" Yoda asked.

"Who cares about kids? They're just annoying anyway" Damas said.

Jak glared at him.

"Oh. Hi son. We were just discussing… er… something stupid Kleiver told me the other day" Damas said.

"Discussing your children being idiots we were" Yoda said.

Damas took out his large paintball-gun and killed Yoda by throwing the gun at the ceiling fan which fell down at Yoda and killed him.

"Wow daddy. You're really violent as a rodent" Jak said.

"Thanks Jak. I like to look good in front of the ladies" Damas said and smiled to the hamsters in the pet shop next door.

"What a moron" one hamster said.

"He's really stupid"

"Yeah. I hate him"

"Wish he was my mate"

"I pity Jak's mother"

"I pity Jak"  
"I don't think the lady-hamsters like you very much" Jak said.

"Nah. They're just playing hard to get" Damas said.

Somewhere else Daxter was having problems of his own.

He still hadn't given up being bitten by a radioactive bug and was now using radiation to make the bugs radioactive.

The problem was that all the bugs died.

"Please stop now! They've had enough!" Shino cried as he clutched all the dead insects.

"No way! These bugs died for their country, send flowers to their husbands" Daxter said.

"They don't have husbands. They ate all their heads" Shino said.

"Well in that case they deserved it. Igor! Start up the machine!" Daxter yelled to the guy nearest to the switch.

"Why don't you do it yourself and stop getting my name wrong?" Veger asked.

"START IT NOW OR I'LL SEND DARK JAK AT YOU!" Daxter yelled.

Veger pulled the switch and tons of radioactive rays hit the beetle making Shino cry higher pitched than ever.

"Don't worry Tess. I'm okay" Daxter said.

"I'm not crying" Tess said. "But your bug died".  
"Crap! Maybe insects aren't fitting for this experiment" Daxter said.

Shino let out a sigh or relief.

"I'll use dogs instead!" Daxter said.

"NOOOOOO!" Kiba yelled.

"You two are such party breakers" Daxter said. "Your team-mate doesn't mind. Do you Hinata?"

Kiba and Shino glared at Hinata. Akamaru barked something that sounded strangely like the word "traitor".

"Daxter promised me a date with Naruto if I stopped whining" Hinata explained.

"Daxter wouldn't be able to get you date with Naruto even if you gave him a gigantic fish and egg-salad" Neji commented. "Naruto hates him for not giving him the ramen he promised in chapter four".

"What are you doing here?" Hinata asked.

"Your mom asked you to come home for dinner" Neji said and Hinata went home to eat.

"Neji! You spoiled my plan!" Daxter yelled. "Don't you want me to get super-powers?"  
"Not really. Why should I?" Neji asked.

"I could let you have some too" Daxter said.

"Thanks, but I've already got my byuukan, and besides I'm the nr 1 rookie of my year" Neji said.

"Can you teach me to be a ninja?" Daxter asked.

Neji stared at him for a long time.

"…No" he said.

"I'll give you a bowl of ramen" Daxter said.

"I don't like ramen" Neji said.

"I would give you a free beer" Daxter said.

"I'm too young to drink beer" Neji said.

"I would give you a neat headband" Daxter said.

"I already have one" Neji said.

"Damn it! What do you like?" Daxter asked.

"I want… no sandwiches" Neji said.

"O…k?" Daxter said confused.

"Shikamaru thinks sandwiches taste better if he hits me in the head with it. I'm getting damn sick of that!" Neji said.

"Okay. If you teach me how to be a ninja I will not give you a sandwich" Daxter said.

"Deal!" Neji said and took Daxter's paw.

"Sure hope that guy's adopted" Hinata muttered as she was waiting for the bus home to Konoha **(sure there is a bus which goes between Haven City and Konoha)**

"I hope my mom remembered to buy dog-food" Kiba said. "Last time she bought cat food and the dogs ran around the house meowing. It was so annoying".

"Meow" Akamaru said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: confusing enough for you?**

**Zakura: no problem**


	24. The Reason Behind This Long Title

**Miss.Ecofreak: I'm back again! Did anybody miss me?**

**Zakura: (whispers) damn, she's back**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I pretend I didn't hear that, cause I did**

**Zakura: (whistles)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: anyway. This chapter might be a bit much "Naruto" for this section...**

**Jak: boooo**

**Miss.Ecofreak: ... But still funny. What you need to know is; Neji is no joker as far as I've seen, that's what made this chapter so weird.**

**CHAPTER 24 **

**THE REASON BEHIND NEJI'S STRANGE BEHAVIOUR **

Back at the mall Naruto, Sasuke and Itachi had finally stopped fighting.

It was basically because Sakura had come by and shut Itachi up in Damas' maniac-cage and tied Naruto up to a log.

"Wow Sakura. I didn't know you were that strong" Sasuke said. "I've never seen anyone hit Itachi with a sandwich that hard."

"My… sandwich" Shikamaru said, crying over the sandwich that had broke in half when Sakura slammed it in Itachi's head.

"Oh it was nothing" Sakura said and blushed. "I would do anything to protect you".

She leaned forward to kiss Sasuke but he got cold feet and jumped into the cage where Itachi was.

"What's wrong little brother? Scared of the girls?" Itachi teased.

"No way! I just came by to visit you. How are you doing?" Sasuke asked.

"Considering the fact that I've just been knocked out by a girl holding a sandwich and stuffed into a tight cage, I feel fine really" Itachi said. "And you?"

"I'm… SCARED OF THE GIRLS!" Sasuke yelled.

"I knew it" Itachi said. "But you better watch out, I've got my fan club in here too".

_So that's the reason why the cage is so tight,_ Sasuke thought.

"Look! There's Itachi's little brother!" a girl from Itachi's fan club yelled.

"He's so kiwi" another one said.** (When you let the English spelling test decide what to write… she was supposed to say kawai meaning cute)**

"That's not right…" a third girl said to the second one.  
"AAAAARGH!" Sasuke yelled and ran out and tied himself up to the same log Naruto was tied up to.

"Hi Sasuke! I see you're scared of Sakura, can I have her?" Naruto asked.

"Be my guest" Sasuke said. "Hey! How was I able to tie myself up to a log? Sometimes my abilities surprise even me" he said and smiled of his own greatness.

"Well that's good Sasuke. But I've got some bad news for you" Naruto said. "Look who's here".

Gaara just entered the mall, that was okay in itself, but he was followed by HIS fan club.

"HOLY YACCOW!" Sasuke yelled.

"Look! There's that guy who Gaara asked for his name in Volume 4!" one of the girls in Gaara's fan club said.

"He's so kawai" said another.

"Why does everyone say that?" Sasuke asked.

"It must be because you're cute and they are so big manga-fans they feel like talking Japanese whenever they can **(I do)**" Naruto said. "In my opinion you've good a handsome face".

Sasuke looked at Naruto with a puzzled expression for a moment, then he ran away again still with the log (and Naruto) attached to his back.

He ran all the way back to Konohagakure where Neji was training Daxter.

"Hi Sasuke. Scared of girls?" Neji asked.

"How can you tell?" Sasuke asked.

"Itachi just called and told me" Neji answered.  
"That son of a… hey! How did you get his number?" Sasuke wondered.

"Sasuke is scared of girls! Sasuke is scared of girls" Daxter sang as he danced around the log with Sasuke and Naruto attached to it.

Neji joined in the song too.

"I think Shikamaru's sandwich must have hit you a bit too hard Neji because you are acting strange" Naruto said.

"Naruto thinks I'm acting strange! Naruto thinks I'm acting strange" Neji sang.

"VERY strange" Naruto said. "Maybe Lee knows why he's so weird".

"Good idea fishcake. **(now that was strange… I read in Shonen Jump once that Naruto is the name of some little fish-thingies in ramen, no wonder Naruto loves that stuff) **LOOK! SAKURA IS NAKED!" Sasuke yelled.

Within four seconds Lee arrived at the scene.

"Where is Sakura?" he asked.  
"She's not here. I lied" Sasuke said. "We were just wondering if you knew why Neji is acting so strange".

"Neji is acting strange?" Lee asked.

"Lee wonders if I'm acting strange! Lee wonders if I'm acting strange" Neji sang and started dancing around lee.

"Okay. He is acting kind of strange" Lee said.

"I'm acting kind of strange! I'm acting kind of strange!" Neji sang.

"SHUT UP NEJI! Why is he acting like this?" Lee asked.

"We don't know. We wondered if you knew" Sasuke asked.

"They don't know why I'm acting strange but they wonder if Lee knows! They don' know why… okay I'll stop" Neji said as he noticed Lee was aiming a thirty foot long peacemaker at him.

"I've been spending the last month stalking Sakura so I haven't really seen what Neji has been doing. But maybe Tenten knows" Lee said. "LOOK! I AM NAKED!"

Tenten appeared behind a bush.

"Why would I care if you were naked?" she asked.  
"You came didn't you?" Lee said. "Tenten, why is Neji acting strange?"

"You mean why he's sitting by that tree whimpering and treating Daxter as a teddy bear?" Tenten asked.

"Let go of me!" Daxter yelled.

"No. That's just because I was yelling at him a moment ago. Neji, show Tenten how strange you are acting" Lee said.

"You threatened me with a peacemaker if I didn't stop" Neji said.  
"But now I'm threatening you with a peacemaker to make you start again" Lee said.

"Okay… I'll show her" Neji said and started dancing around Tenten singing "I'm showing Tenten that I'm acting strange! I'm showing Tenten that I'm acting strange!"

"Wow. He really is acting strange. How long has he been like this?" Tenten asked.

"Tenten wonders how long I've been like this! Tenten wonders…"  
"You're done showing of now Neji" Lee said.

"He's been like this since Daxter started teasing me for being scared of girls" Sasuke said.  
"You're scared of girls?" Tenten asked.

"WHO FING CARES?" Sasuke yelled.

"There is only one way to figure out the reason behind Neji's strange behaviour" Tenten said.

She started shaking Neji rapidly and yelled "NEJI HYUGA WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?"

"It's not okay to shake!" Neji said. (Neji's own version of "It's not okay to hit")

"We're not going to get a decent answer out of him. Let's take him to a doctor" Tenten said.

"Let's take Miss.Ecofreak to a doctor too and have her put to sleep, she's the cause of all this" Daxter said.

Tenten turned to Neji who was now eating mud.

"Neji, we're going to a pet shop, want to come?" Tenten asked.

"Are you going to give me a hamster?" Neji asked.

"Err… sure" Tenten said.

"WHOHO! I want a puppy! No, a kitty! Oh waitwaitwait, a catdog!" Neji said sounding like a little kid.

Tenten put Neji on Lee's bike, (she had to carry him) since Lee thought this might be good training to ride through the country with a crazy team member on his bike besides none of them were old enough to drive except Daxter who was too short and couldn't reach the pedals.

There were no doctors in Konoha that could help them with their problem because they had all went to Sunagakure where there was a large Elton John-concert and the doctors in Konoha all loved Elton John except one who preferred Phil Collins but was getting lonely without the others, so they went back to Haven City to let Samos have a look at him, because Samos is such a smart person and knows a lot about green eco which has healing powers and…** (Notices reader's angry face)** okay I'll stop.

"So you're saying your usually serious team-mate is now dancing around people singing teasing-songs?" Samos asked. "Can you show me?"

"Aw! Do we have to? It's so annoying!" Lee said.

"Wow! Dogbrow is annoyed? That one's new" Naruto said, he and Sasuke had tagged along since Sasuke wanted to know why Neji was acting strange and Naruto was still tied to the same log. They had both been riding on Lee's bike along with Neji, Tenten, Daxter and Lee, plus Daxter's new pet elephant, Elvis, who was a grey African elephant with a blue ribbon on his tail… **(Monty Python-crew: GET ON WITH IT)** okay, so now Lee was quite tired.

"Come on Neji; show Samos how strange you're acting" Tenten said.  
"Where's my baby rabbit?" Neji asked.

"You're going to get a rabbit afterwards, just show Samos your dance" Tenten said.

So Neji started dancing around Samos singing "I don't know what to say since I've used up all my ideas! I don't know what to say since I've used up all my ideas!"

"He sure is strange. How come he has completely white eyes and can still see?" Samos asked.

"Even I can figure that one out" Jak said. "Neji has lost it".

"We can see that but where did he lose it? Maybe we can find it again and give it back to him so he'll act normal again" Tenten said.

"When did he first sing that song?" Samos asked.

"He started singing that Sasuke was scared of girls right after Daxter did" Naruto said.

"You're scared of girls?" Jak said as Sasuke glared at Naruto. "How stupid is that? Being scared of someone who loves you?"

Suddenly Torn entered the room.

"Hey Samos! Have you seen… there you are Jak!" Torn said.

Jak responded by jumping out of the window.

"Naruto? Have I ever told you how much I hate you?" Sasuke asked.

"Not as I can remember but if it's half as much as I hate Sakura it must be… not much" Naruto said. **(Heh, Naruto loves Sakura)**

"You know, I don't really know Neji so I can't tell whether he's acting strange or not" Samos said. "Perhaps you should ask someone in his family?"

"Good idea grandpa green!" Daxter said as Samos glared at him. "LOOK! NARUTO HAS BEEN TIED UP TO A LOG!"

Suddenly Neji's cousin Hinata entered the room.

"Oh my precursor! She has white eyes too!" Samos said, stating the obvious.  
"Where's Naruto-kun? Is he hurt?" she asked.

"No. I lied" Daxter said.  
"He did not! I am indeed tied to a log and I've been here for the entire chapter! Get me down from here!" Naruto yelled.

"Poor dear" Hinata said and untied him.

"Hey Hinata. We think your cousin has lost it, can you have a look at him?" Tenten asked.

Hinata stared at Neji for a moment. Neji stared back.

As soon as Hinata blinked Neji yelled "I WON!"

"Oh. He's been like this before" Hinata said. "When he was three".

"Two and a half years and five months!" Neji commented.

"Well that was reassuring" Tenten said sounding very annoyed. "Isn't there any way to cure him? I wouldn't like to be known as the girl who is at the same team as a thirteen year old baby".

"Only people under two are babies!" Neji commented.

"Oh, don't worry, he became more mature when he was six years old" Hinata said.

"Five and three quarters!" Neji said. "Plus four days, two hours and sixty-three minutes".

"So we are just going to wait until he gets sixteen is that so?" Tenten asked.

"Seventeen!" Neji said.

"Or we can hit him in the head and see if that makes him any better" Hinata suggested.

"Please don't" Neji said.

"Good idea Hinata. SHIKAMARU!" Tenten yelled.

Shikamaru came in with a sandwich in his hand.

"What is it now? Why is Neji acting so troublesome?" he asked.

"Let me borrow this" Tenten said and grabbed the sandwich hitting Neji in the head with it.

Neji fainted.

"Did it work?" Sasuke asked. "The log is facing the wrong direction. Hinata, get me down!"

Hinata untied Sasuke because she was so good at untying people from logs **(I bet she's the one who untied Naruto in Volume 2)**, so Sasuke could see if the plan was working.

"Maybe he died" Shikamaru said and took a large bite of the now hairy sandwich.

"Sure don't hope so. How can we be a three-man-cell with only two people?" Tenten asked.

"We've never been a three-man-cell, we've been a two-man-and-one-woman-cell" Lee asked.

The end

**Zakura: MISS ECOFREAK!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: got you! That was only the end of this chapter. It was getting long and non-Jak-and-Daxter-related (which is why I made them go to Haven City, it was getting to much Naruto). I'll write more of this to let you all figure out whether Neji got back to normal or not. In the meanwhile please review.**


	25. Lost In The Mall

**Miss.Ecofreak: you know, I'm seriously thinking of moving this fanfic, it's so random adn full of other stuff that maybe it would fit better on the crossovers-page?**

**Zakura: nah, why?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: since it's random and full of Naruto.**

**Zakura: good point. **

**Miss.Ecofreak: and now: here's the exiting continuation of Chapter 24, Chapter 26!**

**Zakura: yeah right.**

**CHAPTER 25**

**LOST IN THE MALL (SQUEAK)**

"What's up in Samos' house?" Cornelius asked when Jak entered his house, careful not to step on all the mice.

"You know that Naruto-character with white eyes who is not Hinata but Neji?"

Jak asked.

"No, who's that?" Cornelius asked.

"Never mind. He's lost it and starts' dancing around people singing highly annoying songs, even Lee is mad at him" Jak said. "And Sasuke is scared of girls".

"He he, what a sissy" Cornelius said. "Keira! Stop chewing at the wires!"

He was too late, Keira the mice (nr 23102B) bit over the wire and died of the electric shock.

"Aw well. She always had been a crazy lagomorph" Cornelius muttered.

"We are rodents!" Keira the 23102A said.

Let's get back to Samos' house and see if Hinata's plan to restore her cousin's maturity had worked.

"Hinata's plan didn't work! Hinata's plan didn't work!" Neji sang as he was dancing around a very annoyed Hinata who was holding a large baseball-bat she was trying to hit him with.

Apparently Hinata's plan didn't work and she was unable to hit the dancing maniac with the bat.

"Well that was a complete failure. Now what?" Tenten asked.

"Hinata's plan didn't work! Hinata's plan didn't work!"

"You could change team, then you won't have to be on his team" Samos said.

"Hinata's plan didn't work! Hinata's plan didn't work!"

"Great idea old man! We'll throw out Neji and take in Daxter instead" Tenten said and placed a headband with the mark of Konoha on Daxter's head

. "Hinata's plan didn't work! Hinata's plan didn't… HEY WAIT A SECOND!"

"Whoho! I'm a ninja!" Daxter said.

"Don't you like me anymore Ten-chan?" Neji asked.

"No. You can be on Hinata's team" Tenten said.

"WHAT? But we already have three people!" Hinata said. "Plus a dog and twenty billion bugs".

"You should be glad, now you've got a spare member, in case you, Kiba, Shino, the dog or one of the twenty billion bugs should fall sick one day" Tenten said and walked out with Daxter and Lee.

"Kiba, Shino, Akamaru, Jimmy, Harry, George, Shino JR. Jimmy Jr, Charlie..." ("No need to say the names of all of Shino's bugs" Samos said) "…are not going to be happy" Hinata sighed.

Later at the mall, Keira was shopping for new zoomer-parts because Jak had crashed every single zoomer she built, as Neji came running in, knocking every single thing over.

"What in Mar's name was that?" Keira wondered.

"I wanna knock things over!" Neji cheered.

"Anyone said my name?" Jak asked.

"I wanna kill Kenny!" Neji cheered.

"Neji! Where are you? I only promised to get you a unicorn if you behaved yourself!" Hinata yelled after her immature cousin.

"I wanna go to the movies!" Neji cheered.

"What's gotten into him?" Keira asked.

"I wanna play tag with Orochimaru, Darth Vader and Cyber Errol!" Neji cheered.

"He's lost it. And we can't seem to figure out why so Lee and Tenten dumped him with me and ran of with Daxter" Hinata explained. "Besides, he just drank ten litres of coffee".

"I want a Shonen Jump-magazine!" Neji cheered.

"Can he read?" Jak asked.

"I wanna steal Shikamaru's lines! Troublesome!" Neji cheered.  
"I don't really know. He should be able to read seeing he is a year older than me and I can read but then again he acts like a baby and I act like I'm 16" Hinata said.

"I wanna have a party!" Neji cheered.

"Stop pretending to be more mature than you are, you're only 12" Jak said to Hinata.

"Hinata thinks I'm acting like a baby! Hinata thinks I'm acting like a baby!" Neji sang and danced around Jak, Keira and Hinata.

"Great, he's started again" Hinata sighed.

"I have started again! I ha…"

"KNOCK IT OF OR I'LL GO GET LEE'S PEACEMAKER!" Hinata yelled.

Neji screamed and ran into another shop.

"Oh great! What am I going to do now?" Hinata asked.

"Lee has a peacemaker?" Jak asked.

"You could run and hope he doesn't follow you" Keira suggested.

"Seriously, Lee, the tai-jutsu expert has a peacemaker?" Jak asked.

"Great idea!" Hinata said and ran away, leaving Neji lost and alone in the mall.

"Wow! Candy!"

He didn't mind.

"DOES LEE SERIOUSLY HAVE A PEACEMAKER?" Jak yelled.

"YES HE HAS, SO STOP YELLING!" Neji yelled.

But soon, after five hours had passed, all the lights went of and Jak had accepted the fact that Lee had a modernised gun and went home to crash more zoomers, Neji figured it might be time to go home.

But how was he supposed to get there? All the doors were locked and Hinata was nowhere to be seen.  
"Er… Hinata? Are you there?" he asked.

"No"

"Squeak"

"Are you sure you're not there?" Neji said.

"Yes"

"Squeak"

"Am I all alone at the mall?" Neji asked.

"Yes"

"Squeak"

"Oh no. Hinata's left me!" Neji cried, but as he was sulking next to the candy store, a tiny piece of the old Neji started surfacing.

_If I'm all alone_, he thought, _who said that?_

He looked around to see if he saw someone, but there was no one there.

"Anybody there?" he asked.

"No"

"Squeak damn it!"

"Yes there is, I can hear your voice" Neji said.

"No you can't"

"Squeeeeeeaaaaaak"

Neji was getting annoyed, so was the guinea pig.

"Come out here!" He yelled.

No answer, only squeak.

"Am I alone again?" Neji asked.

"Yes"

"I said squeak!"

"You can't fool me! I can see everything with my byugan!"

Neji's white eyes suddenly changed so he could se everything, even through walls and stuff.

He couldn't see anyone though, except the animals at the pet shop and they were all asleep, except one rabbit and a guinea pig which the rabbit was sitting on.

"I think I've broken my back here! Squeak!" the guinea pig said.

That made the little kid curious.  
"Hey! I might act like a childish kid but I am thirteen" Neji said to the author.

He went into the pet shop and picked Zakura out of the rabbit-cage.  
"I suppose you think that was terribly funny" he said with a deep voice, he had even put on grey robes and a long fake beard **(now it's up to you to guess what movie that quote is from).**

"Thank you so much, squeak, I'm forever grateful to you" the guinea pig said.

"You should have seen the look on your face" Zakura laughed. "And when you started crying, priceless!"

Neji got mad and threw Zakura into the fox-cage.

"Hold on! I didn't mean it that way! It was a joke! Why on earth do they sell foxes at a pet shop anyway? NEJI!" Zakura cried as five hungry fox cubs leaped at her.

Neji started his still-annoying new hobby of dancing around the cage singing; "You are being eaten! You are being eaten!"

The guinea pig joined in the song, he was happy to have Zakura of his back.

Soon Neji got sick of seeing the fox cubs playing with Zakura and walked away.

As soon as he did that however, Fluffy the killer hawk came down through the roof and snatched Zakura out of the cute little foxes' paws.

**Zakura: kawaii? KAWAII YOU SAY?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: no, I said cue**

**Zakura: IT'S THE SAME THING!**

But Neji still had the problem of being locked into a mall with no one to talk to.

He started regretting leaving Zakura behind, when she was there at least he had someone to dance around and sing stupid songs to.

"Wahoo! Manga!"

Okay, so maybe he didn't have a problem.

**Miss.Ecofreak: and that was that chapter…**

**Zakura: FOXES ARE DEFINITELY NOT KAWAII (cute)!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: aw, but you got to admit that that red fur of theirs is pretty**

**Zakura: THEY ARE NOT PRETTY! THE ONLY PRETTY KITSUNE (fox) IS A DEAD FOX (kitsune…er)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: relax rabbit**

**Zakura: I DON'T WANT TO!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Oh geez. I make one joke on her behalf and she freaks out completely**

**Zakura: I AM NOT FREAKING OUT! (Pulls out all her fur)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: please review and give your opinon weather I should move the fic (Don't worry, I'll let you know before I move it, soyou won't be surprisedif it's suddenly missing from the Jak and Daxter-section and know where to find it)And pet this cute fox (pulls out Kyuubi, a nine tailed demon fox)**

**Zakura: AAAARGHHH! (Runs away screaming)**


	26. Back On The Team

**Miss.Ecofreak: I'll start todays author's note with a small note, one of these days I want to move the enite fic from Jak and Daxter over to crossovers, soJak won't have to complain about Naruto and Luke Skywalker being in a Jak and Daxter-fic**

**Jak: wahoo!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: So if you for some reason can't find Dork Period on Jak and Daxter anymore, go back to the opening page and click Mics-crossovers or basicly look at my profile.**

**Zakura: I want to say something now! I noticed one of the reviewers (hi Thee Slushee) and every character in this fic couldn't remember what species Fluffy is, he's whatever you want him to be. But originally he was a syrian hamster**

**Fluffy the Killer whatever-you-want-him-to-be: a magical hamster!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: and Neji's comment to Zakura in last chapter was exactly the same thing Gandalf said to Bilbo in Lord of The Rings Fellowship of the ring. Something both today's reviewers got rigth, congratulations, as a price you'll get a new chapter.**

**CHAPTER 26**

**BACK ON THE TEAM**

The next day Jak was walking happily through the streets of Mos Eisley, trying to ignore the fact that it was a lot of Star Wars props around (well duh, he's in a Star Wars world)

Suddenly he was run over by Lee and Tenten.

"What was that for? And how did you get to Tatooine anyway?" Jak asked.

"Sorry Jak, we didn't see you. We're just fleeing since we just realised Daxter is an idiot" Tenten said.

"He's trying to steal Sakura away" Lee muttered.

"Sakura likes Sasuke anyway so that doesn't matter" Tenten reminded him.

"You honestly didn't notice Daxter was an idiot before now? Wow, you guys really are idiots" Jak said.

Tenten and Lee glared at him, and then they ran over him once more for revenge.

"How troublesome" Jak said.

"That is MY line! Stop stealing it!" Shikamaru yelled at Jak, he entered the scene holding Neji by his ear since he stole the "troublesome"-line last chapter.

"You're such an egoist" Neji said.

"You said it baby" Jak said.  
"For the love of my teddy bear, I am not a baby! I'm thirteen!" Neji cried. "Stop saying I'm a baby or I'll cry".

Suddenly Tenten and Lee returned.

"Neji! I thought I heard your crying! I'm so glad we found you!" Tenten said and hugged Neji.

"What happened just now?" Neji asked confused.

"We just realised Daxter is an even bigger idiot than you, so we've decided we would rather want you on the team than him" Tenten said.

"You didn't realise that before now? Wow, you guys really are idiots" Neji said.

"Neji. I hate you. But since I would rather want you on the team than Daxter I will not kill you right now" Lee said.  
"Glad to hear. I would probably kill you if we fought anyway" Neji said.

"NO YOU WOULDN'T!" Lee yelled.

"YES I WOULD!" Neji yelled.

"NO YOU WOULDN'T!" Lee yelled.

"YES I WOULD!" Neji yelled.

"NO YOU WOULDN'T!" Lee yelled.

"YES I WOULD!" Neji yelled.

"I'm so glad we found you Neji" Tenten repeated, she was still hugging Neji and by doing so, she unknowingly prevented him from killing Lee. Lee was unable to get to Neji too, since he was caught up in his homework **(huh?)**

"NO YOU WOULDN'T!" Lee yelled.

"YES I WOULD!" Neji yelled.

This was the moment Daxter chose to appear (or more likely the moment I chose for Daxter to appear).

"Tenten, Lee, there you are… GASP! You've found another!" Daxter yelled.

"No, it's just the same as before. Sorry Dax, you're fired" Tenten said.

"NO YOU WOULDN'T!" Lee yelled.

"YES I WOULD!" Neji yelled.

"Shut the hell up both of you!" Neji and Lee's teacher Gai said and punched all of his students (Tenten too, for no apparent reason)

"But I would kill him right?" Neji asked.

"Probably not. You would both die trying because I would kill you both for being extremely annoying" Jak said.

"Wahoo! I lost a tooth! Now the tooth-fairy is going to give me ten thousand dollars!" Neji cheered.

"You get ten thousand dollars from the tooth-fairy?" Lee asked in surprise.

"No. But I can dream right?" Neji asked.

"What do you need dollars for anyway? You're Japanese and we use yen" Tenten said.

"I wanted to go to Harvard in USA okay? That's what I need the dollars for, maybe I can find a shop that sells a bunch of manga I can't get in Japan" Neji said.

"Manga is Japanese! If you can't find it in Japan you can't find it anywhere!" Tenten yelled.

"How do you know? Have you ever been to Harvard?" Neji asked.

"I give up, Hinata, why didn't you lock him up somewhere?" Tenten asked Hinata who just happened to be there.

"I thought I did, maybe the guy at the pet shop was right and a habitrail-hamster cage isn't enough to keep a thirteen-year old" Hinata said.

"Of course not, they can't even take being cut in half with a light sabre, Anakin did that in chapter 7" Jak said.

"Oh, so that's why Fluffy is running wild, Anakin sliced his cage apart" Tenten said.

"I thought Fluffy was a killer whale?" Neji asked.

"No no, he's a gerbil" Gai said.

"Wasn't he a sheep?" Lee asked.

"Nah, I always thought he was a transformer" Daxter said.

"Whatever, he looks quite a lot like a regular Syrian hamster to me" Jak said.  
"He looks more like a Chinese hamster" Daxter said.

"So what? That cage Anakin sliced in half could easily fit all species above" Jak said.

"A killer whale in a habitrail-cage?" Neji said confused. "But when I tried that the HAFLG came and took the whale away and stuffed ten mice into the cage instead".

"You poor kid" Jak said.  
"I AM NO KID! I only act like one" Neji complained.

"You are still under 18" Jak said.

"BUT I'M NO KID! I'M A TEENAGER! LOOK AT MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE!" Neji said and pulled out the certificate he had in his pocket.

Jak looked at it. "It says here you were born in 2002" he said.

"What? It doesn't say that!" Neji said and looked at the certificate, it said 1992. **(Miss.Eco: No, I have no proof that he was born that exact year, I just picked one and since he is 13 years old in this fic he was born in 1992. Zakura: makes sense, surprisingly enough)**

"It says here I was born in 1992, that's thirteen years ago!" Neji said.

"Nope. It definitely says 2002" Jak said.

"IT DOES NOT SAY 2002! IT SAYS 1992!" Neji screamed.

"Actually, it looks quite a lot like it says 2002" Tenten says.

"Now you're doing this just to annoy me right?" Neji asked.

"Jak, Tenten, you can easily see that doesn't say 2002" Lee said.

"Wow, thanks Lee. Maybe I won't kill you after all" Neji said.

"It says 2005" Lee said.

"OKAY I'LL KILL YOU!" Neji said and attacked Lee.

"Wow. ANNOYING NINJA-FIGHT!" Jak yelled and all the other characters who has ever appeared in this fic, Dork2, Dork3 and Pokemon the movie appeared with popcorn.

"This sure is fun watching someone else fight for a change" Sasuke said.

"You're right little brother, more popcorn?" Itachi asked.

"Why is it that Lee has such big eyebrows and Neji has white eyes?" Errol asked.

"Why is it that you have half your body switched out with metal?" Cornelius asked. "You look completely ridiculous.

Errol glared at his little brother, and then attacked him.

Neji and Lee quickly stopped fighting and stared at them.

"PSYCHOPATHIC ELF-FIGHT!" Neji yelled and all the characters who were present turned around to look at the brothers.

"What are they fighting for?" Mewtwo asked. "There's no reason to fight each other all the time, that's just tragic!"

Mew threw an empty popcorn-box on his clone.

"Shut up, I'm trying to watch" he said on his strange meowing-language.

**Zakura: Mew and Mewtwo has switched brains**

**Miss.Ecofreak: so now we've got Pokemon too, this fic is asking for a move. Please review:)**


	27. Fighting is a bad Idea

**Miss.Ecofreak: and here we are! A short note to Thee Slushee before we start; I don't keep track of the chapters in my head, I just look back at the previous chapters and see what I wrote there.**

**Zakura: Now it's time to learn that Fighting is a bad idea.**

**CHAPTER 27**

**FIGHTING IS A BAD IDEA**

Later that day, back at the Naughty Ottsel, Tess was cleaning the counter as Jak ran in trough the wall.

"Have they stopped fighting yet?" Tess asked.

"Yes… or no, Neji and Lee stopped fighting and Cornelius and Errol eventually injured themselves to badly to continue, and then Naruto got his ass kicked by Daxter and Sasuke fainted as Sakura was about to give him a good-luck-kiss before he fought Itachi but now Torn and Veger are fighting" Jak explained.  
"Why?" Tess asked.

"Because they have different opinions about who's the best ninja of Nintendo and Playstation" Jak said.

"But those aren't ninjas, those are game consoles" Tess said.

"I know, but Torn and Veger doesn't" Jak said.

Just then, Naruto came in with Sasuke in his backpack.

"Hi Tess, can Sasuke borrow your bed while he's still unconscious?" he asked. "Sakura is the one asking, but she's busy yelling at Itachi for knocking him out."  
"I thought he fainted of his own" Jak said.

"Sure, but Sakura just don't want to believe that" Naruto explained. "What happened to the wall?"

Before Tess got to answer Itachi came in through the large hole in the wall on a wheel-chair.

"What now? Did Sakura hit you that hard?" Naruto asked.

"No, but isn't this a neat wheel-chair?" Itachi asked. "I stole it from some poor guy".

"That wheel chair looks like its been through war" Sasuke (who had just woken up but was still in Naruto's back pack) said.

"Hey! How did you know it belonged to a soldier?" Itachi asked.

"Well, the name tag was a clue" Sasuke said and pointed at the large name-tag which said "If found, give this wheel-chair to a soldier".

Just then the soldier owning the wheel chair came in (he was walking and didn't look at all injured).

He threw Itachi out of the chair and said "mine!" before he left without the wheel chair.

"That was the strangest thing I've ever seen" Jak said.

"Huh? Where have you been during this fanfic?" Tess asked.

Back at the fighting-scene, Veger had finally defeated his enemy.

How you might ask, he's just an ottsel, but hey! He's also a precursor!

"Ha ha! No one can defeat me! This means Nintendo is the best ninja ever!" he said.

"As if that settles anything" Mewtwo muttered.

"Do you doubt my powers kitty cat?" Veger asked before he was hit by a large energy bolt.

"Of course not. I can never defeat a guy like you" Mewtwo said lazily as he looked at the defeated ottsel on the ground.

"Bad kitty" Veger moaned.

That's when Two and Three arrived at the scene.

"This is horrible! This cat is obviously being used in cat-fighting!" Two said.

"Pokemon. Not cat" Mewtwo said.

"That's so horrible when people raise their cats to be this aggressive, we have to take it away from its owner immediately" Three said.

"I don't have an owner. I hate humans" Mewtwo said.

"Of course you do, look at what they've done to you" Two said.

"THEY DIDN'T MAKE ME THIS WAY… oh wait a second, they did" Mewtwo said and the two HAFLG-agents took the "cat" away and prosecuted the owner for animal cruelty.

But since Mewtwo as earlier had said, he had no owner so once again Mewtwo was put in jail for abusing himself, Mew too, for assisting a wanted criminal and Ash for using his animals in fights, all his Pokemon were put up for adoption but Charizard proved to be to aggressive and was humanely put to death (meaning: they drowned him in acid).

"Well, at least I wasn't put away this time" Veger said.

"Oh yes you are! You are under arrest for beating this poor monkey senseless" Three said.

"Monkey? That's an elf!" Veger said before he too was dragged away for beating Torn senseless, Torn himself was taken to a vet and later put up for adoption and stayed in HAFLG's kennel until Ashelin found him and adopted him since she always wanted a talking monkey (Torn was screaming throughout this entire happening).

"Sure hope Miss.Ecofreak doesn't come by the kennel right now, knowing her she would probably adopt all Ash's Pokemon and use them against us" Ashelin said.

Everyone else glared at her.

"Well thank you Ashelin for giving her that idea!" Keira said before he was attacked from behind by Pikachu.

And so everyone started fighting everyone else and everyone sustained heavy injuries.

And so everyone was back at the hospital while everyone else was put in jail for beating up everyone.

In the hospital, Shikamaru finally got himself a new sandwich, and boy was he happy.

"Hm. This sandwich tastes different from the last one" he said.

"Don't even think about it" Neji growled, he was once again covered in bandages and his only bandage-free area was his eyes who were now glaring at Shikamaru.

"I've got this strange feeling of Déjà vu" Jak said.

Shikamaru looked at him for a moment, then, to Neji's pleasure, he hit Jak in the head with his sandwich.

"Nope. Something's changed" Shikamaru said as he was eating the sandwich which was now even hairier than the earlier ones.

"You _Ouch _got hit_ Ouch_ in the head with a sandwich and_ Ouch_ not me!_ Ouch_ You got hit in the head wit_ Ouch_ h a sandwich and_ Ouch_ not me!" Neji sang as he danced around Jak whining in pain for each step he took.

"Something has changed alright" Jak sighed.

Suddenly Torn ran in the door, or actually he drove in on his wheelchair.

"Hi Torn. Wazzup?" Jak asked, completely forgetting how scared he was of Torn.

"I am hiding from the doctors and vets, they say monkeys aren't allowed in the hospital and I have to go to an animal clinic" Torn said. "And also some guys from a chimp refuge have appeared to take me away from Ashelin since chimps aren't supposed to be pets".

"Isn't that a good thing? You don't even like being a pet" Jak said.

"Sure. But if they catch me they are going to put me in a zoo or release me into the jungle, so I prefer Ashelin" Torn said.

"Whoopee! I found a chimp! Can I keep him?" Neji asked Jak, who looked at the ninja with a puzzled expression.

"Why are you asking me?" he asked.

"Because my parents aren't here. Now can I keep him Jak? Can I can I can I can I can I?" Neji asked.

"Sure you can. If you remember to feed him, change his diapers, give him lots of exercise and pay his vet bills in case he falls sick" Jak said.

"Yes! We're going to have so much fun mr. chimp! I'm gonna take you home and call you Charlie!" Neji said happily.

"WHAT? Jak! You traitor!" Torn said and drove back out of the room.

"Finally he's gone" Jak said.

"But I wanted a chiiiiiiiiiiimp!" Neji cried.

"You're in danger of loosing you team again cry-baby" Tenten said. "Chimps are an endangered species and shouldn't be kept as pets".

"Who cares as long as I can have one?" Neji asked. "And you can't throw me out, that means you'll have to reinstate Daxter again".

"Damn! He's right" Tenten said.

"I feel so unwanted" Daxter said.

"Why are we all in the same room? This is getting very crowded" Samos said.

"Hey rat-boy! How' bout we create our own ninja-team? You and Jak and one third person, and then I can teach you all of my great ninjutsu!" Pecker said.

"Like placing microphones on dummies and hitting people with groceries?" Tenten asked. "I quiver with fear".

"No, I was thinking more like throwing pies at folks and dress up like chickens in order to save the suffering broilers (fat hens), but maybe I'll teach them that too" Pecker said.

"That's a great idea bird-brain! ("Stop calling me bird-brain!" Pecker muttered) we could be the first ninjas of the village hidden in… er… sand!" Daxter said.

"There already is such a village" Temari said.

"Then we could be… hidden in grass!" Daxter said.

"Already taken" Gaara said.

"How about hiding in… mist!" Daxter said."  
"That's my home-town!" Zabusa said (**Yes, he's at the hospital too)**

"Well… then we can be the city hiding in dirt!" Daxter said.

"Dirt? That's stupid!" Jak said.

"It's either that or the Town hidden in puke and you certainly wouldn't want that" Daxter said.

"Good point. Dirt it is then" Jak said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: will Daxter be able to become a great ninja? And will Jak learn something or just eat his desk?**

**Zakura: eat his desk?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: stay online for the next chapter of Dork Period!**

**Zakura: or if you don't have broadband you better log of and log on later to see if it has been uptated, there's no reason to just stay here and wait. Please review**

**Miss.Ecofreak: that's my line!**

**Fluffy the Killer ninja: when do I get to say it?**


	28. The Ninjas of the City Hidden in dirt

**Miss.Ecofreak: I like pie**

**Zakura: huh?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: but enough of that. Now let's see if Jak and Daxter make it as ninjas**

**Zakura: pie?**

**CHAPTER 28**

**THE NINJAS OF THE CITY HIDDEN IN DIRT**

After three weeks everyone and everyone else were finally out of the hospital and Pecker was at the newly built ninja academy in Haven City (aka: the city hidden in dirt) which were earlier the Haven City Animal Refuge ("How could they?" Two screamed) training his three recruits.

"Let me just check out if everyone's here. Jak?" Pecker said.

"Here"

"Then make your evil alter ego stop breaking the desk, that one's expensive" Pecker said and Dark Jak stopped chewing on the desk. "Daxter?" Pecker continued down the short list.

"I don't see why we need you as a teacher but yes" Daxter said.

"It's because I'm the only moncaw in Haven City with ninja-education! (As far as I know I'm the only moncaw in Haven City but that's not important) Bertha?" Pecker said.

"I am not Bertha and I don't want to be a ninja! Why am I here?" Veger asked.

"Because we needed a three-man-cell. Now first of all we're going to learn how to make it seem like you pull your thumb of" Pecker said.  
"Isn't that just a fake magic trick?" Daxter asked.

"Yes, but sometimes the easies solutions are the best. DARK JAK LEAVE THAT DESK ALONE! Now everyone look at me… oh crap. I don't have thumbs" Pecker said.

"This is starting great" Veger muttered.

"When do we get cool headbands?" Daxter asked.

"As soon as you've taken your first exam and DARK JAK STOPS CHEWING AT THE DESKS!" Pecker yelled. "In this rate he's going to eat his own desk and fail and we won't have a three-man cell".

"We won't anyway. We'll have a two ottsel and a dark ecofreak-cell" Veger said.

"Who're you calling dark ecofreak? Sure it's not me you're talking about?" Daxter asked.

"No. I was talking to the moron who doesn't have a desk" Veger said.  
"Damn it. I knew this would happen. Dark Jak, you're expelled" Pecker said.

Dark Jak changed back to his less violent alter ego.

"Am I expelled too?" he asked.

"Yes you are. We don't have enough desks! Now get out all three of you!" Pecker said.

Veger and Daxter looked at him in surprise.

"I meant Jak and his two alter egos, you two can stay" Pecker said.

Jak groaned and left.

"How are we going to make a three-man cell now with only two ottsels and two desks?" Daxter asked.  
"I'll think of something. Class dismissed, tomorrow I'll introduce you to your new classmate" Pecker said.

The next day, Pecker started his down his class-list to check everyone was present today.

"Daxter?"

"Here!"

"Keira?"

"FINALLY I'M NOT BEING IGNORED!"

"Is Keira here?"  
"Er… yes. I'm here sensei" Keira said, slightly embarrassed over her embarrassing outburst.

"Mickey?"

…

"Chuck's not here?" Pecker asked.

"If you mean that other ottsel, count Ronald he didn't want to come because he had no intention of ever becoming a ninja" Daxter said.

"Oh crap. Now we'll have to find a new ninja again" Pecker said.

The next day three hopeful students were sitting on two desks, (Daxter and Keira had to share desk since Dark Jak had eaten the third one).

"Okay, I'm going to call your names and all of you just say "here" when I say your names, not bursting out in joy for finally being recognised" Pecker said.

Keira sank behind her and Daxter's chair.

"Daxter?"  
"Here"  
"Keira?"

"Certainly here"

"Mortimer? Oh yeah, he quit. Torn?"  
"Will we learn how to not make people mistake us for monkeys on this school?" Torn asked.

"Er… no" Pecker said. "And chimpanzees are not monkeys, they're apes."

"Oh damn it!" Torn said and left. "And I hoped they were monkeys".

"IS THERE ANYONE IN THIS FREAKING CITY WHO IS INTERESTED IN LEARNING THE SECRET ART OF NINJUTSU?" Pecker yelled. "Class dismissed".

The next day, three people were sharing the same desk.

"Hey! What happened to that other desk?" Pecker asked.

"It has some ape-drool on it" Daxter said.

"And that's gross" Keira said.

"I see… Well, get ready for the… fourth day of ninja-school were we haven't yet learned a single thing. So, is Daxter here?" Pecker asked.

"You bet your tail I am" Daxter said.

"Keira?"

"Ever present sensei"

"Anonymous?"

"Here"

"Okay, three things first. Daxter, you're supposed to say "here". Keira, stop talking Japanese, you know it makes my head hurt. Jak, although you signed in as "anonymous" we all know it's you. Get out" Pecker said.

Jak groaned and walked out.

"Suimasen sensei" Keira said.

"OUT" Pecker yelled.

"Now we're a one-man-cell" Daxter said.

"I know! Just get home and I'll find some more students tomorrow" Pecker said.

The fifth day, a new team had assembled in the academy and right now they were all sitting on the floor.

"Where is all the furniture?" Pecker asked.

"Jak ate it" Daxter said. **(So he eats more than just people's clothes (see Dork3))**  
"At least he didn't eat my class list. Daxter?"

"Here"

"Ashelin?"  
"Here"  
"The farmer from TPL?"  
"Where are them yaccows you promised me?" the farmer from TPL asked.

"You'll get them after the exam, now that we're finally a three man cell where no one's speaking Japanese or eating up the furniture we can start learning the fine art of ninjutsu" Pecker said.

"What fine arts are we learning today birdbrain? Kage Bunshin no jutsu? Henge no jutsu? Find My Lost Keys no jutsu?" Daxter asked.

"No. We're going to learn how to knock people in the head with a carrot" Pecker said. "Here's a carrot for each of you, use it to hit the person next to you"

Daxter looked at his carrot.

"This is a freak-carrot" he said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Pecker asked.

"It's yellow and curved and has no leaves" Daxter said.

"Sorry! That's mine!" Zakura said and grabbed the banana, leaving a new carrot for Daxter behind.

Torn popped his head in.

"She's an ape too?" he asked.

"No, just a rabbit with a strange liking for bananas, new plan! Go beat up Zakura with the carrots!" Pecker said.

The students cheered and ran after Zakura, who screamed and threw away her banana before jumping out of the window.

The two ninjas-in-training followed the insane rabbit all the way to the port (the farmer got tired and fell asleep).

As she got to the port, Zakura pushed herself down to the ground (in the middle of the road) and stayed completely still.

Daxter and Ashelin arrived ten seconds later.

"Where did she go?" Daxter asked.

"I don't know. Damn her camouflage colours" Ashelin said.

Daxter thought over this for a moment.

"But… her fur is orange and the road here is metallic-grey" he said.

"Details, its perfect fur for hiding in the grass" Ashelin said.

"There is no grass here!" Daxter said.

"Forget it, we must find that rabbit!" Ashelin said and stepped on Zakura, who was still on the ground next to them, before running into the Naughty Ottsel to grab a beer.

"Roar"

Beer, not bear.

**Miss.Ecofreak: so once again, they completely forget about their mission and goes to a bar. Man these guys are stupid!**

**Zakura: well of course they are! You made them this way!**


	29. Daxter in Trouble

**Miss.Ecofreak: Good morning/day/evening/night/whatever.Thank you for all the nice reviews, I love to get reviews**

**Zakura: even if it says your fanfic sucks?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: no. But I would like to show you this chapter now so I can get even MORE reviews**

**Zakura: and more fun for me.**

**CHAPTER 29**

**DAXTER IN TROUBLE**

"Skipping class?" Tess asked as she poured drinks to Daxter, Ashelin and the farmer from TPL.

"No. just taking a break" Daxter said. "Who would know a rabbit could be that hard to find?"

"Well, there must be a reason why they've become so successful, they need to avoid predators or they'll get extinct" Tess said, and dreamed about a world where rabbits were extinct, sounded like Heaven.

Outside the Naughty Ottsel, Zakura was still pressing herself to the ground with several footprints on her back.

"Duh, they're gone now" Fluffy said to her. "Why don't you get up?"

"Because my spine hurts like CRAP right now, how does wild rabbits avoid being stepped on?" Zakura asked.

"Er… I think they run, or they don't lie down in the middle of the road like that" Fluffy said.

"Stupid rodent, think he knows everything" Zakura muttered as Fluffy walked into the Naughty Ottsel.

The three ninjas in training had to go back to school without completing their task, something Pecker wasn't very pleased with.

"I give you one simple task! To beat a stupid dwarf rabbit senseless and you can't even find her!" he said.

"Gasp! He talked about beating a poor rabbit senseless!" Two yelled.

"Let's get him!" Three yelled and so they arrested Pecker.

"Great, who's gonna train us now?" Daxter asked.

"Neji?" the farmer from TPL asked.

"Neji's lost it" Daxter said.

"Daxter thinks I've lost it! Daxter thinks I've lost it!" Neji sang as he danced around Daxter before Daxter knocked him out with his carrot.

"Gai?" the farmer from TPL asked.

Daxter thought about the gentle way Gai treated Lee; besides hugging he was hitting Lee very, very hard.

"Rather not" Daxter said.

"Let's just go find someone who feels like training us and who's not a complete idiot" Ashelin said.

"But I never said I didn't want to… HEY!" Neji said.

And so they engulfed on their epic journey to…

"I'll get you for that!"

…prevent Daxter from being beaten senseless by Neji.

Meanwhile in the Naughty ottsel.

"I'm so lonely" Jak said. "First my game boy died **(see Dork 3) **and now my last chance of ever becoming a shinobi is lost forever".

"Don't worry, that was what Errol said too, actually he said his last chance of ever becoming the world's only drunken cyborg and look at him now!" Cornelius said and pointed at Errol who was sitting by the counter, being the only drunken cyborg in the world.

"But Errol wasn't expelled from a being-the-only-drunken-cyborg-in-the-world-school" Jak commented.

"Good point" Cornelius said. "Want a new caps?"  
He presented Jak with a caps saying "I'm feeling miserable. Feel sorry for me".

Jak put the caps on his head and everyone started feeling sorry for him (all except Seem that is).

"This is the most ridiculous idea you've ever had Cornelius" Seem said. "Jak's depression could be life threatening or probably not. Just ignore it".

"Can I have one of those caps? Only make it say "My back hurts. Don't hug me"" Zakura said.

"No. These caps are non-killer-rabbit only" Cornelius said pointing at a sign on his caps-stand (which was still standing inside the bar) which said "Non-killer-rabbits only".

"Specieist!" Zakura said. (**For those who didn't get that, specieist is a combination of the words species and racist, got the idea from Dr Doolittle)**

"I'm no specieist! I just don't like insane pets that run around killing everybody" Cornelius said. "That's me and Jak's job".

"Well, you and Jak can't possibly kill everyone, so that leaves some for me too" Zakura said.

"You're the most violent woodland-critter I've ever met" Cornelius said.

"And you're the most Errol's-little-brother-like character in this entire fic" Zakura said. "And I should know. I'm on good terms with the author (unlike certain others, aka: everyone in the fic)"  
"Hey! I know the author too! She's the one who writes this crap right?" Cornelius asked.

"Stop talking to the enemy" Jak whispered.

"Oh come on Jak, I thought you liked Cornelius" Zakura said.

"I wasn't talking to you big-ear!" Jak said.

"My ears aren't big! They're just big boned! Besides, yours are bigger" Zakura complained.

Jak looked at his ears in the mirror.

"She's right! I look like a freak!" he cried.

"Don't worry Jak. Your ears aren't bigger than any of ours" Kakashi said.

Jak looked at Kakashi's ears.

"Your ears are average size. I'm a freak!" he cried once more.

All the elves in the room looked at him with a confused expression.

All except Seem who completely ignored him as usual.

Suddenly Torn came in.

"Did I hear Jak cry?" he asked.

Suddenly Keira came in (and knocked Torn over).  
"Who cares? Did _I _hear Jak cry?" she asked.

Then Jak's fanclub suddenly came in running over Torn and Keira to comfort Jak.

"Whoa! I've got a fan club!" Jak said and ran away screaming (he still remembered Daxter's fan club).

"Girls!" Sasuke yelled and followed Jak out into Daxter's living room.

Jak, Sasuke and the gambler from TPL hid behind Daxter couch.** (Don't ask me what he's doing there!)**

"Do you think they're gone?" the gambler asked.

Sasuke poked his head out to see.

"They're gone" he said and got up, sitting down in the couch.

"You know. There's one thing I've always wondered" Jak said to Sasuke. "During the last few chapters I've seen you run from Itachi and Gaara's fan club; don't you have any fan clubs of your own?"

"You just had to ask" Sasuke said, as a bunch of girls suddenly fell out of a closet.

"There's Sasuke! He who shut us in this closet before the fic started!" one said.

"He's so kawaii!" another one said.

So as Sasuke ran away screaming from his own fan club, Jak and the gambler decided to check if there was anything good on TV.

They found a channel which showed two people playing hide and seek and here we go again.

And so they sat there for a few days.

Meanwhile somewhere else in town Daxter, Ashelin and the farmer from TPL stood on a street corner with a hat in front of them and a sign saying "Give us someone who can teach us to be ninjas".

For the moment there were only ten cents, a karate-champion, a sumo wrestler and a Japanese math teacher in the hat.

"I don't think this is working" Daxter said. "That is unless that karate-guy is a ninja in disguise which I highly doubt".

The math teacher was currently reading a book called make out paradise, and he was wearing one of Jak and Cornelius' caps, saying "Make peas, not wok" covering his left eye.

The guy obviously liked peas, but not wok.

The karate champion was training sumo wrestling in the hat; he was wearing nothing but a cap saying "behind every big woman, there is the backside of the woman".

The sumo wrestler was covering both his eyes with his eyes since the karate champion was naked for some reason and the wrestler didn't like what he saw. He wore a caps saying "For the love of the precursors take your clothes on".

"Maybe we should just head home" Ashelin said. "Who knows? Maybe there are some ninjas in your bar".

"Yeah right" Daxter said as he walked past Naruto, Sasuke (who was hiding from his fan club behind Naruto), Itachi, Sakura, Neji, Tenten, Shikamaru (eating a sandwich), Chochi (eating a large turkey), Kankuro, Gaara (eating chips), Naruto, Itachi, Gai, Rock Lee, Jak, Zakura, Rock Lee, Naruto wearing a hat, Bowser-san, a misplaced shuriken, Naruto, a school class from the Konoha ninja academy with their teacher, Iruka, Seem, Jak, Naruto and Naruto-kun on his way home.

**Zakura: OCH!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: fun stops when someone gets hurt right Zak? Please review guys, while I go find some painkillers for this rabbit.**


	30. Crazy Jak

**Miss.Ecofreak: I'm back, and so is the star wars-guys.**

**CHAPTER 30**

**CRAZY JAK**

"Ninjas suck. You should much rather try to learn the fine ways of the force instead!" Anakin said to Daxter as he was back at the Naughty Ottsel. "You won't have to worry about being in a tree-man-cell either".

"Did he just say ninjas suck?" Neji asked.

"Why is he wearing such ugly clothes?" Lee asked.

"Why do you ask so many stupid questions?" Tenten asked.

And so the three-man-cell attacked Anakin, and Luke had to talk to Daxter instead.

"Huh?" Luke asked.

Talk now!  
"You can't become jedis, you're too old" Luke explained. "If you start too late you'll end up like him" he said pointing at Anakin.

"Evil?" Daxter asked.

"No. Beaten up by three kids" Luke said.

"Who're you calling kids? We're 13!" Neji complained.

"No, there's only three of you" Luke said.  
"That's not what I meant! I meant we are thirteen years old!" Neji complained.

"You act like you're three" Luke said.

"TWO AND A HALF AND FIVE MONTHS!" Neji yelled.

"No point starting an argument with him Skywalker, he'll just start crying and then I'll have to comfort him again" Tenten said. "Luckily I've figured out how to make him stop acting like a maniac"

And so she pointed Lee's peacemaker at Neji and yelled "NEJI HYUGA! STOP ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT"

Neji responded by running out of the door crying, but he returned five minutes later and acted as if nothing had happened.

"Aw, come on. Let them try" Anakin said from the hospital bed that just happened to be there.

"No. I sense much fear in you" Yoda said to Daxter.

"I'm not afraid" Daxter said.

"You will be" Yoda said.

"Yoda, you're mixing lines again" Luke sighed.

"When 900 years you get, suck your memory will too" Yoda said.

"But Luke started Jedi-training when he was around 20 didn't he?" Daxter asked. "Or was it 16?"

"Yup. But you're 22" Luke said.

"And? That's two years!" Daxter said.  
"Two years or a lifetime. Doesn't matter. You can't train" Luke said stubbornly.

"Hah, we don't have an age limit" Naruto said. "I became ninja when I was twelve"

"I became a ninja when I was 18" Lee said.

"How's that possible? You haven't been 18 yet" Tenten said.

"Did I say 18? Sorry. I meant 81" Lee said.

"That made absolutely no sense" Neji said. "When am I going to get the rat you promised me?"

"Fine, so he's not completely sane yet" Tenten said.

"Is there any way for me to become a hero if I can't become a ninja or a Jedi?" Daxter asked.

"You can become a sith" Darth Sidious suggested.

"You're not heroes, you're bad guys" Daxter said.

"Then you can become fire men" Darth Sidious said.  
"Good idea! Come on Jak! Let's go and become fire men so we can be heroes!" Daxter said and dragged Jak along (their roles have switched).

"But aren't they already heroes after saving the world?" Keira asked.

"This is a strange fanfic" her father said.

Two minutes later a fire truck came by the Naughty Ottsel and a fireman threw Jak and Daxter in the door.

"Are these yours?" he asked all the people in there.  
All the people nodded.

"Well keep them away from us; I have never seen such hopeless firemen ever. And that big guy ate all our furniture" the fireman said and left.

"We could have made it if it hadn't been for your furniture-eating habits" Daxter said.

"No way. We were thrown out only because you thought firemen actually _started_ the fires" Jak said.  
"That's an easy mistake. If they only put the fires out why aren't they called watermen?" Daxter asked.

"Since when did Jak start eating wood? I thought he ate clothes" Samos said.

"But wood taste much better!" Jak said.

"You're nuts" Daxter said.

"I think everyone in this fic is, except me of course" Neji said.

"Sure, you're never acting strange at all" Tenten muttered.

"I am no maniac" Jak said.

"But you look like one" Daxter said.  
"I don't look like one! At least not more than this!" Jak said and suddenly he was transformed into an idiot wearing a tutu and ten seconds later he was back to normal with an innocent look on his face.

Everyone stared at him with a puzzled expression.

"Nani**(what)**? What was that?" Naruto asked.

"What was what?" Jak asked.

"THAT! That thing you just did!" Naruto said.  
"I didn't do a thing" Jak said innocently.

"Jak, you have the I-am-guilty-but-I-try-to-look-innocent-look. So what was that?" Daxter said.

"Dark Jak's cousin?" Jak suggested.

"Crazy Jak more like it" Daxter muttered.

"Oh great. Another annoying alter ego" Torn sighed. "Don't you have enough of these?"

"Ask him! He's the one who made them!" Jak said and pointed at Praxis who just happened to be there.

"I didn't make Light Jak" Praxis said stubbornly.

"But you made me miss lunch three times during the two years I was in prison!" Jak yelled. "For that I will kill you!"

And so Praxis ran out the door screaming with Dark Jak running after him and Daxter standing behind with a puzzled expression on his face.

"That was why he wanted revenge? For missing lunch?" he asked.

"Sounds like a good reason for me" Chochi said. "I hope he catches that evil bad guy".

"How troublesome" Shikamaru said.

"Beers for everyone!" Errol cheered and so everyone got beer except the ninjas who where too young, they just stood by laughing as their teachers and older friends/enemies got drunk.

Three hours later when everyone above 18 had fallen asleep **(I do believe there are some countries out there where you have to be older than 18 to drink, but here in Norway 18 is the age limit)** Jak came back in.

"Did you catch the evil bad guy?" Chochi asked.

"No. He paid Zakura bananas to chase me away and she did. Man I hate that rabbit" Jak said.

"Rabbits are demons from hell" Gaara said. "I hate fluffy animals that kill people".

Temari gave him a strange look.

"You kill people" she reminded him.

"Yeah, but I'm not a fluffy animal who kills people, that's entirely different" Gaara said.

"Hey Gaara, you shouldn't talk bad about Zakura, she's got magical powers" Kiba said.

"Yeah right. What's she going to do? The sand will protect me from everything anyway"

"She could cast a spell on you"

"Have you ever seen her do that?"

"No"

"Then what makes you think she can?"

"I'm guessing"

"Fool".

Gaara walked out, slightly annoyed by Kiba and of Kakashi who just minutes earlier started singing a high pitched and extremely ugly version of Haruka Kanata (Naruto opening nr 2) before he fell of the counter (he was dancing on top of it) and landed on his favourite kunai knife **(that's got to hurt).**

"Stupid adult people who get drunk and do stupid things" Gaara muttered to himself. "I feel like I'm trapped in a stupid fanfiction… oh wait, I am. Shikamaru is right, this is troublesome".

Back at the Naughty Ottsel, Jak was telling the story about how he and his gun got together.

"What? That's a lie! We've never been together! Not in this fanfic anyway" he said.

"But Torn said you were" Sasuke said.

"Whatever Torn says is a lie! Unless he said I was a handsome and strong hero because I am, but only girls are allowed to say that to my face" Jak said.

"Can I say it?" a random little girl asked.

"No" Jak answered. "Girls my age only"

"Can I say it?" a random old lady asked.

Jak stared at her for a moment.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" he asked.

"I am Sasuke and Itachi's grandmother and I came to make sure my grandchildren are wearing enough clothes, I just made some new sweaters for them" the old lady said and pulled out a large suitcase.

Sasuke and Itachi stared at her.

"Didn't you kill her?" Sasuke whispered.

"I tried, but she was too scary so I shut her in a closet. It obviously wasn't enough" Itachi whispered back.

"YOU KILLED MOM AND DAD BUT YOU DIDN'T KILL THE SINGLE MOST ANNOYING PERSON IN THE UCHIHA-CLAN? WHY BROTHER? WHY?" Sasuke yelled, shaking his brother rapidly.

"Stop shaking me!" Itachi said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: well that was random; I hope you liked grandma Uchiha, because Sasuke and Itachi obviously didn't.**

**Sasuke: she must be the most annoying OC you ever made**

**Ehm: SUGARKICK! WAAAHOOOO! (Runs trough the room naked, but he's an ottsel so he's always naked so therefore no one cared)**

**Sasuke: okay, except him**

**Zakura: Gaara's talking bad about me; he's so going to pay.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: please review guys, and join us next time to see if Zakura gets her revenge on Gaara or opposite.**

**Zakura: opposite?**


	31. Usagi No Jutsu

**Miss.Ecofreak: I just got a new hobby! Sketching Naruto-characters as rabbits!**

**Zakura: usagi**

**Miss.Ecofreak: usagi, rabbit, it's the same word only two different languages. You can read for yourself how these drawings affected the fanfic. **

**CHAPTER 31**

**USAGI NO JUTSU**

Gaara was walking peacefully through the stadium area in Haven City, on top of the ruins of Baron Praxis' palace.

"I really wonder why no one has cleaned up this mess. Perhaps I should help… nah" Gaara said to himself.

Suddenly he heard the voice of a young female behind him.

"Stop there you sandwich-throwing fluffy-animal-hater!"

Gaara turned around to see Zakura the killer Rabbit standing behind him, on top of the ruins of Praxis' bed, wearing Ashelin's old pyjamas for some or most likely no reason.

"Oh. Zakura. I don't throw sandwiches, you must have me mistaken with my sister Temari" Gaara said.  
"Oh whatever. You still hate small animals, right?" Zakura asked.

"I hate you" Gaara said.

"Well I don't like you much either but I don't walk around using my evil powers on you only because of that!"

"I never did anything to you either"

"Oh? But then I better do something to you!"

_Zakura sure has a strange sense of justice _Gaara thought.

"Prepare to feel the power of my Usagi No Jutsu!** (Rabbit no jutsu, giggle)**" Zakura said and formed some hand/paw seals** (Miss.Ecofreak: How can you do that with only three fingers? Zakura: four thank you very much)**, before Gaara had time to ask whatever rabbit no jutsu was he was transformed into a small red dwarf rabbit. He's a small red Netherlands dwarf with black markings around his eyes; his tattoo became invincible under all the fur.

But of course, Gaara is a tough boy; it takes more to scare him…

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

But I could be mistaken.

"Wow, that was an unexpected reaction" Zakura said as Gaara the rabbit ran away screaming for his older brother and sister **(sure! His parents are gone so…)**

At the Naughty Ottsel all the adults had finally woken up with a terrible hangover (except Errol who was still drunk).

"Errol must have figured the best cure for hangover is to drink more" Cornelius said.

"That's not right CorneliHICKus; I've just been sober for HICK one HICK of a long time. Time to HICK stop acting out of character" Errol said as he leaned over at Cornelius and puked on his pet hare Keira.

"Gross" Keira the hare said and jumped of Cornelius' lap.

Just then Gaara appeared in the door screaming, and jumped up in Temari's lap and kept screaming.

"Who's the rabbit?" Naruto asked.

No one answered.

"Told him not to get on Zakura's bad side" Kiba said.

"Hey, stop crying Gaara. What happened?" Temari asked.

Gaara stopped crying and glared at her.

"What do you THINK happened?" he asked. "Stupid sand couldn't protect me. I want my mommy!"

And so he kept crying.

"Hey! How did everyone see that was Gaara? And why is he a rabbit?" Naruto asked.

Once again Naruto was ignored.

"I really didn't know Gaara could cry" Neji said.

"I didn't know you could run around like a three-year old singing stupid songs so you should shut up" Tenten said.

"Don't be sad Gaara. Come home to my place and maybe I could find you a nice girlfriend" Cornelius said.

"I don't want a nice girlfriend, especially not one of your crazy rabbits" Gaara said.

"Aw, but my only male just got eaten by my family of tigers. How else am I supposed to keep breeding my beautiful rabbits?" Cornelius.

"You're sick do you know that?" Sakura said.

"I know I've got a terrible cold" Cornelius said.

"That's not what I meant" Sakura said.

"Why don't you just go get yourself transformed into a rabbit you maniac?" Gaara asked.

"And end up like you? No way!" Cornelius said.

"I wanna be a rabbit! If I turn into a fuzzy animal the girls will like me!" Rock Lee said.

"No they won't. Trust me" Daxter muttered.

But Rock Lee didn't hear him, since Errol had just started singing loudly right next to him.

"How did she transform you? What can I do to make her change me into a rabbit too?" Rock Lee asked.

"I can do it. I copied the move with my sharingan" Sasuke said.

Gaara glared at him **(whenever Gaara looks at someone it looks like he's glaring anyway)**

"Did you spy on me?" he asked.

Sasuke nodded.

"Why?"

"I was bored" Sasuke answered. "And I wanted to get away from her", he pointed at his grandmother who was now trying to force some kind of salad down Itachi's throat.

"Here comes the air plane" she said.

"Damn it woman! I'm no baby anyach!" Itachi said as the old lady managed to put the spoon in his mouth just as he opened it.

"You know how to transform me into a rabbit? Then do it!" Rock Lee said.

"You do realise that even though I copied Zakura's move I have no way of changing you back?" Sasuke said.

"Who cares? I wanna be cute and fluffy!" Rock Lee said.

"Fine. It's your life. Usagi no jutsu!" Sasuke said and Rock Lee was transformed into a black and white lop dwarf.

"How can Zakura do that? Doesn't she have only four fingers?" Naruto asked and was ignored for the (who knows?)st time.

"Whoho! I'm a rabbit! Sakura! HUG ME!" Rock Lee yelled **(I sketched a picture of that, Rock Lee as a rabbit in the middle of the picture yelling "hug me" with a bunch of bunnyfied Naruto-characters in the background staring at him as he was nuts, Tenten was covering her eyes saying "I don't know him", Gaara was saying "at least I don't look like him". Reason: he's way too unique, just plain weird).**

Unfortunately Rock Lee forgot an important thing.

The reason Sakura didn't like him was because he had enormous eyebrows and looked pretty much ugly; being changed into a rabbit didn't change this fact.** (Anyone who's seen Rock Lee knows what I'm talking about)**

"I suddenly feel much better" Gaara said. "At least I'm cute"

This was confirmed by his fan club who had taken Gaara of Temari's lap and was now hugging him.

"I knew it was too good to be true" Lee sighed.

"Don't worry Lee. At least you didn't get uglier" Tenten said.  
"Because that's impossible" Neji muttered.

"Hey! Be more sensitive! Can't you see Lee's upset?" Tenten asked.

"He didn't help me when everyone kept saying I was three!" Neji said.

"The female rabbits will probably like you! The don't care about looks only as long as they can have young to care for" Cornelius said and ran of to get a female rabbit.

He came back with Keira nr 214353, and dumped her next to Lee.

Keira the rabbit looked at Lee.

Lee smiled.

Keira the rabbit ran away screaming.

Lee stopped smiling.

"Do you have a less picky rabbit?" he asked Cornelius.

"No. Last week she tried to date a mole rat" Cornelius said.

A very dirty wild cat came running into the room followed by the lovesick Keira 214353.

"Ha! You loose Lee" Gaara said laughing.

"You enjoy watching people suffer don't you?" Lee asked.

"Usually I prefer seeing people die but suffering is also quite fun to watch" Gaara said. "Especially when I'm feeling miserable and I see someone who is even more miserable".

"Don't I have a fan club out there?" Lee asked.

**Miss.Ecofreak: aw, Gaara as a rabbit. How cute.**

**Zakura: what about Rock Lee?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (thinks about the picture I just sketched) ew… I didn't get him to look good; then again I figured it'd be just as good. Rock Lee looks weird no matter what species he is.**

**Zakura: but I look good no matter what species I am! Even if I were a worm I would still be cute**

**Miss.Ecofreak: stop bragging. This fanfic doesn't seem to have an ending. I want to at least continue untill I have more reviews on it than Dork 3 (which can take a while since Dork3 has 159 reviews) and even more. I LOVE WRITING THIS! So I can't just stop. **

**Please review guys, and tell me what you think about Gaara and Lee as rabbits, so I can see weather I should bunnyfy the rest of the crew too**

**Crew (except Lee and Gaara): (shivers)**

**Naruto: take him first! (Points at Sasuke)**

**Sasuke: No no. Him! (Points at Itachi)**

**Itachi: (can't talk because his mouth is full of salad but points at Gaara)**

**Gaara: hey!**


	32. Gaara's revenge

**Miss.Ecofreak: I'm back with more of my insane sense of humour.**

**Zakura: it's good you can admit it.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: thank you. I've now finally figured out how to sudmit fanart to deviant art, there's a link on my profile, on it there's a picture of the Konoha genins as rabbits (I haven't put up Gaara yet, but he's coming) Enjoy Chapter 32**

**CHAPTER 32**

**GAARA'S REVENGE (okay so Gaara doesn't want too do anything, but it's him who's angry!)**

Zakura figured it was fun transforming the inhabitants of Haven City into members of her own kind, or as she liked to put it; bunnyfying them, which would probably stop them from throwing innocent kittens and rabbits into the river.

Usually she would catch these animal abusers, stuffed them in bags and threw them at sea, but it was much more fun to make them see how it was to be a rabbit.

"I just shaved my legs!"

Oh the torture.

Sprinting through the city Zakura suddenly bumped into something that was in the way.

"Hey! Watch where you're standing! Oh…"

The Killer Rabbit looked up into the face of a very angry Temari who was still carrying the crying Gaara (right now he was crying because Temari had dropped him on the way and he hurt his paw, he had gotten over the shock of being bunnyfied when Lee turned into an even uglier rabbit).

"Eh. What's up doc?" Zakura asked cheerfully nibbling a carrot, before she remembered she hated carrots and threw it away.

"I was thinking you could tell me. What's the point in transforming my brother into a dwarf rabbit?" Temari asked annoyed.

"Isn't that obvious? If I changed him into a giant rabbit he would smash me" Zakura said smiling.

Temari and Gaara glared at her.

"What's your problem? Now you've got yourself a pet!" Zakura said.

Gaara glared at her.

"And you look cuter that way" Zakura said.

Gaara still glared.

"You're an asshole" Zakura said and ran of.

"That's it! I'll kill her!" Gaara yelled and ran after her.

Ten seconds later he was back.

"Why don't you run after her?" Temari asked.

"I just remembered I hate fluffy animals that kill people, and now that I'm a fluffy animal I can't sink to their level" Gaara said.

Temari glared at him.

"Can you get Naruto?" Gaara asked.

"Why Naruto?"  
"I don't want to send a girl doing a man's work" Gaara said.

Temari stepped on him and walked away slightly annoyed.

Gaara was not injured, a shield of sand appeared protecting him from Temari's stomp, but now he had no one to carry him back to the Naughty Ottsel.

"Oh Cindy?" he said into the blue, referring to a random member of his fan club.

Cindy came running and carried Gaara all the way back to the Naughty Ottsel.

Ten minutes later both Cindy and Gaara were back at the Naughty Ottsel and Gaara was talking to Naruto.  
"Why me?" Naruto asked.

"You're the main character of our show, time you start doing something else than eating ramen" Gaara said.

"What's wrong with ramen?"  
"Nothing. But if you want to become Kazekage you have to get your ass of the couch"

"I can't become Kazekage, that's your job. I want to become hokage"

"Hokage, Kazekage. What's the difference? It's still about being the strongest ninja of your village** (Info: the Kazekage is the leader of the village hidden in sand (Sunagakure), where Gaara lives, and the Hokage is the leader of Naruto's village, hidden in leaves(Konohagakure)**, and if you want to become that you'll have to be able to defeat a dwarf rabbit".

"Why don't you take her? Kazekages should be able to defeat dwarf rabbits too"

"You need the training."

Naruto looked at the rabbit next to him, and noticed to his surprise Gaara had put on the biggest puppy eyes ever imaginable (he had even put on brown lenses on his eyes).

"Please?" Gaara said.

"What's the real reason why you won't do it?" Naruto asked.

"Okay! So she's two inches higher than me! Her mom's a lop dwarf for &&" **(watch your language!)** So please can you do it?" Gaara said.

Naruto sighed.

"Okay! But only if you promise to stop nagging!" he said.  
"I promise" Gaara said, but Neji (who was right next to them and had eyes that could see through everything) noticed he had his fingers crossed behind his back.

As soon as Naruto had left Neji said "You're lying".

"Don't tell him" Gaara said.

"I won't. But you have to do me a favour first" Neji said.

"What?"

"Lee's feeling a bit upset, perhaps you can cheer him up with a happy dance?"

Gaara glared at Neji.

"I'll tell Naruto you lied" Neji said.

"As soon as I get back to my old self again, you're going down" Gaara said but jumped over to Lee's table.

"By that time I would have fled the country" Neji said.

Naruto walked through the city, wondering how he was going to find one dwarf rabbit in this precursor forsaken city.

"Maybe I could just go to the pet store and get another rabbit that looks like Zakura. Gaara won't see the difference" he thought to himself.

But the pet shop only had pure bred rabbits, and since Zakura was a bastard **(Zakura: HEY!)** Naruto was unable to find any rabbit that looked like her.

So he went to the toy store to get a stuffed rabbit instead, but none of those looked a lot like Zakura either.

"Damn it! How hard can it be to find a killer rabbit?" He yelled.

"I've got a killer guinea pig" a random guy said.

"No good. I have to find Zakura" Naruto said and left the mall.

Outside the mall Naruto decided to look for tracks in the snow, which could have worked if it wasn't summer.

Time for plan D.

"ZAKURA!" Naruto yelled.

Sakura appeared around a street corner.

"No not you, I said Zakura, with Z" Naruto said.

"Fine. I was looking for Sasuke anyway" Sakura said and left and Naruto felt a jolt of jealousy.

As soon as Sakura was out of sight, Zakura appeared around a street corner.

"Well if it isn't Naruto. Gaara chickened out didn't he?" Zakura asked.

"You're going to pay for what you did to my… er..." Naruto said.

"Fellow demon?" Zakura suggested. "Has Kyuubi fallen in love with Shukaku?"

"I DO NOT!" Kyuubi yelled inside Naruto's head.

"He says no" Naruto said.

"Well sure he SAYS he doesn't but how do you know he doesn't deny his feelings?" Zakura asked.

"You realise that Kyuubi is your natural enemy right?" Naruto asked.

"I wouldn't really call a gigantic nine tailed demon fox natural but yes" Zakura said. "But I don't fear him as long as he's trapped inside a looser like you".

"That's it! Now you're in for it!" Naruto said and summoned his demon-powers, charging at Zakura with claws ready for slicing.

"Usagi no jutsu" Zakura said and Naruto stopped in mid-air three feet in front of her and fell to the ground, covered in yellow fur and with long ears.

"Holy… Suddenly I feel like eating myself" the bunnyfied Naruto said **(a rabbit with a demon fox trapped inside him. Now that's an interesting combination.)**

"Now you can reflect on all the bad things you've done! Ha ha!" Zakura said and ran away laughing while Naruto wondered what "Bad things" she talked about.

Two hours later Naruto had made his way back to the Naughty Ottsel.

"You failed didn't you?" Gaara asked, he was sitting next to Lee who had fallen asleep since Gaara had sung a lullaby for him.

"Is it that obvious?" Naruto asked.

"Well, you are one and a half feet tall, fuzzy and not wearing any pants so yes" Gaara said.

Naruto looked down at his feet and stared at them as if it was the first time he'd noticed his pants were gone, and then he ran into Daxter's bathroom to change.

Two minutes later he came back wearing a towel around his waist.

"That crazy bunny must pay for what she did to me!" Naruto said.  
"How about me?" Rock Lee asked.

"You wanted to be bunnyfied, so just go back to sleep" Gaara commented.

**Miss.Ecofreak: so now you've bunnyfied Naruto too, where will this stop?**

**Zakura: I don't know, its fun!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Who's next?**

**Zakura: don't ask me, you write the stuff.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: right, so all of you have to wait and see what happens next chapter, please review.**


	33. Hair cuts?

**Miss.Ecofreak: Whaho! School's out for a whole week! One week of writing insanity and scetching cute bunnyfeid people.**

**Zakura: And one week of me bunnyfying them.**

**Miss.Ecofreak:Oh well, here's a chapter about Ratty being stupid and Ino and Sakura being in love with Sasuke and Sasuke not liking any of them. Enjoy.**

**CHAPTER 33**

**HAIR CUTS?**

Suddenly Ratty came running in, slamming the door shut on his way and jumped on to the counter.

"What's wrong Ratty?" Tess asked.

"Nothing. I just felt like running in here, slamming the door shut on my way" Ratty explained. "Now give me some beer!"

He turned around to see who else was in the room, when he noticed Lee, Gaara and Naruto, who were all sitting by the same table for some reason.

"Hey ninja-dudes. Did you cut your hair or something because you look different" he said.

"Sure, we all got the same hair cut" Gaara said sarcastically. "Though some seem to have failed drastically" he added looking at Lee.

"What? Is there something wrong with my hair?" Lee asked.

"Who in their right mind would want to look like Gai?" Gaara asked.

"Hey! Don't make fun of Gai-sensei you stupid little rabbit!" Lee yelled and started kicking Gaara.

No use of course, Gaara still has a bag full of sand which covers him as a shield whenever he's in trouble.

"Wow Gaara. You're lucky. You can make fun of anyone without getting beaten up" Naruto said.

"Yeah. Life is great" Gaara said sarcastically.

"When did you get so sarcastic all the time?" Naruto asked.

"Just now" Gaara answered.

"Just one question, where's Temari?" Naruto asked.

"I don't know. She stepped on me and walked away slightly annoyed in the last chapter and since then I haven't seen her" Gaara said.

"Maybe we should go look for her. She might be in trouble" Naruto said.

"… And?"

"You're siblings aren't you?"

"…And?"

"Aren't siblings supposed to help each other?"

"…Like Sasuke and Itachi?"

Naruto looked over at the two Uchiha-brothers who were now arguing over who had the roundest sharingan **(sharingan-copy eye. Blood line trait of the Uchiha-clan)**

"Well what do I know? I don't have siblings" Naruto said and sat down with his ramen again.

Suddenly the door slammed open and a blond rabbit came running in jumping into Gaara's lap.

"Ach! Temari! You're squeezing me!"

Okay, so she jumped into Kankuro's lap instead.

"Temari? What have you been doing?" Kankuro asked.

"Nothing! I just commented that Zakura was childish playing with a stuffed toy and she changed me into this" Temari said.

"Told you Zakura's evil" Kiba said.

"Sure hope Daxter doesn't encounter that evil rabbit when he's out shopping" Tess said as Daxter entered.

"Who me? I'm an all powerful precursor! No one can bunnyfy me!" Daxter said.

Suddenly Daxter was transformed into an orange rabbit.

"Hey! What did you do that for?" Daxter yelled.

"You were wrong. Someone CAN bunnyfy you" Sasuke said. "And this is fun."

He stared at Itachi for a moment.

Itachi stared back, and then it crossed his mind.

"No way" Itachi said.

Sasuke grinned.

"No… way…" Itachi said.

Sasuke grinned even more.

"Usagi no jutsu!" Itachi yelled.

The now bunnyfied Sasuke stopped grinning.

"Don't underestimate me, little brother" Itachi said grinning.

"Usagi no jutsu!"

Now both the Uchiha-brothers were transformed into black lop dwarfs.  
"Don't underestimate me either, big brother" Sasuke said.

"What's with all those hair cuts? Is it a new fashion or something?" Ratty asked.

"The word "irony" is unknown for you, isn't it?" Gaara asked.

"What's that? A new chocolate?" Ratty asked.

"Will someone please kill that rat?" Gaara asked.

"Go on, you're bigger than him" Naruto said after carefully measuring Ratty.

And so Gaara started chasing Ratty around the room.

"Should I bunnyfy him?" Sasuke asked.

"Why? That would only make him bigger" Itachi said.

"Oh please"

"Don't misuse your powers"

"Please"

"It'd be too cruel"** (Itachi's talking about cruelty?)**

"Please"  
"You can't go round bunnyfying people only because you think it's funny"

"Please"

"Do you want to sink to Zakura's level?"

Sasuke thought over this for a moment.

"If it includes bunnyfying people then yes" he said.

"Great. Now he's out of character too" Itachi said.

So without consulting his older brother **(since when did Sasuke do that anyway? He wants to kill him)**, Sasuke jumped down to the floor and started chasing Gaara who was chasing Ratty (he had somehow decided that only one person/rat couldn't be chased by two persons/rabbits)

"Wow! That looks fun!" Well said and started chasing Sasuke for no reason at all other than it looked fun to chase him.

"This whole place is insane" Veger said. "Why did I get dragged into this?"

"Because you're so easy to make fun of!" Zakura said.

Veger stared at her.

"Oh no, not you!" he yelled.

"Oh yes, it's me. USAGI NO JUTSU!" Zakura yelled and Veger was transformed into a rabbit.

"ARGH! I'm a rabbit!" he said.

"From one critter to another, what's the difference?" Seem asked. "Just ignore it".

"Hey Zakura-chan, I can't catch Ratty so I can bunnyfy him" Sasuke said.

"Just wait until he falls asleep. Hey! Since when did you call me Zakura-chan?" Zakura asked.

"Since right now. Should I stop?" Sasuke asked.

"No" Zakura said. _And it's not even my birthday_ she thought happily.

"That rabbit is trying to steal my man!" Sakura said.

"No! Mine!" Ino said.

And so Ino and Sakura started fighting over whose man Sasuke was.

"Hey girls! I hate both of you so stop fighting!" Sasuke yelled.

"But you hate her more right?" Sakura asked pointing at Ino.

"No way! He hates you more!" Ino said and so they started fighting again.

"Aw man. That was a complete failure" Sasuke sighed.

"The trick to avoid rivals is to fall in love with someone everyone hates" Hinata said. "Too bad he doesn't notice me" she added looking at Naruto who was adoring Sakura.

"Sakura-san! I love you!" Lee said.

"I don't like rabbits" Sakura said.

"I'm a rabbit" Sasuke commented. "Thanks to my oh-so-nice brother here".

"That's different. You're a cute rabbit" Sakura said.

"Damn it! What does it take to make you two stop fighting?" Sasuke asked. "Does anybody care to ask how I feel?"

"No" Ino and Sakura said in unison.

"How annoying" Sasuke sighed.

**Miss.Ecofreak: WAHOO! Veger's bunnyfied! It had to happen some day or another.**

**Zakura: Sasuke and Itachi are stealing my line!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: ignore them. They just like to fight each other.**

**Zakura: I thought Sasuke hated Itachi for killing his family**

**Miss.Ecofreak: and now he wants to kill the one person that is left of that family (except his grandmother who appeared here earlier, but she didn't appear in the manga/anime so just ignore her) Ironic isn't it?**

**Zakura: and in this fic they're arguing over the smallest things.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: that's because no one dies in this fic**

**Yoda: (glare)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: almost no one. Please review readers!**


	34. The Power Of Caffeine

**Miss.Ecofreak: (talking very fast) finally! A chapter about the power of the great caffeine!**

**Zakura: which you probably are under the influence of right now.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (still talking fast) are you talking about my cola?**

**Zakura: and lots of sugar**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (still talking fast) that's cola alright. Me like cola**

**Zakura: you _addicted_ to cola**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (yup, still going strong) no I'm not! I can stop whenever I want! I just don't want to right now.**

**Zakura: yup. Definitely addicted.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (drinks coke and speak very fast) and now ladies and gentlemen, see what it takes to keep to ninjas up all night chasing after a stupid rat.**

**CHAPTER 34**

**THE POWER OF CAFFEINE**

A new morning arrived early in Haven City, and Sasuke and Gaara were still running through the city trying to find Ratty who had ran for cover the last night, Sasuke first and Gaara was struggling to keep up with him.

So how were they able to stay awake all night?

"I don't sleep (pant)" Gaara replied. "And Sasuke (pant) has been drinking fifty cups of coffee (pant)".

"Fifty-four! I feel great! Not sleepy at all! Who said coffee was bad? This is great! I don't even feel shaky! And I haven't slept for five days!" Sasuke said so fast almost no one understood what he said, except me who writes this crap, you, who read it and can read in any speed you want, and Gaara who had been running right behind him the whole night and therefore gotten used to it.

"You haven't (pant) been awake for five days (pant) moron! You've only stayed awake this night (gasp)" Gaara commented.

"Well I'm going to! Its fun staying up all night! Now I know why you always stay awake" Sasuke said.

"I'm awake (pant) since if I fall asleep (pant) Shuka(pant)ku is going to run rampant" Gaara said.

"Bring him on! I can take any giant rodent! ("Oh now you've (pant) pissed him of" Gaara said)! Where's Naruto? I want to fight Kyuubi! And Shukaku! Bring them both on! No stupid nine tailed fox, one tailed racoon or tail-less guinea pigs can beat me now! I feel great!" Sasuke said.

"Watch out where (pant) you're going" Gaara said just as Sasuke crashed into a wall.

"I'm fine!" Sasuke said and started running again.

Gaara stopped; he took a large breath, pulled out his phone and dialled the number too the Naughty Ottsel.

"Hello Tess? Will you please throw out everything that has caffeine or sugar in it before Sasuke gets back?" he asked.

After hanging up he just stood there staring across the street.

"Now where did that crazy rabbit go?" he wondered. "I better find him before he hurts himself… nah".

Sasuke was already far away from the sand-ninja, he had run all the way home, and was now barging into the ninja academy, scaring the living crap out of a first grader by hiding in his lunch box and jumping up into his face as he opened (after eating his food), and picking a fight with Akamaru the dog.

"Hey Sasuke. Why are you up so early?" Kiba asked through the window.

"I've been up all night drinking coffee! It's good! You should try someday!" Sasuke said before setting of again leaving Akamaru behind, looking very confused.

"What the hell did he say?" Kiba asked.

"Wraff?" Akamaru asked.

Just then Gaara entered the garden, he looked really tired and beaten up.

"Have you (blow) seen Sasuke anywhere?" he asked.

"He just ran through my yard trying to make Akamaru fight him" Kiba said. "I didn't even hear what he was saying because he was talking too fast".

"He's been up all night (pant) drinking coffee (pant)" Gaara explained. "And I've run (pant) all the way from Haven (pant) City to find him."  
"You look like you've been through war" Kiba said.

"That's (huff) because I was attacked by (gasp) a fox that ripped my sand bag of (puff)" Gaara said. "I hate (gasp for air) being short".

But enough of that, this chapter is about caffeine!

Sasuke was starting to feel tired, so he ran into a coffee bar.

"Give me coffee!" he yelled to the manager.

"We haven't opened yet" the manager said drowsily. "What happened to my door?"

"I set a fire on it **(Yup, Sasuke breathes fire. Don't remember the name of that technique right now)**. Sorry'bout that! Me need coffee!" Sasuke said.

The manager was able to understand Sasuke even though he was still talking fast, since he had costumers like this coming by every day.

"You need some sleep" he said.

"I can't sleep! I've already had sixty cups of coffee plus one and a half litres of Cola and now I need more!" Sasuke said.

The manager just glared at him.

"You set a fire on my door and now you demand free coffee" he asked.

"Do you have a problem with that?"  
"Well yes. Where are your parents?"

"Itachi killed them"

"Who's Itachi?"

"My bro"  
"Does he look after you then?"

"No. I try to kill him"

"Then who looks after you?"

"I don't know. Kakashi-sensei?"

"And where's he?"

"Still sleeping or reading his book"  
"Is there anyone else I can talk to so you leave me alone?"  
"I don't know. Gaara perhaps?"

"Who's this Gaara? Friend of yours?"

"Not really. He's just a sand-nin who's been running behind me all night".

"Has he been drinking coffee too?"  
"No. He doesn't sleep because if he does we'll all get squashed by a giant racoon"

"A racoon?"

"Or a lemur. Don't really remember"

"Lemur?"  
"Who cares? I want coffee!"

"Coffee?"  
Just then Gaara came in.

"There you are Sasuke. Thought I caught the smell of burned wood" he said.** (Notice he's not panting anymore. Wonder why)**

"You've come to get coffee too?"

"No. I've come to take you home and tie you up to your bed so you'll be forced to go to sleep"

"I don't have coffee at home"  
"You've had enough"

"No way!"  
"Yes way!"

"No way!"

"Yes Way!"

"Hey there! Red rabbit with black lines around your eyes making it look like you haven't slept your whole life!" the manager said. "Are you Gaara?"

"Yup" Gaara said. "And how did you know I haven't slept all my life?"

"…? ...You've been drinking coffee haven't you?"  
Sasuke stared at Gaara in shock.

"What? How do you expect me to get all the way from Haven to Konoha when I haven't slept for twelve years?" Gaara said.

"And you're telling me to stop"

"Well you don't unleash a giant racoon whenever you fall asleep, besides, I only had one cup"

"What is all this about a racoon?" the manger asked. "And aren't you a bit too young to drink coffee?"  
The two ninja-rabbits ignored him and were now insulting each others siblings (both speaking very fast)

"Your brother is the biggest douche in the universe!" Gaara said.

"I can't agree more! But your sister is ugly."  
"What's that got to do with me? But your brother is evil!"

"I know that! Your brother plays with dolls!"

"That's his freaking problem! Your brother is dumb".

"He is so! Your sister has an ugly hairdo"

"Well I've never regarded them as siblings anyway! You might take a blood sample of me, Temari and Kankuro and see it's very similar or look at our family tree and see we've got the same parents and maybe we even like the same kind of tea but I've been yelling too much and have almost lost my voice!" Gaara said **(if you try to read this out loud, talk very fast and try to talk louder but at the same time more and more hoarse, like someone who's been yelling for quite some time)**

Then the two rabbits turned their backs on each other and just stood there moping.

"Well that was the craziest argument I've ever seen" the manager said confused. "What a way to start my day. Better get that door fixed"

And so he started fixing his door, completely ignoring the two hyperactive rabbits that were standing on the floor.

**Miss.Ecofreak: (back to regular tempo) I feel sorry for Gaara, not being able to sleep, like someone else I know.**

**Zakura: What?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: _Someone's _been drinking water all night so I couldn't sleep because of the sound of that _someone's_ noisy water bottle!**

**Zakura: I need water! (And it's you who bought the bottle)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: but constantly?**

**Zakura: aw come on, I didn't do it for more than half an hour.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I should have let you stay outside. But enough of me complaining about the pet I've been begging for half a year to get, please review and please give me your opinion about Gaara's last line (I found it funny, or I wouldn't have written it)**


	35. Magcial Annoyign Sign

**Miss.Ecofreak: I'm back and to answer mr Light Chicken Bulbs, I don't think anything would happen if Zakura used Usagi No jutsu on herself.**

Zakura: I would become a rabbit... which I already am.

**CHAPTER 35**

**MAGICAL (AND VERY ANNOYING) SIGN**

It was mid-day and most of the characters where at the Naughty Ottsel. **(Why does everyone go there? The Jak-characters I can understand but the ninjas and the jedis (and all those who are not old enough to drink (and Kiba's dog) (and Cornelius' gazillion pets) and will you please stop before I eat your manga collection) (leave my Time Stranger Kyoko alone!)?)**

Everyone was having a good time, until Gaara came in and glared at everyone.

"Hi Gaara. Why do you glare at us like that?" Jak said with a you-can't-be-mad-at-me-when-I-am-this-cute-look

Gaara pulled out a sign which said "I'm just angry Sasuke got away again! That hyperactive rabbit ran of when I had my back turned."

"Why don't you speak?" Jak asked. "Are you dumb or something?"

Gaara turned the sign around, it now said "I've been yelling so much I've lost my voice".

"Oh. Well I know something that will cheer you up! Let's go to a karaoke-bar!" Naruto said.

Gaara turned his sign around once more, not it said "Blockhead".

"Sasuke-kun is in trouble?" Sakura asked.

Gaara turned his sign upside down, now it said; "Probably".

**Zakura: Hold on! How's he able to do that? The second time he turned the sign around he was back at the page that said "I'm angry Sasuke got away" but now it said "Blockhead"! And when he turned "Blockhead" upside down it became "Probably"! That's impossible!  
Miss.Ecofreak: Nothing's impossible when you have faith.**

"Oh no! Sasuke-kun needs help! Naruto! Go save Sasuke!" Sakura said.  
"Nani?** (What?)**" Naruto said.

"Don't just stand there you nine-tailed-demon-fox-container! Go save Sasuke-kun!" Sakura yelled and threw Naruto out in the streets.

Gaara came out too.

"Are you here to help me?" Naruto asked.

Gaara pulled out his magical sign again and now it said: "No. I've come to see if you've sustained any heavy injuries I can laugh at".

"Very funny. But any injuries I get are healed instantly because of Kyuubi" Naruto said.

Gaara moved the sign slightly to the left and now it said: "I don't even get injuries thanks to the sand protecting me! Hah!"

"Fine. Come on racoon-boy, let's go find Sasuke" Naruto said.

And so the fox-boy and the racoon-boy went to find the been-drinking-too-much-coffee-boy so they could knock him out and make sure he got some rest.

Sasuke wasn't hard to find, they just looked for coffee-bars that had burned doors.

"Doesn't Sasuke know how to open a door?"  
"You should know! You're his team-mate!" Gaara said.

"Hey! Didn't you loose your voice?" Naruto asked.

"Oh right! I mean:" Gaara said and pulled out a sign that said:"You should know! You're his team-mate!"

Sasuke had run into a dead-end and was looking for leftovers in old coffee-cups he found in a trash can.

"Ew Sasuke. That's gross" Naruto said.

"I know. But I was thrown out of all the coffee bars for some little stupid thing" Sasuke said.

"You mean burning down the doors?" Naruto asked.

"Exactly! Itachi always did that when we were young, probably because I had shut the door in his bedroom because I was in there reading his diary out loud through the window" Sasuke said.

"Hm. Suddenly I got an idea of why Itachi killed his family" Naruto said. "Anyone who knows the secrets in my diary must die".

"You have a diary?" Gaara's sign said.

"Yup. And it's really nice. Pink with little read hearts on… No I don't have a diary" Naruto said.

"Naruto, you suck" Sasuke said.

"You suck more!" Naruto said (as he said this Sasuke was shown sucking at an old coffee-cup). "I'm only here because Sakura forced me".

"Oh. You're good at standing up to the women" Sasuke said.

"Says you? You're scared of girls!"

"No I'm not"  
"Then how about the time when Sakura tried to kiss you, you ran away into the bathroom?"  
"That was you using henge no jutsu (transformation)"

"How about the time when Iruka-sensei gave me ramen and I ate it?"

"What's that got to do with me being scared of girls?"

"How about the time you ran into Itachi's cage because Sakura tried to kiss you (again)?"

"I just came by to visit him"

"Yeah right. And as soon as you noticed all the screaming fan girls in the cage you tied yourself up to a log"

"I was practising my "tie-myself-up-to-a-log-technique"!"** (Zakura: what a useless technique. Miss.Ecofreak: I think it's quite useful really… but do you mind helping me down from here? I haven't mastered the "Untying-myself-from-this-log-technique" yet)**

"And then Gaara came in with his group of fan girls and you ran away screaming?"  
"I was practising my "run-away-screaming-technique" in case I encountered an enemy who was too powerful".

"You sure have a lot of stupid techniques" Gaara's sign said.

"Gaara, you only temporarily lost your voice, it should be back by now" Sasuke said.

"But I like showing of my amazing sign" Gaara said and turned the sign over so it said "Racoons are way cooler than nine-tailed foxes".

Naruto glared at the sign, grabbed it and broke it in half.

"My sign!" Gaara cried. "You'll pay for that!"

"DEMON-FIGHT!" Sasuke yelled and everyone came to watch.

"Why is everyone staring? I only wanted to give him this bill?" Gaara said.

"Come on little brother! Let's see some action!" Temari said.

"Aw…"

"Please"

"I don't want to fight Naruto"  
"Aw… why not?"

"Because he's stronger! Look at him!"

Everyone looked at Naruto, sure he was a bit bigger than Gaara and he now had nine fox-tails sticking out of his back (instead of the one rabbit-tail he had earlier) and Gaara looked pretty miserable with only one racoon-tail.

"So he's got more tails than you. So what? Tails don't mean power" Jak said.

"No. it's the amount of girlfriends you've had. That's why I'm stronger than Jak" Daxter said.

"You're not stronger and you haven't had more girlfriends than me" Jak said.

"He's in denial" Daxter said, not looking at Jak.

"He's all talk. Your strength is determined of the length of your Light sabre!" Anakin said and pulled out an extremely short red light sabre. "Er… I mean… the shorter it is, the stronger you are".

"No dad. It's determined of how strong you are" Luke said.  
"You mean the stronger you are… the stronger you are? That doesn't make sense" Anakin said.

"None of you make any sense!" Naruto said. "If Gaara doesn't want to fight because he's been transformed into a sissy little dwarf rabbit that's just fine with me!"

Uh oh, bad choice of words.

"Naruto… You're dead" Gaara said.


	36. Page 100

**Miss.Ecofreak: Hey look! This is page 100!**

**Zakura: are you going to throw a party now?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Why not? (To the characters) You're all invited!**

**Crew: (frown… runs away)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: fine! No leaves for you!**

**Bunnyfied characters: (return)**

**Zakura: aw… I wanted all those for myself.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: a little note to Meowen before the party, no I'm not writing Dork X yet, I can't write a parody of a game I've never played and Jak X hasn't been released here yet!**

**CHAPTER 36**

**NARUTO VERSUS GAARA… NOT**

Jak came barging in to the Naughty Ottsel.

"Hey guys! Naruto and Gaara are going to fight!" he said.

But there was no one there.

"Oh right. They are already at the fight" Jak said and walked out.

But as he returned to the place where everyone else was, he couldn't see Gaara or Naruto anywhere.

"Where did they go?" Jak asked.

"They ran of to celebrate page 100 of Dork Period" Keira said. "Sasuke went too, along with Temari, Daxter, Veger, Rock Lee and Itachi".

"How troublesome" Jak said. "I was looking forward to seeing Kyuubi and Shukaku (the demons inside Naruto and Gaara) fight".

"Don't worry Jak! You can see that on the anime!" Torn said and pulled out a DVD of Naruto **(Zakura: there is a DVD of Naruto? Miss.Ecofreak: … maybe…)**

"So what do we do now?" Jak asked.

"I bet the rabbits will return when page 100 ends" Keira said.

"And when is that?" Jak asked.

"In about 23 lines, not counting this one"

"So what will we do in 23 lines?

"21"

"Well we have to do something! If we don't do anything there will just be one line saying…"

"19"

"…Nothing happens and then we won't get anywhere!"  
"17"

"Why do you count every second number?"  
"I'm counting the lines you're saying too. 15"

"So… I should say 14?"

"13"  
"Should I say 13 instead?"

"No. 11"

"Huh? You're confusing me"

"I'm counting here! 9"

"You're just being annoying"  
"7"

"Stop counting!"

"5"

"Shut up!"

"3"  
"Keira!"  
"1"

"Will you stop this nonsense?"  
"It's over"

"Huh?"

"We've been on page 101 for three lines now!"

Jak looked down and saw the lower side of the screen saying "page 101"  
"Hey! You're right! So Miss.Ecofreak's party is over now?"

"I dunno"

"But you're the mechanic here!"  
"What's that got to do with everything?"

"I'm not good at anything!  
"Glad you can admit it"

"Wait… I didn't mean that! I'm good at saving the world and stuff…"  
"No you're not"

"WHAT?"  
"The first time you saved the world we ended up being pushed 200 years forward in time!"

"It was you who wanted to see what the rift rider could do!"

"And the second time you "Saved" us, Haven City was left overrun by metalheads!"  
"It wasn't my idea to get myself banished!"

"And the third time you killed Cornelius' big brother!"

"Oh yeah. Thank you so much Jak!" Cornelius said sounding overjoyed, hugging Jak.

"Was that a bad thing?" Jak asked.

"And you burned down Ashelin's t-shirt-stand!" Keira said.

"Everyone hated those shirts!"

"I didn't!"  
"Well everyone ignored you"

"Grrrrrr"

"Did you say something Keira?"

"Jak… you suck"

"Hey!"  
"Err… what are you fighting over?" Daxter asked.

"When did you get back?" Jak asked.

"Around 30 lines ago. We just never got the time to tell because you were talking all the time" Daxter said.

"We just arrived. Sasuke finally fell asleep so we had to carry him all the way" Gaara said, he and Naruto were carrying the sleeping Sasuke between them. (None of the other bunnyfied ninjas/Veger and Daxter were helping, Itachi had even tied a basket with wheels under it on to Naruto's fox-tail and was now resting in it.)

"Wow. How did that happen? He was so hyper only two pages ago" Sakura said.

"We mixed some sleeping powder in his coffee" Gaara said. "And it worked."  
"After ten cups of it" Naruto sighed. "How much coffee can one rabbit hold?"

"We Uchihas have been known to hold a lot of liquid" Itachi said from underneath his basket. (Naruto had turned it upside down when he realised what he had been dragging along all the way from Miss.Ecofreak's house)

"You should see Itachi when he gets drunk" Kisame said. **(Oh uh… here's a Naruto-character I don't know diddly-squat about except for his name, funny he'd appear here)**

"HEY! What are you doing here?" Itachi yelled.

"So… when is he going to wake up?" Sakura asked.

"Considering how much powder Naruto put in the cup and how much Gaara poured over his food I'd say he'll be out for a few days" Itachi said, while trying to hit Kisame with the basket for telling about his drinking-habits.

"What? Why did you put in that much?" Sakura asked.

Naruto and Gaara tried their best too look innocent, just as innocent as two demon-containers can look when one had nine large fox-tails and red ears while the other had one racoon-tail, and racoon-ears** (they have shifted a bit from their earlier bunny-forms, now they're more like a rabbit-Kyuubi an a rabbit-Shukaku. Since they have different animal-spirits within them I figured they might as well show it, besides they're so cute! Right Zaku?**

**Zakura: (shivers) half…giga…fox…dangerous…don't…eat…me)**

"We… sort of lost the bottle with the powder" Naruto said. "Both bottles".  
"And he had been drinking 70 cups of coffee Sakura! 70 cups! How else were we supposed to knock him out?" Gaara asked.

"Did you have to use that much?" Sakura asked.

"Actually he fell asleep quite quickly, but afterwards the little demons took a whole new bottle of pure sleeping powder and poured it into his mouth while he was still sleeping" Itachi explained.

"Traitor" Naruto hissed, before both he and Gaara ran away, in fear of what Sakura would do to them.

"How can I be a traitor when I've never been much of a friend to either of them?" Itachi asked as Sakura ran after Gaara and Naruto.

**Miss.Ecofreak: hope you liked that one and I also hope I didn't mispell Kisame's name.**

**Zakura: Try writing about people you have seen in the manga**

**Miss.Ecofreak: aw, but then I couldn't write about Itachi, whom I've been hearing so much about from my friends who has more episodes of the TV-series than me (I want broadband! grrrrr) Please review.**


	37. Disagreements

**Miss.Ecofreak: Okay first of all, some readers didn't seem to get what I meant about page 100, so maybe I should have explained that before since there are no page counters on Fan Fiction. It was simply page 100 of the word document the fic was originally written on (and which I am writing on this very moment) Hope that settled things.**

**Zakura: blah blah blah. Just start already!**

**CHAPTER 37**

**DISAGREEMENTS**

Four days passed.

Sasuke was now awake and pissed at Naruto and Gaara for breaking his "awake for five days"-plan.

"The lack of sleep only makes you irritated" Naruto said.

"Nonsense! Do you have any proof of that?" Sasuke asked.

"Sure. I just asked Gaara what the time was and he punched me in the face" Naruto said. "And tied my tail up to a pole, shaved my left ear and throw my old goggles in the pond".

"So that's why you're walking around with one of your tails tied around that stick" Sasuke said. "I thought it was some new insane training-idea".

"Huh? You mean it isn't?" Daxter asked as he was trying to tie his tail around a stick (which was hard since his rabbit-tail wasn't long enough).

"What's the ottsel-rabbit doing?" Sasuke asked.

"He's just copying us since he doesn't have a teacher to train him" Naruto explained. "He figured it out while you were asleep".

"What else did I miss while YOU made me sleep for four days?" Sasuke asked.

"Well… Sakura chased me and Gaara through the forbidden forest; we were able to escape since Gaara climbed up a tree and pulled me up by the ears (which hurt a lot). Luckily Sakura didn't see us in the tree so we decided to go the tree-way back to Konohagakure and hide in my house until she had calmed down.

We would have made it too if Gaara hadn't hurt his paw on a branch…"

"Gaara hurt himself?"

"Shut up I'm talking here! He tripped in the tree and fell down so Sakura found him.

She figured I was up in the tree too and chopped it down so it landed on herself, then Gaara and I went back to our original plan and got back to my apartment.

I shut the door so Sakura wouldn't get in.

But after a few hours I got hungry…"

"Bummer"

"… and we decided to go down at the Ichirakus to get some ramen.

What we didn't know was that Sakura was waiting…"

"Didn't she get a tree in her head?"  
"She got better. So we ran out of the café and decide to hide in Gaara's house instead, which was one heck of a long way.

Sakura took a bus and caught up with us and so she beat me up badly, she couldn't hurt Gaara since he was protected by the sand.

So during this whole fight Gaara was looking at me drinking soda and Daxter was standing right next to him taking notes.

Since then I've been at the hospital for three days and just got out"

"Nice story"  
"I find it quite tragic really"

"Sure it was. You didn't get beaten badly enough!" Sasuke said and attacked Naruto.

During the whole fight, Gaara was sitting opposite of Naruto and Sasuke (which he had been doing the whole time he just hadn't said anything) drinking soda.

"This is better than Saturday-night entertainment on TV" he said.

"And it's great training!" Daxter said and started taking notes from the fight.

"Don't you ever plan on getting some practical learning?" Gaara asked.

"Well yeah, if I had someone who could test me in AAAAAH!" Daxter cried as Gaara attacked him.

Jak came running in.

"Hey guys! Naruto and Sasuke and Daxter and Gaara are fighting!" he yelled.

And so everyone in the bar stood up around the rabbits and watched.

But then, the door opened once more.

"Stop it right there!" animal control officer Two yelled. "This is clearly a scene for rabbit-fighting! Don't you know that is illegal in this city?"

"They just had and argument and started fighting on their own" Jak said.

"Well someone's got to pay for this! Who owns this one?" Two asked, and pulled Daxter away from Gaara.

"I… think that would be me" Jak said and got a fine.

"And this one?" Two asked, picking up Gaara.

"That's my brother!" Kankuro said and got a fine.

"This?" Two asked and picked up Sasuke.

"Both of them are my students" Kakashi said and got two fines, one for Sasuke and one for Naruto.

"It's nice when everyone cooperates" Two said happily as he walked out with the four rabbits (he wanted to take them to the vet), since he had his back turned he didn't see that everyone in the bar started lighting a fire on the bills and roasted hot dogs on them.

The vet, Dr. Foolman, found out that Naruto and Gaara had suffered no injuries at all, Sasuke had only received a small rift on his ear and Daxter looked like something the cat had dragged in and halfway eaten.

"Well I think it's quite obvious who the looser of this fight is" he said.

"Really? Who?" Two asked.

Dr. Foolman looked at Two with a puzzled expression, but he decided to ignore it.

"Never mind. My biggest concern is for this red rabbit-racoon-demon-thing, it seems very aggressive" he said. "Maybe we'll have to put him to slee…"

Before the vet had finished his sentence, he was killed by Gaara's "desert funeral".

Gaara now turned his attention to Two, who quickly hid his chain saw behind his back.

"Well I think nothing's wrong at all, in fact these four are ready to leave whenever they want" he said and ran away screaming.

"Baka" Gaara muttered. "He's gone now" he added to Naruto who was hiding and shivering under a blanket.

"Oh? I wasn't hiding from Two, I just didn't want to get any blood from the exploding vet spilled on me" Naruto said straightening up.

"That's got to hurt" Daxter said.

"Nah. There was no time to feel any pain. He died instantly" Gaara said. "Besides he was just an extra character, no one will miss him anyway".

"Will someone help me up? I think I've broken some bones" Daxter moaned.

Back at the Naughty Ottsel.

"Anyone have some ketchup? I seem to have forgotten mine agaaaaaain" Miss.Ecofreak said.

"Hey! Who invited you?" Jak yelled and threw the author out.

"That wasn't very smart" Ashelin said.

"Nah. What can she do?" Jak asked.

"She could send her evil rabbit to bunnyfy you but most likely nothing at all. Just ignore it" Seem said.

Jak ignored it, and so Zakura came running in and bunnyfied Jak.

"Oh no! I'm a rabbit! This means… this means… I WON'T HAVE TO EAT VEGETABLES!" Jak cheered.

"Actually, it means you must eat nothing but vegetables" Keira said.

Jak screamed loudly as Gaara, Naruto and Sasuke came in (Daxter was still at the hospital).

"What's up his ass?" Gaara asked.

"How can you live with it? The knowledge that you can never eat meat ever again? HOW CAN YOU SURVIVE ON NOTHING BUT RABBIT-FOOD?" Jak cried to them. "Or maybe you don't eat either because Shukaku will wake up if you eat?" he asked Gaara.

"GASP! ANIMAL-HATER!" Cornelius cried **(I figured since he is so fanatic about his pets he might as well be vegetarian)**

"I eat ramen and have always done" Naruto said.

"He's never had much of a healthy diet anyway" Sasuke said. "So why should he take better care of his rabbit-body?"

"And no, Shukaku does not appear when I eat. Sleep I can live without but I would have starved to death if I never ate!" Gaara said.

"Isn't it so that you can die from lack of rest?" Samos asked.

"I'M IMMORTAL!" Gaara cried and started laughing manically, making everyone else look at him with a puzzled expression, some looked extremely terrified of the thought of an everlasting Gaara.

"Sorry. I just had to say it" Gaara said and giggled. "You should have seen the looks on your faces" he added pointing at Kiba and Akamaru who where the ones who had the terrified looks** (yup, only them)**.

"We weren't scared. Just… surprised" Kiba said.

Akamaru barked in agreement.

"Oh Kiba-kun, are you still worried about what he did during the chunin-exam?" Hinata asked.

"No way! So he blasted three guys who were clearly way older than him to pieces without receiving a single scratch, so what? I can handle him any day! Purely hypothetic of course" Kiba added with a nervous look at the Shukaku-rabbit.

"Want to test?" Gaara asked.

Kiba screamed and ran out the door closely followed by Akamaru who was whimpering all the way home to Konoha.

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay, just to mention it, Kiba is not the guy to run screaming away from something.**

**Zakura: he might run, but he's not stupid enough to scream so he tells everyone where he's going.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: and Gaara's exceptional ability can scare the crap out of anyone. Please review.**


	38. Hinata's mood swings

**Zakura: Konnishiwa! Eco, this chapter title is dumb**

**Miss.Ecofreak: huh?**

**Zakura: it says "mood swings". But as far as I can see Hinata is stuck at "Pissed of"**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Fine… I actually wanted to upload this yesterday, but I couldn't log in:( But now it's here. Enjoy**

**CHAPTER 38**

**HINATA'S MOOD SWINGS**

**HINATA IS STUCK ON "PISSED OF"**

Once upon a time…

**Zakura: have you started over?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: no, just felt like starting this way.**

Once upon a time in the peaceful village of Konoha **(cough yeah right cough) **a young boy and his dog ran screaming through the streets.

Then suddenly someone pulled his/her leg out so the boy fell over and his dog stopped.

"Hi Kiba. Why are you running?" the academy-teacher Iruka asked (he was the one who had pulled out his leg).

"No reason. I just felt like a little exercise that's all" Kiba said.

"Screaming-exercise?" Iruka asked.

"Yup. I'm practising for an opera" Kiba asked. "Shall we show him our number Akamaru?"  
"No reason. I believe you" Iruka said quickly before his former student and the dog started singing. "In fact, I just remembered I promised Naruto to buy him some ramen today, see yah".

As soon as Iruka was gone, Kiba started running again.

"Wraff Wraff?" Akamaru asked, in his dog-language he said "Why are we still running? Gaara isn't following us"

"The farther away we are from that demon the better" Kiba said. "So keep running!"

And they ran and they ran until they reached the mountain where the heads of all the hokages were carved in (as the presidents and a large statue of Spongebob Squarepants (which no one knew where it came from) on Mount Rushmore).

When they reached these mountains, they forgot to stop and crashed into it so the head of the 2. Hokage fell down at poor Kiba.

"Woof… are you alright?" Akamaru asked in his dog-language.

"I'm fine… just a little rock that's all" Kiba said, crawling out from underneath the twenty-feet-tall head.

"You shouldn't run into a mountain like that" said Shino, who had just arrived with Hinata.

"Gee. You couldn't have said that a little earlier could you?" Kiba asked.

"I thought you might have figured it out on your own" Shino said. "Guess I was wrong then. Don't walk of that cliff" he added as Kiba stopped right in front of a high cliff.

"Thanks Shino" Kiba said.

"You're welcome" Shino said. "And don't throw rocks at that bee-hive"

So without any further disasters (except for when Hinata got sick of telling Kiba what to do and chopped down a tree so it landed on him) all three were safely back at the Naughty Ottsel.

"Hi Kiba! Why do you have two large bumps on your head?" Jak asked.  
"The first one I got was when a large rock-head fell down on me and the second came from Hinata who obviously is on her period" Kiba said before Hinata punched him in the face with a club.

"Wow. She really is mood sick" Jak said before Hinata hit him too.

"Er… Hinata? What's the matter?" Naruto asked.

"Nothing!" Hinata yelled, she didn't hit Naruto since she has a crush on him.

"I DO NOT!" Hinata yelled.

**Miss.Ecofreak: of course not… not… (In case you haven't' read/seen/heard someone talk about Naruto, Hinata DO have a crush on Naruto! Why else does she stare at him all the time?)**

Naruto decided to ask Neji what was going on, he found him hiding under a table.

"Why are you hiding?" he asked.

"I know Hinata. And I do NOT want to be near her right now. She gets like this every month!" Neji answered.

"Oh? Funny I never noticed" Naruto said.

"That's because you've hardly ever noticed her at all" Neji said. "It's her own damn fault for being so damn quiet" he added in a whisper.

"What did you say?"

"Never mind"  
The one of the bunnyfied ninjas suddenly got the worst idea ever.

"Hey Hinata! We almost have the same hairstyle!" Rock Lee yelled.

There was a long silence.

Tenten hid under the same table as Neji and Naruto (who was only there to talk to Neji) and said "please tell me he didn't say that."

"Hey. It's Lee we're talking about. OF COURSE HE SAID THAT!" Neji yelled.

Soon an ambulance pulled up to pick up Lee who looked like he had been ran over by twenty angry bulls, where Hinata got those bulls from was a big mystery but witnesses saw her giving money to Cornelius afterwards.

"I've told him, over and over again. NEVER talk to Hinata when she's having her time of the month. NEVER!" Neji said. "But then again Lee doesn't listen to me, Sakura, you tell him".

"I think he's got it now" Sakura said. "But then again I've told him to stay away from me countless times and he never got the hint".

"Yeah. A pain in the ass isn't he?" Naruto said, he was now sitting dangerously close to Sakura.

"I've told you countless times to stay away too" Sakura said.

"Ramen?" Naruto asked and Sakura flipped the bowl over and threw the noodles in Naruto's head.

"Why don't any of the cute boys ever do that?" Sakura wondered as she looked dreamily at Sasuke who was currently clinging to the wall at the opposite side of the bar (to stay as far away from her as possible).

"That's because the so called "cute boys" have no guts. You can't have both good looks and guts" Naruto said.

"That's not what it says. It's you can't have brains and good looks" Neji said. "Except me of course".

"And me!" Naruto said.

"And me" Lee moaned from the ambulance (that was still parked outside)

"You have neither of them" Zakura (who was standing outside the ambulance) said.

"Talking about telling people things over and over again" Neji said, popping his head up from underneath the table. "Shino, didn't I tell you guys to lock Hinata up once a month?"

"We tried, but Kurenai (Hinata, Shino and Kiba's cell-commander) said we were overreacting" Shino said as a large plate flew towards Neji who quickly dived under the table again. "Easy for her to say, she took five days of whenever this happened".

"Why didn't you just take some days of as well? Seeing as your leader was gone" Neji asked, popping up from under the table again.

"We tried. But then she decided to take a holiday too, and followed us around wherever we went" Shino said as the plate turned in mid-air and hit Neji's back head.

"Hey! How did that happen? How can a plate turn around like that?" Neji asked.

"I don't know. But it looked cool! I want to try it out!" Well said and threw a plate towards Neji.

"Oh no. I won't let myself be hit in the back head again!" Neji said before the plate hit him in the face.

"Coooool. Ehm! You've got to try this!" Well said.

Neji decided the safest option was to stay under the table as the leprechaun-ottsels started throwing plates at him, Ehm and Well were so disappointed they started throwing plates at Cyber Errol every time he hiccupped instead.

"You're HICK OUCH trying to punish me HICK OUCH right?" Errol asked.

"Stop breaking Daxter's plates! Morons!" Hinata yelled and threw a plate in the head of both the cousins.

"My hero! HICK OUCH… reflex action" Errol said.

"You can come out now Neji. The insane ottsels are gone" Hinata said.

"But you're still here" Neji said from underneath the table.

So Hinata crushed the table so Neji got it in his head, that's got to hurt.

"I'm telling auntie!" Neji cried and ran out.

"Oh no! Got to get home and look innocent!" Hinata cried and ran after him.

"Is she gone now?" said a voice from inside a cookie-jar.

"Yes" Tess said.

Jak came out of the jar.

"Finally! I thought she'd never leave" he said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: Jak the rabbit is in a cookie-jar. Zakura, what breed did you make Jak into?**

**Zakura: something bigger than Daxter's cookie-jar anyway**

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay… Log on next time and see how this will turn out, meanwhile, review and Beastfire, stop laughing for a few seconds and make sure Ivy doesn't hurt Gaara too badly.;)**


	39. Samos as a shrink

**Miss.Ecofreak: IT'S MY TURN TO OPEN THE AUTHORS-NOTE!**

**Zakura: But you always do that. Except last chapter.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: precisely! You stealing-my-line-rabbit. I'm going to have my revenge on you by sliding a bit from my sudden urge to write about Naruto and a Sasuke drunk on coffee (and Gaara, (drool))and finally have some more of Jak for a change**

**Zakura: which is probably the best, this way more readers would know what all the fuzz is about**

**Miss.Ecofreak: it's therapy-time! (As if that will help anyone)**

**CHAPTER 39**

**SAMOS AS A SHRINK**

The next day, Neji had shut his cousin in a closet and put a large boulder in front of it (he was confident she would survive five days without food, but just in case he placed a water bottle as used on small animal-cages on the walls of the closet so she would have water).

"I still think you are overreacting a little bit" Kurenai said.

"What are you doing in my house?" Neji asked not waiting for an answer before he shut Kurenai into the closet with Hinata.

"That ought to teach her a couple of things" he said and left the room, ignoring Kurenai's screams of terror.

Meanwhile back in Haven City, Jak had gotten stuck in Daxter's cookie-jar.

"I told you not to eat all the cookies when you hid in there" Tess said.

"How else was I supposed to fit?" Jak asked.

"Don't worry. I'll get him out of there in no time" Gaara said **(I must have some Gaara in it) **and picked up the cookie jar, with Jak in it, and ran out the door.

Tess went out to see where he was going; he found them on top of the palace (which Torn once again had pulled back in position) where Gaara left the jar (still with Jak in it) and jumped of the building, landing in a bed of sand.

"That'll do the trick" he said as all the sand went back to his back-pack.

"How's that supposed to help?" Tess asked.

"Just wait and see" Gaara said.

A few seconds later, the palace fell down and the jar crushed.

"Now he's free" Gaara said happily.

"All my bones are broken again" Jak moaned.

"You never mentioned you wanted to get out in one piece" Gaara said.

"Geez. I never should have tried to rebuild this thing again. Just leave it there and we'll build a Chinese restaurant over it" Torn said to the constructions workers.

And so they did, they decided to make the restaurant in the style of the old palace, which only made the restaurant fall over on top of Tess and Gaara.

"Ups… sorry rodents" Torn said.

A very pissed of Gaara broke his way through the walls of the palace.

"WE ARE NOT RODENTS! YOUR APOLOGY IS NOT ACCEPTED! I WOULD KILL YOU… OUCH… if my back didn't hurt this much. I need to lie down" he said and walked away.

Tess came with him as well.  
"You know Gaara, you should do something with that anger of yours" she said.

"Why? He made a Chinese restaurant fall on top of me and called me rodent, anyone could get pissed of by that" Gaara said.

"Sure. But in a flashback earlier you started throwing things at Naruto and tied a pole to his tail only because he asked you the time"

"He asked in a cruel way"

"How?"  
"We were looking at a picture of a racoon and he said: "Wow! That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen! What's the deal with those circles around its eyes? It makes it look worse than you! Gee. How long have we been standing here? Hey ugly-face, what's the time?"".

"Oh… that explains it. But I still think you're overreacting"

"Fine. I'll go see a psychiatrist at the hospital since I'm going that way anyway" Gaara said.

So he went to see Samos, who works as a psychiatrist as well as a green sage, baseball-player, ninja, moviemaker (which is a computer-program for making films), teacup, psychopath, math teacher, Keira's dad, writer, printer, dictionary, Santa Claus, Christmas stocking, academy student, ninja, game maker (which is a computer-program for making games) and TV-announcer.

"You sure have many screwed up talents" Gaara said.

"I'll take that a as a compliment. Tea?" Samos asked, pouring tea into himself.

"Er… no thanks" Gaara said.

"So, mr. of the sand **(Note: Gaara introduces himself as Sabaku no Gaara, Gaara of the sand)** what's your problem?" Samos said.  
"Tess claims I have an anger-problem but I don't see what that stupid little bitch is talking about. Sometimes I feel like twisting her head the other direction and use her as shark-bait" Gaara said.

Samos looked at him for a few seconds, and then wrote Gaara's explanation down on a log since he was out of paper.

"Okay… Do you know why you feel so mad all the time?" he asked.

"Maybe it's because my mom never told me bed-time stories when I was going to bed" Gaara said.

"Well… according to my files, your mother died when you were born and you never sleep" Samos said.

"And she never appeared at my high-school-graduation…"  
"She's still dead and you haven't been to high school".

"And my sweet little brother has a deadly decease and my mom doesn't even want him to have surgery…"  
"You don't have a little brother as far as I know and your mom is still dead"

"And then my mom stole my teddy bear…"

"I find that difficult since she is dead"

"And Temari never got me a puppy"

"What about that dog sitting next to you?"

"Aw… I got that one from Kankuro"

"Do you have to get one dog from each of your siblings then?"

"Man you're not helping!"  
"That's because all of your statements make absolutely no sense!"

"I knew no stupid physiatrist could help me. I feel perfectly fine anyway! A little tired but there's nothing you can do about that" Gaara said and walked towards the door, carrying the cute Papillion-puppy in a cardboard-box.

"You could try taking a nap here on my couch" Samos said as Gaara slammed the door in his face (he tore it of and threw it at him, amazing how much one small rabbit can lift).

While Samos was trying to fasten the door again, Jak came in.

"Are you busy?" he asked.

"No. I'm just fixing this door Mr. Crazy racoon-boy just broke. Sit down Jak" Samos said as a second door flew towards him.

"Gaara! Leave the director's office alone and make your dog stop chewing on the patients!" Samos yelled out in the corridor.

Then he turned to Jak who had now fallen asleep on his couch.

Samos woke him up by throwing a bucket of water on him and then pretended nothing had happen.

"So Jak/Mar. What did you came here for?" he asked, picking up his notebook/log again.

"Actually I just wanted to ask you if Keira was home" Jak said.

"Why don't you just go home to her house and check instead of coming in to my office and fall asleep on my couch?" Samos asked.  
"But this couch is so comfortable" Jak said before falling asleep again.  
Samos got mad and threw the rabbit out of the window, just as Darth Vader came in.

"Do you have time to see me doctor?" he asked.

"Sure. My last client just accidentally fell out of the window and all the others were eaten by a Papillion-puppy. Sit down Mr. Skywalker" Samos said and Darth Vader sat down on a hard wooden chair that just happened to be there.

"Why don't you sit in the couch?" Samos asked.

"Gaara's dog peed on the couch" Darth Vader said.

"So… Darth Vader. What brings you here?" Samos asked.

"I'm been feeling so depressed lately. My wife left me and took with her both kids before they were even born and my mentor thinks I'm evil" Darth Vader said.

"Well… you did help Palpatine become dictator and killed a lot of people" Samos said. "And you blew up your daughter's home planet".

"It wasn't her home planet! She was just adopted!" Darth Vader said. "Her home planet is Tatoonaboo".

"Tatoonaboo?"

"A combination of Tatooine (my home planet) and Naboo (my wife's home planet)"

"Okay" Samos said and wrote this statement down on his log. "Can you tell me about your mother?"

"What's she got to do with it?"  
"I don't know, but all the physiatrists on TV always ask about that"

"Fine then. My mother was the queen in a beautiful country…"  
"I've seen Star Wars and you're lying"

"Okay. She was a slave on Tatooine who didn't want me to do anything I found fun"

"You mean risking your life in pod-racing?"

"Unimportant. I was also a slave until Qui Gon came and took me to Corosant, then he died and I was left with Obi Wan who didn't want me to do anything I found fun".

"He neither?"  
"He told me to stay put with a constantly nagging senator while he went out fighting the bad guys!"  
"Nagging senator? Is it your wife you're referring to?"

"Whatever. She was annoying all the same. She kept saying we couldn't marry because we would be living on a lie but then all of a sudden she changed her mind and afterwards she left me for that stupid jerk Obi Wan!"  
"As far as I can recall she was injured and Obi Wan tried to save her"

"Whatever. It's his fault she left. If he hadn't told her I converted to the dark side we could live happily ever after".

"Don't you think she would have figured it out on her own?"

"…Okay… maybe she would. But why didn't Obi ever tell me she got twins? They tricked everyone saying she died before giving birth!"

"Because if you knew you would probably take them and make them turn to the dark side as well".

"You think you know everything don't you?"  
"I've seen all the Star Wars films, you should see them sometime"

"You suck! Gaara was right, this was a waste of time" Darth Vader said and walked towards the door, tearing it of and throwing it at Samos.

"Why does everyone do that?" Samos asked from under the door.

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay, so Gaara and Anakin got some lines too and Neji got his "Hinata-problem" fixed. Now everyone should be happy.**

**Hinata and Kurenai: LET US OUT!**

**Gaara: I want another dog**

**Jak: my back!**

**Daxter: my cookie-jar!**

**Random reader: is the chapter over now?**

**Zakura: almost everyone**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well the most important thing is that I'm happy and the readers entertained. Were you? Please review and let me know.**

**Jak: and call the ambulance! My whole body hurts from having the palace fall over me and then being thrown out of the window!**

**PS: if anyone would like to see a picture of Gaara's dog, enter my deviantart-account by my profile, the picture is called "Gaara's puppy"**


	40. Dog in trouble

**Miss.Ecofreak: heh. Only after one small comment about Gaara wanting a dog I wanted to write more about little Pappy, seems to be the only creature Gaara cares about.**

**Zakura: Like I'm the only creature you care about? (Puppy-eyes)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: don't be stupid! I care about lots of other people and animals too! Like Ki-chan (Kiara, rest in peace, she died) Pat-chan (Patches), Maxi-kun (Max) and the baby guinea-pigs.**

**Zakura: those were only animals.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: That doesn't mean I don't have other friends too! I have lots of human friends! But enough about me, back to our fic.**

**CHAPTER 40**

**DOG IN TROUBLE**

Several days went by and nothing of interest happened.

The characters where about to throw a party since they thought the fic was over, but they realised they were wrong as a large comet appeared and crashed into the Haven City Cinema.

How did they realise it because of that?

Because Zakura was riding the comet.

"Okay that's it! I'm getting seriously sick of this fic!" Jak said.

"Do you have a fever?" Zakura asked.

"No"

"Then you're not sick. We were just taking a break. In fact all Miss.Ecofreak did was to write "Several days went by and nothing of interest happened", that doesn't mean the fic is over"

Jak moaned.

"I don't like you either" Zakura said and threw the remains of Samos' door on Jak.

"Be gone demon from hell!" Naruto said pulling out a piece of garlic.

"Look who's talking" Zakura muttered.

"Well. I'll try to repel you with garlic anyway!" Naruto said and threw the garlic at Zakura.

The killer rabbit looked at the garlic for a second then ate it.

"Needs more sugar" she said.

THE END

Everyone cheered.

"No, that was just a joke by Miss.Ecofreak's brother" Zakura said.

Everyone moaned.

"Argh! I hate you!" Naruto yelled.

"I don't care!" Zakura answered.

"I hate you too!" Sasuke yelled.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Zakura screamed and ran away crying.

"Wow Sasuke-kun! You made Zakura go away" Ino said and was about to cuddle with Sasuke.

"I also hate you! And you Sakura" Sasuke said before Sakura too started to cuddle with him.

Both Ino and Sakura ran away crying.

"It was better that way. They weren't even our species" Naruto said.

"I especially hate you!" Sasuke said.

"You're just saying that. I've been reading lots of fanfics which says the opposite" Naruto said.

"We're both boys" Sasuke said.  
"Never stopped Torn" Naruto said and pointed at Torn who was now standing outside Jak's house shouting: "Jak! Jak! Wherefore art thou Jak?"

"That's my line!" Jak yelled from the balcony. "If I felt like saying it that is".

"He's hopeless" Sasuke said.  
"Poor guy, maybe I can teach him some tricks on how to make Jak like him" Naruto said.

"How? No one likes you!" Sasuke said as a plate hit his head.

"Sorry. Hinata got out of the closet" Neji said.

"Okay… so the shy Hyuuga-girl likes you, but no one else" Sasuke said.

"That's not true! All girls like me; they're just too shy to tell" Naruto sad before all the girls in the room (except Hinata) started throwing plates at him. "Ouch. You hurt the one you love" he said. "Well at least Gaara's dog like me"

Then Gaara's dog bit him.

"Stop scaring little Pappy!" Gaara said accusingly picking up the puppy and started cuddling with her **(Pappy's a girl)**.

"ARGH! I've been injured! My beautiful hand!" Naruto yelled.

"It's just a scratch, that dog's teeth aren't longer than three inches" Sasuke said.

_Oh my god. How can one so small dog have such large teeth? _Naruto thought to himself.

"Has that dog been tested for rabies?" he asked Gaara.

"No. It's nothing to worry about anyway. Just ignore it" Gaara said.  
"That's my line!" Seem yelled.

So as Naruto ran of to get a rabies-vaccine for both him and Pappy, Cornelius entered.

"Hi Gaara! I heard from Samos you got a dog! Can I pet it?" he asked.

"Go on. She's never bitten anyone" Gaara said, revealing a certain lack of short-term memory.

Snap!  
"OUCH!"  
"Nice isn't she?" Gaara said happily.

"Sure… a lot nicer than Random Pet was anyway" Cornelius said rubbing his sore hand.

"I told you it was a bad idea to give him that dog" Temari said.

"But… he was crying!" Kankuro said.

"You're too nice to that kid. Always lets him have everything he points at"

"That's not true! Remember that day in the zoo when he was three? He pointed at a rhino and said "look at that ugly wino!" I didn't give him that."

"No. But you gave him a hamster and three years later it was dead!"  
"Hamsters only live three years Temari".

"Can we go back to telling stories about us now?" Jak asked. "I know I'm still badly injured from that day Mr. demon-kid here threw me of a fifty-story building but I'm still funny!"

"You're so right" Zakura said.

"Hey! Are you insulting me?" Jak said. "I would have attacked you if I wasn't in a wheel chair. Daxter, go attack her."  
"Why me?" Daxter asked.

"Because I'm in a wheel chair!" Jak said.

"Can't your dog do it?"  
"Okay. Crocket, kill her!"

The Crocadog came running in and charged at Zakura.

"MAMMAL-FIGHT!" Jak yelled.

"That dog looks like a reptile to me" Gaara said.  
"Whatever. SEE THEM FIGHT!" Jak yelled as Crocket ran away whimpering.

"What did you do to that poor pup?" Daxter asked.

"I just showed him my new crocodile-skin handbag" Zakura said. "I didn't know he would react like that".

The rabbit's big smile revealed she did know the crocadog would react like that.

"Don't worry Pappy. No one's going to hurt you OUCH!" Gaara said as Pappy bit him.

"Aw… that dog is so cute" Darth Sidious said.

"Will you stop showing up when we're not prepared? You scared Yoda to death" Luke said.

"Sorry. I'll give him this cake so he'll forgive me" Sidious said.

"He's dead"

"Great! More for me then! Who stole my coffee?"  
"I didn't" Sasuke said quickly. "A bit of topic but has anyone noticed how long I can stretch my ears? 5 inches! Man they're long! Should I measure yours too Sakura-chan?"

"Speak slower. I didn't hear what you said" Sakura said.

"He asked if he should pull your ears and figure out how long they could get" Gaara said.

"Er… no thanks Sasuke-kun" Sakura said, she liked Sasuke, but the thought of him pulling her ear wasn't tempting.

"Aw… How about you Torn? You have long ears" Sasuke said.

"No way! I don't want rabbit-hair in my ears!" Torn said.

"Then I'll measure Pappy's!" Sasuke said and started running after the little dog.

"No! You leave Pappy alone you caffeine-addicted red-eyed Uchiha-dork!" Gaara said and started running after Sasuke.

"Hey yeah! I paid lots for that dog!" Kankuro said and ran after Sasuke, Gaara and Pappy.

"NINJA-FIGHT COMING UP!" Jak yelled. "ONE PAPILLION, ONE DEMON-RACOON, ONE RABBIT AND ONE REGULAR DUDE!"

"Don't you have anything better to do than watching other people fight?" Keira asked.

"Nope. Not since Jak/Dork3 ended and I had no evil villains who tried to take over the world or since I befriended Naruto, Luke and their lot" Jak said.

"We're one big happy family now" Kor said and started cuddling with the greenish yellow rabbit which was Jak.

"Still you like watching your new friends fight?" Keira asked.

"Gaara made me fall of the top of the palace and Sasuke stole my coffee, so I just hope Kankoru wins" Jak said.

"But Kankoru's just trying to save Pappy from Sasuke."  
"But you'll never know if he figures out he's going to punish his brother for being naughty too. I would do that if he was my brother."

"Gaara would probably kill Kankoru if he tried" Temari said.

"Bummer" Jak said.

So Kankoru chased Gaara who was chasing Sasuke who was chasing Pappy all the way back to the village hidden in sound, Oto, Orochimaru's village.

"Er… Orochimaru? A dog, a rabbit, a red racoon and a sand-nin just ran by your window" one of the otonins told his boss.

"Oh my! I've always wanted a racoon! Where is it?" Orochimaru asked and poked his head out of the window.

But Kankoru, Gaara, Sasuke and Pappy were already out of the village and heading towards wave country where Inari was sitting on the great Naruto-bridge looking into the water.

"Oh, I sure miss my old puppy Pochie **(I don't remember the dog's name, but I think this was it)**"he said to himself.

Suddenly he saw something down in the water.

"Is that Pochie swimming there? No. It's just a white Papillion chased by a black rabbit chased by a red racoon chased by an idiot with a hood" he said.

"He he. Idiot in a… But that's me! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS WHEN I GET OUT OF THE WATER!" Kankoru yelled up to Inari. "Brrrr. This water's cold."

"Heh… he's funny" Inari said.

The chase went on into the busy streets on Corosant **(Zakura: how did they get to another planet? Miss.Ecofreak: you ask too much)**

"That is why I think we should ignore the fact that Alderaan was blown up and appoint me as emperor once more" Palpatine/Sidious said to the senators.

"Hey! What's that?" Padme asked as the foursome ran into the conference-room and just as quickly ran out on the other side.

"That was unexpected" Palpatine said.

Before anyone was able to see how, the animals and Kankoru were at the ice planet Hoth **(guess what! The scenes on that planet (Star Wars) were filmed here in Norway!)**

"ATCHOO! I shouldn't have run into the snow right after swimming. I'm going to catch a cold" Kankoru said.  
"I don't care as long as you CATCH PAPPY FIRST!" Gaara said.

And so they all fell of a cliff and was never seen again until next Saturday when they were seen running through the pyramids in Egypt.

**Miss.Ecofreak: I would love to write more about the interesting chase but this chapter was getting long**

**Zakura: and so?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: too long and I can't upload it. I would have to split it up anyway**

**Zakura: weak. **

**Miss.Ecofreak: so how's that? Just tell me and I'll be back in about a year or shorter**

**Zakura: let's hope that's waaay shorter or I wouldn't have anything to comment. **


	41. The chase must go on

**Miss.Ecofreak: welcome back, Sasuke, Gaara, Pappy and Kankoru has been running all over the world and other places since last chapter and right now they're…**

**Pappy: (runs by outside the window barking like mad)**

**Gaara: (runs by outside the window) leave my dog alone!**

**Kankoru: (Runs by outside the window) please stop! I'm tired**

**Fluffy: …in Norway, more precisely, outside your window**

**Miss.Ecofreak: enjoy… what the? Sabaku no Gaara outside MY window? (Runs to the window to look but can't see anything since they're all fictional anyway), No, where's Zakura-chan?**

**Zakura: (runs by) AAAAAAARGH!**

**Fluffy: what's wrong?**

**Zakura: Beastfire's muse Ivy is chasing me for no reason! Help! (runs away)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: she's just had her claws clipped. Here's a new chapter.**

**Zakura: someone save me!**

**CHAPTER 41**

**THE CHASE MUST GO ON**

"Can we stop now? I need to go to the toilet" Kankoru said.

"Do it in your pants. We must save Pappy!" Gaara said.  
"From what? Sasuke isn't here anymore" Kankoru said.

Gaara, Kankoru and Pappy stopped.

Sure enough Sasuke was nowhere to be seen.

"Hah! My great powers must have chased him away" Gaara said.

"You never used any of your powers. Now can I go to the toilet?" Kankoru asked.

"Fine, go ahead" Gaara said and started cuddling with Pappy again as Kankoru ran into my house to borrow the toilet.

"But if Sasuke isn't here… where is he?" Gaara wondered. "Better ask Kankoru. HEY BRO! ARE YOU DONE YET?"

"Ah. Yeah" Kankoru said as he came out.

"Did you see where Sasuke went?" Gaara said. "Or if not. Where did you last see him?"  
"Why do you care?"

"He might be hiding somewhere, waiting for us to pass so he can pull Pappy's ears"

_Why did I have to get such an insane little brother? Was I him in a past life or something?_ Kankoru thought. "I think I last saw him when we ran past London."

"TO SPAIN!" Gaara yelled.  
"Er… London is in England" Kankoru corrected.

"I knew that idiot! I was testing you. TO THAT PLACE KANKORU LAST SAW SASUKE!" Gaara yelled.

So the sand-nin-brothers and their dog went to England by Shinkansen (which is in Japan).

"Hey! What was that for?" Kankoru asked.

"Another crazy idea by Miss.Ecofreak I assume. Let's find Sasuke" Gaara said, he was now waving a broken headband from Konohagakure in front of Pappy's nose.

"Isn't that Itachi's headband?" Kankoru asked.

"Yes, but Sasuke is his brother so they should have the same scent. Search Pappy!" Gaara said and Pappy ran of, searching for Sasuke.

Pappy led them to a large shopping mall where they encountered Itachi in a clothes shop.

"Itachi? What are you doing in England?" Kankoru asked.

"Trying to find matching socks. That's mine!" Itachi said snatching the headband from Gaara.

"Have you seen Sasuke somewhere?" Gaara said.  
"Yup. He's over there" Itachi said and pointed to a restaurant next to the clothes shop.

Sasuke was in the restaurant, guess what he was doing?

"Eating?" Kankuro asked.

**Nope. Guess again.**

"Throwing darts?"

"No Kankoru, he's drinking coffee again!" Gaara said.

"Hi sand-nins! English coffee sure is good" Sasuke said.

"That's not coffee. That's tea" Gaara said.  
"What? This is an outrage!" Sasuke yelled and threw the teacup out of a window which led to the shop next door and hit Itachi in the head.

"Now we've found him, can I go to the toilet now?" Kankoru asked.

"What? You just went to the toilet!" Gaara asked.

"Not just now. Just after I had been to the toilet last time you insisted in taking the Shinkansen, which is in Japan, to get from Norway to England so we had to walk (and swim) all the way to Japan across Europe and Asia (walking through the coldest most northern areas of Russia **(and these guys are used to desert… giggle)**) and then we walked (and swam) all the way from Japan across the American continent (through the amazons where I was nearly eaten by a pack of piranhas) back to England again so now I need to go once more" Kankoru said.  
"Fine. Just go" Gaara said and Kankoru ran over to the restaurant's toilets.

"Who's got the stupidest brother now?" Sasuke asked.

"I dooooo!" Gaara yelled.

"NO I DO!" Sasuke yelled and so they started fighting.

"RABBIT-FIGHT!" Jak yelled.  
"When did you get here?" Kankoru asked when he was back from the toilet.

"I've always been here. I just went to the toilet" Jak said.

"But I was just at the toilet, how come I didn't see you?" Kankoru asked.

"Well, maybe you went into the wrong toilet, was there a picture of a man or an elf on the door?" Jak asked and pointed at the doors to the toilet.

Sure enough, one had a picture of a man with long ears on it.

"Oh cool! Sasuke is fighting someone else!" Itachi said. "I was about to beat him up for throwing this teacup at me but watching him being beaten to a bloody pulp by Shukaku is much better".

But Sasuke wasn't beaten into a bloody pulp, halfway into the fight he fell asleep and Gaara got sick of fighting a sleeping rabbit.

"Great. He's probably going to blame Naruto and me for messing up his "awake for four days"-plan again" Gaara said. "He's been up for three days now".

"Why Naruto?" Kankoru asked.

"Because it was his hammer I used to hit Sasuke in the head with" Gaara said showing Kankoru the hammer.

"Just three? I was awake three and a half days once" Itachi said.

"Okay. So that's probably the reason why Sasuke wanted to be awake for so long. He always tries to outdo you" Gaara said.

"But he doesn't try to wipe out his entire family does he?" Kankoru asked.

"Actually he does. I'm all he has left from his family after I murdered our clan and our grandma accidentally was hit by a zoomer yesterday and Sasuke tries to kill me" Itachi said.

"Sure hope he doesn't go for the Hyuuga-clan afterwards then" Jak said. **(Miss.Ecofreak: Sasuke and Itachi's clan, the Uchiha, share descendants with Neji and Hinata, the Hyuuga-clan, somewhere far back in their family tree. Their bloodline-traits (Sharingan and Byakugan-eyes) even resemble each other)**

"Come on Kankoru, we better get back to the Naughty Ottsel, you carry Sasuke and Pappy-chan, she's tired" Gaara said.  
"What? But I've been carrying that dog since we left Norway!" Kankoru yelled but reluctantly he picked up the sleeping rabbit and the dog since he cared so much for his brother… or he was afraid Gaara would kill him if he refused (they are such a happy family).

Back at the Naughty Ottsel, Errol and Cornelius was having a drinking contest, Errol was more drunk than ever and Cornelius wasn't affected by the alcohol at al since he was drinking water.

"You HICK can't HICK last HICK a second HICK!" Errol said and fell asleep.  
"Man he's stupid" Cornelius said as the sand-nin-brothers came in, Kankoru still carrying Pappy.

"Hey Kankoru. Where's Sasuke?" Sakura asked.

"We dumped him at an animal refuge in Wales. If you hurry up and pick him up in less than ten days he might not get adopted by Orochimaru" Kankoru said as Sakura and Ino ran out the door to pick up Sasuke in Wales.

"You guys looks like you've been all over the place! Can I have that piranha?" Cornelius asked.

"What piranha?" Kankoru asked.

"The one that is stuck to your hood" Cornelius said.

Kankoru pulled out a mirror and sure enough, a piranha had bitten his hood and was now hanging on even though it was ten hours since it last were in the water.

"It must have followed us from Africa" Gaara said.  
"There aren't piranhas in Africa and we haven't been in Africa either" Kankoru said.

"I KNOW THAT! I was still testing you" Gaara said stubbornly.

"Can I have it please?" Cornelius asked.

"I don't know… it's kind of cute, and I've always wanted a pet" Kankoru said. "Other than this crazy dog that is".

"What's wrong with Pappy-chan?" Gaara asked.

SNAP.

"That's what wrong with Pappy-chan" Kankoru said and pulled the Papillion-pup of his hand.

"You scared her. That's why she bites" Gaara said.

"I think she must be a demon. Then again she's the perfect pet for Gaara" Kankoru said. "The only creature that can love a demon must be another demon. What a cute couple they make".

"Ew…" Gaara said as he thought over this sentence.

"I didn't mean it that way" Kankoru said quickly and put the dead piranha in a tank. "Since this fish is so insane it bites my hood, I'll call it Gaara".

"HEY!"

"I mean… since I love this fish as a brother I will call it Gaara".

"Nice".

"Aren't piranhas mammals?" Daxter said.

"No. They're predatory fish" Tess explained.

"But which ones where mammals then?"  
"Whales"  
"The entire population of Wales are mammals?"  
"No! I mean… the human population of Wales might be mammals, but I mean whales, like dolphins and seals and stuff".

"And crabs?"

"They're crustaceans"

"You do you remember all these stuff?" Daxter asked sounding very impressed. "I must have the smartest girlfriend ever!"

**Miss.Ecofreak: from scared dogs to crustaceans, these guys know how to make a story random.**

**Zakura: (sits in her cage to avoid getting beaten up by Ivy)no they don't, you just drive them insane**

**Miss.Ecofreak: who me? (Tries to look innocent) Please review and Beastfire, please come get Ivy.;)**


	42. More rabbits

**Miss.Ecofreak: (puts Ivy in a cage) that would probably be the best place for you right now.**

**Ivy: hi rabbit!**

**Zakura: let me out! Let me out!**

**Fluffy: er… Ecofreak?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (Ignores the hamster/rat/guinea pig/whatever he is right now) Thee Slushee, I know what you're going through, my computer can't download anime either, and it's non-existient on norwegian TV (almost happy for that, if it comes it'll probably be the american version and american animes scare me) but luckily I've got friends with better internet-connection, so I sometimes gets episodes on CD. (have about 40)**

**and here ladies, gentlemen and not so gentle men, is:**

**CHAPTER 42**

**MORE RABBITS!**

Kankoru was still playing with his dead fish when a steaming mad Sakura and a deliriously happy Ino entered carrying a very distressed Sasuke.

"I got there first" Ino said smiling. "And I was lucky; Orochimaru hadn't tried to adopt Sasuke-kun yet so I adopted him, aren't you glad too Sasuke?"

"I would prefer Orochimaru" Sasuke said.

"You want me to hug you? Okay" Ino said and hugged Sasuke.

"You only hear what you want to hear don't you?" Sakura asked.

"Yes I love my hair too" Ino answered.

"Gaara, can't you use your sand coffin to make Ino let go of me?" Sasuke asked.

"Sorry. Not before you apologize to Pappy-chan" Gaara said stubbornly.  
"Sigh fine. Sorry I bothered you Pappy-chan" Sasuke said.

"Say her full name!" Gaara said.  
"I don't want to!" Sasuke answered.

"You have to! Or else Ino will be holding you forever!"

"Sigh fine. Sorry Finest Papillion Queen of Konoha and Sunagakure-Sama-Sennin-Chan" Sasuke said. "Who on earth calls their dog that?"

"Pappy's breeder does! Don't blame me! SABAKUKYO!" Gaara yelled and trapped Ino in sand so she had go let go of Sasuke.

"Thanks Gaara. I might pay you back some day. USAGI NO JUTSU!" Sasuke yelled and when Ino came out of the sand coffin, she had been transformed into a rabbit.

"Rabbits can't own other rabbits, so this means I'm a free bunny again! But before anyone gets any ideas USAGI NO JUTSU!" Sasuke yelled and Sakura was bunnyfied.

"I didn't do anything!" Sakura complained.  
"But you wanted to. Now leave me alone" Sasuke said and jumped up to the counter and started ordering coffee.

"Hey! How about my payment?" Gaara asked.

"I said I would pay you back some day, not today" Sasuke said.  
"But I want it now! If I don't get it I'm going to reverse your Usagi No Jutsu and make Sakura and Ino normal again" Gaara said.

"You can't do that" Sasuke said.

"Yes I can!"

"Then do it!"  
"Er… not before you pay me".

"But you threatened with doing it if I _didn't_ pay you".

"Psst! Little brother. He can't do that" Itachi whispered.

"Hah! I knew you were bluffing!" Sasuke said.

"Fine. So I can't reverse Usagi No Jutsu. But I can use Sabakusoso (desert funeral, a deadly attack where Gaara crushes the enemy in sand) on you and that would get nasty!" Gaara said.  
"Don't do that. I just cleaned the counter" Tess said.

"And killing Uchiha-clan members is my job" Itachi said.

"Go commit suicide then" Sasuke said.

"Noooooooo" Itachi said.

"Pleeeeeeaaaaaseeeeee" Sasuke said.

"Will you two pleeeeeeaaaaaseeee stop whining? I can't believe you descend from the Hyuuga-clan" Neji said.

"Well I can't believe you can see whit no pupils, but that's one thing I wanted to ask Gaara about too" Sasuke said. "Gaara? How can Neji see without pupils?"  
The pupil-less Gaara glared at him. "You still owe me from saving you from Ino" he said.  
"I can save you from Ino later" Sasuke said.

"What can she do? You just bunnyfied her and sold her to a pet shop" Gaara said **(Zakura: did I miss something? When did that happen? Miss.Ecofreak: …)**

Just then Orochimaru entered, carrying two rabbits in a cage.

"Look what I just picked up at the pet shop! Two new friends for you Sasuke" he said and opened the cage so Ino and Sakura could come out and hug Sasuke.

"NOOOOOOOOO! Orochimaru sure is evil!" Sasuke yelled and ran out the back door.

"Ah. Young love" Gai said. "I remember when I was young and the girls swirled around me like that too".

Tenten stared at him.  
"Girls swirled around YOU?" she asked and stared at Lee who almost could pass as the young Gai.

Rock Lee was staring at the door in which Sakura had just left through, stepping on him on the way.

"I'll never be hugged" he said sadly.

"Poor rabbit. I can hug you" Orochimaru said.

"NOOOOOO!" Lee cried as Orochimaru actually did hug him.

"I was hugged by the bad guy!" he cried.

"Good news Lee. It turned out the bunnyfication-technique Sasuke used on you infects others by hugging" Tenten said.

"Meaning?" Lee asked.

"Just look at Orochimaru" Tenten said.

Lee turned around and saw a black rabbit with snake-eyes.

"This wasn't part of the plan" Orochimaru said.

"Is that why no one wants to hug me?" Lee asked.

"No. It's just because you're ugly" Neji said.

"Lee! You seem so sad!" Gai said.

"Gai-sensei!" Lee said.

And so they hugged and Gai as well transformed into a rabbit which looked strangely a lot like Lee.

"Gives you a warm fuzzy feeling don't it?" Naruto said as Tenten and Neji looked about ready to throw up.

"But that is just gross" Naruto said as Neji threw up on his seat.

"Are they done hugging now?" Tenten asked. She was covering her eyes.

"Makes no sense. How can a technique be infectious? I didn't make it infectious? Why is it infectious?" Zakura yelled.

Behind a curtain stood Itachi, no one knew what he was doing there.

"Wow, Sasuke is right. It is fun to bunnyfy people!" he said. "Especially when they're not looking

"Can you teach me how to do that boss?" Konohamaru asked.

"Thought you wanted Naruto to teach you things?" Itachi said.

"Naruto is a looser! I want to be your trainee!" Konohamaru said.

"This could be fun" Itachi said grinning.

"So can you show me how to do Usagi No Jutsu?" Konohamaru asked.

"Sure, you form your paws… I mean hands like this, and say the magic words" Itachi said. "Usagi no jutsu!"

"Okay! I get it!" Konohamaru the rabbit said. "Thanks Boss!"

And so he ran of and as soon as Itachi had turned his head he heard someone saying "Wow Lee! You're so cool! Itachi is a looser! I want to be your trainee!"

"I feel so betrayed" Itachi said and started crying.

"Oh, the rabbit is sad. Should I give you a hug?" Orochimaru asked.

Itachi decided to follow Sasuke out the back door.

**Miss.Ecofreak: hope you liked that**

**Zakura: (breaks out of the cage) now I'm really mad at you!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: huh? What did I do?  
Zakura: (starts beating on Miss.Ecofreak)**

**Fluffy: okay… since my creator is busy right now I guess I'm the one who have to say: please review**


	43. Daxter's new attemt

**Miss.Ecofreak: this turned out long.**

**Zakura: and it introduces Iruka-sensei again too, he was Naruto's teacher at the ninja academy and the first one to really acknowledge him**

**Miss.Ecofreak: maybe except for the 4. Hokage**

**Zakura: yeah, but he died shortly after Naruto's birth (after sealing Kyuubi in him) so he doesn't count.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: enough of that, lets see if Iruka can make a ninja out of Daxter and his crazy friends **

**CHAPTER 43**

**DAXTER'S NEW ATTEMPT**

While the ninjas were bunnyfying each other in his bar, Daxter had finally found someone who could teach him to become a ninja, and to be sure to have at least one three-man-cell he had brought a lot of friends along to the ninja academy in Konohagakure.

"It's so nice to see so many hopeful students her today" the academy teacher Iruka said. "Can't you all tell a little something about yourselves and why you want to become ninjas? You can start Daxter".

"Okay! My name is Daxter! I want to become a ninja so I can… why was it again? (Flips back the pages in the fic) Oh yeah! To get super powers so I can fight stuff!** (Zakura: what's "stuff"? Miss.Ecofreak: hope it's Ivy (gets attacked once more))**" Daxter said.

"That's a heroic goal. How about you Jak?"

"Er… I just want to learn new ways of killing people" Jak said. "And I have a rat on my shoulder"  
"… Great. The rest of you can just tell in the order that you're sitting because I don't remember your names" Iruka said.

"I'm Jak's mother, for some reason I'm a rat in this fic so I have to sit on Jak's shoulder so no cat eats me. I want to become a ninja to kill those cats"

"I'm Keira! And I want to become a ninja and come in the same cell as Jak so he'll stop ignoring my existence!"

"I'm Torn. And I want to come in Jak's cell too cause he's my girlfriend"

"What? I'm not your girlfriend! I'm not even a girl!" Jak said. "And when did this become a Yaoi-fic anyway?"

"I'm Baron Praxis. And I want to become a ninja so I can take over the world! MUHAHAHA!"

"I'm Veger. And the only reason I am here is because he (points at Daxter) forced me!"

"My name is Keira 542365. I'm a dwarf mouse and I want to become a ninja so I can crush Haven City to dust!"

"I am the farmer from TPL and I'm here because I want to train up my yaccows in ninjutsu so they can fend of the wolves"  
"My name is Pup, I'm a wolf and I want to train ninjutsu so I can defend my heard from his (points at the farmer) cows."

"My name is…"  
"I know who you are! You're Rock Lee (though a little fuzzier since the last time I saw you) but have already passed the genin-exam!" Iruka said.

"Yes. But I figured if I passed again I would become a greater ninja!" Lee said.

"My name is Ashelin. And I want to become a ninja so I can kick Jak and Cornelius' asses for burning down my t-shirt-stand"

"I'm nobody. Ignore me"  
"I'm Cornelius and I want to stop the animal cops before they come take my babies away!"  
"You're a father?" Ashelin asked in shock.

"With babies I mean my pets stupid" Cornelius said.

"You have pets?" Ashelin asked in shock.

Everyone stared at Ashelin.

"Well I sure have a lot of insane students on my hand this year (one for the second time) Anyway, I am looking forward to train you all to become great ninjas. Unfortunately one nine of you will actually become genin (junior lever ninja) and get this cool headband, the rest of you will get this t-shirt" Iruka said and showed a t-shirt with the text "I wanted to become a genin but all I got was this stupid t-shirt".

"That looks like it's been stolen from my shop!" Ashelin yelled.

"Okay. First of all I want you to read these long and boring books" Iruka said.

"Books? Isn't this a warrior-school?" Daxter asked.

"Knowledge is power right? So read these books!" Iruka demanded.

And so they all sat down reading the long and boring books.

"There are no bunnies in this book" Lee cried. "I was hoping it was a bunny-book! I like bunnies!"

"If you don't stop disturbing the class we'll eat a certain black bunny for lunch" Iruka said.

Lee shut up and threw the book out of the window in protest.

"I want a bunny-book" he muttered.

No one gave Lee a bunny-book, so the rest of the day he sat on his chair mourning as the rest of the class almost fell asleep from reading the boring books.

Zzzzzzzzz BLAM!  
Everyone wake up with a shock, especially the racoon-rabbit who earlier had claimed to be no one and wanted to be ignored, looked at the desk beside him to see what all the noise was.

"Sorry Gaara. You don't look cute when you're sleeping" Lee said, he had a Lord of the Rings-book on his desk which he had dropped on it, making all the noise.

Gaara just glared at him, then looked back to his long boring book.

Five minutes passed.

Zzzzzzzzzz BLAM!

"No sleeping in class!" Lee warned. "Especially not if sleeping is all that keeps a certain demon from wrecking the school.

Gaara glared at him once more and looked back to his long boring book.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. BLAM!

"WILL YOU KNOCK OF IT OF?" Gaara yelled.

Suddenly Two and Three appeared, with their new recruits Five and Seven.

"Stop that you animal abuser!" Two yelled and pointed his finger accusingly at Rock Lee.

"What have I done?" Lee asked.

"You're bothering this poor racoon by not letting him sleep! I'm afraid we'll have to arrest you" Three said.

"Yo're really aggressive!" Lee said.

"We're aggressive?" Two asked. "But that's not good! I'll have to be humanely put to sleep!"

And so Two put himself to sleep humanely by hanging himself in the classroom and the other three walked away with Lee.

"That sure was strange" Gaara said and went back to reading his long and boring book.

Half an hour of snoring (or destruction) later:

"Well it seems we'll have to take a break from our schoolwork for a moment while the school is being rebuild" Iruka said. "And by the way Gaara, you're expelled for having your pet racoon smash the school-building".  
"Shukaku isn't my pet! He's a demon my dad put in me!" Gaara said.  
"Whatever. You must either stop bringing your pet demon to school or go" Iruka said.

Gaara figured the easiest way was to go home, Shukaku wasn't exactly something he could just leave behind when he wanted to.

"So… since we have no school-building… who wants a field trip?" Iruka said.

The class cheered.

Iruka took his class to Tatooine to watch pod racing.

"Will this make us better ninjas?" Daxter asked.

"No. But I can win some money" Iruka said. "I've put all my money on Anakin, he's the best!"

"But Anakin isn't racing today" Jak's mother pointed out.

So Iruka lost all his money that day, and then he took his class to Spargus City taking money from Kakashi's wallet.

In Spargus Iruka betted all Kakashi's money on leaper-racing but lost once more since the racer he betted on fell into the water and drowned.

Then he borrowed money from Kurenai to pay Kakashi back and betted the rest on the big city races in Haven City, betting on Errol who was drunk so he drove of the course (that may have been since Cornelius spilled soap on the course but we chose to believe it's because of the alcohol since the zoomers don't touch the ground damn it!)

So Iruka had to borrow money from Itachi to pay back Kurenai, buy himself a new set of underwear and tickets for the whole class to USA where he was caught driving without licence and had to borrow money from Jak's mother to pay the fine and then lost all the rest of the money betting on pod racing once again.

So he had to borrow more money from Gaara's dead mother and the Hokage to pay Itachi and Jak's mother back and pay for the pods he broke to give Anakin a better chance of wining, of course Anakin still wasn't racing so it didn't work.

And then…

"Iruka-sensei? Don't you think we've spent enough money on gambling now?" Keira asked as Iruka was playing poker with Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan, this time he was completely out of money so he was betting stuff like his house, his clothes and his dead parents.

"Shhh Keira. I need to concentrate so I might win this thing" Iruka whispered.

"Where did you get this moron from?" Keira asked Daxter.  
"Naruto said he was good! It's the last time I listen to that sneaky fox" Daxter said.

When they were finally back at the ninja academy (now rebuild) Iruka had lost all his clothes, his Japanese accent **(How do one loose his accent?)**, his house and the farmer from TPL to Luke but it didn't stop him from teaching, although he was completely naked.

"Okay students, we've had some draw backs but now we must get back to our school work. Fist I need to check everyone's here" he said, ignoring the giggling from the girls and the sounds of the boys throwing up.

"Daxter?"  
"Here"

"Jak?"  
"I'm under my desk sensei".

"Jak's mother?"  
"Damn it! Don't I have a name in this fic?"  
"Keria?"  
"MY NAME IS KEIRA!"

"Welcome to my world" Veger said.

"Torn?"

"My foot is still broken from Shukaku chewing on it but I'm still here"

"Baron Praxis?"

"He fell in a pond" Cornelius said, whistling innocently.

"Keira 542365?"

"She's sick" Jak said.

"Vegkost?"  
"…"  
"Vegkost isn't here?"

"Er... I think his name's Veger" Jak said.

"Okay. Veger?"  
"Here."  
"The farmer from TPL?"  
"You lost him in poker" Keira reminded him.

"Right. Pup?"  
"Wraff"

"Rock Lee?"  
"The Animal cops took him away" Jak's mother said.

"Ashelin?"

"I'm laughing… I mean I'm here"  
"Cornelius?"

"Cornelius went home to care for Keira 542365" Ashelin said.

"Okay then… wasn't he just here?" Iruka asked.

"Possibly. Don't forget what fic you're in" Ashelin said.

"Oh right. Well I don't have any work for you today so you can all just go home and let me figure out how to pay back the money I owe Gaara's mother (I'll just give it to Kankoru since their mom's dead) and the Hokage" Iruka said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: so I made Iruka a gambler. That was fun**

**Zakura: It was more fun watching Shukaku wreck the school. To bad you didn't write that in close detail**

**Miss.Ecofreak: No, I feel like having a big battle outside the screen and then have it told about in a flashback instead, I think Tolkien did that once too but it's been a while since I read LOTR (It's loooooooong) I just heard it on a documentary once. And I'm tired of fight scenes since Ivy just bit my foot and it still hurts since she's still on it.**

**Zakura: whatever. Please review.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: LET GO OF MY FOOT!**


	44. The exam

**Miss.Ecofreak: what law says a cow needs to be milked at six am in the morning?**

**Zakura: er... **

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay... probably I should explain a bit. Since Tuesday this week I have had to wake up to got to the cows at school at six am. And I have to do this untill Monday! Even in the weekends! (cries) I'm dead.**

**Zakura: that's life at an agriculture school.**

**Miss.Ecofreak. I never applied for milking cows, I wanted to go to that school since it has small animals! I never want cows! OR MEERKATS! (shakes Ivy of my foot)**

**Zakura: well meerkats aren't usually pets so that's no problem. Let's start the fic**

**CHAPTER 44**

**THE EXAM**

There was a beautiful morning in Haven City.

All the inhabitants were waking up from a good night's sleep and getting ready to go to work…

Nah…

In fact it was no beautiful morning, it was raining and none of the inhabitants were waking up since they hadn't slept because of Zakura who had gotten hold of the ocarina of time and was now playing "Naruto Main Theme" very loud and sometimes adding a high C crushing every window nearby and they weren't getting ready to go to work because everyone overslept (although they weren't sleeping) besides they were too busy fixing their broken windows.

"Where'd this come from?" Zakura asked and threw the ocarina away.

"Nooooooo!" a blond haired boy dressed in green yelled and ran of to catch the ocarina before it fell to the ground and broke, he failed, it broke.

"It feels like I've lost my best friend" Link whimpered, and started crying.

"Will you stop singing? I've got a very important exam today!" Daxter shouted up to Zakura (she was on top of the ottsel statue on the Naughty Ottsel) who was now singing "I know a song that gets on everyone's nerves" over and over again while playing the melody of "Can't stop loving you" on a guitar** (Miss.Ecofreak: she sings one song and play another on guitar! Zakura: I'm amazing right?)**.

"What do you mean? First day of school was yesterday!" Zakura said and kept singing, only pausing to talk to Daxter.

"I know. But we're such geniuses Iruka-sensei said he would let us have the exam today" Daxter said.

"Most likely it's because you are so annoying he's sick of you" Zakura said. "Or the school is broke since he lost all the money in gambling"

"Yeah right! Now if you'll excuse me I have to take the bus to Konoha" Daxter said and walked away.

"That bus has always puzzled me" Zakura said. "Konohagakure and Haven City is like two different planets".

Although it went between two different planets (three actually since it stopped on Alderaan on the way too, but it was not much of a planet anymore since Darth Vader blew it up in Star Wars 4) it only took ten minutes to get from Haven to Konoha so everyone got there in time for school.

"Welcome to last day of school kids. I'll start by checking who's here" Iruka said, at least he was no wearing someone else's underwear so he wasn't naked anymore.

"Daxter?"

"Snore… here"

"Jak?"

"Here"

"Jak's mother?"  
"NAME ME!"  
"Keira?"  
Keira ran in.

"I'm here. I was ignored by the bus driver so I had to ride Jak's zoomer and crashed it outside".

Jak screamed and ran out.

"Torn?"

"I'm here. But I'm going racoon-hunting after lunch".

"Baron Praxis?"

"I'm wet and here"

"Keira 542365?"

"Right here sensei!"

"Vegkost?"  
"…"  
"Vegkost isn't here?"

"Er... I still think his name's Veger" Jak said.

"Okay. Veger?"  
"Here."  
"The farmer from TPL?"  
"He's with Luke" Jak said, as Iruka had lost the farmer to Luke in Poker.

"Pup?"  
"He's been shot" Daxter sad

"Rock Lee?"  
"I'm back girls!"

"Ashelin?"

"I'm fine"  
"Cornelius?"

"Righto"

"Great. Now we can start the exam. To pass all you have to do is hit this dummy with a piece of bread" Iruka said.

"Hah! Told you that was a real move!" Temari yelled she and her brothers were sitting in the window watching.

"I still think it's ridiculous" Gaara said.

"Not everyone can control sand you know" Kankuro commented.

"Gaara! Didn't I tell you to not bring your demon here?" Iruka asked.

"Oh please! He's promised to be nice today" Gaara said. "We'll just sit here and watch".

"Okay then. But please release Torn from your sand coffin" Iruka said. "Daxter? You're up first".

Daxter walked up to the desk took the bread and hit the dummy.  
"Congratulations! Here's your neat headband. Jak!" Iruka said giving Daxter his price.

Jak hit the dummy so hard it broke, the same did the bread.

"That's great Jak. You pass. But now we need a new dummy and a bread" Iruka said.

"Here, you can have this sandwich" Temari said. "And Kankoru's doll".

"I've never approved that!" Kankoru yelled.

So Jak's mother had to use Temari's sandwich to hit Kankoru's doll Karuso.

Unfortunately she missed and hit Iruka's head instead.

"You fail! Here's a stupid shirt" Iruka said.

"Fail? But you passed my son! You can't do this! My husband is king! He's going to kill you all! Do you hear me?" Jak's mother screamed as Temari and Kankoru pulled her out of the classroom and threw her into a nearby pound.

"THIS IS NO WAY TO TREAT A QUEEN!" she yelled as the door was closed.

"Fine… we finally got rid of the insane rat. Keira! Come on!" Iruka said.

Keira got A+ since she's best at everything (or so she says)

"How does one get A+ on hitting a doll with groceries? I broke the doll and only got B!" Jak complained.

"The little Keira, can you come up?" Iruka asked.

"Who're you calling little?" Keira the mouse yelled and hit Iruka in the head with Gaara.

"THAT HURT DAMN IT!" Gaara yelled and ate the mouse.

"NOOOOOOO!" Cornelius screamed.

"Mmm, this was tasty" Gaara said and ran of to raid Cornelius' rodent-cages.

"DOUBLE-NOOOOOOO!" Cornelius screamed.

"Okay. Keira the dwarf mouse died so I guess she failed. Baron Praxis, you're next" Iruka said.

"If you don't mind I'd rather use a light sabre to cut up this doll" Praxis said.

"I do mind. You fail" Iruka said and pulled a shirt over Praxis' head before pushing him out the door and into the pool where Jak's mother was still yelling random things.

"I WANT MORE CAKE! WHY DIDN'T MY MOM EVER GIVE ME A PET MEERKAT? I WANT A TICK! GIVE ME A NEW TOY!"

Told you it was random.

"Torn, you're up next" Iruka said.

Torn seemed really nervous and out of character as he approached the doll, but he managed to touch the doll with the sandwich and passed.

"YES! LOVE CONKERS EVERYTHING!" he cheered as Iruka gave him the headband.

"NO! MY LIFE IS OVER!" Jak yelled.

"Next" Iruka said.

"Fine just keep not remembering my name you gambling idiot" Veger muttered.

He walked up to Karuso, hit it with the sandwich, grabbed a headband from Iruka's hand and walked back down to the classroom without a word.

"PUP!" Iruka yelled.

"He's dead" Jak reminded him.

"Oh right, the farmer shot him. Lee… whatever, since you passed once before you automatically passes now too. Ashelin!" Iruka said.

Ashelin came up, she studied Karuso long and hard to figure out where it was best to hit, she soon figured it was between the legs and hit there.

"AW! That must have hurt!" Kankoru said looking away.

"It's a doll Kankoru. It doesn't feel pain" Temari said and rolled her eyes. "You've always been my favourite brother" she added to Gaara who had just returned, the tail of a mouse was sticking out of his mouth.

"Cornelius" Iruka said.

Cornelius used a bomb to blow up the doll… for some reason he passed anyway.

"KARUSO!" Kankoru yelled.

"He's right over there. A bit burned but who cares?" Temari said.

"This chapter is sick! Sick and twisted" Kankoru cried.

"Which chapter isn't?" Gaara asked.

"And you! You're eating your own kind!" Kankoru cried.

"No. I'm eating mice. I'm a racoon-rabbit-cross. They're not even closely related!" Gaara commented.

"STOP TALKING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL!" Kankoru cried even louder.

"Wow. He's gotten really nervous" Temari said.

"Okay! We have 8 students who passed… one man short… okay, Gaara, you can come back so we can make full three-man cells" Iruka said.

"Yes! See yah later suckers!" Gaara said to his two siblings and threw the half-eaten mouse at them as he ran towards the others.

"All that matters now is to divide you into groups and find a trainer for each group, not to mention stop the big gorilla that is trashing the city but that's unimportant right now" Iruka said.

"King Kong in Konohagakure? Now I have seen everything" Daxter said.

"Have you ever seen someone eat a whole box of dynamite?" Jak asked.

"…No"

"Then you haven't seen everything"

"Oh man! You've been watching Team America again, haven't you?"

"Pearl Harbour sucked, and I miss yoooooooouuu" Jak sang **(No I haven't seen Pearl Harbour so if anyone here likes it, blame Trey Parker and Matt Stone for having that song in their film)**

"Stop quoting that stupid movie and kill that ape!" Daxter said.

Jak glared at Daxter for calling Team America stupid but shot King Kong.

"Okay that was all the time we had today, come back tomorrow and don't be late although Zakura is singing loud and annoying songs so you can't sleep or you'll fail" Iruka said.

"Aw… I wanted to be late because Zakura sings loudly on my roof" Daxter said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: and I want to be late because the students staying at my school's intern can't shut up.**

**Zakura: are you going to stop complainig about that?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: no. Please review.**


	45. Annoying Halloween

**Miss.Ecofreak: I'm back….zzzzzz**

**Zakura: oh man.**

**Ivy: (knocks Miss.Ecofreak in the head with a club)**

**Zakura: now she's definitely not waking up.**

**Ivy: who cares? This is fun!**

**CHAPTER 45**

**ANNOYING HALLOWEEN**

The next morning Iruka entered an empty classroom.

"I knew they wouldn't make it in time" he sighed.

Then suddenly Shukaku the giant sand demon came in, crashing down the wall before transforming into the bunnyfied Gaara who dropped down in a chair.

"Sorry, overslept. But everyone else seems to have done that too" Gaara said.

"Isn't there anything else you'd want to apologise for?" Iruka asked.

Gaara turned his head and looked through the broken wall.

"Oh yeah… I brought Pappy, she gets so lonely at home, hi sweaty!" he said and waved to the Papillion that was patiently waiting (she had to, she was tied to a tree) outside.

"Forget it. It appears we have got a whole class of Kakashis **(He's always late)**" Iruka said.

Then the next eight people of the class entered, all wearing Kakashi-masks.

"We were trick or treating" Daxter explained.

"Liars. You overslept didn't you?" Iruka said.

"How do you know?"

"You're supposed to trick or treat at night, not early morning".

"We did it yesterday!"

"Yesterday was 30. October. Halloween is tonight"

"You think you're so smart!" Daxter said and sat down at his seat.

"No wonder I didn't get any candy" Rock Lee said.

"Hah! I've got lots!" Gaara bragged.

"Of course, when a gigantic racoon knocks on your door yelling "give me candy" I wouldn't want to argue with it" Cornelius said. "Besides, that's not even real candy, that's my newly bred mice."  
"What were you breeding those for?" Daxter asked.

"I wanted to repopulate Australia" Cornelius said.

"With mice?"  
"No. with guinea pigs. The mouse-breeding was just a hobby"

"?"  
"Okay. The real reason I breed those mice was to keep Gaara from eating the guinea pigs"

"A good strategy" Gaara said and ate one of the mice in his bag.

"I still think that's disgusting" Kankuro said.

"Kyuubi eats rabbits! Does that sound any better?" Gaara asked.

"No. I guess you're right" Kankuro replied.

"Gaara. What's your brother doing here?" Iruka asked.

"I was just following my little brother to school, is that a crime?" Kankuro asked. "And also, I have to look after his dog while he's in school and feed my fish".

"That fish is dead" Iruka said.

"Don't talk to Gaara-kun like that! He's sensitive"

"I'm not" Gaara commented.

"Not you. The fish" Kankuro answered.

"This is getting confusing. Can we start now?" Gaara asked.

"Sure. I was going to divide you all into teams. Usually that would lead to another exam to check weather you fit like genins, but since there's only nine of you all pass anyway since there was nine people who were supposed to pass" Iruka said.

"Drop the boring talk before I fall asleep again" Gaara said.

"Pleeeeaaaase stop" Lee begged. He certainly didn't want Gaara to turn into Shukaku again which he does when he sleeps.

"Fine. The first cell will consist of Jak, Daxter** (can't divide the winning team)** and Cornelius."  
"Haven City's three most destructive elves+ottsel/elf+rabbits. We're doomed" Torn said. "And why didn't I get to be on Jak's team?"

"Next team will consist of Torn, Keira and Gaara".

"I'm not in Jak's team?" Keira said and started crying, so did Torn.

"I'm on the same team as two cry-babies. And I thought having to be on my siblings' team would be bad" Gaara said.

"The last team will consist of Lee, Ashelin and Elastigirl" Iruka said.

"I thought we were over that" Veger said.

"Not by a long shot, Helen" Jak said.

"Wahoo! There are two girls on my team!" Lee said happily.

"There has always been a girl on your team moron!" Tenten yelled and hit Lee in the head with something big…

"It's not okay to hit!"

…Neji…

…And he's heavy when you're only a dwarf rabbit…

…And Neji was not very pleased at Tenten right now…

…And I found a hamster in a bird-cage recently…

…Rats are pretty…

…And I should probably stop telling you useless things before you get sick and stops reading…

"Whopee! We're all on the same team!" Jak said to Daxter and Cornelius.

"Now we can spread death and destruction to Baron Praxis' evil regime!" Cornelius said.

"But Praxis' rule ended in Dork 2" Daxter said.

"Yes, but it's so fun defeating him that I want to do it again!" Cornelius said.

"Okay. Since we are now on the same team we should all do as I say" Keira said.

"Whatever. It's to troublesome starting a fight with you anyway" Torn said.

"Isn't this exactly what happened in the anime of Naruto? Ino said that too" Gaara said. "And I certainly don't want to be on the same team as a couple of Ino and Shikamaru-wannabes" Gaara said. "So we should all follow my lead or I'll kill you both".

"Sound fair" Keira said.

"Okay. Now you can all meet your cell-commanders" Iruka said.

"I hope it's the hokage" Daxter said.

"Why would the hokage train us?" Jak asked.

"I only hope that our cell commander remembers my name" Veger said. "And that it's not Pecker".

Pecker entered the door.

"Hi everyone! I'm going to become the cell commander for Lee, Ashelin and Stitch's team" he said.

"AW!" Veger said and fell over into a bowl of ice cream in front of him.** (Ever seen "Stitch the Movie"?)**

"Hippie! Another girl!" Lee said.

"I'm not a girl moron!" Pecker complained.

"Me neither now that you mention it" Veger said.

"Sorry Pecker-sensei. I've never been good at telling the sex of birds" Lee said.

Next one to enter was Temari.

"Hi Gaara. Guess what? I'm going to be your cell-commander!" she said.

"Shoot me now!" Gaara said and dropped his head into the bowl of ice cream too.

"This bowl ain't big enough for the both of us" Veger muttered into the ice cream.

"Is she a jounin?" Keira asked.

"No. But who cares?" Iruka said.

"If we get the insane rabbit as a teacher I'm going to blow" Jak said.

Zakura entered and Jak blew up.

"Pull yourself together Jak, and Cornelius, no playing with explosives" Zakura said.

"Aw" Cornelius said and tidied up the mine-field he had created in the classroom as Jak used light healing to pull himself together.

"As you probably had noticed, I'm going to become your cell commander. Isn't that fun?" Zakura asked.

"No" Jak, Daxter and Cornelius said in unison.

"Yes" Lee, Gaara, Ashelin, Torn, Keira and Veger said, they were just happy they didn't get Zakura as a teacher.

"I love you Temari" Gaara said.

"I knew you'd understand" Temari replied.

**Miss.Ecofreak: (tapes Ivy to a chair) that was all the Halloween fun we had for you today**

**Zakura: please join us next time as I finally get to give Jak what he deserves (evil laugh)**


	46. Jak Versus Zakura

**Miss.Ecofreak: the final showdown! (Or maybe not final but a showdown) In this corner, the son of King Damas of Spargus and Haven City, founder of Haven City, Jak Mar the rabbit formerly known as a completely ordinaryelf!**

**Audience: (cheer)**

**Jak: all I've been through and I'm still considered ordinary?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: and in this corner, daughter of Rambo the neitherland dwarf and Littlegirl the lop dwarf, the cutest bastard rabbit ever. Zakura the Killer Rabbit!**

**Audience: (cheer)**

**Zakura: Bastard?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (ignores Zakura) let the bunny-fight begin.**

**CHAPTER 46**

**ZAKURA VERSUS JAK**

"I DON'T WANT YOU AS A CELL COMMANDER!"

"You've been saying that for the last three hours now and I'm getting very sick of it" Zakura said.

"WELL I'M SAYING IT AGAIN! I DON'T CELL AS YOU COMMANDER WANT!" Jak yelled again.

"That was messed up" Zakura said.

"Jak drop it. She's not going to go away anyway" Daxter said.

"YES SHE DOES! AND IT'S BECAUSE OF HER I AM STUCK AS A BUNNY! Jak said.

"No. That was because you threw my owner out of the Naughty Ottsel head first" Zakura said.

"Why don't you ever bunnyfy Beastfire's meerkat for biting her foot, knocking her out with a club or beating her and you up for no apparent reason?" Jak asked.  
"Meerkats seem to be resistant to my rabbit-technique" Zakura said. "Besides, she's not worth the effort".

Just then the meerkat in question, Ivy, jumped out of a bush charging at Zakura. **(What the? (Looks at the chair I taped Ivy to last chapter, the tape is cut) FLUFFY! DID YOU CUT THE TAPE? Fluffy the killer meerkat: (sneaks away))**

"RODENT-FIGHT!" Jak yelled.

Ivy and Zakura stopped and glared at him.

"WE'RE NOT RODENTS!" both yelled and charged at Jak.

"LAGOMORPHS AND MONGO-FIGHT!" Cornelius yelled and he and Daxter sat down to watch.

Jak transformed into dark Jak and threw the two girls into a nearby tree.

"Chu No Jutsu!" Zakura yelled and Dark Jak was transformed into a mouse.

"That's not stopping me! I'm a ninja too now!" Jak said. "CHIIZU NO JUTSU!" he yelled and Ivy was transformed into cheese.

"NEKO NO JUTSU!" Zakura yelled and the cheese transformed into a cat.

"SHIT!" Jak yelled and ran away.

Ivy followed but noticed that the cat-technique only worked for ten seconds then she was a meerkat again, Jak transformed back into a rabbit too.

"I'm best at usagi no jutsu, no doubt about that" Zakura said.

"Since you're using someone else to fight I wanna do that too! HEBI NO JUSTU!" Jak yelled and Daxter transformed into a snake.

"You're not scaring me!" Zakura yelled. "TONBO NO JUTSU!" she yelled and Ivy became a dragon fly.

"HEY" the insectified meerkat yelled.

"I couldn't help it" Zakura said giggling before Ivy flew away in anger and fell down into the bushes ten seconds later where Miss.Ecofreak was waiting with a cardboard box which she trapped the meerkat in.

"I never liked her anyway. FLUFFY!" Zakura yelled and Fluffy the killer smurf appeared.

"What are you smurfing about?" he asked.

"You're going to help me now! FUKURO NO JUTSU!" Zakura yelled and Fluffy smurfed… I mean was transformed into an owl.

Fluffy picked up Daxter and threw him in a pond.

"KUJIRA NO JUTSU!" Jak yelled and Daxter was transformed into a whale.

"KA NO JUTSU!" Zakura yelled and Fluffy became a mosquito.

"This is worse than David VS Goliat" Jak said.

"Yup. Since you can't EVER hit a mosquito" Zakura said.

But of course the techniques didn't last long and soon Daxter was back in his rabbit-form and Fluffy was a hamster again **(that should probably reveal what Fluffy ACTUALLY is. A hamster who likes transforming into other things)**.

"ITACHI NO JUSTU!" Jak yelled and Daxter transformed into Itachi.** (The word Itachi means weasel but it's also the name of Sasuke's older brother as you might have noticed)**

"That's not right! He was supposed to become a weasel!" Jak said. "NOT UCHIHA ITACHI BAKA ITACHI NO JUTSU!" **(A little translation: Not Uchiha Itachi idiot weasel no jutsu)**

Daxter became a weasel. **(He looked pretty much like he did as an ottsel, only smaller)**

"Rodent-snacks!" Daxter said and started chasing Fluffy.

"KITSUNE NO JUTSU!" Zakura yelled and Fluffy became a fox.

"Weasel-snacks" Fluffy said and started chasing Daxter.

"KOI NO JUTSU!" Jak yelled and Daxter became a carp, gasping for air… water.

"Sorry… my Japanese suck. I'll try something else. Ehm… TOGEPI NO JUTSU!" Jak yelled and Daxter transformed into a yellow star shaped thing in an egg.

"WTF?" Daxter said, though it sounded something like "Togepriiii?"

"You're a Pokemon! Use metronome" Jak said.

So Daxter decided to try using metronome and ended up using thunder bolt (**Metronome can make a Pokemon use any attack in the game) **and Fluffy flew into the nearest tree (which still had marks on it from Zakura and Ivy hitting it)

"So you wanna play that way? RYU NO JUTSU!" Zakura yelled and Fluffy became a dragon.

A very small dragon.

"Shit!"

"Got you now! YOOYOO NO JUTSU!" Jak yelled and Daxter transformed into a yo-yo.

"That can't be right" Cornelius said.

"Yes it was! I'm bored" Jak said and started playing with the yo-yo.

Zakura and Fluffy had large sweat drops on their heads. **(Miss.Ecofreak: I thought animals sweated from their tongues. Zakura: that's dogs Eco-chan)**

"And those are supposed to be my students" she said.

"I'm bored too. TV NO JUTSU!" Fluffy said and transformed Zakura into a TV and started watching it.

"This fight sure ended up very weird" Cornelius said. Then he picked up a mouse and a tarantula from his pocket and transformed them into a PSP and a random game (Sony PSP no jutsu and random game no jutsu) and started playing.

Like this ended a day of important training for one of the first three genin-teams from the city hidden in dirt.

Rewarding as it might be, the toys became animals again after ten seconds and then all started fighting again and everything started all over again, over and over again.

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay, this was shorter than usual but I didn't figure out what more to write in this fight. I was running out of Japanese animal names too.**

**Zakura: but Togepi?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: he's Japanese! Please review**

**Ivy: (still trapped in the box) get me out of here!**

**Fluffy the Killer T-rex: (sits on the box so it can't be opened)**


	47. Whateverfight

**Miss.Ecofreak: Here comes a chapter all dedicated to the fine art of beating someone up**

**Zakura: not using any form of karate, kick boxing or any other fighting sports**

**Fluffy: WHATEVER-FIGHT!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: right… who burned a hole in this box?**

**Zakura: killer rabbits, killer hamsters, now we have killer meerkats on the loose**

**Miss.Ecofreak: at least some seriously annoying meerkats**

**CHAPTER 47**

**WHATEVER-FIGHT!**

Temari and her team were watching from a safe distance as Jak and Zakura kept on transforming Fluffy and Daxter into the strangest things.

"That's what makes me a better cell-commander" Temari said proudly.

"Because Zakura is an idiot?" Gaara asked.

"No. Because I know how to use a good sandwich!" Temari said and hit Torn in the head with the sandwich because he was fighting Keira again, ignoring Shikamaru's whining.

"ELF-FIGHT!" Jak yelled in the distance.

"What's gotten into you two?" Temari asked.

"That bitch is trying to steal my man!" Torn said.

"No way! I had him first!" Keira said.

"I met him when he was only a mute little kid!" Torn yelled.

"But I met him the day when I was born!" Keira yelled.  
"WELL I'M OLDER THAN YOU!" Torn yelled.

"Have you ever thought about asking Jak who he likes best?" Gaara asked.

"Er… Gaara, I don't think it works that way" Temari said.

"Why?"

"Seeing the way Ino and Sakura acts, it doesn't matter what Sasuke meant, they just kept fighting anyway"

"It sure sucks being popular" Gaara said, he turned around and suddenly he noticed three-four fangirls behind him who were fighting.

"But I didn't expect that" he added.

"FAN GIRL FIGHT!" Jak yelled from the distance.

Suddenly Miss.Ecofreak jumped out of the bushes quickly followed Ivy, the seriously annoying meerkat, and started fighting the fangirls as well.

"Hey wait a second! I know Miss.Ecofreak likes me a lot but what's the meerkat doing?" Gaara asked.

"I just like to fight" Ivy said.

"Oh… go on then" Gaara said and ignored the fighting fans.

"Stop fighting this instantly! The only way for you to become chuunins (**journey man ninja, the second level after genin, junior lever ninja)** is to enter the exam as a three-man cell, how are you supposed to do that if you kill each other?" Temari asked.

"Life's not worth anything if Jak doesn't love me" Torn said.

"Do you think kicking the ass of his childhood-friend is going to make him like you more?" Temari asked.  
"Yes" Keira and Torn said in unison.

"Ignore them. They're all idiots anyway" Gaara said.

"Yeah… I guess you're right. Shall we go to a restaurant?" Temari asked.

"And buy cookies?"  
"Sure. I'll pay".

"Yahoo! This is the best day of my life!"

Doesn't take much to make him happy.

And so one of the first three-man cells from the city hidden in dirt was dissolved, four hours after the team was created.

A few hours later Keira finally defeated Torn and Miss.Ecofreak and Ivy chased the fangirls away.

Now Miss.Ecofreak started fighting to get Ivy back in the box (but the box had a hole in it so she kept getting out) and Keira went to fight Ashelin for trying to steal her boyfriend and everything was only chaos once more.

"CAT-FIGHT!" Jak yelled from a distance.

"Everything is only chaos!" Pecker said.

He, Veger and Lee were watching the two girls fighting.  
"Girls, there's no need to fight. It's enough of me for everyone" Lee said.

Keira and Ashelin glared at him for a second, and then Ashelin threw her gun at Lee.

"OW!"  
"Fighting doesn't solve anything!" Pecker said.  
"Yes it does!" Veger said.

"NO IT DOESN'T!" Pecker yelled.

"YES IT DOES!"

Guess what happened next?

"MORON-FIGHT!"

That's right Jak, Pecker and Veger started fighting to prove that fighting does or doesn't solve anything.

"Hey! Why don't I have anyone to fight?" Lee asked.

So Cornelius appeared and started fighting Lee, making everyone on the set (except Torn and Gaara's fangirls who where already beaten) fighting each other.

Iruka was watching it all from a distance.

"Maybe this wasn't such a smart idea after all" he sighed.

"What makes you think that? At least this way we know which one is stronger" Kakashi said.

"Yeah. But at this rate there won't be any teams left. Jak and Daxter's team just dissolved too" Iruka said, watching as Jak and Daxter ran away from Zakura and Fluffy in panic.

Fluffy and Zakura then started fighting each other since they were in a fighting-mood.

"What is it about this chapter which makes everyone fight?" Iruka asked.

"Huh? I don't see any fighting" Kakashi said.

"Get your head out of "Make out Paradise" and you might see it" Iruka said, snapping the book out of Kakashi's hands.

"THAT'S MINE! GIVE IT BACK!" Kakashi said, and so he and Iruka started fighting over the perverted book.

"This is so troublesome" Shikamaru said, he was still waiting for Temari to return with his sandwich. "You better go somewhere else, or else you'll probably start fighting whoever's in the room too" he said to the readers.

So we move on to the Naughty Ottsel were Luke was teaching his father Japanese.

"Why do I have to learn this?" Darth Vader asked.

"Because it's smart to learn new languages, this way you can easily understand the ninjas when they're making fun of you behind your back" Luke said.

"They're not making fun of me! They call me baka, and that means genius" Darth Vader said.

"No. It means idiot father"

"What makes you an expert on Japanese anyway?"

"Since I won Iruka's Japanese accent in poker, baka"

"Those two sure are funny" Sasuke said. "I thought Darth Vader and Luke were arch-enemies".

"So are we but you don't see us fight much in this fic" Itachi said. "And even Errol is sitting in that corner drinking and no one jumps at him".

"HICK!"

"He's not doing anything else than drinking anyway" Sasuke said.

"Like someone else I know" Itachi muttered.  
"Who are you talking about?" Sasuke asked, taking another sip of his coffee.

Suddenly Naruto came jumping in through the closed window, which undoubtedly broke.

"Can't anyone leave any part of any house in one piece in this fic?" Tess sighed as she glared at Naruto and at Kiba who were playing with Akamaru and Jak's crocadog Crocket, throwing plates around and making the dogs catch them, in which they usually failed and the plates flew into the wall so that they got stuck there and created nasty cracks in the wall (not exactly fine porcelain plates)

"Hi Naruto. How are Jak and Daxter doing as ninjas?" Itachi asked and ducked before he got one of the plates in the head.

"Well, Jak and Daxter have run away in panic from their own teacher, Cornelius is fighting Lee, Pecker is fighting Veger, Keira is fighting Ashelin, Gaara and Temari got fed up and left and now even Kakashi and Iruka are fighting each other" Naruto said.

"They're still fighting?" Gaara asked he was with his sister in the Naughty Ottsel, eating cookies and trying to break the plates by throwing rocks at them before they hit the ground.** (Miss.Ecofreak: what a destructive gang. Zakura: (chews on Miss.Ecofreak's drawings) huh?)**

"Okay. That proves they're not fit as ninjas" Itachi said.

"What's that supposed to mean? Every episode of Naruto consists of someone fighting someone else anyway" Sasuke said. "Like me fighting Naruto, me fighting you, me fighting Rock Lee, me fighting myself **(er..?)** me fighting Orochimaru, Orochimaru fighting Anko, Neji watching as several others fight the sound-nins, Kyuubi fighting Shukaku, Kyuubi fighting Haku, Haku fighting a fishing rod** (er again…? Zakura: drop the "er"s)**, Haku fighting me, Shukaku fighting Gaara, you fighting me, Sasuke fighting Naruto, Sakura fighting… no one, Sakura arguing with Ino, Gaara fighting… sorry, killing anyone, Ivy, Fluffy and Zakura fighting the author to make her stop writing this conversation which is now getting seriously long and boring, and me fighting Zakura".

"Zakura doesn't appear in Naruto" Itachi replied.

"No. But if she did I would fight her" Sasuke said.

"Neither does Miss.Ecofreak, Fluffy or Ivy"

"Who ing cares?"

"And many of the other fights never happened either, when were you fighting yourself?"

"When Naruto transformed into me"

"He only did that after fighting you, and how can Shukaku fight Gaara?"

"Well excuse me! Try mentioning all those fights without messing anything up!"

Back at the fighting-arena, everyone was down in couches watching TV, they were watching the DVD edition of Revenge of the Sith which I just bought.

"Why did you stop fighting?" Shikamaru asked.

"Its no use fighting when no one is watching" Cornelius said. "All entertainment value is gone".

"Good point" Shikamaru said and jumped into the couch to watch TV.

**Miss.Ecofreak: well that was all the time we got for you today**

**Zakura: stop talking! I'm trying to watch Star Wars here! **

**Miss.Ecofreak: oh (whispers) please review**


	48. The Woes of Tess

**Miss.Ecofreak: you know what? I just love my new plush toy (hugs a bunny-racoon-Gaara that I made myself)**

**Zakura: you're pathetic, treating that stuffed toy as a live animal  
Miss.Ecofreak: so what?**

**Fluffy: I'm all alone!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: you're a hamster! They're solitary!**

**Ivy: (smacks everyone)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (captures the meerkat and put her in Zakura's cage)**

**Zakura: NUSSI! KALLE! NOOOOOO! (Her plush toys)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: enough toy talk, the title of this chapter was actually inspired by a title in Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix (have two versions of that one, Norwegian and English) the original name was The Woes of Mrs Weasley, only Tess doesn't worry about loosing her friends and family, she worries about the Naughty Ottsel (the bar)**

**CHAPTER 48**

**THE WOES OF TESS**

"This fanfic is getting crazier every day" Temari said as she noticed the couch and the TV that were standing in the middle of a wide open field outside Konoha, at least a kilometre away from the nearest socket, getting power from a spinning hamster wheel.

"Can't Fluffy take over now?" Damas asked.

"No. we agreed to take half an hour each and it's only been 70 minutes" Fluffy said.

Damas was too tired to realise 70 minutes was 40 minutes over the time he was supposed to power the TV, so he kept running.

Suddenly Shikamaru noticed Temari was standing behind the couch.

"Temari! Are you coming back with the sandwich you borrowed?" he asked.

"Oh yeah… the sandwich. You see Shika-san. Gaara and I just went to the Naughty Ottsel to buy cookies.

"I don't care"

"But unfortunately there were no cookies ready so we had to wait for Tess to make some".

"…"

"…"

"Where's my sandwich?"

"Pappy ate it"

"Pappy? What's Gaara's insane mutt got to do with Tess making cookies?"

"Dogs can't eat cookies!"

Shikamaru glared at Temari for a minute.  
"NINJA-FIGHT!"

And here we go again.

Back at the Naughty Ottsel Gaara had finished his cookies.  
"What do you mean there is no more? I'm not even half-full!" he yelled to Tess.

"You've had 34253 cookies by now. All that sugar can't be good for your teeth" Tess said.

"No one mentions that too much coffee isn't good for Sasuke!" Gaara complained.  
"Yes we do. But even though I don't give him any he tends to steal coffee from several chops and private homes all over the city" Tess said. "And the Freedom League can't catch him since he's put ten of them on fire already".

"Wow. He's almost as violent as me" Gaara said. "This proves lack of sleep is definitely not good. Now give me more cookies before I kill you".

The customer is always right, Tess thought as she gave Gaara yet another plate of cookies **(Zakura: but she didn't have any! Miss.Ecofreak: it's magic! Zakura: it's bad short-term memory)**

Naruto also decided to order some food (ramen) and sat down next to Gaara since it was the only free spot.

And so things were peaceful in the bar, if you ignored Kiba who were throwing plates around, the two dogs Akamaru and Crocket who were jumping to catch the plates and crashing into things in the process, Sasuke going berserk on things in his new hyperactive manner, Sakura also going berserk on things in a hyperactive manner to stay close to Sasuke, Ino going berserk on even more things for the exact same reason as Sakura, Ivy breaking things in a drunken rage, King Kong trying to kick down the ottsel statue on the roof and one of Cornelius' mice was chewing over all the wires in the Naughty Ottsel.

Apart from that, everything was at peace.

"Honestly!"

And yeah, Tess was pretty pissed too.

"Something wrong my love?" Daxter asked, as he had sneaked in through the back door because he was afraid of big apes.

"Your friends are wrecking everything!" Tess said.

"They're not my friends! They just came barging in her in chapter 2 and refused to leave!" Daxter said. "And even if they did leave they just come back the next day!"

"Well you should still tell them to stop wrecking things" Tess said.

Daxter sighed, this is what he hated most about the job as a bar owner.

"STOP WRECKING THINGS!" he shouted.

Of course, no one listened; they all had their ipods on top volume. **(Zakura: all had ipods? Miss.Ecofreak: yup. Even the dogs)**

"I tried" Daxter said and poured a drink for himself.

Tess glared at her boyfriend who within ten minutes was drunk once again.

"Stop that! What if there are children watching?" Tess said to Daxter.

"There are no HICK children watching" Daxter said. "All the ninjas have HICK seen drunken people before".

"How can you tell?"

"Errol is still here HICK!"

Sure enough, Errol started singing a seriously ugly song to remind everyone he was there before Gaara covered him in sand.

"Oh my god! Errol is stuck under a large layer of sand! There's no way he can breathe under there! He's going to die soon if no one does anything!" Cornelius yelled in shock as he entered the door. "Good job Gaara!" he added with thumbs up to the Shukaku-rabbit.

Suddenly Krew appeared **(he just appeared, he was too fat to get in any door so he appeared out of thin air, that's realistic isn't it?)**

"Hey! Don't bother my best client eyh?" Krew said.

"He's not your best client anymore! I own this bar now!" Daxter said.

"That's not fair! You only took it after I died and now I'm here so I'm definitely not dead but why don't I have the bar any more?" Krew asked.

"Because this story follows the Dork 2 and 3 storyline except for the fact that certain characters are revived since Miss.Ecofreak thought it would be too bad to not have the dead characters in it as well!" Daxter said.

Krew just stared at him with a puzzled expression.

"Confusing? You haven't been around much in this fic have you?" Daxter asked.

Krew shook his head and suddenly he was hit by one of the plates Kiba threw around and died, but he'll probably reappear sooner or later if I feel like it anyway. Like Yoda!

"Throw the plates at me do not!" Yoda said.

"Do you want me to throw the plates at you?" Kiba asked, not hearing the last to words and threw the plates at Yoda who died.

"Told you those plates were too dangerous" Keira said to Tess. "I said you should go for the normal porcelain but does anyone listen to me? Noooo".

Tess didn't listen, she threw Kiba and the two dogs out on the streets **(Jak's dog too, Kiba is watching him while Jak is… where is Jak?)**

Where is Jak?

Now that was a question that was on no ones mouths that night as everyone was getting ready to go to bed.

"Where is Jak?" Keira asked.

As I said, no one had even noticed he was gone.

SLAP!

And the author now a large bump in her head.

"WTF?" she/I yelled at Keira.

"Stop ignoring me you hyperactive insane little ottsel!" Keira yelled.

Correction, no one except Keira had noticed Jak was gone, so she went out to look for him and for some recognition which she had been missing since the start of Jak3.

**Miss.Ecofreak: will Keira ever find Jak?**

**Ivy: (runs by with Kalle's head in her mouth)**

**Zakura: you'll pay for that! (Chases after Ivy with Kalle's body in her paw, since it's only a plush toy I can fix it as long as she retrieves the head)**

**Fluffy: MY LIFE IS MISERABLE!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: oh come on! Are you still mourning about Keira the 234332? (The foolish hamster from chapter 21.)**

**Fluffy: (sniff) no **

**Miss.Ecofreak: then what is it?**

**Fluffy: you're sitting on my paw! (Cries)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: … (Moves away from Fluffy's foot) please review**


	49. Keira's dramatic Journey

**Miss.Ecofreak: one more chapter dedicated to the complete humiliation of a Jak-and-Daxter-character**

**Zakura: oh the pain. I like that**

**Miss.Ecofreak: me too, as long as it's fictional characters and not me (I'm not insane it just looks that way...)(shots Ivy with a tranquilizer-gun, muzzles her and tapes her to the celing fan)**

**Zakura: can I turn that fan on?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: no. It's cold enough as it is (looks out at one feet snow that appeared during the day)**

**CHAPTER 49**

**KEIRA'S DRAMATIC JOURNEY**

Keira was walking happily through the forest of unexpected happenings looking for Jak and some berries since she loved Jak and berries.

Then suddenly, as the name of the forest foretold, something unexpected happened **(though it might not be so unexpected since this is Dork Period where unexpected things happen all the time)**

"What was the unexpected thing that happened then?" Keira asked.

**Miss.Ecofreak: Nothing.**

"Nothing? That was the unexpected happening?" Keira asked.

**Miss.Ecofreak: You didn't expect that! Did you?**

Keira looked at the author with a look that said "You're nuts", and then kept walking to find Jak and some berries.

Then suddenly without warning nothing happened again!

"Will you stop that?" Keira asked.

Okay, so another unexpected thing happened and this wasn't just nothing.

It was a large air plane which crash-landed right in front of Keira and she didn't die from being hit by the left wing.

Out of the plane came the entire cast from Lost.

"That was unexpected" Keira said.

"Of course. It's the forest of unexpected happenings" Locke (one of the Lost-characters) said, revealing another unexpected thing, that he, who had never before made and appearance in this fic (or in Jak and Daxter/Naruto/Star Wars for that matter) knew the forest's name.

And so since Miss.Ecofreak has only seen like two or three episodes of Lost **(and only season 2) **and can therefore not tell much about it the plane blew up and all the lost characters flew of in different directions.

Keira was thrown away by the explosion too; she landed on the roof of the ninja academy in Sunagakure.

"WTF?" she said.

"Look mom! There's an elf on the roof!" a young sand-nin yelled to her mother.

"It sure is" the sand-nin's mother (who was quite obviously also a sand-nin) and started taking photos of Keira, it's not every day an elf lands on the roof of your children's school, in this fic it's only once or maybe twice a week.

"Er… will someone please help me get of this roof?" Keira asked.

"Just jump down" the oldest sand-nin said.

"This building is fifteen stories high" Keira said.

"In that case you're screwed" the oldest sand-nin said and turned to leave.  
"Hey wait a minute! You better help me, because I know Sabaku no Gaara and he won't be happy if he learns you didn't want to help his friend" Keira said.  
"I know Gaara too and I know he doesn't have any friends so he wouldn't care less" the woman said and left.

Keira just glared at the back of the two as they left her stuck on the roof.

"This sucks" she said.

Then, since Suna lies in the country of wind, she was caught by the wind and blew away.

"I hope I don't land on another tall building" Keira said and landed on the roof of Otogakure's (the Village Hidden in Sound, Orochimaru's village) Ninja academy.

"Damn!" she said.

Hoping for her bare life that oto-nins were more cooperative than suna-nins she started shouting for help.

Unfortunately she quickly learned that oto-nins were even meaner than suna-nins and they tied her up to the chimney so she wouldn't blow away again.

"I preferred being ignored" Keira said.

So let's ignore Keira and move on to the Naughty Ottsel where…

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!" Keira yelled.

But it wasn't much the author could do to help the character sitting on the roof since she had no ladder nor did she care much.

"Stop talking about yourself in third character" Keira said. "Keira finds it very annoying".

**Miss.Ecofreak: Keira can just keep finding it very annoying because now that Miss.Ecofreak has learned that Keira finds it annoying Miss.Ecofreak wants to keep doing it.**

"Damn! Gotta learn to keep my big mouth shut" Keira said.

She stayed stuck on the roof, and kept shouting for help in hope that there were some kind people around somewhere.

Soon Sasuke passed by.

"Sasuke! What are you doing here?" Keira asked.

"None of your business!" Sasuke said. **(Miss.Ecofreak: coughIknowwhyhe'stherecough Zakura: coughyouwroteitmoroncough)**

"Well… can you help me down?" Keira asked.

"No"

"You're as mean as the otonins!"

"No I'm not. At least I didn't tie you to the chimney"

"ONLY BECAUSE I'M ALREADY TIED TO THE CHIMNEY YOU BIG IDIOT!"

"Hey! You're right!" Sasuke said and bounced away like the hyperactive and quite stupid rabbit he is.

Sasuke stops.

"Listen up fuzzball-lover! I may be hyperactive but I'm not stupid" he said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: aw! But you're cute!**

Miss.Ecofreak ran into the set and hugged Sasuke.

"She loves fuzzballs alright" Sasuke gasped.

Miss.Ecofreak brought Sasuke with her home and Keira was finally left alone which she had wanted all the time.

"NO!"  
Okay so she didn't want to be left alone, but we left her anyway.

"One day I'm going to twist the head of that insane precursor and feed her intestines to Pappy!" Keira muttered. "The little Papillion will probably be glad to have something else to bite than us for a change".

She sure is violent; better leave her up there a while longer.

"AAARGH!"

Orochimaru heard Keira screaming and came by, carrying a sandwich.

"Hi Keira. What are you doing up there?" he asked.

"I was blown away by an airplane exploding in the forest of unexpected happenings and blown onto the roof of the ninja academy in Sunagakure where no one helped me, and then a tornado came by and blew me away so I landed here and so your stupid subordinates tied me to this chimney. GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!" Keira yelled.

Orochimaru took another piece of a sandwich.

"What an interesting story" he said, and left.

"AREN'T THERE ANY GOOD NINJAS IN THIS WORLD?" Keira yelled.

"You've come to the wrong village if there are good guys you're looking for" said Kabuto, another ninja or a fossilised Pokemon, you decide.

Keira didn't even mind asking Kabuto for help, she had gotten used to being let down now and knew Kabuto wouldn't help anyway since she once put worms in his food when they were in school. **(Zakura: but they didn't go to the same school! They're not even from the same period of time! Miss.Ecofreak: that's the mute point right now)**

Kabuto didn't ask if Keira wanted help either, he took out a bowl of spaghetti he had been keeping in his pocket since he was five, the spaghetti was long since rotten and the worms all dead so Kabuto threw the old dish in Keira's face and left.

Keira was muttering more threats on my life as Zabuza and Haku came by.

"What are you two doing here? I thought you came from Kirigakure? (Village hidden in mist)" Keira said.

"We're missing nins so we hardly go there anyway" Zabuza said. "French fries?"

"… er… no thanks. But I would like it if you could help me down" Keira said, trying to sound nice although she was seriously pissed at me.

"Haku? Can you fix that?" Zabuza asked.

"What? There are probably lots of bugs up there!" Haku said.

"… You're scared of bugs?" Keira asked.

"No way! I just… ARGH!" Haku yelled and ran away as Shino came out of the building with his gazillion bugs as Zabuza looked at Haku with a puzzled expression, before turning to Shino.

"Hi Shino" Zabuza said.

"Okay now I'm confused" Keira said and pulled out a Naruto book from her pocket to check whether this was weird or not, and it was. She found that Zabuza was one of the bad guys and was killed before Shino even appeared in the manga, and Shino was one of Naruto's classmates from Konoha, and so they couldn't have met. "Shino, what are you doing in Otogakure? And since when did you two become friends?"  
"Since this fic. It's completely random remember?" Shino said.

"Fine. Can you help me down then?" Keira asked.

But Shino didn't listen, he went with Zabuza to get Haku before he ran of a cliff, which he apparently had done before when there was bugs around.

"This OOC-ness is getting weirder every day" Keira said.

No one more came to help Keira, sure a lot of people came and went (even Jak who was looking for a toilet) but no one helped.

So at the end of the day, lighting struck the chimney so the entire building caught fire and Keira was finally free to run for her life so she wouldn't be trapped inside the burning building.

**Miss.Ecofreak: don't you just love a happy ending?**

**Keira: do you call that happy?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: no. but I asked if you loved happy endings.**

**Keira: AARGH! (Attacks Miss.Ecofreak)**

**Ivy: (still taped to the ceiling fan) get me down from here!**

**Zakura: pain and suffering! Yes! Please review... I've never noticed we had a ceiling fan...**


	50. Seem and the Ninja Budgie

**Miss.Ecofreak: before we start I have a message to EJ Amber who's coming with false accusations. I would never steal your ideas on purpuse! I'm no Zelda-fan so I don't read Zelda-fics (don't know much about Zelda so I wouldn't get the jokes anyway), the fact that we may had the same idea is just a coinsidence. You probably write better parodies than me on that game, I did try to do a Zelda-parody once (why? I don't know), but since I know nothing about the Zelda-games other than what my little brother told me, it sucked:D (oh yeah, there were some cameos of Zelda and Link earlier in this fic so I can't hate them that much (I like playing as Sheik on Super Smash Melee! I kick my brothers butt everytime alhtough he's always playing as Link:) and I use Sheik, Pikachu, Pichu (the tiny one), Mewtwo or Bowser))**

**Sorry if you thought I was copying you. I guess there is no way to see who got the idea first;) thanks for liking my story. **

**Zakura: but on to this fic again**

**Miss.Ecofreak: yes. That one. I thought of something one day, I remembered Seem's entrance in Dork3, where she was portrayed as extremely childish and claimed the whole world was unfair whenever Jak got something she wanted. Neji was also portrayed as quite childish earlier in this fic, so what if those two had a fight?**

**Zakura: over a teddy bear quite obviously**

**CHAPTER 50**

**SEEM AND THE NINJA-BUDGIE**

There was sale at the toy store that day.

"AREN'T ANYONE GOING TO CARE ABOUT MY INJURIES HERE?" Keira yelled.

Neji really wanted to buy himself a new teddy bear.

"I'VE GO SERIOUS BURNED SCARS HERE!"

"Come on hurry! Before the store closes!" Neji said to his two team-mates, and ignored Keira who was making ugly faces on the windows in the mall.

"Oh joy. He's back in his childish-mood again" Tenten sighed. "And he was almost back to normal".

"Can't you go buy a teddy bear yourself?" Lee asked.

Neji looked at the two with big puppy-eyes.

"Aw… I can't say no to those eyes" Lee said** (Just as Neji can't say no to Lee's peacemaker, lol)** and followed his team-mate to the toy store.

But at the toy store, they realised there were no teddy bears left, not counting the one Seem was holding.

"Seem! Are you going to buy that?" Neji asked.

"I don't know. I'm considering it, I'm a pretty childish person" Seem said.  
"But you can't! I'm even more childish and I want that teddy!" Neji yelled.

"No way stupidhead! I'm king childish!" Seem said.

"I thought you were a girl"

"Then I'm emperor childish!"** (Miss.Ecofreak: Oh I know! She's the childlike empress from Neverending story! Zakura: no. she's just an idiot like everyone else you write about! Miss.Ecofreak: I'm writing about you too you know.)**

"You're dumb! Give me that bear!"

"Why should I give it to you?"  
"Because I want it!"

"I want it more!"

"I want it even more!"

"I want it even more times 100"  
"I want it even more times infinity! I win!" Neji said and snapped the teddy bear out of Seem's hands.

"Hey! Give that back!" Seem yelled and started chasing Neji around.

Tenten and Lee had been silent throughout the whole conversation and were now staring at their two friends with puzzled expressions; Lee was having problems holding in his laugh.

"That sure was weird" Tenten said.

"Hope Seem catches him" Lee giggled.

And she did, Seem threw herself at Neji and started pulling the teddy.

"Mine!" Seem said.

"Mine!" Neji said.

Everyone who's seen kids fight knows where this is ending.

"You two, knock it of!" Tenten said.

Seem and Neji stopped yelling "mine" at each other and looked at her.

"She started!" Neji said and pointed his finger accusingly at Seem.

"Na-ah, you stole my teddy bear!" Seem said.

"You hadn't bought it yet!" Neji yelled.

"Drop it both of you!" Tenten said and grabbed the back on Neji's headband to keep him from attacking Seem. "Neji, why can't you just let Seem have the teddy? They'll have new ones in tomorrow"

"But I want one now!" Neji cried. "And your finger makes my headband is too tight! Let go!"

"I want it more than you!" Seem said.

"You're cutting the blood circulation to my brain!" Neji complained. **(Miss.Ecofreak: It's been cut a long time ago. Zakura: at least since the start of this chapter)**

Tenten grabbed them both and pushed them away from each other and into some conveniently placed chairs, finally letting go of Neji's headband so blood could come to his brain again… which it obviously didn't cause he was still acting like a three-year old.

"There are other ways to solve this than fighting… and crying to get your will" she said, looking at Neji who had now burst into tears.

"My (sob) head hurts!" Neji cried.

"Hey Tenten! Look what I found!" Lee said, and showed her a Naruto-game he had found. "I'm in it!"

"Not now Lee. Just let Seem have the teddy Neji. It's not like it's got a valuable diamond in it or something" Tenten said, ripping of Neji's headband so he would stop crying over it being too tight.

"It has!" Neji said.  
"No. It hasn't, and come to think of it, doesn't Hinata have a teddy bear just like that she never plays with? Maybe she wants to give it to you" Tenten said.

"I don't want Hinata's stuff! They has girl-lice on it!" Neji said stubbornly.

"It's not "they has" it's "they have" and doesn't that bear has girl-lice on it now that Seem has touched it?" Tenten said.

"But Hinata's stuff has head family-lice on it!" Neji said. **(The Hyuuga has some rather special traditions. Being the oldest clan in Konoha they feel they need extra protection so they have a "branch family" who have to protect the head family. Neji and Hinata's fathers were twins but Hinata's father was born first so he came in the head family and Neji in the branch family... I think… It's a bit complicated. Zakura: and Miss.Ecofreak has never seen any proof of this she only read it on the internet one day.)**

"What the **(Miss.Ecofreak: hey! You can't say that word in a toy store!)** is that?" Tenten asked.

"Everyone in the head family have lice!" Neji said.

Sweat.

"It's not the head family that has lice! It's just you and your branch family-scum!" Seem said.

"My family aren't scum! But Hinata's family is!" Neji yelled

"You're cousins!" Tenten commented.

"She's an idiot!" Neji said.

"Oh my good, look at the graphics in this game!" Lee said, still drooling over the video-game he found.

"I should still have the teddy bear since I'm a monk!" Seem said.

"That's not a good reason! I come from the oldest clan in Konoha!" Neji said.

"Only the branch family"  
"So? You're not a head family member either"

"But I am older!"

"But you're also slower!" Neji said, he grabbed the teddy bear again and ran out of the toy store laughing.

"You'll pay for that!" Seem yelled and ran after him.

"Aw man, it's all in kanji!" Lee complained. **(Zakura: Kanji is one of three Japanese alphabets… and Lee can't read it? Miss.Ecofreak: well I can't!)**

"I give up" Tenten said.

"Speaking of payments, who's going to pay for the teddy bear?" the store owner asked.

_I am so going to kill Neji when I catch him_ Tenten thought.

_Wonder if Tenten wants to pay for this game_ Lee thought.

Neji was already miles away… or not really, he was only two shops away.

He was hiding from Seem inside a large bird-cage in the pet shop.

Seem entered the shop half a minute later but was unable to see Neji in the cage.

"Where did that teddy-thief go?" she wondered.

"Where did the teddy-theef go? Squawk!" Neji said, trying his best to sound like a parrot.

"Cool! A talking budgie" Seem said. **(And she doesn't notice something's wrong with the so-called "budgie"?)**

"A talking buddy. Squawk!" Neji said.

"Can you say hello budgie?" Seem asked.

"Hello buddy. Squawk!" Neji replied. **(Miss.Ecofreak: he can't say budgie, giggles)**

"Say "Polly wants a cracker""

"Polly wants beer! Squawk!"

"Say "Jak3 is the coolest game ever"

"Naruto is the coolest manga ever. Squawk!"

"Close enough. Say "Neji is an idiot"

"Neji's damn cool! Squawk!"

"Hm… Neji must have been here and taught it that. Hey budgie, did you see where Neji went?"

"He's hiding in the bird cage. Squawk!"  
"Aha!"  
"Shit. Squawk!" Neji said and ran out of the back door **(Zakura: there's a back door on the bird cage? Miss.Ecofreak: it is on certain pet- shops! I've checked! (Proud over having been on the backside of the cages in one pet shop. One of the plus-sides of going to an agriculture-school))** taking the teddy with him.

Seem ran after him, followed by all the birds that were in the cage which now had an open door.

After they had left, Lee and Tenten came into the store.

"Have you seen a white-eyed leaf-nin and a pale monk run by?" Tenten asked.

"Those were your friends?" the pet shop-owner asked.

"Er… yes?" Tenten said.  
"Then you must pay for the fifteen budgies they released!"

"Tenten, next time someone asks, say you've never heard of them" Lee advised as Tenten had to pay for Neji's mistakes for the third time that day.

**Zakura: third?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: let's take a flashback shall we?**

On the way to the mall, Neji was skating on some pipes with his brand new jet board while Lee and Tenten were walking.

"Look at me Tenten! I'm skating!" he said happily until he fell and landed in the water** (they were in New Haven City, the part with all the water)**

Suddenly a Freedom League Guard appeared.

"You can't bathe here!" he said.

Neji screamed and ran away.

"Who's going to pay his fine?" the guard asked.

"Its okay officer. I'll pay" Tenten said. "It's just this once anyway".

Little did she know Neji was going to cost her a lot of money that day, Lee too since the game he found wasn't exactly cheep and Tenten, being such a generous person, paid for that too.

**Miss.Ecofreak: chapter fifty completed! Jay!**

**Neji: chapter fifty completed! Squawk!**

**Zakura: are you gonna start partying again?**

**Neji: are you gonna start partying again? Squawk!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: no. Last time I tried Sasuke fell asleep during the party**

**Neji: Sasuke fell asleep during the party. Squawk!**

**Zakura: and that had probably nothing to do with all the sleeping powder Gaara and Naruto put on his food.**

**Neji: and that had probably nothing to do with all the sleeping powder Gaara and Naruto put on his food. Squawk! Sigh, what long sentence. Squa-awk!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: nah, do you think so? **

**Neji: do you think so? Squawk!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: SHUT UP NEJI! Please review**

**Neji: please review. Squa… (Notices Lee is aiming a peacemaker at him again) okay I'll stop. (In a whisper) Squawk.**


	51. WTF

**Miss.Ecofreak: Oh no! Ivy's killed the mafia with her peacemaker!**

**Zakura: and that's a bad thing?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: no. You're right. Well done Ivy, you can stop pointing your gun at me now**

**Ivy: (points the gun at Zakura)**

**Zakura: ...**

**Miss.Ecofreak: You know what? If I count the chapters this is my longes fanfic ever:D and it's still not finished!**

**Zakura: When will it be finished?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: when I finish JakX and get 160 reviews**

**Zakura: do you HAVE to have 160 reviews on it?**

**Miss:Ecofreak: not really. But if I do this won't only be my longest fic, but my fic with most reviews. I hope it takes some time, cause I really enjoy this ficXD I might even continue after DorkX as well since it's been so muc fun writing about hte SW and Naruto-cast**

**Naruto: oh no**

**Luke: we're doomed! DOOMED I TELL YAH!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: but now, so the authours note won't take forever and this fic is delete since that is not allowed, here's WTF?**

**CHAPTER 51**

**WTF?**

The park area in Haven City was looking much better now that all the metalheads were gone.

The grass was green, the flowers were all in full bloom and the birds were twittering happily in the big pretty trees.

It was the perfect place to go…"YIIIHAAA!"… If you want to be run down by a hyperactive thirteen-year-old ninja who thinks he's three.

Neji stepped on the heads and stomachs of thirty elves and one cat, who were having a picnic in the park, while yelling "I'M ACTING LIKE A TWO AND A HALF-YEAR OLD!" and squawking like a bird, all the guests were later stepped on by Seem before they had time to say "WTF?"

"Come back with my teddy bear bird-brain!" Seem yelled.

"Na-ah! Make me! Squawk!" Neji yelled back.

"I'LL TELL YOUR MOM!"

"I'LL TELL YOURS! SQUAWK!"

"WTF?"

"DON'T SWEAR! SQUAWK!"

Wow. This was a weird conversation.

Suddenly Lee entered the scene with his trusty peacemaker.

"Stop squawking you lousy ninja piece of shit!" he yelled.

Tenten of course had to pay compensation for all those who had headaches and stomach-aches, including the sterilisation of the cat since her owners were too poor to do it themselves and Tenten too kind-hearted and besides she was allergic to cats.

"Lee? Did you see where Neji went?" she asked as soon as she had paid the last person.

"No. But I just noticed Sakura is on a date with Sasuke" Lee said, glaring at the Uchiha-bunny who was running in panic from the love-struck Haruno-bunny. **(Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, it's their last names (or first names as in Japan they say the last name first))**

"Can you just ignore Sakura for thirty minutes and help me get Neji before I end up living on the street?" Tenten asked.

"No one said you had to pay for everything Neji does wrong" Lee said.

"Good point. Next time you pay" Tenten said and left Lee to glare at her back as she went to find her more childish team-mate.

But now over to something entirely different… although not as much entirely different as it was still something extremely random and for some people, extremely annoying.

"I'm only saying this one more time Sasuke, GIVE ME BACK MY DIARY BEFORE I ROAST YOU LIKE A PIG!"

"You'll have to catch me first!"  
The youngest Uchiha was sitting on the top of the ottsel-statue on the Naughty Ottsel, reading out loud from Sakura's diary.

"I find Ino very annoying. She tries to take Sasuke away from me. Sasuke has pretty eyes. I like Sasuke and his eyes" Sasuke narrated, making puking sounds every now and then.

"I totally know what you're going through" Itachi said, patting Sakura on her shoulder to comfort her. "He's been doing that since he was a kid."

"I don't get it. I thought he liked me" Sakura said.

"Now what on earth gave you that idea?" Itachi asked. "I mean I was sitting up there yesterday reading out loud from his diary remember?"

**Flashback to the previous day**

"I hate Sakura really really really really really really really really really really much" Itachi read out loud. Then he closed the book since this was all it said.

**Flashback over**

"Oh was that what you said? I thought it meant he hated cherry blossoms" Sakura said. **(Sakura means cherry blossom)**

"Sure. He also hates weasels, scarecrows and gigantic racoons and foxes" Itachi said. **(Itachi means weasel. Kakashi means scarecrow. And then there's the racoon demon, Shukaku, and the fox demon Kyuubi)**

"And now page thirteen" Sasuke said, flipping the pages over. "Sasuke's eyes are so pretty. I love they way they are pretty. When he glares at me I think his eyes are very pretty. Did I mention he has pretty eyeeeeeeees!"

Just then a new rabbit came charging at him from behind; mentioned rabbit had white eyes and was carrying a teddy bear in his mouth.

Sasuke fell down from the ottsel statue and down to the hard concrete bellow** (That's got to hurt!) **loosing the diary which Sakura quickly grabbed, annoying herself that she had used seven "E"s too much in that last sentence Sasuke read.

"Now Sasuke's going to think I can't write" she said, and erased the extra "E"s.

Itachi, rather surprised at the arrival of this new rabbit, grabbed the teddy bear, so the white-eyed bunny stopped.

"Neji. What in the name of the 2. Hokage has happened to you?" he asked.

"I'm trying to hide from Seem" Neji said. "She's trying to steal my teddy bear. And I figured it was easier to hide if I was smaller so I kicked Zakura's butt on the way and she made me a dwarf rabbit".

"Oh. Okay" Itachi said, he gave the teddy back to Neji who ran of, fell into the water and swam towards freedom **(or more precisely the thick stone wall on the other side)**

Tenten and Lee arrived soon after.

"Have you seen Neji?" Tenten asked.

"Why are you driving a zoomer? You're not old enough to drive" Itachi said, he was the only one at the location who was able to speak since Sakura was too busy protecting her diary from Sasuke who was unconscious on the ground.

"Who cares if we're not old enough? Nothing happened" Tenten said, rolling her eyes.

Itachi looked behind her, he noticed several crashed zoomers behind her but decided to ignore it, and rather answer her first question.

"Neji jumped into the water and tried to swim to the sea. But don't worry, he won't get that far" he said.

"Oh I wouldn't count on that" Tenten said.

A large blast was heard, and it became clear that Neji had brought with him some explosives from the gun course into the water cause the stone wall on the other side now had a large hole in it.

"To the zoomer, Rock Lee!" Tenten said.

"Aw… please no more!" Lee said, and threw up into the water.

"Oh come on. My driving can't be that bad" Tenten said and pulled Neji into the two-seat zoomer she had ahem "borrowed" from Jinx.

Itachi watched as the zoomer crashed into every possible obstacle (but didn't break of course since Jinx's car is unbreakable) on its way towards the large hole in the city wall.

"I sure am glad I didn't volunteer to help them" Itachi said.

"Since when did you volunteer to help anyone? Ouch" Sasuke asked, he had only just woken up.

"Never. And I'm really glad I don't" Itachi said.

Damas was having a nice day at the beach in Spargus City, watching as the monks (those who can't swim) were bathing in an empty bath tub (**of course! They can't swim so they can't go into the water!)**

"On days like this it's good to be a hamster" Damas said. "No one can blame me for not going into the water since the currents would drag me onto the sea and no one wants that."

"Oh stop whining. There are no currents here" his ratty wife said, she was swimming in the sea while Jak and Daxter were having a sand castle building contest with Gaara.

"That's not fair! You're not even building!" Jak said to the racoon who was sitting in Damas' chair, next to Damas as the chair was more than big enough for a hamster and a rabbit.

"What? I'm building" Gaara said.

"The castle is building itself!" Jak said.

Sure enough, next to the chair there was a ten-story tall sand castle which literally built itself.** (For those who haven't noticed or simply didn't know because I've forgot to tell, Gaara can control sand)**

"Some people don't appreciate my talents" Gaara muttered.

"Hey Jak! What's that?" Daxter asked, pointing out to the sea.

Jak stole his father's binoculars ("Hey!" Damas yelled) and looked in the direction Daxter was pointing.

"Er… You're not using the binoculars" Daxter reminded him.

"Oh. Sorry" Jak said and put the binoculars to his eyes. "Oh great. Now I can't see anything"

"The lens cap is on" Daxter reminded him.

Jak took of the lens cap and put the binoculars to his eyes again, backwards.

"Oh for the love of me!" Daxter said taking the binoculars from Jak and put them to his own eyes too see what was out on the sea.

"What's that?" Damas asked, taking his sunglasses of while Gaara muttered something like "only fools wear sunglasses".

Gaara didn't need sunglasses. The black rings around his eyes protected his eyes from the sun's rays **(Miss.Ecofreak: like this! (Picks up Ivy and points her head directly to the sun) Ivy: what? What's so special about that? Miss.Ecofreak: the dark rings around meerkat's (and I just assume it does the same to racoons although they're nocturnal and don't need it) protects their eyes from the sun, as they have to be able to spot predators even in the bright Kalahari-sun)**

But back to our non-sunglasses-related story.

"It looks like Neji's bunnyfied. He's swimming at an immense speed carrying a teddy bear in his mouth, quickly followed by Jinx's zoomer that Tenten is driving, Lee is in the passenger seat, puking, and Seem is water-skiing behind them" Daxter said.

"WTF?" Gaara and the Mar-family said in unison.

The monks just stared at Seem in disbelief.

"We don't know her" one said, and all turned their backs on the strange group.

"Well that is the strangest darn thing I've seen in… ten minutes" Jak's mother said before she was run over by Neji.

She had only just gotten to the surface before she was run over by Seem.

"What's wrong with you people?" she yelled as she surfaced for the second time.

Gaara jumped out of the chair, and ran into his castle, shutting the door after him **(some sand castle, it has a closable door! With locks!)**

Damas wasn't that quick, Neji stepped on him before he ran towards the streets o Spargus.

Seem dropped the line between her and the zoomer as she reached the shore and crashed into the chair.

"This sucks" the tiny hamster underneath her muttered.

"Ops. Sorry your majesty" Seem said, and ran after Neji.

"Honestly! Some people just don't have any respect!" Damas said and walked home to clean his wounds.

As soon as he had disappeared out of hearing range, his family, Daxter, Gaara and the monks burst into laughter.

**Miss.Ecofreak: (bursts into laughter too)**

**Zakura: you're evil you know that? Please review.**


	52. Lord of the Teddy Bears

**Miss.Ecofreak: Yes! I've finally seen Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!**

**Zakura: what's the big deal? The books are better anyway**

**Miss.Ecofreak: how do you know? Rabbits don't read.**

**Zakura: But it tastes better.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: get that back! (Pulls Naruto Volume 7 out of Zakura's mouth) By the way, I just realised a new feature on the review-status-page to reply signed reviews. This also means we're not allowed to answer reviews in the fic anymore.**

**Zakura: stupid rules.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I think its great I finally have SOME way to reply though, got stressed when these reviews appeared that I just HAD to reply but was unsure whether it was legal or not.**

**Zakura: legal? I don't see why not (looks in Norways Laws)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I don't think our laws have anything to do with fanfiction. **

**Ivy: will you start the fic or shall I have to go to extreme measures?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: better not. (Puts Ivy in a transport cage for cats/rabbits) Chapter 52 everyone. (Wow, this fic is long)**

**CHAPTER 52**

**LORD OF THE TEDDY BEARS**

Neji was sitting on the middle of the Spargus Arena; he had finally lost his pursuers, and was now stroking the teddy bear gently.

"It's mine. My own. My prrrrrrecious" he said in a hoarse voice.

He heard a sound behind him and turned to see what it was.

When he turned back, his teddy was missing.

"Not fair!" he said stubbornly.

Two weeks later, everyone was getting ready to celebrate Itachi's birthday.

"This birthday will be his last" Sasuke hissed as he was setting up a trap outside Itachi's front door.

Everyone prepared in their own… eccentric way.** (Zakura: eccentric? You mean insane. Miss.Ecofreak: yes)**

Sakura prepared herself to totally ignore the oldest Uchiha's birthday as always, Sasuke was, as mentioned, setting up traps for Itachi and all of his friends, Kisame was (unwillingly I might add) testing them out, Naruto was looking for weasel-poison and Gaara was annoying Naruto by telling him obvious stuff he apparently didn't know.

"What about this one?" the fox-demon asked.

"That's salt Naruto" Gaara said. "I told you, you wouldn't find weasel-poison in a grocery store".

"Well excuse me, Mrs. I-Know-Everything" Naruto said sounding slightly annoyed and picked down another box from the shelf. "Will this one do?"

Gaara was too insulted by being called a girl to tell that it was only a box filled with onions; he just glared at Naruto in his usual "I'll-kill-you"-maner.** (Miss.Ecofreak: he does that a lot. Not very friendly at the Chuunin exam)**

At Itachi's house, an old man came to visit.

"Hi Samos. What are you doing?" Sasuke asked as he was digging a hole in Itachi's lawn.

"I was just here to visit your brother… who's that guy hanging upside down in a tree?" Samos asked.

"Just one of Itachi's old friends, Kisame" Sasuke said.

"Why is he hanging upside down in a tree by one foot?" Samos asked.

"Get me down from here!" Kisame cried.

"He's just weird" Sasuke explained. "I mean look at him, Miss.Ecofreak forgot to mention it but he's blue all over and looks like a human shark".

Samos just looked at both with a puzzled expression, and walked towards the front door.

"Er… Don't go there!" Sasuke yelled but it was too late.

Samos fell into a hole in the ground.

"Who dug this hole?" Samos yelled.  
Sasuke panicked and stuffed his shovel in Kisame's mouth before running of to help Naruto pick out poisons.

Samos eventually got out of the hole and glared at Kisame who still had the shovel in his mouth.

"If all the Uchihas were like that kid, I kind of see why Itachi killed his family" the sharkman said.

After beating Kisame up **(Zakura: that old guy is strong!)** Samos went inside, after reading the note on the door.

It was an old message.

"Sasuke.

As much as you love doing it for reasons I don't understand, I would like you to please stop your year-long tradition of putting up traps outside your brother's door every time his birthday comes around.

Love mom"

Itachi must have been hiding this note for a long time, as his mother was now dead **(Miss.Ecofreak: murdered by you-know-who. Zakura: what's Voldemort have to do with all this? Miss.Ecofreak: (flinch) not that you-know-who. The weasel! Itachi!)**

"Stop calling me weasel you weasel" Itachi said to the author as Samos entered his living room.

Itachi didn't go in at first; he looked at the cherry tree in his garden with a puzzled look.

"Kisame? What are you doing upside down in my tree?" he asked.

"Why on earth didn't you kill him too when you already had murdered everyone else in your family!" the badly beaten Kisame yelled.

Itachi didn't even understand who he was talking about, but I can tell you its Sasuke, who now was putting piranhas in Itachi's pond on the other side of the house.

"Here's a much better home for you little one" Sasuke said and dropped Kankoru's fish into the pond with the others.

Since Gaara-kun the piranha was long since deceased, it sank too the ground.

"…If Kankoru asks, I'll just say Itachi ate it" Sasuke said to himself.

Inside the house, Samos had sat down in Itachi's favourite chair and Itachi was sitting on the floor since he only had one chair.

"What do you want?" Itachi asked.

"I just came by to say happy birthday" Samos said.  
"And sitting in my chair" Itachi said slightly annoyed.

"Oh yeah. It sure is comfy" Samos said.

Itachi glared at him.

Samos looked up at the top of the fireplace, where there was a teddy bear.

"Where'd you get that?" he asked.

"I built it" Itachi said.

"Not the fireplace. Upon it" Samos said.

"That's a picture of my family" Itachi said, pointing to a picture of a very young Sasuke standing on a graveyard pointing a gun towards the photographer which apparently was Itachi.

"No not that…"

"Then you must mean my Uzi"

"No damn it! The teddy bear!"

Itachi looked up at the fireplace.

"Ew! How did that ugly thing get there?" he said, throwing the teddy out of the window.

The teddy landed by the pond on the backside of the house, were Sasuke was looking at Kisame who was bathing.

"AAARGH! KILLER FISH!" Kisame yelled.

"So piranhas do eat sharks" Sasuke said, and then he noticed the teddy and picked it up.

"Where'd this come from? I better take it to a volcano and drop it" he said.  
"Why would you want to do that?" Kisame asked as he crawled up from the water.

"It seems fun! And I've just had a truck-load of coffee so I could use something extremely stupid to do. Come on sharkboy! Let's find a volcano!" Sasuke said and ran of.  
"Why should I help you? Oh whatever. It's not like I've got anything better to do" Kisame said and left. "Why do I have this strange feeling I've forgotten something?"

Later that night Itachi celebrated his birthday alone since none of his friends arrived (the rest of his gang, the Akatsuki **(I think that's how it's spelled) **had walked into several of Sasuke's traps and he didn't have any other friends)

They seemed to work on every Akatsuki-member except Itachi whom they were built for.

**Zakura: and Akatsuki is?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: how am I supposed to know? They're not in here! (reads Naruto-book)**

**Zakura: exactly. How DO you know?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay I admit. I've read about them on the internet+heard about them from friends who've watched the Anime. (Envies everyone with broadband) This is what I've heard; they're a group of outcast-ninjas from several different villages who's after the Kyuubi in Naruto. Why? Do I look like an encyclopaedia? **

**Zakura: that was all you know?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: no. I know how they look like and they're all freaks (almost). One small note before I end this chapter and go on to the next. I do NOT have JakX yet so stop asking me about DorkX. I'll tell you when I get it. In the meantime, please review.**


	53. Fellowship of the Teddy

**Miss.Ecofreak: Lord of the teddybears continues**

**Zakura: wait, what the? Who melted my cage?**

**Ivy: you should be glad, now you can't be locked in when your owners have to go somewhere**

**Zakura: hey you're right! Maybe you're not so bad anyway!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: hmp. as if I would let you run freely in the car. I'll put you in Max's cage instead! (Max is my dog)**

**Zakura: NOOOOOO! (Zakura is afraid of dogs)**

**CHAPTER 53**

**THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE TEDDY**

As Sasuke was walking peacefully through a corn field, he had "lost" Kisame in a river nearby, he suddenly ran into two of his ahem best friends and stepped on their tails.

"Naruto! Gaara! What are you doing?" he asked in surprise as he jumped around to make sure he stepped on all Naruto's fox-tails+ Gaara's racoon-tail.

"Nothing! Not stealing carrots at least" Naruto said.** (Zakura: Naruto perhaps. But what's Gaara doing there? Miss.Ecofreak: don't they look cute together? Zakura: …)**

"Since this is a corn field I think he knows that baka" Gaara said, slightly annoyed over that I had placed him next to Naruto.

"What are you doing with that teddy Sasuke-kun?" Naruto asked.

"I was planning to throw it into a volcano!" Sasuke said enthusiastically.

"How many truck-loads of coffee have you had today Sasuke?" Gaara said, slightly annoyed over that I had made Sasuke run into him and step on his tail.

"That sounds fun!" Naruto said.

"How much coffee have YOU had?" Gaara asked, slightly annoyed over that I had given Naruto coffee.

"Come on Gaara! Let's go watch!" Naruto said and dragged Gaara along by his tail as they followed Sasuke back to the Naughty Ottsel.

There they stopped for ramen, coffee and cookies.

"Hey Sasuke. That guy in the corner is staring at you" Naruto whispered to his team-mate.

Sasuke looked up from his ramen. "That's Orochimaru. He's _always_staring at me. Get back to your cookies."

"Something's seriously wrong with this picture" Gaara said, looking at Sasuke who was eating ramen, Naruto who was eating cookies and at his own cup of coffee.

"No not that guy. That other guy" Naruto said.

"Haku?"  
"No"

"Cyber-Errol"

"No"  
"Itachi?"

"He's still at home celebrating his birthday"

"Then who is it?"

"Turn around"  
Sasuke turned around and looked straight into the face of Aragorn.

"WTF?" Sasuke said.

"Oh, so now we've got Lord of the Rings-characters appearing" Gaara said as he stole Naruto's cookies. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Er… Aragorn? I find it very disturbing that you have your eyes one inch from my nose" Sasuke said.

"Aw… you're so cute" Aragorn said and petted Sasuke.

"I also find it disturbing to be treated as a pet" Sasuke said.

"Well you are a rabbit, one of those who would most likely not survive in the wild since your ears are flat to your head and therefore you don't hear as good as Gaara and I who have standing ears" Naruto said. "Where are my cookies?"

"I aven't sheen dem" Gaara said with his mouth full… of cookies obviously.  
"What did you say?" Sasuke said.

"I asked where my cookies were" Naruto said.

Gaara swallowed his cookies.

"And I answered that I haven't seen them" he said.  
"Not that. Before that"

"You're so cute too" Aragorn said and petted Naruto, Naruto bit his hand.

"Demon foxes don't make good pets" he explained. "Pet Gaara instead"

"Oh yeah. You do that and you'll find yourself wrapped up in sand and then squashed like a bug" Sasuke said.

"Oh. I'll just pet you again then shall I?" Aragorn said, ignoring Sasuke's very loud "no" and petted the black lop dwarf.

Soon both he and Sasuke were black, Aragorn covered in ashes.

"Never touch the head" Sasuke said.

"A fire-breathing rabbit. That one was new" the ranger said.

Aragorn decided to join Sasuke, Gaara and Naruto in their important quest to destroy Neji's teddy bear.

"Aha!"

And now Neji seems to have noticed where his teddy bear has gone to as well.

"Stop there you filthy teddy-bear thiefs!" said a black and white rabbit in a tree before the tree rabbits and one future king.

"Don't you mean thieves?" Sasuke said.  
"And why are you dressed like Robin Hood Neji?" Naruto asked.

Neji looked surprised.

"How did you know it was me?" he asked.

"Duh, who else wanders around acting like a three-year-old in this fic?" Naruto asked.

"TWO AND A HALF YOU MORON! For that insult I shall have to taunt you a second time!" Neji said.

"But you haven't taunted us yet" Gaara said.  
"I haven't? Well then I shall have to taunt you a first time and THEN I shall taunt you a second time. You part-demon insane half-breeds of my flesh!" Neji said.

"And what the fudge is that supposed to mean?" Sasuke asked.

"Naruto and Gaara both have demons inside them, Gaara has black ears and a racoon-tail, Naruto has red ears and nine fox-tails, you're an Uchiha that are nothing but a bunch of bastards anyway" Neji said. "Hah! Now I have taunted you! Here comes the second taunting you coffeeholic, cookieholic, ramen-holic morons!"

"Neji, you're really pissing me up now" Naruto said.  
"Ha! Like I care" Neji said.

"You're pissing me of too" Gaara said.

Neji screamed like a three-year old boy and ran away.

"Why doesn't anyone do that when I'm pissed?" Naruto asked his fellow-demon.

"Because you're the weakest ninja in Konohagakure. Come on" Gaara said, ignoring the fact that Naruto was now very mad at him but didn't attack since he knew Gaara would kill him if he tried.

"Neji has stolen my run-away-screaming-technique" Sasuke said. "I'll kill that kid".

"I still can not accept that as a real ninjutsu Sasuke. Lets just go" Naruto said.

And so they continued their quest and were attacked by ghosts.

"Hey! That's not ghosts! That's just the sound-nins with sheets over their heads!" Sasuke said.

"Aw… How did you recognise us?" Zaku asked.

"Your name tag was kind of a big clue" Sasuke said.

Zaku stared at Sasuke.

The two others glared at me for forgetting their names.

**What? I haven't forgotten your names! I just don't remember it right now!**

"I told you those name-tags were a bad idea" Dosu said.

But suddenly Orochimaru appeared too.

"You're all morons you know that?" He yelled at his subordinates and then he bit Sasuke.

Sasuke became ill so they took him to Samos who was the closest thing they had to a vet.

And so Sasuke recovered and Samos joined them on their quest to throw the teddy bear in a volcano, along with several other LOTR-characters who had gotten too much to drink.

**Miss.Ecofreak: Wonder what they've been drinking?**

**Zakura: too much coffee I suppose. Please review**

**Miss.Ecofreak: line-stealing little...**


	54. Chain Saw

**Miss.Ecofreak: Welcome back! Have I got a story for you?**

**Zakura. Nope. Just a bunch of jokes**

**Miss.Ecofreak: You weren't supposed to answer. But I do have one important detail in this chapter; it explains why on earth Sasuke wants to throw Neji's teddy bear in a volcano**

**Zakura: sure. Cause people really care about that. **

**Ivy: he wants to do it cause its fun! (Grabs a chain saw and starts chasing Zakura)**

**Zakura: (runs) AAARGH!**

**Civilian: (chases Ivy) that's mine! **

**Miss.Ecofreak: hm.. maybe me and my sick sense of humour and Beastfire's evil meerkat is a bad combination. **

**Naruto: you and your sick sense of homour is a bad combination in itself!**

**CHAPTER 54**

**CHAIN SAW**

The characters continued on the journey towards a random volcano.

Sasuke led the way, carrying the teddy bear as an earring closely followed by Gaara and Naruto, next came Aragorn, Samos, Gandalf, Boromir, Legolas **(Miss.Ecofreak: jihi! Legolas is here! (Tackles Legolas) Zakura: you're so pathetic. Hi Sasuke! (Tackles Sasuke)**, Gimli and Konohamaru who was taking notes of everything Naruto did during the whole trip, including trying to pull Zakura away from Sasuke while Gimli was pulling Miss.Ecofreak away from Legolas and Aragorn tried to pull Ivy of Boromir since she wanted to tackle someone too.

Soon they entered the caves of Maria.

"Why don't we go through the caves of Moria instead?" Gimli asked. "This place is horrible!"

"And get attacked by a fiery monster? No way! We go through here! I'm sure it can't be that bad" Sasuke said and so they went into the cave.

"Why did we have to go into here anyway? There's a volcano close by… oh I get it" Naruto said as he noticed a coffee-bar where Sasuke was now busy ordering coffee from.

Civilian Guy was standing behind the counter with a chef-hat on him and a frying pan in one hand.

"Civilian? What are you doing here? I thought you ran a caps-shop in Spargus" Gaara said.

"And an ice cream stand in the desert" Gimli said.

"Yeah. But those jobs was so lousy paid I had to get two extra jobs, afterwards I'm going to a pancake-stand on Tatooine and a cookie-stand in Moria, besides, I've been appearing way too few times recently" Civilian Guy explained.

Gaara's ear twitched as he heard the last words.

"A cookie-stand? We should have gone to Moria instead" he said.

"I told you so! But it's still not too late!" Gimli said.

And so Gaara and Gimli ran of to buy cookies in the caves of Moria.

"We weren't supposed to loose them here" Sasuke said, flipping through the pages of Lord of the Rings.

"Can I have some coffee too?" Konohamaru asked.

"Sure you can" Sasuke said but Naruto stopped him.

"No way you can't! You're too young!" he said to the kid.

"I'm only three years younger than you guys! And it's not like I'm asking for alcohol or anything!" Konohamaru complained.

"It's as good as, have you seen the way Sasuke's acting?" Naruto said and pointed at his team-mate who was now singing "Can't stop loving you" at the top of his voice.

"Holy shit! Now I wished I didn't have such sensitive hearing!" Legolas said.

"And besides, what do you think makes Miss.Ecofreak hyper? Not coffee for sure but Cola isn't that good either" Naruto said and stuffed the teddy bear into Sasuke's mouth.  
"Shut up! You might attract something big and scary" he told the black lop dwarf.

But it was too late, something big and scary had been awaken in the cave.

"AARGH! IT'S A GIGANTIC TELETUBBIE!" Boromir yelled.

"What are the odds of that?" Konohamaru asked.

"In this fic? Very high" Legolas said.

"Biiiiig huuuug!" said the gigantic teletubbie and came to give the gang the biggest tubby-hug in the world.

"Ruuuuuuuuuuun!" Naruto yelled and they all ran out of the cave.

After ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunning for quite some time, they figured the teletubbie must have gone to bed since the sun had already set and so they stopped.

"That was the scariest moment of my life" Legolas said. "It was even worse than the time I was attacked by that insane precursor".** (Miss.Ecofreak: he's not talking about me right? Is he talking about me? Zakura: no way. He's talking about that other dark precursor who writes nonsense in this very fic. Miss.Ecofreak: (phew) what a relief! Zakura: baka (still means idiot))**

"I haven't seen something that terrible since the time Itachi killed my family… wait, this was worse" Sasuke said when he finally managed to pull the teddy out of his mouth.

"Don't look now but I think someone's watching us" Gandalf whispered and pointed to the black and white rabbit who had put a branch in front of his face to avoid the gang from seeing him.

"That's Neji. He's been following us for quite some time now. I'm rather surprised you didn't notice him until now since as you can see he's acquired some serious brain damage and thinks he's three years old which also makes him think that if he can't see us, we can't see him either" Naruto said.

"I know perfectly well I'm thirteen thank you very much!" Neji said before jumping behind a small rock, hoping that would be a better hiding place.  
"Why's he following us?" Boromir asked, ignoring Neji's sudden outburst.

"He wants to get his teddy bear back" Naruto explained.

"Why don't you just give it to him?"

"Because Neji's the biggest baby in this fic and I don't want him to look more like an idiot than necessary" Sasuke said. "That's why I must destroy this bear."

"Wow Sasuke. I didn't think you cared so much about your quite distant cousin" Aragorn said.** (Miss.Ecofreak: okay, so you'll probably have to look waaaay back in the Uchiha/Hyuuga family tree to call Uchiha Sasuke and Hyuuga Neji cousins. I have absolutely no idea how far back this goes but from what I've heard (and I think mentioned before) the Uchiha descends from a very early Hyuuga. Zakura: actually Sasuke is more closely related to Kakashi's left eye rather than the Hyuuga but that's another story)**

"There's a lot of things about me you don't know" Sasuke said.

"Like that fact that Tenten paid him sixty bucks to get rid of that teddy bear" Naruto said and Sasuke threw an empty cup at him.

"That's a lie! Tenten was broke so it was Gai who gave me that money" the hyperactive rabbit said. "He doesn't want his student to act like a moron".

"So why does he keep Lee?" Naruto asked and Lee threw an empty cup at him.  
"Well that explains it" Boromir said. "I had that problem with my little brother too", he pointed his finger towards Faramir, who was standing behind them clutching the remains of a stuffed bunny that had several limps burned of from being thrown into a volcano.

"He looks dumber now" Naruto said and Faramir threw and empty cup at him.

"We've rested enough! We must go on with our important quest!" Sasuke said as Gaara came into the camp carrying a cookie jar in one hand and another cookie in the other hand.

"Let me guess, he's out of coffee?" he asked, taking a bite of the cookie jar. ("This was one hard cookie!"** (Zakura: heh. His lack of sleep seems to have caught up with him)**)

"Yup. Time to find a new coffee stand" Naruto sighed.

And so the team went to find a new coffee stand and eventually throw the teddy bear into a volcano, closely followed by Neji who carried a bush to hide in and a serial killer with a chain saw.

Soon Sasuke and Naruto entered a large corn field.

"Hey! Where are the others?" Naruto asked.

"They live in the jungle on a deserted island" Sasuke answered.

"Not "The others" like in "Lost", I meant; where's Gaara, Samos and the LOTR-characters?"

Sasuke looked around.

"They must have gotten lost in the woods back there" he said.

He wasn't all correct, the rest of the team were indeed in the woods but they weren't exactly lost.

They had just found a large swimming pool and were now happily swimming in it.** (Miss.Ecofreak: yup. In the middle of the woods. Zakura: Why am I not surprised? Fluffy: living with Miss.Ecofreak for a year does that to you)**

"Where do we go now?" Naruto asked.

"Where do you think? We have to find a volcano!" Sasuke said.

"And where's the closest volcano?"

"You mean you don't know?"

"Hey! You where the one who got paid to do this! I thought you might know!"

"What do I look like? A map book? I don't know anything about volcanoes!"

"Sigh! And I thought I was the stupid one" Naruto said.

A bush came up to the pair.

"I know where the closest volcano is!" said Neji, who just popped up from the bush.

"Good! Then you can lead us there!" Sasuke said.

"Only if you promise you'll give me back my teddy bear afterwards" Neji said.

"Of course we will" Sasuke said. "Slightly burned" he added when Neji wasn't listening.

So Neji became their guide, he had tied a towel around his waist and was crawling around on all fours while talking weird.

"Hurry rabbitses! We'll show you were it is!" he said.

"That's good! But can I ask you a favour?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes" Neji said.

"Stop playing Gollum or you'll never see your teddy again" Sasuke said, holding a kunai knife towards the teddy's neck.

Neji threw away the towel quickly and got up on two feet again.

"Sorry" he said. "It's this way".

"And no more talking like Jar Jar Binks either" Sasuke said.

"That wasn't Jar Jar-talk! It was Gollum-talk" Neji said and rolled his eyes like that was something everyone knew.

**Miss.Ecofreak: who doesn't hear the difference in Jar Jar and Gollum? Geez.**

**Zakura: what's the point about that title? There was no chain saw in it!  
Miss.Ecofreak: sure it was! There was a serial killer with a chain saw following them earlier and a meerkat with a chain saw right behind you.**

**Ivy: did you miss me?**

**Zakura: (pulls out a peacemaker) of course!**

**Ivy: (throws the chain saw away)**

**Civilian Guy: yippee! (grabs the saw (which is still turned on) and looses some fingers), don't do that at home, rather do like me and don't go near a chan saw:p)**

**Naruto: stop right there! How come everyone was throwing cups at me?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: because you're a moron! (Throws an empty cup at Naruto) please review and feel free to throw cups at Naruto.**

**Naruto: no! Feel free to leave me alone! Make her stop!**


	55. Kids Next Door Attack

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay, another group of fictional characters appear in this fic. The Kids Next Door, also called KND from the cartoon series Codename Kids Next Door. **

**They're a group of kids fighting for children's right against the evil "Dad", who somehow appears to be called dad by everyone although he only has five (rather spoiled) kids himself.**

**The KND has lots of members, but those we know the best from the show (and who appear in this fic) are Nr 1, Nigel, the leader. Nr 2, Hugo, the technical genius who always tries to be funny (and fails all the time) Nr 3, Kiki, loves animals and everything fluffy, also the most childish and naïve team-member. Nr 4, don't remember his English name, he fancies nr 3 but is too nervous to tell, he loves action and fighting and besides he's an idiot.**

**Nr 4: Hey!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: no interruptions please! The last tem-member is nr 5, Alexandra, I think she's really the smartest on the team though she sometimes talk about herself in third person.**

**Zakura: just get the chapter started already! Most of this information is useless.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I had to say it. Here's the next chapter.**

**CHAPTER 55**

**KIDS NEXT DOOR ATTACK**

Back at the Naughty Ottsel, nothing of interest happened.

"And let's keep it that way!" Daxter said. "I'm tired of people barging in here yelling random stuff or breaking the walls."

"You've got to admit it was amusing" Tess said. "Don't you remember when Sasuke sold his friends to the pet shop?"  
"And I'm glad he did, don't they look cute?" Orochimaru asked as he was cuddling a very distressed Ino and an equally distressed Sakura. "I had to get them separate cages though; they keep fighting all the time".

"I thought it was only male rabbits that fought over females, not opposite" Tess said.

"Male rabbits do fight, but females can fight just as often when they're on their period" Daxter said.

"What did he say?" Sakura asked.

"I think he was talking about our periods" Ino said and so both female rabbits attacked Daxter.

"I didn't think female rabbits attacked males though!" Daxter yelled.

"Oh they do, believe me" Miss.Ecofreak said.

"What are you doing here?" Tess asked.

"Telling you a story. At my school there lives a rex rabbit named Asterix. He's a real nice male rabbit but unfortunately, the two female rex-rabbits don't agree and keeps attacking him whenever they meet. So rabbits can fight no matter what sex they are" Miss.Ecofreak explained.

"Especially when it's Sakura and Ino bunnyfied" Orochimaru added.

"Ah… so that's why Zakura doesn't have a cage-mate" Tess said.  
"Oh she does" Miss. Ecofreak said and pulled out two plush toys, one still missing his head. "This is Nussi, and this is Kalle. Aren't they cute?"

"Why doesn't Kalle have a head?" Tess asked.

"Someone tore it of" Miss.Ecofreak explained and glared at Ivy who just happened to be in the room.

And so both the precursor and the meerkat evaporated, leaving Tess and Orochimaru alone to look at the bunny fight.

"You know… I've got a feeling something's missing" Orochimaru said.

Suddenly Jak ran into the bar.  
"BUNNY-FIGHT!" he yelled.

"Ah. That was it" Orochimaru said.

Then the ceiling started to fall down.

"I knew it was too good to last" Daxter said from underneath the two girls as five kids broke their way trough the ceiling.

"Hey! Who the are you? And since when did this become a KDN-crossover?" Jak asked.** (Miss.Ecofreak: since now obviously. Zakura: You never get bored of this do you?)**

"Aw! Bunnies! They're so adorable!" a girl with long black hair said and started cuddling Jak.

"We are the Kids Next Door. We fight for children's rights and try to abolish the adult's tyranny. I'm nr 1" said a bold boy wearing glasses.

"Braggart" Orochimaru muttered.

"We're not tyrants you little brat! Go do your homework instead of torturing us!" Daxter said.

"They're not torturing you. Ino and Sakura are" Tess said.

"Whatever! The kids are torturing me by cuddling Jak when they could have cuddled these two instead so I could run for my life!" Daxter complained.

"So… If you're not here to cuddle my rabbits ("We're not yours!" Ino and Sakura yelled) why are you here?" Orochimaru asked.

"We were looking for that boy who was trying to beat a little boy here earlier" Nr 1 said.

_Flashback to chapter 2:_

_Just then, Well…ehm…eh came walking in the window with a large smile on his foot._

_Miss.Ecofreak and her killer rabbit both agreed this was pretty weird._

"_Hi Daxter! Hi Dark Jak. Hi Metal Kor. Hi Jinx. Hi Tess. Hi random Naruto-character" he said._

"_Random Naruto-character?" Jak said in surprise and ran away from Daxter in order to attack Konohamaru instead **(fun fact: Konohamaru is just a little kid)**_

"_You can't beat me! I'm the grandson of the third hokage! And an innocent child! Don't kill me! Aaaaah!" Konohamaru said before he ran away screaming._

"Uh oh" Jak said.

"So. Where's the elf known as Jak?" Nr 1 asked.

"He's not here. He moved to Mexico" Jak said (KDN didn't recognise him as a rabbit)

"Damn! I knew we shouldn't have stopped by every pet shop on the way nr 3" Nr 1 said to the girl who was cuddling Jak.

"But they had such cute animals there! Like that budgie with dark brown hair and white eyes" Nr 3 said.

Suddenly mentioned budgie, which wasn't really a budgie but a ninja who pretended to be a budgie in an earlier chapter, entered the bar.

"Oh my god! It's the Kids Next Door! I love your show!" Neji said.

"The budgie! Except now it's a sparrow" Nr 3 said. **(If she can mistake a thirteen-year-old boy for a budgie she can mistake a rabbit for a sparrow)**

"What do you want?" Nr 1 asked.

"Why don't I get any lines?" asked a boy with yellow hair, known as nr 4.

"You just did" said a girl called Nr 5.

"Can I join KDN pwease?" Neji asked.

"No way! You're a teenager!" Nr 1 said.

"Besides, weren't you leading Sasuke and Naruto towards a volcano?" Daxter asked.  
"They were mean. They threw my teddy into a volcano!" Neji said and suddenly turned around and said; "No they're not mean! Sasuke and Naruto are nice". He turned around once more and said; "They hate me! They didn't even want me to play Gollum!"

Daxter just looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"How can you tell I'm a teenager?" Neji asked the KDN when he was done arguing with himself. "Yes, how did you know?" he said afterwards.

"Your name tag was a big clue" Nr 1 said and pointed to Neji's name tag which said "Hi. I'm Neji, I'm thirteen years old, me too".  
"I promise you! I'm very immature for my age! I would show you my teddy if Sasuke hadn't burned it. But I act like I'm two and a half years old! And I act like I'm two!" Neji begged.

"In that case you're _too_ immature. Let's go gang"

"This sucks big time, too right" Neji said as the five kids left, leaving Nr 2 to wonder why he didn't get anything to say during the whole chapter.

"Too immature? What do they mean?" Neji asked the others in the room.

"Well, you do act 10 years younger than you are" Sakura said.

"You act like you're schizophrenic" Orochimaru said.

"Besides you're a complete idiot" Ino said.

"Who here isn't?" Daxter asked.

"I'm the only one in this fic who isn't an idiot!" Sakura proclaimed.

"No way bitch! That's me!" Ino said.

"I am! No! I am!" Neji said and so the three ninjas started fighting.

"Finally they left me alone" Daxter sighed and crawled back up to the counter where Tess and Orochimaru were kissing.

"TESS? That must be the most disturbing scene in this entire fic!" Daxter yelled.

"Oh, sorry Dax. I'll make it up to you" Tess said and started kissing Daxter.

Now Orochimaru was the one feeling left out. He turned to Kin, one of the sand-nins working for him and looked at her with big puppy-eyes.

"I know what you're thinking Orochimaru-sama** (aka: Lord Orochimaru)**… and forget it" Kin said, throwing her empty cup at him which bounced of Orochimaru's head and hit Naruto.

"Leave Naruto alone meany!" Ivy said and attacked Kin.

"I didn't mean to hit him!" Kin said as the meerkat flew at her.

"Okay! Now I'm going on strike!" the bunnyfox said and pulled out a sign that said "Stop Dorky Fanfictions" and started marching around in the bar yelling "What do I want? No cups in my head! When do I want it? Now!"

Ehm was on strike too, he started marching behind Naruto with a sign saying "Stop Giving Chocolate to cows!"

"Why don't you want to give chocolate to cows? Do you think its bad for them or something?" Sakura asked the ottselified leprechaun as she was holding Ino in a death grip while Ino was holding Neji in a death grip and Neji was holding Ino's stuffed panda in a death grip and the panda did nothing as it was just a toy.

"I don't care less about the cows! Give the chocolate to me!" Ehm said.

"Hmp. What a waste of time. Lets just continue fighting" Sakura said and so the three ninjas (and the plush panda bear) kept fighting.

**Miss.Ecofreak: that was all…**

**Zakura: I wanna fight too! (starts fighting the ninjas)**

**Miss.Ecofreak? Please review**


	56. Renovation

**Miss.Ecofreak: Wahoo! (Crashes down the door to the Naughty Ottsel)**

**Zakura: er… Eco-chan? What are you doing?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: breaking stuff.**

**Zakura: I can see that, but why are you breaking stuff AND NOT LETTING ME IN ON THE FUN! (Crashes down the exact same door Miss.Ecofreak just broke)**

**Ivy: (too busy to protect Naruto (who's still on strike) to notice the destruction around her)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: WTF?**

**CHAPTER 56**

**RENOVATION**

Sasuke was standing on top of a volcano, and had been standing there since the start of chapter 55.

"Sasuke! Aren't you going to go home soon? The teddy bear has long since burned up already" Gaara said.

"No, I think I can still see one of his button-eyes" Sasuke said.

"That's not a button, its melted rock" Gaara said. "But what do I care? If you want to stand here until the caffeine in your body is all gone and you fall asleep and fall into the magma that's fine with me."

And so Gaara left, and Sasuke suddenly hurried down from the volcano too as he didn't like the idea of falling into the melting magma** (Miss.Ecofreak: must not be confused with Manga which is Zakura's favourite food. Zakura: HEY!)**.

The happy two friends (or the unhappy Gaara and the hyperactive Sasuke) walked back (or ran in Sasuke's case) to the Naughty Ottsel.

Inside they noticed quite a lot of funny things.

Sakura, Ino, Neji, Zakura and Ino's plush panda bear were still fighting, Ivy was scratching Kin who just tried to push her away, Naruto and Ehm were marching around them and Tess and Daxter were kissing as Orochimaru was sitting next to them filming the whole scene.

"What's happened here?" Gaara asked.

"Whoohoo! A fight!" Sasuke cheered and jumped into the fight as well.

"A lot of things actually" Orochimaru said, as an answer to Gaara's question. "I think you'd better just go back and read the last chapter if you want to understand".

"Why can't I just see it on the film you're making?" Gaara asked.

"The camera is out of battery" Orochimaru answered.

Sasuke was about to get strangled by the plush panda when Itachi entered, followed by his freaky friends who were all severely injured or in Kisame's case, just wet.

"Hi Itachi and all you other Akatsuki-people.** (Zakura: Inventive names. Miss.Ecofreak: you can't expect me to remember all the characters I've never seen in the series)** What's happened to you?" Orochimaru asked, pointing his camera up in Itachi's face.

Itachi looked distressed; he didn't like to be filmed when he was standing around all those whining people.

"Don't worry. There is no battery" Gaara whispered.

"The why is he using it?" Itachi whispered back.

"Never bothered asking" Gaara replied.

"Someone put up a lot of traps outside Itachi's house when we came to his birthday party" Deidara, one of the Akatsuki-members, said. "Itachi didn't walk into any on his way out since we had already triggered them all".

"Oh cool! This is one opportunity I cannot loose!" Zakura said as she kicked away the panda from Sasuke's stomach.

Before anyone got time to say "what opportunity was it you couldn't loose and how can Sasuke be strangled by Ino's stuffed teddy bear which is not alive and therefore should be unable to move and how do you expect us to say all this before Zakura does something very evil to us?" Zakura had bunnyfied the entire Akatsuki (except Itachi who was already a rabbit) in one move.

"WTF?" everyone said.

"You should be glad. Now that you're all covered in fur your injuries are harder to spot!" Zakura said happily.

The Akatsuki just glared at her for a moment, until everyone (including Itachi) attacked the little rabbit, they had all miraculously healed… or they were ignoring the pain.

"Wow! Now I really wished I had some batteries!" Orochimaru said.

"Aw! Now see? That's the kind of randomness I want to get rid of! Why the does every single Akatsuki-member fall into Sasuke's traps except for Itachi? I wanna see Itachi get hurt too!" Naruto said.

"I agree! Let's kill Itachi!" Sasuke said and jumped into the new fight, and he was actually fighting on Zakura's time this time.

But although Sasuke was the nr 1 rookie in his year, and Zakura was probably the only rabbit in the world trained in ninjutsu **(except the bunnyfied ninjas)**, they were still outnumbered two to… several others,** (Miss.Ecofreak: I don't know how many they are)** and were soon thrown into a basket.

"Where did that basket come from?" Daxter asked.

"I would rather want to know why Akatsuki didn't just shut them in a cage or something" Tess said.  
"That's easy to explain. We brought the basket so we could rob a bank and put the money in it, and we can't put them in a cage since Ivy's melted them all" Itachi explained.

"Wow. Miss.Ecofreak sure isn't' the only author who's got crazy muses" Tess said.

"You hadn't noticed?" Kin asked as Ivy was pulling out her hair.

"What concerns me now is that they've put one female and one male rabbit in that basket and… they're rabbits" Miss.Ecofreak said. "Sasuke isn't castrated is he?"

Itachi looked at the author with a puzzled expression. "How do you expect him to revive the Uchiha-clan if he was?" he asked.

"Good point" Miss.Ecofreak said and pulled Zakura out of the basket before heading home.

"Yay! Miss.Ecofreak is gone! Maybe now nothing strange will happen!" Naruto cheered.

But then suddenly the wall fell down over Naruto who luckily was standing were there was a window so he wasn't hit.

"Or… maybe not" Naruto said.

"Aw! I just fixed that wall!" Daxter complained. "Maybe I should just rebuild the bar into an outdoor café?"

"No need to rebuild anything. Just wait ant the other three walls will probably fall sooner or later" Tess said.

"You're right sweetheart. And I know exactly how to get free workforce" Daxter said.

Silence.

"So… how are you supposed to do it?" the female ottsel asked.

"Just wait" Daxter said.

"You said you had a plan. What is it?"  
"I have a plan! The author just hasn't figured out what it is yet!"

"…"

After a few minutes of waiting, Daxter picked up his phone and dialled a random number.

"Hello? Is this the Smith family? Yes? No? The Uchiha-family?"

"Daxter? Why on earth do you call me when I'm in a basket two feet away?" Sasuke asked from inside the basket two feet away from Daxter.  
"Sorry. Wrong number" Daxter said and hang up.

Then he called the right number.

"Hello? Mr. Smith?"

"Who the are you?" the random Mr Smith asked in the phone.

"I'm Daxter. One of the main characters in the best-selling game, Jak and Daxter!"

"Never heard of it"  
"Oh… well I wondered if you happened to have Han Solo's number."  
"Who's he?"

"Er… one of the main characters in Star Wars"

"What's Star Wars?"

"… Have you been living in a cave or something?"  
And with this very rude comment, Daxter hang up, and found himself staring into the annoyed face of Sasuke, who had just managed to lift the lid of the Akatsuki's basket and had the upper part of his body above it.

"What is it?" Daxter asked.

"First of all, that was very rude. Second; your shoe lashes aren't tied, third; why didn't you just ask if I had Han Solo's number." Sasuke said.

"I don't care. I don't have shoes. You do?"

"No. But I have Leia's number and she's his girlfriend so you'll most likely reach him by using hers" Sasuke said.

"That works very well. I don't have Sasuke's number either but I just call up Gai if I want to talk to him" Itachi said.  
"Why Gai?" Daxter asked.

"Because Gai is never far away from Lee, Lee is never far away from Sakura and Sakura is never far away from Sasuke, Sasuke is always stalking me, I'm never far away from Kisame, Kisame is never far away from a phone booth, Kakashi is always close to a phone booth in case a lonely supermodel should call, Kakashi is never far away from Naruto, Naruto is never far away from Kyuubi, **(duh, Kyuubi lives INSIDE Naruto)**, Kyuubi is never far away from… Naruto, Naruto is never far away from a donut shop, the donut shop is close to a noodles shop which is why Naruto is never far away from the donut shop, Sasuke is in the noodles shop ordering coffee. Works every time" Itachi said.

"O…k… Just tell me Leia's number" Daxter said.

Sasuke told Daxter the number and Daxter dialled it.

"Hello? Leia? Is Han there? Can I talk to him?" he said to the phone.

"Hello? Who is it?" Han asked after his girlfriend had handed him the phone.

"Hi Han. It's Daxter. I just wanted to remind you we have a party in the bar today. Are you coming?"

"I'll be there in a minute".

Within a minute after Daxter had hang up the phone, the Millennium Falcon crashed into the bar, breaking down the three remaining walls.

"Welcome to the opening party of my new outdoor-restaurant!" Daxter said happily.

"Aw… but the lack of walls makes it easy for Temari to come in and steal my sandwich" Shikamaru whined.

"You two are acting fairly out of character you know that?" Daxter said.

"We're not worse than him" Shikamaru said, pointing at Jak, who was sanding on one pillar that had remained, and throwing rotten fruit at the Millennium Falcon completely forgetting he had a peacemaker in his back pocket.

"I don't know him" Daxter said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: and that was all**

**Zakura: how did that pillar survive being run over by a gigantic space ship that completely lacks supports after Jak shot it of?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: you ask too much for a rabbit.**

**Zakura: I'm just curious I guess.**

**Fluffy: but that's my job! Hamsters are curious! Rabbits are just cute**

**Zakura: we're not! (Attacks Fluffy)**

**Jak: DOG-FIGHT!  
Miss.Ecofreak: pleas re… dog-fight?**


	57. One weird christmas special

**Miss.Ecofreak: finally December!**

**Zakura: it has been for some time**

**Miss.Ecofreak: but it is still December! So here's one weird christmas chapter and one short... re-run.**

**CHAPTER 1**

**DID WE JUST START OVER?**

It was a beautiful sunny day in Haven City.

The sun was shining Baron Praxis was lying underneath a large bullet and looked pretty much dead and rotten, Errol was lying dead in the desert next to the ruins of the dark maker terraformer and life was good.

"Watch out! There's a giant lizard chasing me!"

Jak picked up Ehm by his tail, which was strange because he was now a rabbit.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"A gigantic dinosaur came by and ate my wife!" Ehm said.

"Why do I get the feeling we've done this before?" Jak asked.

**Zakura: What's the point in that?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I told you!A re-run. Now here's the actuall chapter**

**CHAPTER 57**

**THE ACTUAL CHAPTER**

Daxter was busy decorating the bar, now known as an outdoor restaurant, for Christmas and Cornelius was helping along with 700 mice.

"We are going on a summer holiday" Cornelius was singing.

"I've given up correcting him" Keira the 12B2328a told Daxter. "He claims to be in such Christmas spirit and has been singing summer-songs all day".

"Well he's always been bad at picking songs HICK" Errol muttered from the corner. "He sang "Happy Birthday" at our grandma's HICK funeral".

"Sure we shouldn't have a Christmas tree?" Jak asked from the top of a pillar, he was unable to get down.

"No way! I don't want to be responsible for a defenceless tree being cut down!" Daxter said.

"Since when did you care about trees?"

"You're right. Go get a chain saw Jak!" Daxter said.

"Er… I can't. I'm stuck on this pillar" Jak said.

"Okay. Then Cornelius can do it and Naruto can take over your decorating-job" Daxter said.

"I'm on strike" Naruto said.

"Fine. Then Cornelius goes to get a chain saw and find a Christmas tree, the mice can go feed the cat and Palpatine can decorate the Naughty Ottsel" Daxter said.

Cornelius and the mice left and Darth Sidious started to decorate the outdoor restaurant while singing "insert random Christmas song here and imagine Darth Sidious singing it".

Cornelius took Civilian Guy's chain saw (since he is the only one in this fic who has one) and went to Haven Forest to look for a nice Christmas tree.

He came home seven hours later.

"I've got the perfect tree for you Dax!" he said happily.

"Great Cornelius… where is it?" Daxter asked.

"Pick one!" Cornelius said and pointed to a wagon that was filled with trees, Spot the flut-flut had collapsed in front of it after having dragged it all the way from the forest.  
"Did you cut down every single tree in Haven Forest?" Daxter asked.  
"Yup. I couldn't decide on one so I figured you could choose one for yourself. Besides it's very fun to chop down trees with a chain saw!" Cornelius said. **(Zakura: Another proof that Cornelius is the complete opposite of his creator. Miss.Ecofreak: hush, (backs away from the chain saw))**

"Oh… thanks Cornelius, but I have an even better idea! Let's use all of them!" Daxter said.

"Yaaaaaaay!" everyone but Samos cheered.

"Nooooooo!" everyone but everyone but Samos cried.** (More precisely; only Samos cried no)**

And so they placed every single tree from Haven Forest together in the middle of the restaurant and everyone but Naruto (who was still on strike), Kin (who was still trying to make Ivy stop harassing her), Ivy (who was throwing dinosaur-eggs at Kin** (Zakura: where did she get those? Yoshi: Yoshi! Zakura: oh, fine)**) and Jak (who was still stuck on the pillar) were decorating it, and except for the dogs, they were nibbling at the branches.

"Akamaru! Crocket! Pappy! Several Keiras! Stop destroying the trees!" Daxter said.

The fourteen dogs glared at him.

"Or… go ahead" Daxter said and backed away.

"How could Daxter fit all these trees in the Badly Behaved Ottsel?" Zakura asked.

"Who cares? As long as I get to decorate them with demons and skeletons!" Fluffy said.

Zakura grabbed the gerbil by his tail and threw him back into his brand new cage (the old one was sliced in two by Anakin back in chapter 7).

"Hey! Gerbils are pack animals! I need a cage-mateeeeeeee" Fluffy cried.

"Just transform back into a hamster and that won't be a problem" Zakura said.

"Jingle bells, Jingle bells, jingle all the way" Samos sang as he was decorating the life tree.

"Hey dad! Why are you so happy all of a sudden? I thought you didn't like the cutting down of every single tree in the forest?" Keira asked.

"I don't like it, but they look much nicer this way" Samos said.

When the trees were fully decorated, everyone went outside since there was no room in the restaurant anymore with all the trees.

"Merry Christmas everyone!" Daxter said.

"It's not merry! Everything is wrong and no one is helping poor Jak!" Naruto complained.

"Damn it!" Jak said from the top of his pillar, he didn't look to sad though, he was just playing an extra hard game on his game boy.

"He'll live.** (Miss.Ecofreak: I don't think he's noticed he's stuck)** Who wants rabbit-stew?" Daxter asked.

Everyone gasped.  
"I'm kidding. It's hare-stew" Daxter said.

Everyone glared.

"I'll pass" they all said in unison.

"Good. I don't have any" Daxter said. "But who wants meerkat-stew?"

"I will!" Zakura said as Ivy cried loudly and knocked out Daxter with a large hammer.

"I wanna join the festivities tooooooo!" Fluffy cried from his cage.

"Yes! Finally Ivy found someone else to bother!" Kin cheered. "Honestly, I only accidentally hit Naruto with a cup and she bothers me for hours!"

"Why didn't you just use some of your ninjutsu on her?" Itachi asked.

"What? Hurting a defenceless animal?" Kin asked.

"Kin. That's not only OOC but a serious understatement as well" Itachi said.

So Kin walked of to join the Haven Animal Freedom League guard as the rest of her friends, enemies and other people she hardly knew kept partying.

"What a great party! And look! They've got coffee!" Sasuke said and attacked the coffee-table.

"Sasuke-kun! Leave the poor defenceless coffee-table alone!" Sakura cried.

"Sorry. Do you want some?" Sasuke asked, presenting a cup half-full of coffee to the pink rabbit.

"Ew… no way" Sakura said and walked away.

"Aw… at least I managed to steal Itachi's diary so I could have something to do!" Sasuke said.

And after making sure Itachi wasn't around, he started reading out loud from the diary.

"Dear diary. Today I'm going to leave you unattended so that Sasuke can steal you. He'll undoubtedly take you and read you out loud when there are a lot of people around and hopefully he won't notice the gigantic bomb I tied to it.

And Sasuke, if you read this, I have tied a gigantic bomb to this diary that's going to blow up in ten seconds…"

"Oh shit!" Sasuke said and threw the diary into the lake where it blew up and drained all the water.

"Guess you've learned not to steal other people's diaries now, have you Sasuke?" Naruto asked.

"No way. That was only one mistake" Sasuke said and pulled out a new pink diary with little red hearts on it which he started reading from.

"Dear diary.

I sure don't hope anyone ever finds out I've got a diary and read all the secrets in it. Its bad enough having Kyuubi teasing me for it. Kyuubi says I'm an idiot who will never stop using diapers. That's not true! I think I've finally gotten the hang of it now!

And also Daxter keeps blaming me for any damage his bar gets, even if it's Hinata throwing plates around which is mostly Neji's fault for pissing her of."

Naruto stared at Sasuke in shock.

"Wow! This book sure has some interesting text in it" Sasuke said happily.

"I hate you so much right now" Naruto said.

"Good. Then there won't be any SasuNaru-yaoi in this fic in the near future" Sasuke said happily.

**Miss.Ecofreak: that was all we had for you today, anyone who wants to see how Kin does in HAFL will have to wait until chapter 59. In the meantime, merry Christmas (or whatever you might be celebrating at this time of year) and a happy new year**

**Zakura: it's still two weeks left**

**Miss.Ecofreak: this is the Christmas-special so I had to say it now! Please review.**


	58. Neji Versus HAFL

**Miss.Ecofreak: (eats chocolate from chocolate calendar) one day closer… and time for another update**

**Zakura: (mutters) why didn't I get a Christmas calendar?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: because they don't sell calendars for rabbits**

**Zakura: YES THEY DO!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (sigh) so much for that argument. **

**Ivy: (is pointing a rifle at the author) could you get one for me?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (looks nervously at the gun) er…go ask Beastfire instead (ducks as Ivy fires the rifle). Besides I'm pretty sure they don't have calendars for meerkats **

**Zakura: oh, you just never know what the pet shops make think of selling**

**Miss.Ecofreak: But now to something completely different, in case someone forgot, HAFL stands for Haven Animal Freedom League.**

**CHAPTER 58**

**NEJI VERSUS HAFL**

Christmas day started out with a rather casual fight by the Naughty Ottsel.

"SHINOBI-RABBIT-FIGHT!"

Yes, it was Neji versus Kisame, why you might ask? Well, Sasuke and Naruto were pissed at each other but didn't feel like fighting so they asked Neji and Kisame to fight for them.

Why did they apply you might ask? Keep asking because I won't tell.** (Zakura: she doesn't know, she just picked two random characters)**

But then suddenly the fight was stopped by the HAFL-agent nr five.

"What are you doing here?" Jak asked from the top of the pillar.

"We are here to seize these two rabbits! You cannot use defenceless animals in fighting! That's just not right!" Five said. "Either you sign them over, or I shall have to pine you all to a wall until you surrender."  
"Whatever. Just take them" Jak said and Five put Ino's stuffed panda bear and Neji's burned-up teddy bear in cages (which Sasuke and Naruto had dressed up like Kisame and Neji while Jak distracted the agent) and walked away.

"Phew. That was close, keep fighting guys" Sasuke said.

"Why doesn't anyone ever rescue me?" Neji asked.

"Why? Do you feel unfairly treated?" Sasuke asked.

"No. It just looks so much fun to be shut in a cage and taken to an animal refuge!"** (Miss.Ecofreak: no he doesn't mind fighting; he's a ninja after all)**

"You do realise that if you are taken there, the vets are going to assume you are a fighting rabbit and put you to sleep?"

"I have to go to bed with no dinner?"  
"That's a nice phrase for killing you"

Neji sighed.

"My poor teddy! We've got to save him!" he yelled.

"Teddy was already "dead". We threw him in the volcano remember?" Sasuke said.  
"You cruel person" Neji said. "But still. Those HAFL-people need to be punished for killing homicidal animals like that!"

Sasuke blinked.

"Whatever!" he said, and walked away to get some coffee.

"Fine. Don't come crawling to me when the HAFL comes to get you" Neji said.

He jumped up on a stage Daxter recently had built (probably for occasions like this, since in this fic you'll have to be prepared for just about everything) and grabbed a microphone.  
"Hi guys! I wanna kick the ass of HAFL to stop them from killing guilty animals! Wanna help?" he yelled.

Everyone looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"But if they let all the animals run rampant we'll be the ones who get killed" Keira said.

"And besides we can protect ourselves! Don't we Three?" Ratty said to the HAFL-agent he and Rodenty had tied up to a tree, Three looked completely horrified and just nodded.

"Well you might. But what about all those who can't protect themselves? Like Gaara!" Neji said.

Gaara just looked at him lazily, as sand kept flowing up around him stopping the flying plates Well and Ehm where throwing to hit him.

"What are you getting at Hyuuga?" Gaara asked. "No not you, the other Hyuuga" he added as Hinata cast him a strange look.

"Okay… so Ratty and Rodenty doesn't want my help, Gaara doesn't want my help. Hey Ino! Don't you wanna do it for your stuffed panda?" Neji asked.

"It's a toy Neji. It's not alive" Ino said. "Besides, I'm too old for that stupid doll anyway"

"You're not too old for the collection of Barbie dolls you keep in your bed" Sakura said.

"DAMN IT! You promised not to say that!" Ino yelled at her ex-best friend.

"But then… Seem! You and I are two of a kind, do you want to help?" Neji asked the female monk as Ino and Sakura started fighting again.

"Why bother? They might come and take us all out with a gigantic laser gun one day or it's nothing to worry about. Ignore it" Seem said casually.

"Pwease"

"No"

"Pwease"

"No"

"Pwease"

"No"

"Pwease"

"No"

"Pwease"

"No"

"Pwease"

"No"

"Pwease"

"No"

"Pwease"

"No"

**(Zakura: will this take long? **

**Miss.Ecofreak: yes. Let's skip to somewhere else in the meantime)**

Somewhere else, Five and the veterinarian Kosteskaft **(his name means "broomstick" in Norwegian, talk about random name-suggestion)** figured there was something strange about the two rabbits they had just seized.

"They don't seem to move around a lot. Are you sure they're still alive?" Kosteskaft asked.

"Sure they are! They fought like mad when I got to the location" Five said.

Kosteskaft glared at him.

"You haven't tried to put them down yourself again have you?"

"No way! I would never do that" Five said stubbornly.

"Well then we could try to hit them hard in the head and see if they wake up" the vet said and hit the two plush toys with a stick.

Nothing happened.

"They must have died by you hitting them" Five said.

"No way they didn't! They were already dead!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yes!  
"Nu-uh!"

"Yes"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yes!  
"Nu-uh!"

"Yes"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yes!  
"Nu-uh!"

"Yes"

**(Zakura: Ecofreak!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: let's skip to somewhere else)**

"Pwease"

"No"

"Pwease"

"No"

"Pwease"

"No"

**(Zakura: (slap) **

**Miss.Ecofreak: that hurt)**

"This fic is stuck isn't it?" Tess said.

"Certainly. But at least we're not getting tortured" Keira said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: that was all; I'll have a nice day**

**Fluffy: hmp, that was egoistic**

**Miss.Ecofreak: what? I will have a nice day! It's almost Christmas and no school until next year**

**Zakura: but doesn't that mean you're going to miss all the other small animals again?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: not really. Have you noticed what's on my shoulder?**

**Zakura: ... (Notices a small brown and white hamster that is NOT Fluffy because this one's very real) Who's that?**

**Houdini the hamster: hi!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: This is Houdini the Syrian hamster. He's mine for the next two weeks (well not really, he belongs my the school but I'm looking after him during the vacation) so you better get along**

**Houdini: (makes big puppy-eyes)**

**Zakura: (puppy-eyes makes her sick) hmp! Don't you dare take that hamster into my territory (aka: Miss.Ecofreak's room)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: don't worry. He'll be sleeping in the bathroom. Now Houdini, will you?**

**Houdini: please review!**

**Fluffy and Zakura: (glare)**


	59. How Troublesome

**Miss.Ecofreak: (still has the hamster on my shoulder) here's a chapter dedicated to one of my favourite lines in Naruto, Shikamaru's trademark-line; how troublesome (or as I like to say "Mendokze") **

**Zakura: how about dattebayo?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: what does that mean anyway?**

**Zakura: don't know, but that's what Naruto always says in the anime.**

**Ivy: just get started already or I shall hit you a second time!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: second? Not likely. **

**CHAPTER 59**

**HOW TROUBLESOME**

A couple of days passed and everyone had finally stopped arguing.

Apparently, Neji never got to save his teddy bear since Hinata had now dragged him all the way home and placed him in a rabbit-cage to prevent him from doing any more stupid stuff.

But Neji didn't mind, he just realised Hinata had another, female, rabbit in the same cage.

She now had around seven.** (Although Neji had only been in there for a few days and rabbits goes pregnant for one month… mysterious)**

"Dude, this is sick" Naruto said, still sitting outside the Naughty Ottsel with a sign saying "I hate Miss.Ecofreak and her killer rabbit. In fact I hate the hamster she's looking after too only since she's the one who's looking after him and not me!" **(Houdini: Hi hi, I'm popular. Zakura: (glare))**.

Several freedom league guards had tried to remove him as he was sitting in the middle of the road, throwing empty cups at everyone who passed but Ivy had knocked them all out with a sandwich since Zakura had stolen all her lethal weapons and hid them in an Ivy-proof cupboard.

Meanwhile, Ehm was running in circles around Naruto cheering for no apparent reason, carrying dangerous explosives.

"WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER LEAVE ME AND MY FOOD ALONE? HOW TROUBLESOME!" Shikamaru yelled.

Temari hit him in the head with a sandwich.

"Stop whining, you make my head hurt" she said.

Shikamaru just kept whining over HIS hurting head (muttering something like "How troublesome") so Temari decided to go home to Sunagakure, eating the rest of Shikamaru's sandwich on the way.

Naruto noticed Shikamaru's whining.

"Hey. You find it annoying that everyone (especially Temari) keeps stealing your food (especially sandwiches) right?" he said as fireworks exploded over his head, very mysterious.

Shikamaru nodded and muttered something that sounded strangely like "How troublesome".

"Then let's join forces, together you me and… EHM GET LOST... can stop this madness!"

"How? You extremely troublesome person?" Shikamaru asked as the hyperactive ottsel stopped sending up fireworks and went home (in other words: ran home pretending he was a fire truck on its way to put out a fire).

"UIUIUIUIUIUIUIUIUIUIUIUIUIUIUI"

"… I don't know. I was hoping you knew" Naruto said, covering his ears until Ehm was out of hearing range.

"How troublesome"

"Oh my, without me that kid would probably die out here" Ivy sighed.

"Welcome to my world" Kyuubi said.

"What are you doing outside Naruto?" Ivy asked.

"I just needed some fresh air. Rodent?" Kyuubi said, offering a dead mouse to the meerkat.

"Er… not now" Ivy said.

Shikamaru and Naruto sat down by the sign to think of new and efficient ways to stop the madness (and Shikamaru kept muttering the word "troublesome" every third second or so).

"Maybe we should go buy Miss.Ecofreak JakX. Then she would begin writing DorkX and I doubt we'll get any roles in that one" Shikamaru said.

"Nah. She made me appear already back in Dork3" Naruto said.

"How troublesome"

"DAMN IT! WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT?"

"Mendokze" **(Zakura: need a translation for that word? How troublesome. See? I know Japanese and you don't! Houdini: who needs to be bilingual when you're as cute as me?)**

"Shifting to Japanese won't make it any better. Whining fool"

"You're so troublesome"

Just then, Zakura entered.

"What are you doing here?" Naruto asked.

"I just came to give you a message from Miss.Ecofreak. She says it's not very funny when you two just sit her and throw rotten fruits at strangers" Zakura said, as she was carrying a struggling hamster in one paw

"So what? We're on strike!" Naruto said.

"What's with the hamster?" Shikamaru asked  
"And what does it takes to make you stop being on strike?" Zakura asked, ignoring Shikamaru's question.

"We only stop when you stop making fun of us" Naruto said.  
"Alright then. USAGI NO JUTSU!" Zakura said and bunnyfied Shikamaru.

"WTF?" Shikamaru said.

…

"I mean; how troublesome!" Shikamaru said.

"Aw. Doesn't he look kawaiiso?" Zakura asked the hamster.

"Okay, I admit it. That was a cool move" Houdini said.

"Don't you mean kawaii, meaning cute?" Shikamaru asked.

"No. I mean kawaiiso. That means pathetic. But you already knew that didn't you? Bye guys!"

And so Zakura hoped away with Houdini hanging on to her ears, leaving Shikamaru all alone (Ivy and Naruto went to the Naughty Ottsel to get some food because Naruto was getting fed up by hearing the word "Troublesome")

"How troublesome" Shikamaru said.

Somewhere else… lets say… in the middle of nowhere, Daxter was training to become a ninja… again.

"Just look! I think I've gotten the hang of it now!" he said to Sasuke, who just happened to be there. "Bunshin No Jutsu!"** (Art of the doppelganger)**

An infant furless rabbit appeared beside Daxter.

"That is the worst doppelganger I've ever seen" Sasuke said, taking another sip of his… TEA **(gotcha!)** "Including Naruto's attempt which was so weak it couldn't even stand upright."  
"Just wait! In six months time it will be the perfect clone!" Daxter said and picked up the infant (although it was only an illusion he was still able to pick it up). "You and I are going to make a great team, Fake Daxter".

"Why on earth did I come here anyway? There's not even a coffee-bar in sight" Sasuke said annoyed, and jumped away.** (Miss.Ecofreak: well sure, have you ever seen a rabbit walk?)**

Daxter took his fake baby rabbit home to the Naughty Ottsel and started feeding it with an illusion of rabbit-milk (it was actually just orange soda with white painting in it, but since the baby rabbit was a fake it didn't mind) as the sand-nins entered.

"Hi Daxter. What's that?" Temari asked.

"That's my first doppelganger, Fake Daxter! He's only a bit too young" Daxter explained.

"That is the worst doppelganger I've ever seen" Gaara said.

"Well thanks, Sasuke has already said that" Daxter muttered.

"Mendokze" said Shikamaru from the outside (actually they were all outside as the Naughty Ottsel now lacked both roof and walls)

"What's so troublesome now?" Naruto asked over his gigantic bowl of ramen.

"I just got hit by a zoomer" Shikamaru explained.

"Nothing worse? Geez! You're such a cry-baby" Naruto said.

Wonder who just arrived in a zoomer? Let's skip back in time a few minutes.

**A few minutes earlier**

Back at the HAFL-hospital, Five and Kosteskaft were still arguing over whether the two "rabbits" had died before or after entering the room.

"Nu-uh"  
"Yes"  
"Nu-uh"

…in a very childish way.

Suddenly Kin entered the room.

"Who are you?" Five asked.

"I'm a new agent from Otogakure. Name's Kin" Kin said.

"Kin? What a strange name. Do you mind if I call you Eight?" Five asked.

"Er… okay… What are you doing?" Kin asked.

"None of your business!" Kosteskaft snarled.

"Actually it is. Eight is one of us now" Five said in a friendly manner. "We were just arguing whether Kosteskaft killed these rabbits by hitting them too hard or not".

Kin of course, recognised the two rabbits.

"Those aren't real rabbits, they're just plush toys dressed up like rabbits" she said.

Five and Kosteskaft stared at her in shock.

"Oh my god you're right!" Kosteskaft said.  
"You're a genius Eight!" Five said.

"Yeah thanks. And by the way, when I said you could call me Eight, I take it back" Kin said.

"Okay Siri"  
"My name is Kin"

"Whatever. Let's go see if the maniacs at the Naughty Ottsel are doing stuff they're not allowed to do" Five said.

Kin and Five sat down in a stolen zoomer **(nice police force they've got huh?)** and drove towards the newly restored outdoor restaurant.

There they hit a rabbit sitting in the road, but completely ignored him since they were arguing over what Kin should be called.

"Mendokze" said Shikamaru who was the rabbit they just hit.

"What's so troublesome now?" Naruto asked over his gigantic bowl of ramen.

"I just got hit by a zoomer" Shikamaru explained.

"Nothing worse? Geez! You're such a cry-baby" Naruto said.

"I've got a strange feeling of déjà vu. Oh hi Kin" Daxter said.

"MY NAME IS NOT KARI! Hello Daxter" Kin said before she kept yelling at her new colleague.

"Oh great, the HAFL has come to save my cat who's gotten stuck in the Christmas tree" Tess said.  
"Your cat's stuck?" Five asked, ignoring Kin's yelling. "Where?"  
"I'm not sure. In one of the Christmas trees" Tess said.

Five turned around and noticed the forest that had been planted in the restaurant** (Zakura: he hadn't noticed? Miss.Ecofreak: nope. Houdini: (walks around reminding everyone that he's still there)**

"Wow. It almost looked like you've chopped down all the trees in Haven Forest and placed them here" he said.

"Oh we didn't do that" Daxter assured him. "I took one oak to my living room too and Samos took the Life Tree back to his house to hold a funeral for it".

"We'd better find the poor cat then. Don't we Seventeen?" Five said.

Kin just pointed a large gun at him in response.

"I take that as a yes. Hello Kitty!" Five yelled up to the treetops.

A cat appeared on one of the branches.

"Is it that one?" the agent asked Tess.

"No. That's Hello Kitty. Mine looks bluer" Tess said.** (Zakura: Hello Kitty is… what is Hello Kitty anyway? Miss.Ecofreak: I don't know, but I saw it in a bookstore once. Some Asian comic I think)**

"Like Doraemon?" **(Miss.Ecofreak: I know he's an Asian comic book character, a blue robotic cat with no ears (according to what I've heard a mouse ate them) Houdini: or a hamster! Zakura: Hamsters don't have long tails!)**  
"Not that blue"

"Okay then. Hello Kitty who's not Hello Kitty!" Five yelled up to the treetops.

Doraemon appeared on the same branch as Hello Kitty.

"How many cats are up there anyway?" Naruto asked.

"Well there are a lot of trees" Gaara said.

"Tess' cat!" Five asked.

A soft meowing was heard from deep within the pile of Christmas trees.

"Mimi!" Tess yelled.

"I take it that was your cat meowing" Five said. "It must be in the middle somewhere".

"Oh great. How are we supposed to get in between all those trees?" Kin asked.

"We'll just have to blow the whole thing up and hope the cat doesn't die" Five said as Doraemon and Hello Kitty (along with quite a lot of other cats) got in a hurry to get down.

**Zakura: oh my. I'm glad we don't have animal cops like that in Norway**

**Miss.Ecofreak: as far as I know there are no animal cops in Norway (grumble rumble) we are all out of time so unfortunately you'll have to wait to see if Five gets the cat out, if Kin manages to teach him her name…**

**Zakura: ...or accept to be called Eight…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …and see if I'll ever remove this hamster from my shoulder, or what Houdini?**

**Houdini: (sleeping) snore**

**Miss.Ecofreak: whatever. Please review**


	60. Nice round number isn't it?

**Miss.Ecofreak: oh look! 60 chapters! That calls for a jubilee doesn't it?**

**Zakura: no**

**Houdini: I'm not in the mood**

**Fluffy: my head still hurts from that page 100-thingy!**

**Ivy: just get on with the fic before I start torment you in horrible ways**

**Miss.Ecofreak: fine, you guys are definitely no party-animals. Here's chapter 60**

**CHAPTER 60**

**NICE ROUND NUMBER ISN'T IT?**

"You're going to blow up all the trees just to get one cat out?" Kin asked. "You guys really are nuts".

"Told you so" Kabuto said.

"When did you say that and when did you get here?" Kin asked.

"I told you last week and I just got here" Kabuto explained.

"Enough chit-chat Eight! We have to get that cat out. Do you have any TNT?" Five asked.

"No. And I'm glad I don't. Why don't I just climb the trees and get the cat out?" Kin asked.

"Wow. I never thought about that" Five said.

"The animals in Haven City are pretty screwed" Sasuke muttered.

"Yeah. At least some got people like me who can take care of them" Cornelius said.

Kin climbed up (or more precisely, she walked straight up, ninjas can do that) into a tree and started looking over the top.

"I can see the cat. Its sitting in the middle tree… playing poker with a gang of squirrels" Kin said.

"She's always had a gambling problem" Daxter said. "Lost all her cat food to some bloke one day and went hungry for weeks."  
"But the cat food was quite good" Luke said happily.

Kin jumped from tree to tree and got to the kitty.

"Game over Mimi. Time to go home" she said.

"Mreow" the cat complained.

"No buts kitty-cat. Your owner is really worried" Kin said** (Miss.Ecofreak: sure she can talk to cats in this fic… just like I can talk to hamsters and rabbits. Zakura: That's mine! (Takes away dried leaves) Houdini: but I'm hungry! (Takes them back) Miss.Ecofreak: sometimes I wish I couldn't. Fluffy: Fluffy wants a cracker! (He's a parrot now))**

"Meow"

"Well…. Alright then."  
A few hours later on the ground.

"Why does she take so long? Is she injured? What if she's been eaten by a sea slug? Maybe the cat is a killer!" Orochimaru cried.

"A sea slug?" Daxter said confused.

"Don't even try to understand him" Kabuto advised the ottsel.

But just as Orochimaru was about to cry some more and point out other insane things that may have happened to his subordinate, Kin came down carrying the cat, wearing no clothes.

"Those squirrels were cheating. They must have been!" she sad annoyed.

"Mreow" the cat said agreeing.

"Mimi! You're safe! … Where's your fur?" Tess asked.

"I told you. The squirrels cheat" Kin said.

"Have you ever considered that it's just you who suck at poker?" Naruto asked.

"No way! I am poker champion back at Otogakure!" Kin said proudly.

"You're the ONLY poker player back at Otogakure" Kabuto commented.

"That was because I beat all the others so bad they all quit" Kin said.

"I thought it was because everyone else was so tired of you loosing all the time and being a bad looser" Orochimaru said.

"Don't listen to them. All otonins lie" Kin said to the others.

"Especially that one" Dosu said and pointed at Kin.

And so everyone left before Kin started telling of all the poker-matches she had lost and describing how the other part cheated.

All the characters went to a random bar called Kawaii Usagi.

"Wonder what that means?" Daxter said as he pointed at the sign outside.  
"I don't know but it sounds familiar" Jak said.

Suddenly Zakura appeared at the counter.

"Welcome to the Cute Rabbit **(that's what Kawaii Usagi means) **How may I torment… I mean serve you today?" she said.

Everyone stared at her in shock, all except Sasuke, who now had realised Zakura liked him so he had nothing to fear.

"Oh. I want a large cup of coffee please" he said and Zakura gave him barrel full of coffee.

"Fluffy wants a cracker!" said a beige parrot that was sitting on a perch next to the counter.

"And I want some silence since I'm trying to SLEEP damn it!" Houdini said from a cage which was also on the counter.

"The noise will soon stop" Ivy assured him as she was throwing rocks at Fluffy who kept hopping out of the way

"What is this? A bar or a zoo?" Daxter asked.

"There's only one hamster, one meerkat, one rabbit and a parrot, that can't possibly qualify as a zoo" Zakura said, pouring banana-soda in a glass.**(Fluffy: you mean there actually is such a thing? Miss.Ecofreak: I never said that)** "And a dark precursor"

The queen herself had entered. **(Zakura: okay now you're just being annoying. Miss.Ecofreak: what are you talking about?)**

Everyone gasped.

"**Say, if everyone here fears me and Zakura so much why are you even here?**" I asked. "**I mean; the sign says Kawaii Usagi. I think I've pointed it out more that once that Kawaii means cute and after being bunnyfied one by one with Usagi No Jutsu you should know usagi means rabbit, especially you guys**" I said pointing at the ninjas.

"There are a lot of cute rabbits in the world" Naruto said.

"None are cuter than me!" Zakura yelled.

"Oh yeah? Let's have a cuteness contest!" Naruto said.

"How are you supposed to do that?" Gaara asked.

"All of you may vote on who's the cutest rabbit of me and Zakura" Naruto said.

"That wouldn't be fair as everyone knows Zakura is cuter than you and I'm cuter than Zakura" Sakura said.

"You're all really pissing me of, you know that?" Zakura asked.

"Everyone shut up! I'm the cutest and you know it!" Rock Lee said and so all the rabbits (all! Not only those in the bar) started fighting over who's the cutest rabbit.

"You guys stop! Fighting doesn't solve anything!" Houdini said before I pulled him out of the cage covering his mouth.

"**Sit down and watch little friend**" I said.

"CUTIES-FIGTH!" Jak yelled.

Soon, Naruto managed to defeat the others since they were outnumbered by Naruto and his shadow clones.

"Hah! I won! That means I'm the cutest!" he said happily.

"That doesn't prove anything!" Sakura said.

"Sure it does! Just think about it, if I fought Sasuke over who's the strongest and won, that would mean I'm the strongest" Naruto said.

"That's different" Sakura commented.

"Besides, you would loose" Sasuke said.

"Oh yeah?" Naruto asked and so they started fighting (again, since that's what Sasuke and Naruto does best).

Sasuke won.

"That proves the Uchiha is the strongest" Sasuke bragged.

"It doesn't prove anything, I was weak from having fought Zakura and Lee" Naruto moaned.

"Sure, keep living on a lie you idiot" Sasuke said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: and so, the moral of the fic is: fighting doesn't solve anything**

**Zakura: is that what you'retrying to tell people? Cause it really doesn't seem like it**

**Ivy: and what jerk made that moral up anyway?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: but it's true! Please review boys and girls**

**Houdini: and animals, don't forget animals**

**Miss.Ecofreak: yeah right! Since when have I gotten reviews from animals?**

**Ivy: (glare)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: fine. Please review, boys, girls and animals**


	61. Mimi and Kin's big search

**Miss.Ecofreak: Welcome back, Christmas eve is over once again and I've got some nice presents… thought I didn't get "it" (sulk)**

**Zakura: (sighs) Stop sulking.**

**Houdini: what didn't she get?**

**Zakura: JakX obviously.**

**Naruto and Star Wars Crew: Nooooooooo! (Wants a break from Dork Period)**

**Jak-crew: yaaaaaaaaaaaay! (Doesn't want DorkX to start)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: But look what I just bought at the record store! (pulls JakX out of a bag)**

**Jak-crew: Nooooooooo!**

**Naruto and Star Wars Crew: yaaaaaaaaay!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: so as soon as I finish this (hugs JakXgame) I'll start writing DorkX. But don't worry. I think I'll continue this even after DorkX is finished.**

**Crew: Nooooooooo!  
**

**CHAPTER 61**

**MIMI AND KIN'S BIG SEARCH**

Back at the Naughty Ottsel.

"And that's how I defeated Zaku" Kin said proudly.

No reply.

Kin looked around and noticed that she was all alone, apart from Tess' cat who were now clapping.

"Where is everyone?" Kin asked.

"Mreow" Mimi the cat said.

"Left? Why did they leave? Did I insult them or something?" Kin asked.

"Meow"  
"Bore them? But I only told about all the exiting matches I've had against all the other otonins!"

"Meow"  
"You're right Mimi. People are strange sometimes. Let's go and see if we can find them" Kin said, picking up the cat before she set of on an exiting adventure to find… some pie.

The quest brought the strange duo to Corosant, where Mimi got stuck in a tree again.

"Aw come on! The whole planet is a city and you get stuck in the only tree within a mile away!" Kin complained.

"Meeeeow" Mimi cried.

Kin sighed and went up and got the cat.

After a couple of hours walking they got to Tatooine… sure they walked to another planet! That's possible… right?

There they met Luke's dead uncle Owen.

"Hi Owen… aren't you supposed to be dead?" Kin asked.

"Sure. But so are Darth Vader and Yoda. How may I help you?" Owen asked.

"I was looking for the others, and with "the others" I mean the other ninjas, elves, ottsels, rabbits and all those people who have been in this fic before, not those creepy people in the jungle from Lost" Kin said.

"Well… I haven't seen them around but the creepy guys from Lost just passed this way" Owen said, pointing towards a sign that said "Deserted Island from Lost"

"Aw. That's no use" Kin said and left.

On Mos Eslei, Kin and Mimi were lucky enough to find the Millennium Falcon ready for take-of.

Smile.

"Meow?"

"Sure I can drive this thing! It can't be that hard" Kin said proudly.

And so they hijacked the space ship and set of for wherever the others were.

Back at the Kawaii Usagi Naruto was saving energy for his next fight with Sasuke.

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

He slept.

"The whole "Fall asleep and all your wounds heal" only works on Pokemon" Sasuke reminded him.

"Shut up, I'm trying to sleep" Naruto said.

"You're still wasting your time" Sasuke said. "There's only one thing that can heal broken bones and that's COFFEE!"

"Listen, I'm not a doctor or anything but I don't think that's it" Zakura said.

"As you said, you're not a doctor so what would you know about that?" Sasuke said and took a sip of the coffee.

"He's not very smart in this fic but he's still adorable" Zakura said.

"Girls. What's wrong with them?" Houdini asked Fluffy who was now a budgie.

"I don't know. Squawk! Girls are the only species I can't transform into" Fluffy said.

"**And what's that supposed to mean?"** I said.

"I would get really mad at you know… but I don't have time, Desperate Housewives is on" Zakura said and ran towards a door which said "TV-room".

"Desperate Housewives?" Fluffy said in surprise.

"Zakura watches TV?" Houdini said in surprise.

"**And more surprising, she watches Desperate Housewives?**" I said.

"Of course! There was as woman who killed herself in the first episode so I had to watch!" Zakura said from the TV-room.

…

"**Fine**" I said.

"Oh, I'll show you what quality TV really is" Naruto said and pulled out his portable computer and put on a DVD of…

"Dragonball? I thought we were going to watch Naruto" Sasuke said.

"No way! I don't want to watch a show where I have to see your ugly face all the time!" Naruto complained. "Besides, I'm always knocked out, that's not fair".

"So you like Dragonball since you're not getting knocked out in it?" Gaara asked.  
"Precisely!" Naruto said happily, but as he looked at the computer-screen he suddenly saw himself being knocked out by Goku.

"WTF?" the demon-vessel said. **(Not Gaara, the other demon-vessel)  
**"Dude, that was chapter 51" Ratty said.

"Naruto's so weak he gets knocked out in shows he's not even appearing in" Sasuke said.

"Hah! See if you're any better!" Naruto yelled and pointed at the PC, just as he saw Sasuke knocking out Goku.

"I'm so good I beat people I've never even met" Sasuke said proudly.

"You did meet Goku you moron! That was chapter 13!" Naruto yelled and picked up the DVD-cover. "Something's not right here. Aha".

He pushed the cover into Sasuke's face and snarled "read it!"

"DragonballZ, remake by Uchiha Sasuke" Sasuke read out loud. "What? It's a good remake" he added as he saw Naruto's pissed face.

"You're so going down" Naruto said and charged at Sasuke.

"BUNNY-FIGHT!" Jak yelled.  
"Is there a moment when Sasuke and Naruto are not fighting?" Ino asked.

"Sure. They cooperate too...sometimes" Sakura answered.

"Does Sasuke actually do anything else than fighting others anyway?" Itachi asked. "I mean, as his only living relative ("Close relative" he added with a glance at the Hyuugas) I should know. He fights Haku, Kakashi, Naruto, Lee, the otonins, Me, Myself and Irene, (well maybe not Irene but you get the point)"

"That's so not true!" Sasuke said as he was pinned to the ground by Naruto. Then Sasuke charged at his brother.

"But the… what the…. He was just here!" Naruto complained.

Just as the Uchihas were fighting Zakura came out of the TV-room.

"Did I miss something?" she asked.

"Just Naruto and Sasuke fighting again" Fluffy said. "But don't worry. You can still catch Sasuke's fight with Itachi".

"Oh cool!" Zakura said.

"Wasn't Sasuke-san the love of your life? Why don't you help him?" Houdini asked.

"I know, but Itachi's kind of hot too" Zakura said. "What to do? What to do?"  
Houdini rolled his eyes.

"Well… maybe you should…"

"…Help them both! Great idea little mouse!" Zakura said happily.

"I was about to say stop them and I am a HAMSTER!" Houdini said.

So Zakura decided to help both Uchiha-brothers, by beating the crap out of both of them.

"This didn't actually help anyone" Sasuke moaned.

"What he said" Itachi moaned.

"Hmp! Some are never happy!" Zakura said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: happy New Year!**

**Zakura: (can't talk since she's got a rodent-stick in her mouth)**

**Houdini: (snore)**

**Ivy: what an energetic band of pets you've got there.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: oh, Houdini isn't mine, and Zakura, take that stick out of your mouth you can eat later**

**Zakura: yummy**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well then… please review.**


	62. Sulking

**Miss.Ecofreak: Happy new year everyone, and what better way to start of 2006 with a little sulking**

**Zakura: oh I can think of lots. Tormenting the hamster for once**

**Houdini: hey!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: No fighting you two! Besides, Houdini can't stay for much longer**

**Zakura: yes!**

**Houdini: don't you like me anymore?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: of course I do! But you're not mine, you have to go back to the school but we'll still see each other there, providing that you can stay awake**

**Houdini: snore**

**Miss.Ecofreak: so much for that hope. Here's a new chapter everyone.**

**CHAPTER 62**

**SULKING**

It was a dark and stormy night, except for the fact that it was mid-day and bright sunlight.

So in other words it wasn't a dark and stormy night at all.

Sasuke and Itachi were sitting in opposite corners of the Cute Rabbit sulking; Zakura was in the middle, also sulking since she had eaten up the rodent sticks she got for Christmas.

"Guys… why don't you just make up?" Sakura asked the two boys, completely ignoring the rabbit in hope that it would disappear.

"He tried to kill me! How am I supposed to just forgive him?" Itachi asked.

"Well you killed my family!" Sasuke said.  
"I deserved a little sympathy! I had just lost my father remember?" Itachi said.

"Yes, you lost your father (which by the way was also my father) because YOU KILLED HIM!"

"YOU READ MY DIARY OUT LOUD OUT OF THE WINDOW!"

"YOU WOULDN'T GIVE ME ANY CHOCOLATE AT VALENTINE'S DAY!"

"I DIDN'T GIVE YOU ANY BECAUSE 1. YOU'RE MY BROTHER AND 2. I KNOW HOW CRAZY YOU ACT WHEN YOU GET CHOCOLATE!"

"BULLSHIT! I GOT CHOCOLATE FROM INO AND SAKURA (and every other girl in my class) THAT DAY AND I DIDN'T GO CRAZY!"

"YES YOU DID! YOU READ MY DIARY OUT LOUD OUT OF THE WINDOW DAMN IT!"  
"WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE!"

"On second thought, keep sulking" Sakura said.

And so the Uchiha-brothers kept sulking because they were too afraid to piss Sakura of as she was holding a thermal detonator** (I think… You know that little round blinking thing that the bounty hunter/Leia was holding in Star Wars 6 to scare Jabba the Hutt, probably a bomb of some sort)**.

While they were sulking, the Millennium Falcon fell through the roof.

"MY BEAUTIFUL SHIP!" Lando yelled.

"IT'S MY BEAUTIFUL SHIP NOW!" Han yelled.

"Roar" Chewbacca said. That probably meant something like "Eureka! I just invented a whole new way of making guinea pigs fly!" but most likely not.

Kin walked/fell out of the space ship, quickly followed by Mimi the cat.

"Hah! I found you! And Mimi said you left because you were sick of me" Kin said happily.  
"We _did_ leave because we were sick of you" Jak commented.

"That space ship just broke through the roof! It's your entire fault Itachi!" Sasuke said.

"Oh you've asked for it!" Itachi said and charged at his little brother.

"Aw! The same dilemma all over again!" Zakura said. "Well, maybe this time I should try not helping any of them".

So she helped neither and within about two minutes, both had gotten tired of fighting and went into different corners of the room to start sulking again.

"Hmp, at least none got injured this time" Zakura said.

"Ehm, wasn't I the one talking right now?" Kin asked.

"You were talking, but this fic is completely made up of interruptions, haven't you noticed?" Ehm said.

"Not really. I haven't been here that long" Kin said. "But either way! You stupid Uchiha's interrupted me! Now I'm going to sit in the opposite corner of the bar and sulk!"  
And so Kin sat down in one of the corners of the bar which was not occupied by an Uchiha-bunny and started sulking.

"Only one free corner!" Zakura said and sat down in the last free corner to sulk.

"They're all sulking now?" Naruto asked. "Well this is getting very OOC again. STOP THE OOC-NESS!"

Naruto pulled out a sing which said "Stop the OOC-ness and give me some ramen".

Sakura stared at the sign for a moment, and then glared at her blonde team-mate.

"What? I'm hungry!" Naruto said.

"**Certainly if all you need to be happy is a bowl of ramen I can arrange that**" I said and pulled out a bowl out of absolutely nowhere.

"It also says "Stop the OOC-ness" and where did that ramen come from?" Naruto asked.

"**Absolutely nowhere. Can't your read?**" I answered.

"I can read alright but "absolutely nowhere" is nothing! It can't just appear just like that!" Naruto yelled.

"**Sure it can! It just did**" I said.

"IT CAN'T!" Naruto yelled and charged at me.

"RABBIT AND DARK-MAKER-FIGHT!" Jak yelled. "Or probably just rabbit and human fight but er… humans suck."

After this comment, a plate came flying out of nowhere and hit the greenish yellow bunny in his head, making him fall backwards into Keira's lap.

"But that wasn't so bad" Jak said as Keira started petting him.

Ops. What I meant was; he flew backwards and landed on Kleiver's lap!

"Ah, I love rabbit stew" Kleiver said happily.

Jak screamed, grabbed a nearby zoomer and flew out through the (closed) door, and then falling into a puddle of dark eco outside as the zoomer exploded because of the impact on the door.

"Wow! That was cool! Do it again!" Orochimaru said and replaced the batteries in his camera.

Dark Jak glared at him, but was unable to attack since the zoomer was on top of him and… he's a rabbit.

"Where'd that puddle come from?" Naruto asked as Ivy had taken his place in the Miss.Ecofreak versus Naruto/Ivy-fight.

"Oh that. A dark eco tanker ship crashed here last week. The truck they have removed but they haven't cleaned up all the puddles yet" Zakura explained.

"Aha, for once a reasonable explanation" Naruto said.

I stuffed Ivy into a metal box which said "In case of meerkat, open box".

"**It happens**" I said. "**We can't have only things appearing and disappearing constantly, like this box.**"

"Get me the out of here!" Ivy yelled.

"I bet my ramen she's going to get out" Naruto said pointing at the now dancing box.

"**This is metal Naruto. Not even Ivy can break that!"** I said.

"You'll never know" Naruto said. "But I think she can."

So I put the metal box into a cardboard box.

"**Now she can never get out**" I said proudly.

"She's already proven she can open cardboard boxes" Naruto said.

"Heck, even I can open cardboard boxes" Zakura said.

So I put the cardboard box in a parrot-cage.

"That cage is going to suffer the same fate as my cage**"** Zakura said.

So I put the parrot cage in prison, put the prison in the jungle and placed the jungle on a deserted island.

"She'll be back before day's end" Naruto said.

"**Why are you so pessimistic?"** I yelled.  
"I'm not. I want the meerkat here so she can kick your ass" Naruto said.

"W**atch your mouth before I give you a part in DorkX**"

Naruto silenced, and sat down in the same corner Zakura had been in to sulk.

A few seconds later, just as the ninja predicted, Ivy came in through the wall on a cruise ship, crashing down what was left of the roof and half of the Millenium Falcon making both Han Solo and Lando Calrissian scream in unison.

"Crap. How did you get of the Island?" Zakura asked.

"By boat idiot, can't you see the ship?" Ivy said.

"You owe me some ramen" Naruto said from his corner.

**Miss.Ecofreak: the end… for now. **

**Zakura: I've got a question!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: what now?**

**Zakura: why are all your lines written in bold and mine not?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well I'm the author**

**Zakura: but I'm your muse! I deserve to be treated the same!**

**Ivy: me too!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Zakura, stop whining, and Ivy, stop throwing things at me, ouch, I might need those rocks for later.**

**Ivy: (keeps on throwing rocks)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Beastfire save me! And everyone please review… ouch.**


	63. Noodles and Ponies

**Miss.Ecofreak: konnichiwa every one. Sorry for not uploading for a while but I've been working this week, at Norway's largest pet shop!**

**Zakura: which doesn't say much as norwegian pet shops are quite small, thanks for the new house**

**Miss.Ecofreak: you're welcome. Working at a pet shop is fun but tiresome. But it's over now. Next Monday it's back to school (how troublesome) and checks if there are any new baby-rabbits born.**

**Zakura: and make sure the school gets room for this (pulls out Houdini) I don't care if you have to kill one of those little rats just get him out of my house!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: it's not your house killer bunny. Houdini stays as long as he wants**

**Houdini: (pulls out his tongue)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: but now… eh… chaos**

**CHAPTER 63**

**NOODLES AND PONIES**

Two days went by without any further disasters, except for this one time when Jak and Cornelius decided to have a combat race in Keira's living room and were now in the hospital recovering from the injuries Keira had caused. **(Miss.Ecofreak: girl power!)**

But apart from that and the large comet that hit the palace so it fell over and landed on Veger nothing happened.

Everyone + some more were back in the Naughty ottsel, Naruto was carrying a large box filled with ramen and had done that since the last chapter.

"Why don't you eat it?" Gaara asked.

"Are you nuts? I got this from winning a bet with Miss.Ecofreak, I'm going to donate it to the museum" Naruto said.

"You do that" Gaara said.  
"No way! This ramen is mine!"

"Why don't you eat it?" Gaara asked.

"Are you nuts? I got this from winning a bet with Miss.Ecofreak, I'm going to donate it to the museum" Naruto said.

"You do that" Gaara said.  
"No way! This ramen is mine!"

"Why don't you eat it?" Gaara asked.

"Are you nuts? I got this from winning a bet with Miss.Ecofreak, I'm going to donate it to the museum" Naruto said.

"You do that" Gaara said.  
"No way! This ramen is mine!"

"Why do I even bother? Why don't you eat it?" Gaara asked.

"Are you nuts? I got this from winning a bet with Miss.Ecofreak, I'm going to donate it to the museum" Naruto said.

"You do that" Gaara said.  
"No way! This ramen is mine!"

This goes on for some time.

At the same table, Tess was talking to Keira.  
"How the f did they get two dune buggies into your living room?" Tess asked.

"Through the mail slut?" Keira suggested.  
"No really!"

"No. That's what they said"

"Boys!"

"You got it"

"What's all this about? You never see me driving around in my girlfriend or my friend's girlfriend's living room on a dune buggy" Daxter said.

"But yesterday you invited the three precursors and Felgen to a flut-flut-race in the living room and that didn't look much nicer" Tess said.

"That was only because Ottsel Dummy kept crashing into things!" Daxter said before turning to the two shinbis on the other side of the table yelling "NARUTO GET RID OF THOSE NOODLES NOW OR I'LL STUFF THEM UP YOUR ASS!"

Naruto and Gaara both stared at Daxter in shock, before Naruto swallowed all his ramen (box and all) in one bite.

"That's better. Now as I was saying, you never saw me crash into anything with those birds" Daxter said to the girls as the ninjas still stared at him with a horrified look on their faces, holding on to each other's tails (Gaara had some problems getting his hands around Naruto's nine tails).

"That's only because you were the judge" Tess reminded him.

"Precisely! What the precursors did was not my fault" Daxter said.

"I think I'm going to be sick" Naruto said and Gaara ran of before the leaf-nin puked at him.

Daxter threw Naruto out into the sea so he wouldn't mess up his new seats.

"You're not being very nice to those ninjas" Tess said.

"I'm sick of people ruining my bar/outdoor restaurant. And since those two have these big scary demons inside them I've decided to blame it all on them and make sure they don't do anything stupid again" Daxter said.

And so he sat down on the floor, staring at Gaara, who was ordering cookies from the counter, to make sure he didn't try to destroy anything, while the extremely destructive Kiba and Akamaru started throwing metal plates and Ivy's rocks around behind his back again while Ivy tried to catch the rocks and threw every one that she was able to catch out of the windows.

Daxter of course, didn't notice any of this, nor did he notice that Gaara seemed very annoyed by his presence.

"I am very annoyed by your presence" he said but Daxter didn't take the "hint".

**Miss.Ecofreak: and now to something entirely different**

**Zakura: Monthy Python!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: er… not exactly but still silly.**

So, somewhere else, more precisely at the toy store, Seem and Neji had made up and were buying toys to each other.

"Look Neji-kun! You're so going to love this!" Seem said happily and gave Neji a Barbie doll.

"Duh... that's a girl-toy" Neji said. "Give it to Miss.Ecofreak instead".

So Seem gave the Barbie girl to Miss.Ecofreak who was super-thrilled.

**Miss.Ecofreak: (sees Barbie doll sitting in her couch) WTF? (Throws it out the window)**

Okay, not super-thrilled.

**Zakura: You're speaking of yourself in third person again.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: really? Miss.Ecofreak didn't notice.**

"Look Seem! I got you a toy car!" Neji said happily.

"I don't like cars. They're boy's toys" Seem said.

"Oh… maybe I should just give it to Miss.Ecofreak's brother" Neji said.

**Miss.Ecofreak's little brother: (sees toy car parked on his bed) WTBEEP? (Throws toy car into Miss.Ecofreak's room)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (sees toy car on the floor) oh… poor thing (puts it in the rabbit cage where it's violently destroyed and laughs evilly)**

"Neji-kun? Do you want a "my little pony"?" Seem asked.

"I can't take away your pony Seem-chan" Neji said.  
"That's not what I meant. These little pink ponies are of the brand "My little Pony" Seem said. "I have 102 of them at home."

Neji looked at the pony, and immediately saw it was girly.

"KAWAII!"

But he liked it, unless he had forgotten that kawaii meant "cute" on his own language (Japanese).

So both bought Pony-dolls to each other since they realised that was like the only toys that they both liked (except for teddy bears but the store was all out of them, or someone had burned all)

As the two friends walked out of the toy store they met Neji's other two friends.

"WTF is that?" Tenten asked, pointing at the ponies.

"They're "My little Pony"-figures. Do you like them?" Neji asked.

"No. they look ridiculous" Lee said. "Right Tenten?"  
"OMG THEY'RE SUPER-KAWAII!" Tenten squealed. "Where did you get them?"

"At the toy store. But they're all sold out now" Neji said and Tenten became very sad, then she smelt something burning and decided she would have a word with Sasuke later.

"We were going back to the temple to play with them. I've got some more that you can borrow" Seem said.

"That would be nice" Tenten said.

And so the boy, the girl and the transsexual **(Seem: (glare) Miss.Ecofreak: you're not making things easy for us fans monk-girl. Besides aren't monks supposed to be men?) **leaving a very confused Lee behind.

"WTF just happened?" he asked Gai, who just happened to be standing next to him in a rather exaggerated heroic pose.** (Miss.Ecofreak: he's always exaggerated. Zakura: so are your author's notes)**

"Girls love horses and ponies. It's weird" Gai said. "What do you say if we two go home and watch my scorpions?"  
"That would be awesome Gai-sensei!" Lee said and so the boys went home to Gai to look at his scorpions which weren't really scorpions but tarantulas Gai had taped claws and a long tail at but Lee didn't know that.

**Miss.Ecofreak: they had spiders at that shop too**

**Zakura: well of course they had. Like every pet shop in Norway have tarantulas**

**Houdini: did they have hamsters?  
Miss.Ecofreak: only dwarfs. (I want a Syrian hamster, grumble)**

**Zakura: you're not getting any!  
Miss.Ecofreak: fine! Take my mother's side! No bananas for you tonight!  
Zakura: whah? I was kidding! Get as many hamsters as you want! I love hamsters! See? (Hugs Houdini)**

**Houdini: can't…breathe…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: er… please review.**


	64. Ponies and Siths

**Miss.Ecofreak: (looks at pony-doll sitting in the couch) who put that there?**

**Zakura: (sees Ivy hugging all five of her kids) WAAAAH! HELP SASUKE! THEY'RE MULTIPLYING! (hides behind Sasuke)**

**Sasuke????**

**CHAPTER 64**

**PONIES AND SITHS**

Neji, Seem and Tenten were at the monk temple playing with Seem and Neji's pony-dolls.

Actually, Tenten and Neji were watching Seem as she was throwing things out of her closet.

"What's wrong Seem-chan?" Neji asked.

"One of my pony dolls are missing!" Seem said. "I can only find 102! It's supposed to be 103!"  
"Why do you have so many?" Tenten asked.

"In case 102 would get missing I would still have one left. But now that one is missing! I knew I should have gotten 103!" Seem cried.  
"I thought you just got a new one" Tenten said.

"I did. I had 102 before Neji got me Morning Star **(I'm mainly guessing on the names here, I haven't watched My Little Pony for years). **Now I have only 102 left!" Seem said.

"The exact number you started with in other words" Tenten said.

Seem didn't listen, she just ran out of the room carrying a large club.

Neji and Tenten decided to follow her and see where she went and to see her beat up whoever stole her pony-doll.

They found her outside another room knocking.

"Come out! I know you've got my little My Little Pony in there!" Seem said to the door.

No one answered.

"COME OUT AND GIVE ME MORNING STAR!" she yelled. **(Miss.Ecofreak: yup. The exact one she just got from Neji. She already had one)**

"You still have two!" a male voice said from inside.** (Three actually…)**

"But that was my favourite!" Seem cried.

"They're all the same crazy chick!" the voice said, slightly annoyed.

"You better watch it! I've got two ninjas out here who are ready to kick your ass whenever I ask them to!" Seem said.

"We are?" Tenten whispered to Neji.

"Maybe this would be a good time to go raid the fridge" Neji said and the two ninjas ran of… to raid the fridge along with Choji since he's always up for raiding the fridge.

"Your ninjas just ran of to raid the fridge" the voice inside the door said.

"They're going to eat spinach! So they get stronger!" Seem said.

"You're lying"

"OPEN THIS DOOR OR I'LL TELL MOM!" Seem yelled.

The door finally opened, Choji, Neji and Tenten just stuck their heads out of the kitchen since they were curious of who it was, Neji had his mouth full of chewing gum, a bottle of milk in one hand, orange soda in the other, Tenten had her mouth full of milk, had a bottle of whisky in one hand and the world's largest chocolate in the other as well as she was wearing a fruit hat, Choji had his mouth full of everything, had everything in one hand and everything else in the other as well as the rest of the food in his pocket.

"DARTH MAUL?" they both said in surprise **(Choji was too busy eating to even notice)** so they spilled milk, orange soda, whisky, milk, chewing gum and the world's largest chocolate all over the newly cleaned floor.

"AAAAYIEEEEE!" Veger screamed.

Guess who cleaned the floor!

And yes indeed, by request of Miss.Ecofreak's little Zelda-loving brother, Darth Maul had made his first appearance in this fic.

"What? Why are everyone so surprised to see me all the time?" Darth Maul asked.

"You… aren't you a sith?" Tenten asked, finding it strange that a sith would be living in the precursor temple.

"That's only Mondays and Tuesdays. Wednesday and Friday I'm a precursor Monk, Saturday I'm a sadist, and on Sunday I'm king of the world" Darth Maul explained, ignoring the fact that today was Thursday.

"Okay! That's what I want to do when I grow up too!" Neji said happily.

"Where is my pony?" Seem asked.

"I gave it to Miss.Ecofreak" Darth Maul said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: (is still looking at Morning Star who is sitting in the couch) IT'S KAWAII! (Adopts it)**

**Zakura: and that just about sums it up**

"She'll probably throw it out the window" Seems said.

"You really need to learn what Miss.Ecofreak's interests are" Darth Maul said.  
"I already know what Miss.Ecofreak's interests are: they're the anime-series Naruto, more precisely Gaara and the Uchiha-clan, Jak and Daxter and apparently Star Wars too" Neji said.

"They're also animals" Darth Maul explained. "And she hates Barbie".

"Who can hate her? She's so skinny and perfect" Seem said.  
"I think that's exactly why she hates them" Darth Maul said. **(Miss.Ecofreak: It is! No offence to people who like Barbie. I just dislike her)**  
"Since when did you now so much about Miss.Ecofreak?" Neji asked.

"I KNOW EVERYTHING!" Darth Maul said. "Did you guys know that Miss.Ecofreak has two pets, one which she cares for alone, attends to an agriculture school but hates cows, she's ridden a pregnant horse, **(Miss.Ecofreak: she was big. Zakura: and she had the same name as my sister. Miss.Ecofreak: and your sister is not so big (well duh, she's a dwarf rabbit))** and her fanfic-nickname is MissEcoFreakTheDarkPrecursor in one word since there was no room for space?"

"What's a fanfic?" Neji asked.  
"Why the do you think we care?" Tenten asked. "And since when did you talk so much? You only had like one line in Star Wars 1".

"Do you have food?" Choji asked.

"Did you guys know that Jak has a large mole growing out of his back?" Darth Maul asked, completely ignoring the ninja's questions.

Suddenly another monk appeared.

"Darth Maul? What are you doing here? It's Thursday" the monk said.

"And on Thursdays I'm a know-it-all **(aha, figures) **and what better place to be a know-it-all than wherever Seem is? Did you know that the precursors are in fact only ottsels?" Darth Maul said.

The monk screamed.

"NOW YOU'VE SPOILED THE ENDING!" he yelled and threw his Jak3-game to the ground before running away.

Darth Maul ran after him yelling spoilers.

"DAMAS IS JAK'S FATHER! DAXTER GETS NEW PANTS! VAGAR IS TURNED INTO AN OTTSEL! IT WAS KING KONG WHO TOOK JAK FROM HIS FAMILY! **(Veger: (dressed in a gorilla-suit) KING KONG?) **ROSES ARE RED!"

Well that last comment wasn't exactly a spoiler.

"Wow. Darth Maul sure is annoying on Thursdays" Neji said.  
"Nah. Not worse than you two in Dork-fics" Tenten said. "In fact Seem, you've always been annoying".

Seem glared.

"Did you know I can speak to rocks?" Darth Maul asked, suddenly appearing behind them, scaring Seem and Neji so much they ran away.

Tenten just got confused and Choji…ate… just don't ask me WHAT he ate but he must be eating something.

"You can speak to rocks?" Tenten asked.

"Yup. I don't get any response though" Darth Maul said sadly.

**Miss.Ecofreak: there's no problem talking to rocks! Just say something to it, just don't expect any answer. Hi rock**

**Rock: Hi Miss.Ecofreak**

**Miss.Ecofreak: … okay… that was creepy. Please review, but all rocks must keep their non-existing mouths shut because THEY CAN'T TALK!**

**Rock: what's up her ass?**

**Zakura: (stares at rock) creepy**


	65. Gaara's BirthdaySpecial

**Miss.Ecofreak: I was actually supposed to upload another chapter right now but something happened on January 19 that I just had to write about. Temari probably knows what I'm talking about**

**Temari: huh? What's so special about the 19?**

**Gaara: (jaw drop)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay… Kankoru?**

**Kankuro: no bells ringing**

**Gaara: (feeling lonely)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: go on, tell them**

**Gaara: THAT'S MY BIRTHDAY DAMNIT! (Whacks his siblings with Kankoru's dead fish)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I just cannot ignore that. So here's a birthday special (though a little late) for Gaara-sama**

**CHAPTER 65**

**GAARA'S BIRTHDAY**

**Miss.Ecofreak: time-travel!**

**Zakura: back to 01.19.06… why didn't you make me a birthday-special?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: er… maybe next year**

**Zakura: (grumble)**

It was a bright shiny morning.

Except for the fact that it was blizzard and the middle of night.

Oh yeah, blizzard, after all they were in the middle of January, January 19 to be exact, early, early morning, and that was a very special day.

Since it was blizzard and we were still in Haven City which apparently was placed in a tropical setting.

The birthday-boy was in the Naughty Ottsel, feeling depressed because it had to be snowing on HIS birthday, it had never done that before (and living in the desert had nothing to do with that, no sir)

"Cheer up racoon-bunny. Why the low faces?" Tess asked.

"My girlfriend left me" Naruto said (he was sitting next to Gaara, sulking)

"No one remembered my birth… you've never had a girlfriend!" Gaara suddenly said to Naruto.

"A little sympathy would be nice!" Naruto said.

"You know very well I don't do sympathy and we both know you've never had a girlfriend! Besides you didn't remember my birthday! For that you will never receive any sympathy from me ever again!" Gaara said angrily.

"Hm, that was a weird conversation" Tess said. "Here's something to cheer you up"

She handed Naruto a cookie and Gaara got a bowl of ramen.

"How is this supposed to make me happier?" Naruto asked.

"Oh. Sorry" Tess said and switched the food, giving Naruto the ramen and Gaara the cookie.

"I love you!" both rabbits said at once and ate their food.

After eating, Naruto and Gaara walked out into the warm summer night.

**Zakura: wasn't it just snowing?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: the weather changes quickly in this fic**

"I can't believe no one has wished me happy birthday yet" Gaara said sadly.

"Could it have something to do with it being the middle of night and no one's awake yet?" Naruto asked.

"No. It means everyone hates me" Gaara said.

"Well… I can't really argue with the fact that everyone hates you (Gaara: death glare) but that's a little extreme thinking that just because no one cared about waking up in the middle of night only to wish you a happy birthday" Naruto said. "Speaking of which, how old do you get?"  
Gaara started counting his fingers/claws.  
"I only get to eight" he said. "Stupid rabbit-feet"

"By the way, why are you awake in the middle of night?" Gaara asked.

"Well why are you?"  
"I don't sleep, you know that"

"I was looking for Sasuke, according to Sakura it was my turn to watch over him so he doesn't find any coffee and goes to do something stupid."

"Hasn't it always been your turn?"

"Well… yes. But I don't want him to be alone with Sakura-chan and he doesn't get along with his brother"

"Hmp. Typical rabbits. But why aren't you with him now?"

"I just closed his door. He doesn't get anywhere"

Gaara stared at Naruto for a while.

"Naruto… Sasuke breaths fire"  
"Damn! I knew I forgot something!"

So, just to prove Gaara's point, a hyperactive Sasuke ran by in the background wearing girl's underwear.

Naruto and Gaara decided to ignore him and Gaara kept complaining no one remembered his birthday when someone suddenly ran straight into him.

It was a rabbit, sort of, brown, with yellow belly and a long bushy tail with brown and yellow stripes.

"WTF?" Naruto said.  
"Miss.Ecofreak? What are you doi… what are you?" Gaara said surprised.

"**I'm a rabbit… sort of**" Miss.Ecofreak said.

"Why can't you ever just draw yourself as human?" Naruto asked.

"**No. why should I? I've got a birthday-present for you Gaara-kun!"** I said and presented Gaara a cake.

Gaara looked at the cake sceptically.

"What's in it?" he asked.

"**Cookies**!" I said.

"My favourite!" Gaara said happily and literally jumped straight into the cake.

"You made a cake with cookies in it?" Naruto asked.

"**No. Of course not! Zakura made it!"** I said.

"Zakura's a rabbit"

"**So are you"  
**"Not really, but Zakura is, and have always been a rabbit!"

"**You just hate her because she's yellow!"**

"What the f does that have to do with anything? I don't care about what colour her skin… fur has, I mean… heck! I'm yellow!"

"**Then you hate her because she's mixed breed"**

"I'm mixed species; I'm even mixed between a predator and a vegetarian!"  
Miss.Ecofreak thought long and hard to figure out now insane reasons for Naruto to hate Zakura.

"**You hate her because… she's blue"**

"Zakura's not blue"  
"**Now she is"** Miss.Ecofreak said and pointed to Zakura, whom Sasuke had just thrown a bucket of paint over.

"He's teasing me! That's got to mean… he loves me!" Zakura said. **(Houdini: fat chance. Zakura: you're walking into the lion's cave now rodent!)**

After eating the cake, Gaara threw the empty plate in the author's head, knocking her out. **(Zakura: why do you like only the bad people? Miss.Ecofreak: (rubs head) I don't know. Why do I keep you?)**

The two people-having-demons-inside-them walked on though the streets of New York looking for someone who remembered Gaara's birthday.

"Shouldn't we just go to Sunagakure instead? At least the people there know you" Naruto said.

"Yeah, but they don't like me because I kill people and stuff. If I walk around in the real world I might encounter some fans" Gaara said.

"Miss.Ecofreak twelve-a-clock" Naruto said and Gaara jumped behind some garbage-cans.

"I was joking. You don't like fans do you?" Naruto asked.  
"I don't like sadistic insane fans like Miss.Eco, let's go to Otogakure instead and see if we find someone there" Gaara said.

"Oto? The village of Hidden Sound?"  
"Yes?"  
"Where Orochimaru lives?"  
"Yes?"

"The bad guy?"  
"Yes?"  
"He who killed your father?"  
"Your point is?"

"I was just asking. Lets go" Naruto said.

And so they went to Otogakure to find someone who remembered Gaara's birthday.

The first person they encountered (as he was leaving a house) was…

"Luke Skywalker?" Naruto said surprised.  
Luke jumped at the sight of the ninjas.

"N-Naruto?... G-Gaara? What are you two doing here?" he asked.

"We were about to ask you the same question" Naruto said.

"No. You where" Gaara reminded him, as he didn't care lass what Luke was doing there.

"I was… er… visiting Itachi" Luke said.

"Itachi doesn't live here" Sasuke said.

"What are you doing here?" Naruto asked.

"Checking out the housing market" Sasuke said. "And the coffee bars in Konoha and Haven were out of coffee".

"Itachi doesn't live here? Then were does he live?" Luke asked.

"What am I? His mother?" Sasuke asked.

"Er…no… but aren't you his little brother?" Luke asked.

"Yeees. But that doesn't mean I know everything about his whereabouts" Sasuke said. "He killed my parents and left me all alone! If I knew where he was I would definitely be there kicking his ass!"

"And if he's been standing behind you the whole day without you noticing?"

"Luke, I would know if Itachi was right behind me" Sasuke said.

"I didn't say that" Luke said.

Sasuke turned around to see who said that, there was Itachi and Kisame, sure enough standing right behind him.

"I-Itachi?" Sasuke said and screamed before he ran away.

"And I was hoping to spend some quality-time with my little brother. Oh well" Itachi said. "Come on Kisame, let's go to an aquarium and check out the girls"

"Wait a minute! Wasn't this supposed to be a chapter about me?" Gaara asked.

"Wasn't this supposed to be a Jak and Daxter-fic?" Jak asked.

"Nope. This is just another chapter that got completely sidetracked" Temari said as she entered out of nowhere. "Happy Birthday Gaara" she said as she left again.

"She… remembered" Gaara said.

"Not much of a surprise party" Naruto said.  
"Who cares? Someone actually remembered my birthday!"

**Miss.Ecofreak: and I didn't count because?**

"I hate you. Come on Naruto! Let's go celebrate the fact that my sister remembered my birthday!" Gaara said and ran of, leaving Naruto, Jak and Luke behind, to stare at his back with a puzzled expression.

"Doesn't take much to make him happy" Luke said.

"Apparently not" Naruto added.

**Miss.Ecofreak: Please review.**


	66. Songs of Pie

**Miss.Ecofreak: continuing up with what I was supposed to upload before Gaara turned… don't know, don't care, but his birthday was last week. **

**Gaara: you don't care? (Cries)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: hm. Anyway, my brother just got Team America the other day; I've seen it before but it's so damn funny every time! Especially the music. Which is why I let Darth Maul sing some revised versions of the songs in TA (except Kim Jong Ill's song, it's always been like that)**

**Zakura: blah blah blah. Get started**

**Miss.Ecofreak: someone's grumpy. Did your boyfriend break up with you?**

**Zakura: HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!  
Miss.Ecofreak: heh, a little information might be needed her, I took Zakura to rabbit jumping Tuesday and there she met a really cute little boy**

**Zakura: little? He's a French lop! He's like three times my size!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: and you turned him down, poor bunny**

**Zakura: that's not a rabbit that's a dog!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: fine, enough of Zakura's failed love-life, here's the original chapter 65, now renamed chapter 66**

**CHAPTER 66**

**DARTH MAUL SINGS ABOUT PIE**

Back at the Monk Temple, things had changed dramatically.

"By the way Tenten, did you know Hinata is Neji's cousin?" Darth Maul asked.

No it hadn't.

"Well… considering Neji is my team-mate OF COURSE I KNOW YOU MORON!" Tenten yelled.

"Geez, no reason to get mad. I just wanted to talk" Darth Maul said and rolled his eyes. "By the way, did you know… (Mechanic breathing) Tenten… I am your father"

Now also Tenten screamed and ran away.

Choji decided to follow her to find something to put into his mouth.

The monk, who had been playing Jak3 but stopped when Darth Maul spoiled the ending, returned and looked at Darth Maul with an annoyed expression.  
"That's a lie isn't it?" he said.

"Yeah. But I was hoping she would like me more if she thought we were family. Did you know I don't have any friends?" Darth Maul said.

"Geez, wonder why"

"Do you want to be my friend?"  
"Hell no!" the monk said and walked into the kitchen to get some food.

"I'm so lonely" Darth Maul said, and then he started singing a song from Team America.

"I'm ronery. So ronery. So ronery and sadry arone"** (Miss.Ecofreak: Team America song. At least a part of it (change some Rs and replace them with L and it might make sense))**

Someone heard the sad song and randomly passed by.

"Aw. Are you ronery?" Darth Vader asked.

Darth Maul nodded and wiped a tear of his face.

"Great! What does that mean?" Darth Vader asked.

"I'm lonely moron!" Darth Maul yelled. "Did you know that guy in Team America didn't say L?"** (Zakura: that guy? Miss.Ecofreak: yup. That one)**

"Well… since you're so annoying I can understand why you're lonely" Darth Vader said.

"Do you want to be my friend?"

"Hell no! You killed Qui Gon!" Darth Vader said annoyed and walked away.

Then Darth Maul started singing another Team America-song.

"I miss you like Darth Vader miss manners.

When he talked to me just now.

I miss you like Naruto miss Sasuke-kun.

Cause I seriously doubt he does" **(okay, so he made his own version, Melody is from "Pearl Harbour Sucks" from the movie, Team America)**

Then, Anakin Skywalker came by.

"Do you want to be my friend?" Darth Maul asked.  
"Did you know I'm Darth Vader and just said no?" Anakin asked. "In case no, here's a flashback"

_Flasback_

"_Hell no! You killed Qui Gon!" Darth Vader said annoyed and walked away._

_Flashback over_

Then Anakin walked away too and Darth Maul kept singing.

"All I can think about is goo. **(Zakura: goo? Miss.Ecofreak: Never said it was a good version)**

And that stupid Veger too.

Jedi knights suck.

And I miss pie"

Hearing the sad song, Darth Sidious came by.

"Aw. Do you miss your pony-doll?" he asked.

"No. I miss pie" Darth Maul said. "Did you know I like pie?"  
"Before you ask: Hell no! You were killed by a padawan you wimp!" Darth Sidious said and walked away angry.

"HE WAS FULLY TRAINED!" Darth Maul yelled after him, and kept singing his version of "Pearl harbour sucks"  
"I miss you like Zakura miss Rambo. **(Zakura's father)**

Although she never knew him. **(Zakura: what do you know about that? (Sniff) daddy)**

I miss you like the staff at some pet shops miss knowledge about rocket science and I miss the ability of knowing when to stop.

When I'm trying to sing a nice song."

Then another random person passed by, and kept walking.

"All I can think about is pie.

I really like pie.

Chocolate sucks.

And I miss pie."

Then Obi Wan came by, as Darth Maul opened his mouth to say something (or sing about Pie) Obi Wan started talking.

"Before you say something, let me show you a bit altered flashback" he said.

_Altered flashback_

"_Hell no! You killed Qui Gon!" Obi Wan said annoyed and walked away._

_Altered flashback over_

Then Obi Wan walked away and Darth Maul sang.

"I miss pie like the pie misses me.

At least I hope the pie miss me.

I miss pie like my mommy misses flies.

Or maybe not that way"

"WHO HAS RAIDED THE FRIDGE!" the monk yelled from the kitchen.

**Miss.Ecofreak: Wow. He's been in the kitchen the whole chapter and didn't notice until now?**

**Darth Maul: wait! I've got more to say about pie!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (sees Darth Maul sitting in the couch) WTF? (Throws him out the window)**

**Zakura: that was efficient. I should try that on Toughy**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Don't do that. His owner would get mad at you. Please review and maybe you'll get a pie!  
Darth Maul: MY PIE! (Jumps back in and eats the pie)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: … okay. No pie. But review anyway, (puppy-eyes) please?**

**But now for some bad news, don't expect a lot of updates the next week, I've got responsibility-week in the school's cowshed and last time I had that I was so tired I didn't want to upload anything. **

**The reason why I haven't uploaded anything this week is because I've been blocked, and also The Ancient Ones has been deleted due to mispellings and such, I have spellchecked it now and will reupload it sooner or later so don't worry. Give me strengcht please! **


	67. Fuzzy the Shinobi Usagi

**Miss.Ecofreak: I'm back! And tired, phew, I'm never going to buy a cow.**

**Zakura: no one expected you to buy one either. (Ps, aren't they pack animals?)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I don't know and I don't care! I don't want one! Or Two! I only want rodents!**

**Zakura: (glare)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Right… I also want Maine coons (cats)**

**Zakura: (still glares)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: and maybe a Papillion or a Chihuahua!**

**Zakura: anything more?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: ehm… I can't think of any… Do you?**

**Zakura: RABBITS YOU MORON! (Bites!)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: ouch! Maybe not…**

**Here's a short chapter for you (the reader), it introduces a whole new character to the fic, with a strange relationship to Fluffy and Zakura**

**Zakura: I would like to point out that in real life I would NEVER get involved with a hamster! This whole chapter (and fic) is made out entirely by my owner's sick sense of humour.  
Fluffy: aw, don't be that way.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: sick sense of humour? Okay, I guess you're right. So here's a chapter from my sick sense of humour, introducing Fuzzy! The ninja rabbit from Otogakure!**

**CHAPTER 67**

**FUZZY THE SHINOBI USAGI**

Later that day at the Naughty Ottsel, Darth Maul was seen running in panic from a certain meerkat who was throwing chocolate pies at him.

Several smaller meerkats ran behind them shouting "go mom!"

"WTF?" said Kor, who just happened to witness this completely ordinary event; at least it's ordinary in this fic where strange things happen frequently.

"Ivy wondered if Darth Maul likes chocolate pie" Zakura said. "Since he was signing about liking pie and hating chocolate last chapter".

"I knew I shouldn't make and appearance in this fic" Kor sighed and flew away.

Miss.Ecofreak's two assistants were also watching the sith and the meerkats, and for some reason the authoress herself was nowhere to be seen.  
"Wow. Sure am glad our kids aren't like that or what Zaku-chan?" Fluffy said to the rabbit.

Daxter turned away from Gaara (who as soon as he was not being watched threw a stench bomb at the seats) and stared at Zakura in shock.  
"You have children?" he asked. "Together?"

"What's wrong with that?" Zakura asked. "It was bound to happen one time or another. Fluffy is a hamster who can change into a variety of animals, including rabbits and I AM a rabbit".

"How come I've never seen any of these children?" Daxter asked.

"We sold them to a pet shop" Zakura said casually.

Just then Orochimaru entered the door carrying a cardboard box.

"Hi guys! My old two rabbits ran away. But look what I've got!" he said happily.

"Don't tell me it's…" Daxter started.

Before he got to finish his sentence; a beige and orange rabbit blasted its way out of the box.

"Isn't he cute?" Orochimaru said smiling.

Cute wasn't exactly the word Daxter would have used.

Sure it was fluffy, but it was also carrying several ninja weapons, had a headband with the mark of Otogakure (it looks like a note) and was glaring at Daxter.

"Fear me ottsel! Because I'm Fuzzy the Shinobi Usagi! Trained in the ninja arts and I know how to bite!" the rabbit said.

"Hi son" Fluffy said, waving at him.

"Konnichiwa dad" Fuzzy said happily before continuing to glare at Daxter.

"Orochimaru… your rabbit scares me" Daxter said.

"I know. Isn't he great? The perfect successor" Orochimaru said happily.

"What? Does that mean you don't want me anymore?" Sasuke asked.

"No. You're old news. Fuzzy's the best" Orochimaru.

"I feel left out. No one wants me" Sasuke said sadly.

"We want you Sasuke-kun!" Sasuke's fangirls yelled from outside the window (the restaurant _still_ don't have any walls but it does have a door and windows).

"No one except the freaky girls wants me" Sasuke said sadly.

"I thought Orochimaru scared you halfway to death" Naruto said.

"Yeah. But he's not half as scary as them" Sasuke said, pointing to Ino and Sakura who were pressing their faces to the windows.

"Come on Fuzzy. Show them your tricks" Orochimaru said.

"Okay! Watch this! Henge!" Fuzzy said and transformed into an enormous snake.

"Time for dinner!" he said.

Daxter screamed in panic and ran away in an even bigger panic.

"Anyone else wants to be crushed?" Fuzzy the Shinobi Hebi (Hebi means

snake).

"You don't scare me! I'm the boy who's going to be the next Hokage!" Naruto said.

"I can beat that" Gaara said. "I'm the boy who happens to be the current Kazekage".

"But I'm the Hebikage!" Fuzzy said.

"Hebikage?" Temari said confused.

"Yeah? Hokage means fire shadow right mom? And Kazekage means wind shadow, so I'm Hebikage, the snake shadow" Fuzzy said.  
"It still sounds ridiculous" Temari said.

"He makes me so proud" Zakura said wiping a tear. "So young and he already speaks fluent Japanese".

"So he knows five words? I don't exactly call it fluent" Fluffy muttered.

"I know more than five words daddy!" Fuzzy said. "I know Usagi and Hebi and Kage and Hai and Itachi and…"** (translation: Rabbit and Snake and Shadow and Yes and Weasel and…)**  
"Whatever! Weren't you going to fight someone or something?" Naruto asked.

"Oh right! Time for dinner!" Fuzzy said and charged at Naruto, who poked his nose.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA! THAT HURTS! I WANT MY MOMMY!" Fuzzy yelled and transformed back into a rabbit before running back to Zakura.

Sasuke, Naruto and Gaara stared at Orochimaru.

"…He's not fully trained" Orochimaru said.

"Why don't I just train him instead?" Kabuto asked.

"Are you nuts? You're going to hit him!" Orochimaru said.

"Well if you're always so afraid to hurt him what's the point in combat training?" Kabuto asked.

"Yeah! When you wanted me you sent three of your subordinates to murder me, sent your giant snake to eat my friend, have your giant snake try to kill me, tried to kill me yourself and then you bit me giving me a curse seal which it was only a 1 in 10 chance of me surviving!" Sasuke said.

"So? You survived didn't you? I had to see if you were up to the task" Orochimaru said.

"And he is?" Sasuke asked pointing to the eight week old bunny that was now suckling his mother.

"He's just a kid" Orochimaru said.

"I was twelve! Isn't that enough to qualify me as a kid? I want my mommy!" Sasuke said and ran of, and then he ran back and started running in circles since he was unable to find his mom.

"Sasuke… your mom's dead" Naruto reminded his team-mate.

"Oh right. NIIIIII-SAAAAN!" Sasuke yelled (Ni san means big brother).

"Wasn't he the guy who killed your mom?" Naruto said as Itachi came out of the toilet.

"What?" he said confused.

Then Sasuke charged at him and cuddled him.

Zakura stared at the brothers.

"Wow! THAT I would like to see happen in the anime!" she said.

"Orochi is mean to me" Sasuke said.

Itachi glared at Orochimaru.

"What did you do this time?" he asked.

"Nothing! I just bought that rabbit" Orochimaru said pointing at Fuzzy who was still drinking milk, though this time he was suckling a dairy cow.

"Cow's milk isn't good for you!" Zakura yelled at him.

"Is the rabbit mean to you?" Itachi asked his brother.

"He's taking my place as Orochimaru's favourite" Sasuke cried.

"O…Kay… I don't see why anyone would want to be his favourite" Itachi said.  
"Its not that, it's just that no one wants me"

"Have you looked around you lately?"

"You're not helping!"  
"Well you're not making any sense! Don't wipe your tears at my cloak!" Itachi said kicking his brother away.

Sasuke started crying again.  
"Waaaaaah! Not even my ni san wants me!" Sasuke said.

"Switch to decaf and maybe you won't be so annoying" Itachi suggested as Sasuke took a cup of coffee for comfort (which happened to be the coffee Daxter had been drinking but he had ran away)

"See? That's why I like Fuzzy. He only drinks water… and milk" Orochimaru said, looking at his rabbit who was now trying to suckle Tess.

"Get this rabbit away from me!" Tess yelled.

**Zakura: How do you like my son? Isn't he annoying?**

**Fuzzy: mom! I'm thirsty!  
Zakura: go ask your grandmother!**

**Fuzzy: grandma! I'm thirsty!**

**Zakura's mom: Zakura! Feed your baby!**

**Zakura: aw! Hey! Has anyone seen Miss.Ecofreak?**

**Fluffy: not since the start of the chapter.**

**Darth Maul: (is still running from Ivy) SAVE ME!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I DID IT!**

**Zakura: what? You found a new way to get rid of Ivy?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: what? No. Just try to ignore her and maybe she'll go away**

**Zakura: sure… STOP THROWING PIES AT ME!**

**Ivy: (starts to throw rocks instead)**

**Fuzzy: what did you do Eco-chan?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I have finally succeeded with what I've been trying to do since December!  
Zakura: convince your mom into getting you a hamster?  
Miss.Ecofreak: what? No. I've been trying to do that for longer than December. But…**

**I HAVE BEATEN JAKX!**

**And what a brilliant ending it was! I loved it! But I'm not going to spoil anything (in THIS fic) for all those who haven't seen it, but this means I can start writing DorkX for REAL. Please review everyone, and keep your eyes up for my next fic (and next chapter of this one, it's a scream!) I'll continue uploading Dork Period untill chapter 71 (that's how far I've written) but will also start uploading DorkX in the meantime**


	68. Houselift

**Miss.Ecofreak:Hey guys!(and girls and meerkats) Guess whichof my ficsis the longest and with most reviews?**

**Zakura: Dork3?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: nope. Dork Period! I've finally reached my goal (dances)**

**Zakura: oh gee.**

**Miss.Ecofreak:But don't worry,it doesn'tmeen I'll stop writing. I love this fic!Do you know that show where those people come round renovating people's homes on TV?**

**Zakura: no**

**Darth Maul: (runs by) SAVE ME!**

**Ivy: stop! I just want to warm you up! (Runs after him, throwing fireballs at him)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (is so used to the meerkat doing weird stuff and ignores her completely) someone better come over to Keira doing the same thing**

**Ivy: (stops) isn't there a show where people wreck other people's homes?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: no, but if you and Zakura joins up with Keira you can start such a show Just see for yourselves what happen when Jak and Cornelius wrecks Keira's house, and she has to rebuild it herself**

**Darth Vader: I'M ON FIRE! I'M MELTING! MELTIIIIING! (Melts)**

**Zakura: wow! He _did_ melt!**

**Ivy: nah, it was just his armour.**

**Darth Vader: (on fire) I've got this strange feeling of deja vu**

**CHAPTER 66**

**HOUSELIFT**

Keira was busy renovating her house after Jak and Cornelius destroyed it with a large tanker ship only hours ago.

Tess was helping, so did Daxter by coming with "helpful" advice" all the time.

"Nah. I think you should put the couch over there" Daxter said to Keira as she and Tess (yes, the ottsel-version) were carrying the heavy couch.

"What makes you a renovating expert?" Keira asked sounding annoyed.

"Nothing. I just don't think it's suitable to have the couch in the bathroom" Daxter said.

"Of course it is! I've always been annoyed that I have to stand every time I take a shower!" Keira said.

"Fine. Just put the couch in the shower" Daxter said.

Tess and Keira carried the couch into the bathroom, and then Daxter heard Keira cry in anger before the girls returned to the living room, still carrying the couch.

"The bathroom is way too small to fit a couch in there! I knew we shouldn't have listened to your stupid advice Daxter! We're taking it to the kitchen instead, I've always been annoyed that I have to stand every time I cook" Keira said sounding slightly annoyed, and the girls carried the couch trough the living room and into the kitchen while Daxter slapped his head.

Later, Daxter stopped the girls as they were carrying the oven up the stairs.

"What are you doing? The kitchen is that way" he said.

"Sure it is! But Jak have always complained that he have to go so far to give me breakfast in the bed" Keira said.  
"But Jak never gives you breakfast in the bed" Daxter commented.

"I know. But maybe now he'll take the hint and start" Keira said and carried the oven up the stairs to the bedrooms.

Soon, Daxter, who was sitting in the couch in the kitchen, staring at the empty wall where the oven used to be, heard his girlfriend cry and something big fall down the stairs.

He ran into the hallway and found Tess on the floor, the oven on top of her (all he saw was a tail and two ottsel-feet underneath the oven), and a slightly annoyed Keira on the top of the staircase.

"I told you we were unable to get the oven up the stairs all by ourselves!" she said to Daxter (no, she never told him but that's unimportant). "Go call Kleiver instead so he can remove the oven from Tess' head.

Daxter quickly called Kleiver, not much for helping Keira but mostly to save his mate's life and Kleiver happily volunteered to lend them Veger.

"I have to lift _that?"_ the ex-counsellor said. "Up to the bedroom?"  
"So Jak can make me breakfast in bed" Keira said.

"And to save Tess who probably won't survive if she has that oven on top of her for the rest of the day" Daxter said.

Veger stared blankly at the idiots (and for some reason, Keira appeared to be the biggest idiot in the room although she was supposed to be the smart one).

Then he went outside and found Gai, who happily volunteered to help the pretty girls.

By "volunteer" he meant sending his team, Neji, Lee and Tenten, since he said that lifting the oven of Tess' head and up to Keira's bedroom would be good practise for them.

And so the three young shinobi carried the oven upstairs (complaining about broken nails and stuff like that all the way before Lee pulled out his peacemaker at Neji to make him stop breaking Tenten's nails) and finally they got to the bedroom and placed the oven in Jak's bed.

"Now he should get the hint" Keira said happily. "Thanks Gai. Maybe your subordinates can help me carry my bed downstairs?"

"Why do you want it downstairs?" Tenten asked.

"So that I can watch TV in bed. Duh" Keira said.

So the three ninjas carried Keira's bed downstairs and put the bed in the garden (where Keira had put the TV so she didn't have to tell her yet-to-be-born kids to go outside to get some fresh air instead of sitting indoors watching TV.

Next Keira wanted the toilet to be moved to the living room so she could get more privacy as the bathroom had a camera installed in case someone would break in through the kitchen window in order to steal Jak's priced possessions which he kept in Damas' house.

Then the bookshelf was moved to the hallway, the shower to the roof, the camera was placed on the TV, Jak's bed was put on top of the dishwasher since they couldn't find any more room for it after they had placed the gigantic stuffed metalhead in the bedroom, Keira's trophies were thrown out, leaving only the cell phone left in the trophy-closet, the closet was placed in the basement, the dishwasher in the vacuum cleaner, the living room in the bathroom, the dolls in the hamster-cage, the hamster in the toilet as it was long since passed away, the goldfish in the fish tank, the fish tank in the trash, fish and all, the fish bowl was used to serve chips, the trash in Damas' palace, the picture of Jak and Daxter at a summer camp in the kitchen, the whatever was placed wherever you feel it would be completely misplaced and Keira's family photos were thrown at sea as it contained nothing but pictures of Samos on the beach, wearing nothing but a pair of girls underwear and a bra.

**Miss.Ecofreak: did any of that make sense to you? Good!**

"Are we done yet?" Lee asked sounding exhausted. "I have (pant) running exercises to attend too"

"Oh come on! You can run fine already. We still have to move the computer into the closet so that the gay in there can find a nice boyfriend on the internet without leaving the closet" Keira said.

Neji, too curious for his own good, got curious and opened the closet.

There sat Civilian Guy.

"Are you gay?" Neji asked.

"Hell no!" Civilian Guy said and closed the closet.

Neji raised and eyebrow at Keira.

"I told you he doesn't dare to come out of the closet" she whispered.

"Oh that's stupid! Just look at Torn! He's not afraid to show his gay-side!" Tenten said and pointed at Torn who was sleeping in a sleeping bag he had placed next to the vacuum cleaner.

Jak was curled up inside the oven since it was on top of his bed (apparently inside the vacuum cleaner since that was where the dishwasher that Jak's bed was upon was).

Keira got a bit surprised to see her rival and her boyfriend sleeping (she didn't really see Jak inside the vacuum cleaner but she could hear him snoring, besides she saw the dirty footmarks stopping in front of the vacuum cleaner), but suddenly noticed it was very late.

"Oi. It's very late. We should all be going to bed. You can sleep over if you want to" she said and went out into the garden to sleep in her bed.

Tess just slept on the floor, still unconscious underneath the stairs after the oven hitting her she had no other choice.

Neji slept in the couch in the kitchen, Lee slept on the guest-room where there was no furniture, Tenten slept in the bed that was supposed to be in the guest room but was now somewhere else but no one knew where but that was okay for Tenten since she wanted more privacy anyway.

Daxter slept in Jak's bed, next to the oven in the vacuum cleaner as Jak was _inside_ the oven.

Veger found the whole situation a bit complicated since he didn't quite know where everything was so he went home, only to realise Keira had moved his house into the palace which had fallen down and broken into a million pieces (again).

Gai, no one knew were Gai was, but Lee said he could hear him snore under the carpet in the living room so he was probably sleeping in the dog-house.

**Miss.Ecofreak: yes! Keira's house is now officially in just as much chaos as the rest of this fic.**

**Ivy: I can help Keira renovate her house!  
Zakura: yeah right! Knowing you, you'd probably burn it down**

**Ivy: it would still look better than it does now.**

**Zakura: … you're absolutely right for once. Let's go tear down Keira's house! (Both+Fluffy and Fuzzy, as well as his four siblings (Jak: four? AAAAAARGH!) And Zakura's brother Ludde runs of to burn down Keira's house)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (Ignores the rabbits, meerkats and hamsters (Jak: hamsters and meerkats as in plural? AAAARGH!)) And for another detail in case someone didn't notice, the moving of the couch to the kitchen turned out to be completely unnecessary as they later moved the oven into the bedroom, so now Keira can't sit in the couch making food, she have to find a way to get into the vacuum cleaner (how they were able to get the dishwasher, the bed and the oven into the vacuum cleaner is beyond my understanding) **

**Please review this complete nonsense.**


	69. Randomness

**Miss.Ecofreak: Oi! Two updates in less than two days! Cool! Warning! This chapter contains insanity**

**Zakura: the whole fic does Eco**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Oh… then there is no problem. Enjoy!**

**CHAPTER 69**

**RANDOMNESS**

It was a beautiful morning over Haven City, and by over I mean it was only beautiful ABOVE Haven City, the city itself was a mess.

Keira's house looked like it had been the scene of a large fight between some kind of Timon-like creature and a something that looked strangely a lot like Bambi's best friend, the palace had fallen down over it and Veger's tail (again), Torn and his engineers were planning new plans of how to make it stop falling down while the HAFL stood around Veger (whose tail was still trapped) feeling sorry for him.

"Listen! I AM MY OWN OTTSEL AND YOU HAVE MY PERMIT TO REMOVE ME FROM THIS SITUATION!" Veger yelled.

"Can we get a written permission?" Five asked.

Verger wrote down "GET ME OUT OF HERE!" on a piece of paper and was immediately removed from the dangerous situation and taken to an animal refuge in Kras City since the refuge in Haven City had been made into a Ninja Academy and then into a Ski centre before everyone realised there was no snow in Haven City so now they had changed the building into a McDonalds restaurant which had later been blown to bits by fanatic vegetarians and replaced by a taco bar which the vegetarians ignored since they weren't fast enough to get away from the explosion and were now at a hospital recovering from chickenpox.

Meanwhile Keira was shopping for new clothes at a new store that had just opened.

"Do I look fat in this?" she asked Jak (whom she had forced to come) as she was wearing a dress that resembled a bowling ball.

"No" Jak said quickly.

"Really? And if I had been Daxter asking you, what would you say?" Keira asked.

"That you look fatter than Krew" Jak said and Keira went to look for other clothes, throwing the dress in Jak's head.

At the Nautghy Ottsel there were two people having a hangover since someone had drunk all the beer at the 19 of January… whatever happened on the 19 of January…

"Oh! My head hurts!" Errol moaned.

"That's good brother, more pain!" Cornelius said as he was filming the whole event. "Suits you when you drink up all the beer"

"Eh… Errol didn't drink all the beer Cornelius" Naruto said, sounding a bit embarrassed.

"He didn't? Then who?" Cornelius asked.  
Naruto pointed to the other character with a hangover who was sleeping on the table, which surprisingly enough turned out to be Gaara.

"What happened to him?" Cornelius asked.

"He was so happy Temari remembered his birthday so he said this served for a party, he also said since this was his birthday it didn't matter if we were underage or not cause he's the boss but only the boss over Sunagakure and not Konoha where I live so he couldn't decide what I was allowed to do but he could decide he was allowed to drink and so he drank all the alcohol in the Naughty Ottsel and… eh… have been sleeping ever since" Naruto said.

Cornelius stared at him for a moment.

"Short version: Gaara made drinking legal for himself and drank it all and fell asleep and has been sleeping for two months" Naruto said.

"So… what you're saying is that Gaara drank all the beer and is now asleep? But doesn't Shukaku appear when he sleeps?" Cornelius asked

"Oh, Shukaku has a hangover too" Naruto said.

"But isn't Shukaku underage?"

"Even though Shukaku is trapped inside Gaara doesn't mean he's the same age as Gaara, I would say he's at least a hundred years older" Naruto said.

"Rabbits are adults at around 6-8 months so in rabbit-years I'm not underage" Gaara muttered.  
"How long have you been awake?" Naruto asked.

"ZZZZZ"

"Three seconds, okay"

Suddenly, Gaara's older siblings entered the restaurant and Temari slapped Gaara on the head to wake him up.

"Gaara! What the hell are you doing? You know you're not allowed to drink! Let alone sleep!" she said annoyed.

"Says who?" Gaara asked. "And don't yell or your head will explode."

"You can't make my head explode Gaara, squeeze it you can, but not blow it up. What would mom say if she saw you like this?"

"Nothing. She's dead"

"Then what would your older sister say? Oh right, that's me. You're underage!"  
"Not anymore! I just passed a law that says red-haired demon-vessels of Sunagakure are allowed to drink at any age they want no matter what their older sisters say. Hah!" Gaara said.

"I knew it was a stupid idea to make a kid Kazekage" Kankoru said to Temari.

"What? It's not my fault our leader has to be the strongest ninja in Suna, and Gaara happens to be that ninja!" Temari complained.

"I can't wait until I become Hokage. Then I'm going to make it legal for nine-tailed demon foxes to go to hell" Naruto said dreamily.

"But Kyuubi helps you out when you're fighting strong enemies" Temari said.

"Yeah. But it also causes everyone to be afraid of me" Naruto said.  
"He's right" Gaara added.

"I think it must be great to have a demon inside to help you out" Kankoru said.

"It won't let me sleep!" his little brother said and slammed his head to the table, apparently trying to knock himself out so he could get some rest, his hangover was now completely forgotten.

Kankuro ignored the coonbit (racoon-rabbit) and kept dreaming.

"Imagine what life would have been if I ever got a demon fish".

"I'd rather not" Temari said.

"I could swim very fast, and control water"

"You live in the desert!"

"Stupid racoon-sand-demon-thingy" Gaara muttered, still with his face down to the table.

"And stupid hangover makes my head hurt"

"Your head hurts because you've been slamming it into the table" Naruto reminded him.

"What the f were you slamming my head into the table for?" Gaara complained.

"I didn't…" Naruto started.

"Maybe I could become Mizukage" Kankoru said, interrupting Naruto.  
"Mizukage is the top-ninja of Kirigakure (hidden mist)! You can't become the leader there!" Temari complained.

"Why not?" Kankoru asked, for once paying attention to his siblings.

"You're from Sunagakure" Temari said.

"That would be like Miss.Ecofreak ran for presidency" Naruto said.

"**Why? Do you think I wouldn't make it?"** I said.

"You live in a country with monarchy and I really doubt you can become a president of the US living in Norway. At least I don't hope so. OUCH!" Naruto said as Zakura bit his tail (pick one)

"OUCH!" Zakura yelled as Ivy bit HER tail.

"OUCH!" Ivy yelled as Fluffy bit her tail.

"OUCH!" Fluffy yelled as he was hit by one of the plates Kiba still was throwing around.

And as always when an animal yells "OUCH!" the HAFL arrived in a large limo (okay, they don't normally arrive in a limo but this time they did).

"Stop this animal abuse this instantly!" Agent nr 6 yelled.

"He/she/it started it!" Naruto, Zakura, Ivy, Fluffy and Kiba yelled, pointing at each other.

"It?" Ivy said, glaring at Zakura.

"I don't really care who started it. LET GO OF THAT RABBIT WEASEL! ("meerkat" Ivy corrected) I have to arrest you all, except the rabbit with nine tails, you didn't really do anything. Now come on into my expensive limo" Six said and threw the three animals and one ninja into a cage in the back of his expensive limo.

"You can't do this! No cage can hold me!" Ivy yelled.

"Yeah, we'll see about that" Six said without looking at the meerkat.

But as he turned around, the cage had been reduced to a pile of metal rubbish and all the animals+Kiba were missing.

"Damn it! Not again! We should make meerkats illegal in Haven city. All they do is cause trouble" Six said.

"**Oh yes, can you?**" I asked.

Gaara stared at the author for a while before picking up his phone.

"Hello? Is this Suna? Tell the villages that from this day on everyone must own a meerkat" he said before hanging up.

And so, just as meerkats were banned from Haven city they were obligatory in Sunagakure, so all the meerkats of Haven moved to Suna… except Ivy perhaps since no one was able to restrain her and she kept on her hobby of harassing Miss.Ecofreak in different annoying ways.

"And hey! Before we stop I have one question!" Daxter said to Six.

"What?" Six asked.

"What's with the limo?" Daxter asked.  
"The truck is broken. Now I'll have to go catch those animals!" Six said and ran of to hunt rabbits, meerkats, hamsters and ninjas.

**Zakura: (jumps onto the computer table where Miss.Ecofreak is seated)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: have you escaped the agents so fast?**

**Zakura: yup. He was eaten by a dog**

**Miss.Ecofreak: what dog?**

**Zakura: Pappy. Who else?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: o…kay. By the way people, next chapter will be the first in a short story about Pappy's origin! Wouldn't that be fun? Please review.**


	70. The Story of Pappy Part one

**Miss.Ecofreak: I was thinking about something the other day. I was wondering whether it was possible to write a fanfic on 100 chapters**

**Zakura: (jawdrop) 100?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I need to check that out, I certainly am crazy enough to write 30 more chapters of nonsense as soon as DorkX is finished.**

**Fluffy: more than 10?**

**Fuzzy: triple digits?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (ignores the muses) But now here it is! The origin of Pappy the Papillion. This story starts out before the first chapter of Dork Period, so everyone are still humans/elves/whatever they were originally and Ehm still hasn't eaten his wife the chocolate cake. Enjoy!**

**CHAPTER 70**

**THE STORY OF PAPPY. PART ONE**

It all started out as a normal day in Sunagakure, the village hidden in sand.

Things had been going normally in the village since Dork3 was now finished.

Of course, no sand-nins ever made much of an appearance in Dork3 only perhaps a couple of times as random encounters in Haven Forest and when everyone was on top of that pillar but that's Dork3, that's another story.

So quite frankly there hadn't been any insanely odd events in Suna as far as people could remember, at least nothing compared to what was about to come.

But yet, although this chapter takes place before the start of Dork Period, the day didn't stay normal for long.

Temari and Kankuro were soon to realise that when…

"I want a dog!"

…Gaara asked the question no one expected him to ask.

"You want a what?" Temari asked.

"I want a puppy! Baby-dog! I'm getting so lonely without a pet to… pet" Gaara said. "So can you get one for me please?" (Quite obviously out of money to buy it himself)

"No way! You're too irresponsible to take care of a pet" Temari said, pointing to an aquarium which contained seven fishes, a turtle and a gerbil, all of which were dead.

The gerbil was there because someone told Gaara it was a good idea to have them in fish tanks, as they could gnaw themselves out of anything else, they obviously thought Gaara was clever enough to know that he wasn't supposed to have water (or fishes and turtles) in the tank with it…. they were wrong.

"Who said anything about taking care of it? I was hoping you two could do that" Gaara said.

"See? My point exactly" Temari said. "You're not getting any, and stop glaring".

"Kankoru?" Gaara said hopefully, glaring at his brother instead, physically incapable of producing puppy-eyes.

"What about Shukaku?" Kankuro asked.

"Shukaku is a racoon" Gaara said as if that explained it all.

"Then ask Temari" Kankoru said carelessly.

"Fine, so I'm not getting any then? Okay. Since I have nothing else to do I'll just go back to my room and take a nap" Gaara said and started to leave the living room.

Silence…

"No no no! Not necessary! Let's go find a dog for you" Kankuro said.

"Yes! Works every time" Gaara said to himself.

Temari and Kankoru brought Gaara to a breeder close by who was breeding pit bulls; they thought this might be the right breed to pick for their rather insane little brother.

Of course Temari and Kankoru didn't come in; they just hid behind the taxi while Gaara entered the house.

"Why are we hiding? They're just dogs" Kankoru asked.

"You'll never know if they have rabies" Temari said.

"Don't they have vaccinations for that?"

"I don't know, and I don't want to know. I don't like pit bulls anyway".

"Oh come on Temari, now you're being prejudiced".

Soon Gaara came back out, with a dog on his hand. (Notice: on his hand)

"Did you like it?" Temari asked.

"I love them! Unfortunately they all hated me" Gaara said and showed her the hand which the pup had attached itself to and was now trying to tear of.

"No, what makes you think that?" Kankoru asked.

"Fine. Let's go see somewhere else then" Temari said as Gaara pulled the pit of his hand.

"Maybe dogs don't like demons. Perhaps we should just give up" Kankoru asked while petting the now very happy dog.  
Gaara glared at him.

"Or we could check with another breeder, good idea Gaara" Kankoru said.

Soon they stopped by a breeder of Great Danes, as Gaara said he wanted a huge dog that could scare the neighbours.

Of course, no neighbour had ever entered Gaara's yard since they were too afraid of Gaara himself.

Once again Temari and Kankoru hid behind the taxi.

"Why aren't we coming in this time? I've heard Great Danes are really social" Kankoru said.

"And I've heard that the Metal Head Nest has a fascinating wild life. We stay put" Temari said.

Gaara soon came out and hid behind the cab with them, to his siblings' surprise.

"They were a bit too big" he explained. "And they hate me".

"Told you dogs didn't like demons" Kankoru said silently.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing Gaara. Let's go to the next breeder" Kankoru said.

Soon the siblings stopped outside a breeder of rot weilers.

"Rots scare the crap out of anyone" Kankoru explained. "But they're also considered great family dogs".

"I don't care! I am not leaving this car" Temari said, she had locked the door so now Kankuro (to his big horror) was unable to get in.

Once again Gaara came out, now with two puppies attached to his hands.

"This really hurts" he informed them.

"I'm sure that's a new and exiting discovery to realise you can actually get hurt from something, can we go home now?" Temari asked from inside.

"No way! I still haven't found a perfect dog!" Gaara said.  
"We've checked three breeders already and every time you end up bitten! Do you see a pattern here?" Temari asked.

"Four's a charm. Please Temari"

"It's three that's a charm Gaara. And even those pups bit you. Just face the fact that dogs are man's best friend and half-demon's worst enemy and go home".

_Glare (still incapable of doing puppy-eyes)_

"Aw, I can't say no to that look".

"OPEN THIS F DOOR!" Kankoru yelled.

After checking at two hundred and sixty five dog-breeders, fifty four pet shops and one puppy factory (which was later blown to bits by Miss.Ecofreak who took all the dogs home) the siblings had ended up with nothing but dog food, a can of crickets (whatever they were doing with that) and one gold fish for Temari ("What? I like gold fishes" she said to her confused brothers) and several bite marks for Kankoru (that was Shukaku biting cause he was angry at someone and was too scared to bite the dogs)

"How on earth can a gigantic sand-racoon be afraid of a tiny dog?" Kankoru asked.

"You've never been bitten by a dog have you?" Gaara asked. "Who's the next breeder on the list?"  
"Er… no one" Kankoru said.

"What? You mean there are only two hundred and sixty five breeders in the whole Sunagakure?" Gaara asked.

"Actually… It's two hundred and sixty six."

"What about the last one?"  
"It breeds coon-dogs" (dogs breed for hunting racoons. And for those of you who don't remember even though he mentioned it earlier this chapter, Gaara have a demon racoon, Shukaku, trapped inside)  
"… okay… we'll skip that one."

"In fact, two hundred and sixty six is an awfully large number for such a small village" Temari said. "And they're all in the same neighbourhood"

"Isn't that obvious? When people noticed the Kazekage liked dogs all dog-breeders in the Country of Wind and surrounding countries moved here in hope that Gaara would one day buy a dog from them so they can put up a notice in their windows saying "the Kazekage bought his dog here"" Kankuro said. "The same thing happened when they realised dad liked demons".

Temari looked out the windows and sure enough, right across the street to all the dog-breeders laid four hundred and seventy five closed down demon-breeders and in the middle stood a house which said "Demon-dogs".

Three of the demon-breeders had a sign on the door which said "the Kazekage bought Shukaku here".

Filthy liars.

One house had a sign which said "Demon rabbits and rodents"… Sure I have a summer house in Sunagakure.

"Who would know there was a business for something like that?" Temari said.

"Come on! There must be someone else who breeds dogs in this country" Gaara said.

"No. Everyone moved to our neighbourhood and we've checked them all" Kankoru said.

"How about in other countries? Isn't there a clan in Konoha who loves dogs?"

"Yeah. The Inuzuka (Kiba and Akamaru are from that clan, well Kiba at least. Akamaru is his dog). Unfortunately they love their dogs so much they refuse to give up any"

"I could go kill them all and steal their dogs"

"What? And cause war between our two countries?

"So? I can kill the whole bunch of them!"

"Still it seems a bit too much to kill the entire population of Konoha just so you can get a dog. Why don't we try an animal shelter?" Kankuro asked.

"But I wanted a pure-bred!" Gaara whined, making him sound like Nina from Braceface… or in other words, he sounded like a girl.

"They have pure breeds there too. Some people just get a dog and then get bored of it!" Kankoru said.

"But we can't go there! I've read the script and noticed Pappy is only two months old, the age a puppy is fully weaned so she can't possibly be from a shelter cause who in their right mind would buy an expensive pure breed just to send it to an animal shelter the next day!" Gaara said.

His two siblings stared at him with a puzzled expression.

"Fine. We'll go to Konoha and find a breeder there" Kankoru said.

Just then the taxi-driver screamed and ran out of the car.  
"What's his problem?" Temari asked.

To be continued.

**Miss.Ecofreak: woah! Long chapter!**

**Zakura: long fic!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: not nearly long enough! Please review!**

**Fluffy the killer gerbil: I can't swim!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well that tank wasn't meant for you!**

**Zakura: why on earth do you have a fish tank anyway?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I don't… **


	71. The Story of Pappy Part one and a half

**Miss.Ecofreak: Another long chapter coming up! 29 to go.**

**CHAPTER 71**

**THE STORY OF PAPPY. PART ONE AND A HALF**

**Zakura: one and a half?**

It turned out the taxi driver had gotten sick of driving back and fourth looking for animals since he was very allergic to gold fishes (Temari had one in the car, remember?) and so he went home and Gaara had to drive.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Temari asked.

"Sure! I just passed a law which said underage Kazekages with racoon demons trapped inside them can drive without license even though they don't know didly squat about how to control a bike" Gaara said.

"Car" Kankuro corrected.

"Bike, car, what's the difference?" Gaara asked.  
"I just wished he had passed a law which said underage Kazekages with racoon demons trapped inside them was not allowed to pass laws" Temari sighed.

"Where's the fun in that?" Gaara asked as he started the taxi, and drove straight through the nearest wall.

"You learn as long as you live" he assured his terrified siblings, the crickets and Temari's bored goldfish, before backing of and crashing into another wall. The crickets got out of their box and ran away.

"Okay. Note to self; when you drive backwards, beware of walls and make sure the cricket-box is closed" Gaara said to himself.  
"We're doomed" Kankuro assured his sister.

Somewhere else, more precisely at the Naughty Ottsel Jak and Daxter were skating all morning, laughing and talking about memories past…. Okay, forget the skating and laughing.  
"I sure hate Miss.Ecofreak" Jak said.

"Yeah. But luckily Dork3 is over now. We won't have to endure any more of her terror until the release of JakX" Daxter said.

Then suddenly a cab came crashing through the wall into the two friends.

"I told you this wasn't a shortcut to Konoha you idiot!" Temari said to Gaara, she was sitting in the passengers-seat next to him.

"Is it me or you driving this cab?" Gaara asked.

"Stop yelling! You're both arguing like a married couple and it freaks me out!" Kankoru said. "And I want an ice cream!"  
"Don't make me come back there!" Gaara yelled before backing out of the bar, leaving Jak and Daxter flat on the floor.

"I smell the start of another humour-fic by Miss.Ecofreak" Jak said.

"Nah. That will never happen" Daxter assured him.

"Eh Jak? Ehm is running through the city yelling something about a dinosaur" Well said as he entered the bar.

Dramatic music played.

"We're screwed" Daxter said.

But what happened there is another story (no, not really).

Gaara and his siblings eventually got to Konoha without any further disasters, except for that one time when Temari's fish ate the wheels and they had to get new ones.

Finally they found a dog-breeder, cleverly enough it was right next to the house of the Inuzuka, Konoha's dog-loving family, and six hundred other breeders.

"Why does Konoha have more dog breeders than us?" Gaara asked.

"To give you something to ask about" Temari said. (How many times haven't I heard that one?)

"Breeder of Papillion and Maine coon" Kankoru read at the sign. "What's a Maine coon?"

"That, obviously" Temari said as Kankoru was attacked by the world's biggest cat (no, not Krew).

"Come on Kankuro and Temari! Let's go inside!" Gaara said enthusiastically.

"But who's going to look after Fluffy?" Temari asked, pointing at the 1000 litres-fish tank in the back of the taxi. (The author had refused her to get a bowl (in other words, smashed all the fish bowls the pet shop had while burning all the tiny rabbit cages and taking all the animals that were too young to be apart from their mothers home where they all tried to suckle Zakura since they weren't weaned))

How they were able to fit such a large tank in the back of a car was a mystery but this is a mysterious/pointless fic.

"Do you call your gold fish Fluffy?" Gaara asked.

"Yes. Isn't he cute?" Temari asked, petting the gold fish who was gasping for air/water.

"Whatever. Come on Kankuro, let's go see the puppies!" Gaara said and pulled the cat away from his brother.

In the door they were stopped by the smallest dog you've ever seen.

It was five weeks old, a mix between a Chihuahua and a Papillion yet only half the size of a newborn chinchilla (which is a rodent) so it was about three inches long.

"WTF?" Kankoru said.

"How cute" Gaara said and bent down to pick up the growling dog, then accidentally stepped on it.

Silence…

"Did it survive?" Kankoru asked.

Gaara checked under his shoe.

"Nah. It squished. We have to go inside and find a less squishable puppy" Gaara said unaffected.

Inside they were met by the breeder of the dogs.  
"Hello. I'm Peter. How may I help you?" the breeder said.

"Peter? That was doesn't sound like a Japanese name?" Kankoru said.

"Doesn't sound like a girl's name either" Gaara said.

The woman blushed.

"Er… yeah… my mom's a bit crazy. Are you here to look at dogs or kitties?" she asked.

"I've already seen the cat and hated it" Kankoru said.

"But you've got to admit it went along surprisingly well with Temari's goldfish" Gaara said pointing to the window where they could see Temari giving the coon-cat tips about how to feed Fluffy the gold fish, the cat was trying to get the fish to nurse. "And she was cute".

"Is that Shukaku talking?" Kankuro asked.

"Yes. I hated it too" Gaara said. (Not-so-fun-fact: There was a myth that said Maine coons were mixed with racoons. And in case you don't remember even though now I've said it TWICE in the last chapter, Gaara's inner demon Shukaku is a racoon).

"You're lucky. We've got one litter that just turned two months today and no one's reserved any yet" Peter said.

"Wow. No one else wanted them?" Gaara asked.

"I've got a bad feeling about this" Kankuro said.

They went into the puppy room and found a mother dog with three pups.

All four dogs glared at Gaara as he entered.

"Hey! They're cute!" Kankuro said. "How come no one else wanted any?"  
"That's… a funny story" Peter said embarrassed. "Let's say it has something to do with aggression in their family".

"Aw come on. How can such a small dog be aggressive?" Kankuro asked as he petted the small puppies. "Aren't they cute Gaara?"  
"They're glaring at me" Gaara said nervously.

And sure enough, all the puppies and their mother glared at him like he was some kind of boy with a racoon demon trapped inside. (And in case you've forgotten for the third time… oh screw it.)

Suddenly a door at the other side of the room exploded.

"Oh no! She's loose!" Peter said and jumped up on a cupboard and started screaming like a girl… Wait! She IS a girl.

And there, in the door… stood the runt of the litter, a puppy that was only three inches smaller than her siblings (but when you're a Papillion puppy three inches is much).

"OMG! She's the cutest of them all!" Kankuro said.

The puppy snarled.

"I don't like her. She looks like she's about to attack me" Gaara said.

"Nonsense. Come here butterfly-doggy" Kankoru said.

The puppy came towards him, though charged towards him would probably be a better description.

Everyone in the country and beyond could hear Kankuro's screams of terror.

Meanwhile in the Naughty Ottsel.

"What was that?" Jak asked.

"It sounded like a ninja who was attacked by a Papillion" Cornelius said.

Jak looked at him for a moment. "How do you know?"  
"I have two Papillions and a ninja at home who keep fighting" Cornelius answered.

Meanwhile home with Cornelius two small dogs were growling towards a cage.

Inside the cage sat Hinata.

"NEJI! GET ME OUT OF HERE!" she yelled. **(See chapter 38 if you wonder why she's in that cage)**

"Where did you get the ninja from?" Jak asked.

"It appears every month, I have no idea where it comes from" Cornelius said. "But I usually leave it in the cage and just feed it and give it water every day and five days later it's gone".

Back at the breeder's house Gaara had managed to pull the puppy away from his brother.

"You were right Gaara. That dog's a monster! Let's go" Kankoru said.

Gaara stared at the puppy, now trapped in sand and staring at him with puppy-eyes too big for such a small head.

"What's her name?" he asked.

"I call her "Finest Papillion Queen of Konoha and Sunagakure-Sama-Sennin-Chan" because she's a bossy little bitch and won't accept anything else" Peter said.

"Suits her well. Let's go to another breeder" Kankuro said.

"We take her! Kankuro pays" his little brother said.

"SAY WHAT?"

And that's the story of how Gaara got a dog, and how Finest Papillion Queen of Konoha and Sunagakure-Sama-Sennin-Chan, nicknamed Pappy, got a good home with a loving family.

"GAARA! YOUR DOG CHASED AWAY MY GOLDFISH!"

Okay, so it wasn't much of a loving family, but at least she had a home.

As for the goldfish…

"That's it! I am going to get a horrible revenge on you ninjas and everyone you bond with! Just wait!" said a very enraged hamster, standing on top of the 1000-litres fish tank that had mysteriously rolled out of the house.

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay guys, that was all the chapters I have written for now. No go read DorkX (every one of you who haven't yet started on that one)**

**Naruto and Star Wars-crew: HURRAY!**

**Jak-crew: NOOOOO!**

**Zakura (drowns in puppies and baby animals): tatsukete! (Help)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: But we'll be back here as soon as the other fic is finished**

**Jak-crew: HURRAY!**

**Naruto and Star Wars-crew: NOOOOO!**

**Gaara: why does she love me?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: because you're so cute and fluffy!**

**Gaara: (in human form) er… I am?**

**Zakura: (still trapped under the animals) plz**

**Fluffy: PLEASE**

**Fuzzy: REVIEW!**

**Daxter: DON'T! MAKE HER STOP!**

**Ivy: don't make her stop? **

**Daxter: no! I meant don't review and make her stop instead! This is torture!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: nonsense! (Stuffs Daxter in a bag) As my killer hamster/rabbits said, please review.**

**Zakura: (still trapped under the animals) kuso (damn)**


	72. Sasuke the Legendary Black Beast

**Miss.Ecofreak: Hi… I wasn't really planning on continuing this storyright now… but DorkX seems to be at a standby. It just isn't as fun writing when you have to write a fic about a racing game… Geez**

**Zakura: she's useless**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well that was nice (punches bunny). Sooo instead of giving you absolutely nothing (unless you like Naruto and wants to read about the son of Kyuubi), I wrote a spoiler-filled chapter of Dork Period, with a chance of introducing my newest family-addition. I'm talking about my 4 month-old rex rabbit Sasuke, whom I've had for about a month now. He's so sweet! **

**Zakura: and hungry… he'll eat anything**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Since my last update I've finally reached my goal by getting up-to date with the absolutely newest chapters of Naruto, and so certain aspects of the fic will change a little. So a little explanation might be at hand before starting the next chapter.**

_**Jinchuuriki**_

**I've learned a new Japanese word, used in the manga to describe people who have been possessed by demons. That word is Jinchuuriki, and it means something like Power of Human Sacrifice. Since Naruto and Gaara both have been "Sacrificed" to demons in their own individual ways (Naruto got Kyuubi trapped in him to protect his village and Gaara got Shukaku in him simply because his stupid dad wanted more power), they will be referred to as Jinchuuriki from now on, just so you know what that means;)**

_**I'm also introducing some new characters. **_

**Sai is a Naruto character who joins Naruto and Sakura in order to rescue Sasuke from Orochimaru. He keeps saying he has no feelings and smiles like an idiot… I hate him. **

**His biggest part in the manga (my opinion) is when he drops into Sasuke's room while he's sleeping, waking him up. **

**Also from the next chapter on I'll be introducing some more of Orochimaru subordinates, but more about them later. **

_**SPOILER ALERT!**_

**I have a warning to people who reads Naruto and doesn't want anything spoiled, you should skip this. This chapter has spoilers for the manga of Naruto almost up until the newest chapters (300+) which doesn't only mean the books that have been released in English, but the original Japanese prints that have been translated by fans.**

**Zakura: cheater! **

**Miss.Ecofreak: what? Everyone else reads them! And I've gotten sick of hearing about all the great stuff that's going to happen on DA or from people at school**

**Zakura: "People at school" consists of like two other classmates who know what Naruto is.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: yeah, they're people. **

**So if you don't mind spoilers or is up-to-date with the newest chapters of Naruto, enjoy :D **

**If you don't want spoilers just skip this chapter. **

**CHAPTER 72**

**SASUKE THE LEGENDARY BLACK BEAST…**

**WARNING again: This chapter contains A LOT of Naruto-spoilers**

"So tell me again, why are we here and not hiding behind a shrub so Miss.Ecofreak isn't going to make weird things happen to us?" Naruto asked his fellow jinchuuriki.

"Relax, Miss.Ecofreak is at school and Zakura's with her" Gaara said while walking up the stairs to _my_ house. "Besides, I'm going to make sure she's never going to do something dumb to us ever again" he added with a highly annoying evil laugh which made Naruto wonder whether he had stealing Sasuke's coffee.

"How?" Naruto asked when Gaara was done laughing (after ten minutes).

"I'm going to go inside and delete Dork Period from her computer" Gaara said.

"How is that supposed to stop her from writing more?" Naruto asked.

"Why are you so pessimistic all of a sudden?" Gaara asked.

"Why have you been stealing from Sasuke's cupboard?" Naruto asked.

"…I haven't… what's that?" Gaara asked, and looked to the rabbit cage next to the stairs.

"That's a cage"

"Well duh. Even I knew that! But I saw something moving, someone's in there"

"Correction, someone was in there" said a new voice.

The two jinchuuriki turned around and saw a small black rex-rabbit, with the world's most annoying grin on his face and a headband with the mark of Otogakure (sound village) on his head.

"Who are you?" Naruto asked.

"My name's Sasuke the Legendary Black Beast. I'm new here!" the rabbit said.

"Why are you wearing that headband?" Gaara asked.

"Explaining that would be a spoiler" Sasuke said.

"Dude, I am Naruto. Whatever's happening in the series I should know" Naruto said.

"Okay… I'll tell you" Sasuke said. "I'm wearing it since I'm named after Sasuke, and even though he's born a leaf-nin he ran away to join Orochimaru."

After the young bunny's explanations, Naruto just stared blankly at him.

"Sasuke did what?" he asked.

"You didn't know that?" Sasuke the rex said. "I would think it would have happened to you as it has already happened in the manga and the anime".

"Yeah Naruto. That happened even _before_ I became Kazekage and we've already established that has happened" Gaara said.

"That's it! I have to go talk to that guy" Naruto said and ran away towards Konoha.

"Is he nuts?" the rex-rabbit asked.

"Definitely" Gaara said.

Two minutes later (**Miss.Ecofreak: Wow! The Uchiha manor is two minutes away from my house? (Runs outside)**) Naruto crashed in the door to the Uchiha-manor (which wasn't as hard as it was burned down… wonder how THAT happened).

"Uchiha Sasuke you've got some explanations to do!" Naruto yelled.

Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke, lay on his bed with his head upside down, drinking coffee from a soda-bottle and stared his team-mate with a puzzled expression.

"I didn't burn down the house" he said quickly.

"That's not what I meant! When did you run of to join Orochimaru?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke kept staring back at him with a puzzled expression.

"Like… 3 years ago?" Sasuke said. "You… didn't know?"

"How am I supposed to know? You never told me!" Naruto yelled.

"… We fought right before I left idiot" Sasuke said.

"Then why are you still here?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke stared at him for a while.

"Good question. Why don't you ask him?" he said and pointed to Itachi who was now installing a fire-proof door.

"I seriously don't understand why dad never did this ages ago" the older Uchiha muttered to himself. "With all those kids running around burning down doors".

"Yo ni-san!" Sasuke said.

Itachi jumped, as if he hadn't seen his little brother at all which was strange since he had been talking the whole time.

"I was wondering, actually Naruto brought it up first, he wonders why I'm here when I should have left three years ago, so why are YOU here when you should have left before the Naruto-series even started" Sasuke asked.

"I didn't" Itachi said shortly.

"Huh?"

"I didn't leave before the show started"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well… the first clip we see in the show is of Kyuubi attacking the village, and that happened when you and Naruto were just babies, and by looking at the flashbacks from the time you and me were living together at the Uchiha Manor showed you as a six-year old something, ("Something?" Sasuke asked) so it wasn't BEFORE the start of the series but actually… some mid-between the prologue and the actual episode" Itachi explained, showing of a blackboard at the same time with screenshots from the Naruto-anime stuck on it (it had pictures of Naruto transformed into a pretty girl which had absolutely nothing to do with what he had just talked about).

"Why do I get the feeling that if it hadn't been for all those flashbacks in their shows, no one in this fic would know anything about where they came from?" Gaara, who had just entered, asked.

"That's a good question. I don't know anything about how me and Jak met" Daxter said.

"Why are all you people in my room?" Sasuke asked. "Now all we miss is…"  
"Hi! Am I late for the party?" a black-haired boy said and smiled.

"…Sai" Sasuke moaned.

"Hey! Who are you?" Naruto yelled.

Gaara pushed a copy of Naruto volume 34 into Naruto's hands.

"Oh…. That's right. You annoy me!" Naruto said to Sai.

"Funny, I seem to have that effect on people" Sai said and smiled some more.

"I'll tell you why… IT'S THAT STUPID FAKE SMILE!" Miss.Ecofreak yelled and stuffed Sai in a bag before throwing him out of the window in the third floor (even though the Uchiha Manor only had one floor… hardly even that since it was burned down).

"That may have hurt but I have no feelings so I wouldn't be able to tell" Sai said from inside the bag.

"Cool! Now we'll see what Miss.Ecofreak does to characters she actually hates!" Gaara said happily and ran to the window, followed by everyone else in the room, Sasuke, Itachi, Naruto, Sakura (wherever Sasuke is, Sakura goes too), Lee (wherever Sakura is, Lee goes too), Civilian Guy, Darth Sidious (who is still just appearing every now and then) and Daxter.

Zakura had taken over the job of tormenting Sai, and she did so just because Sai annoyed Sasuke, then again Sai annoys everyone (**well… he annoys me**) and Sasuke is annoyed for almost anything so this was a rather funny reason.

"Where's Sai? All I see is a little smiling rabbit" Naruto said.

"That is Sai, baka" Sasuke said.

"Well, ehm… you know, I FOUND Sasuke in the manga you know" Sai said.

"I don't care. You are still really annoying and insults people every second minute and since you keep saying you don't have feelings you have no reason to feel threatened" Zakura said.  
"Hm, good point" Sai said.

"Dude, people not up to date with the Naruto-series will probably get very confused right now" Daxter said.  
"I know I am. Did I really get four tails?" Naruto said before Gaara slammed volume 35 of Naruto in his head.

**Zakura: it has to be spoilers when not even the main character knows what's going on**

**Miss.Ecofreak: yeah… I'm working on another chapter too, and I'll try not to put so much Naruto-spoilers in it, so that the JD-fans won't get too confused.**

**Sasuke: Who cares about them?**

**Zakura: oh, so you can talk?**

**Sasuke: I'm four months old, I'm practically a teenager in rabbit-years.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Please review… if you by any chance got any of the jokes in this chapter…This chapter had a lot of spoilers in it.**

**Naruto: great! No I have no reason to keep reading (throws away the Naruto-book he was reading)**

**Miss.Ecofreak???**

**Zakura???**

**Sasuke???**


	73. Picnic

**Miss.Ecofreak: you guys! Guess what?**

**Zakura: Sasuke made it to last place on rabbit hopping?**

**Sasuke LB: I made it to first place on rabbit hopping?**

**Fluffy: have you created a female hamster to join in these discussions?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: No, not quite and no way**

**Fuzzy: did you make Dork the Movie?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: YES! Me and my bro made a movie a few days ago, about Jak and Daxter (really quick, no script or anything) There's a link to it in my profile, go check it out!**

**CHAPTER 73**

**PICNIC**

It was a beautiful morning in the village of Hidden Sound.

Sasuke was sleeping peacefully in his bed (you might be wondering what he's doing HERE as he was in Konoha the last chapter… he was getting sick of listening to Sai's… ehm… not really complains since he was only mentioning his lack of feelings whenever Zakura did something mean to him.)

So where were we? Oh yeah.

Sasuke was sleeping peacefully in his bed when suddenly.

"WAKE UP SASUKE-KUN! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A PICNIC!" Orochimaru yelled as he slammed in the door, carrying a sleeping Fuzzy in his left hand and Kabuto in his right hand.

Sasuke stared at the clock drowsily.

"It's 3 AM baka (Idiot). Let me sleep" he said and pulled the blanket over his head.

"Come on Sasu. Everyone else is going" Orochimaru said, pointing to his other subordinates (how did he do that when both his hands are occupied you might ask).

"Can you please let me down on this floor so I can sleep?" Kabuto asked drowsily.

Fuzzy didn't say anything since he was already asleep, holding on to his pet snake, "Hebi" (Snake)… inventive name.

"The others are waiting outside" Orochimaru said happily.

Sasuke crawled up to the window.

Outside he saw the Sound 5 along with Dosu, Kin and Zaku, sleeping on the lawn in one big pile.

"Hmm. Fine. Just let me get some breakfast" Sasuke said and walked up to his cupboard.

Inside the cupboard were 12 boxes of coffee. Sasuke drank them all… or ate might be the correct way to say it as he didn't put any water in it… and immediately became hyperactive.

"Okay! Let's go to the park!" he said and ran out the door screaming, picking up the other nine sound nins on the way while Orochimaru ran after him, carrying Kabuto, Fuzzy and Hebi.

That looked completely ridiculous of course. Sasuke, as a lop dwarf rabbit, was carrying eight people over his head along with a picnic basket that Orochimaru had put on top of everybody and Orochimaru was carrying Kabuto by the sleeve of his sweater and Fuzzy by his pet snake which Fuzzy was holding on to, everyone but Sasuke and Orochimaru were sleeping.

It so happened that the sound nins weren't the only ones enjoying this rainy day.

As they arrived at the park, they noticed Jak, Daxter and Cornelius were already there, and they had brought their pets (meaning Jak's crocadog and his chinchilla, Daxter's two gerbils and Cornelius'… lot)

"Hi Jak! Hi Daxter. Hi Cornelius. Hi Crocket. Hi Damn Rodent. Hi Mary. Hi Daxter Junior. Hi Keira. Hi Keira. Hi… (You know the rest) How are you doing today?" Sasuke asked.

"We're fine. We noticed the weather is so good today we had to have a picnic" Jak said.

"And what's picnic like without our pets?" Cornelius asked.

"Sounds like heaven" one of his chinchillas said. All the chins were hiding under a tree because their coats couldn't take water.

"I have an idea, let's have our picnic on complete opposite sides of the park so we don't have to see each others ugly faces!" Sasuke said happily.

Everyone agreed this was a good idea so the sound nins went to one side of the park and Jak and his friends to another.

Keira was also running aimlessly through the park, complaining that Jak hadn't invited her.

"This seems like a nice spot" Orochimaru said as he found a nice spot.  
"Well I don't" Sasuke said.

"Why? The grass is green; it's underneath a beautiful apple tree ("Ouch!" Fuzzy said as one of the apples hit him in the head) and it's far away from those annoying elves" Orochimaru said happily.

"Yeah, but the Akatsuki are on the other side of the tree" Sasuke complained.

Sure enough, on the other side of the tree sat Itachi and his friends, enjoying a pie.

"Aw come on. At leas they're better than looking at the elves all day" Orochimaru said.

"What do you have against elves anyway?" Sasuke asked.

"Nothing. You're the one who didn't want to be with them" Orochimaru said.

"I'M HERE TOO!" Keira yelled as she ran past them, everyone just ignored her.

"Fine then, let's just stop here, these guys are heavy" Sasuke said and dropped the sound-nins on the ground.

"I think I've broken something" Kimimaru whined.

"Yeah… MY arm" Kin complained.

Orochimaru picked up the picnic basket that was on Kimimaru's back and started placing out food and coffee.

When he was done he looked over his "masterpiece".

"Hey. Where's the coffee? I was sure I brought it" he asked.

"I don't know" Sasuke said with his mouth full of…something.

"Aw, you didn't bring carrots?" Fuzzy (who had just woken up because Orochimaru dropped him in a swimming pool) asked.

"No" Orochimaru answered.

"That's it! Screw you guys! I'm going home" Fuzzy said and left with Hebi.

"Aw. He left. More carrot-cake for us then!" Orochimaru said and pulled out the cake.

Why didn't he mention he had a carrot cake you ask?

Well, Fuzzy had asked for **carrots**, not a **cake**, so Oro didn't feel at all guilty.

So everyone sat down and ate the cake, except for Kin that is, she was taken away by an ambulance to get treatment for her broken arm.

"Isn't this lovely you guys? An afternoon completely without any annoying elves or killer rabbits" Orochimaru said happily. "Tea anyone?"

"I'm bored" Kimimaru said.

"Me too, wanna go burn down doors and steal coffee from people?" Sasuke asked.

"That is the dumbest idea I have ever heard. Then again, I'm desperate, let's go" Kimimaru said and so everyone but Orochimaru ran of to burn down doors and steal coffee from people.

"Er… Can I join you guys?" Orochimaru asked to the Akatsuki who were still sitting on the other side of the three.

Itachi stared at him for a moment, before they all ran of to burn down coffee and steal doors from people.

"Now I feel really lonely" Orochimaru said sadly.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, Tess was having a wonderful time cleaning up the counter in the Naughty Ottsel, when all of a sudden Sai came in the door.

"Quick! You've got to hide me!" he said.

Tess looked at him with a puzzled expression, before she threw a blanket over him, hoping no one would notice the large ghost-like figure on the floor.

Ten hours later Zakura came in the door.

"Hi there ottsel! Have you seen an annoying black rabbit who smiles like an idiot ever third second around?" she asked.

"He's under that blanket" Tess said.

"Aw man!" Sai yelled, as he jumped out the window on the tenth floor.

"Eh Tess? Has Daxter rebuilt this place lately?" Zakura asked.

"No. It still has no walls but there's a ten story high pillar right there" Tess said, pointing to the pillar Sai had just climbed up.

"Why? And why is there a window on top of it?" Zakura asked.

"Ask your owner. She's the one writing this crap" Tess said and then the pillar fell down on her and knocked down the palace in the same time since it was so long.

"Aw man! Not this again!" Torn said, he and his crew were STILL working on getting the palace standing, for those of you who don't remember he's been working on that since chapter 17.

**Zakura: are you ever going to FIX that palace?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: what? No way (blows it up)**

**Torn: aw man! Not again!  
Miss.Ecofreak: please review; if you do you can have one of Zakura's imaginary babies**

**Zakura: Drop it! They're just not born yet.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Zakura… you're a virgin.**

**Zakura: so? Walking sticks don't need to be mated to have babies.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: that's because walking sticks are unisex**

**Fuzzy: hold on! If she's a virgin, where did I come from?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: er…. The stork?**

**Fuzzy: works for me**

**Miss.Ecofreak: now that that's settled. REVIEW!**


	74. Gerbil Massacre

**Miss.Ecofreak: Okay, finally I got a review for chapter 73 so I can update!**

**Zakura: will you update if there's only one person reading? (Not counting your little brother or yourself?)**

**Miss.Ecofreak. … Yes… Because I love this fic!**

**But oh well… Here's a chapter dedicated to the heroes that first started Dork. That means the Jak and Daxter-crew. (Actually Cornelius, but though he's my character he was created for a Jak-fic so he goes under J&D-character in my mind)**

**Jak-Crew: NOOOO!**

**Cornelius: Me? NOOOO!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I even got my OC Kate into it. **

**Kate: NOOOOO!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: For those of you who don't know, Kate is Jak's older sister in my more serious fics. She's a good friend of Cornelius but doesn't always agree with his extreme methods…or the names he gives for his pets.**

**Zakura: if you ever get a pet and name it Keira I'll murder you**

**Miss.Ecofreak: no prob. I won't. Maybe I'll just call the next one Itachi**

**Sasuke LB: NOOOOO!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: whatever, R&R**

**Lee: NOOOO! **

**Miss.Ecofreak: what's your problem?**

**Lee: nothing. I just felt like screaming.**

**Me&my crew: 0.o**

**CHAPTER 74**

**GERBIL MASSACRE**

"I have an idea!" Daxter yelled all of a sudden while he, Jak and Cornelius were sitting under a tree to avoid the rain, along with their gazillion pets.

"What is it now?" Jak asked.

"Let's become ninjas!" Daxter said happily.

"You've already tried that" Cornelius said.

"Nu-uh! When?" Daxter asked.

"Chapter 24, 28, 43…" Cornelius said counting on his fingers.

"Well… let's do it again!" Daxter said and ran of in some random direction.

"Dax! You forgot your gerbils!" Jak yelled after him.

"Never mind. I can take them" Cornelius said eagerly.

"I'd rather not" Jak said, picking up Daxter's gerbils as he ran after his ottsel pal.

"Now how am I supposed to create a new gerbil-breed that creates two million kits each day without too much inbreeding?" Cornelius sighed.

Let's leave Cornelius to his insane breeding plans and see what's going on at the other side of the park.

There's Orochimaru having a nice chat with Keira… Because Oro was so lonely he decided to stop ignoring the elf and Keira was just happy for some company.

"Wow, I never knew snakes could be that interesting" Keira said as she was petting a tiny snake that Orochimaru had just summoned.

"You haven't seen half of it yet. SUMMONING NO JUTSU** (too lazy to write the Japanese name)**" Orochimaru said and a gigantic snake appeared and ate Keira.

"Now why did you have to do that?" Oro said accusingly at the snake.

"I was hungry. Oh, gerbils!" the snake said and walked…er…slid…whatever…got himself to the other side of the park and ate all of Cornelius' gerbils.

"NOOOOOO!" Cornelius yelled.

"I hope he doesn't send me a bill for those rats" Orochimaru said.  
"We're not rats! We're gerbils!" said a random passing gerbil before it too got eaten.

Back to the other side of the park, the snake had disappeared after eating all 1243242 of Cornelius' gerbils and 7 wild mice.

"They were the best 1243241 gerbils I've ever had" Cornelius said crying. "Except for Gary. He was an asshole."

"You actually had a pet that was not named Keira?" Tanya the bird asked.

"Kate named it. And what a stupid-assed name it was" Cornelius said.

Tanya stared at something behind Cornelius.

"She's standing right behind me isn't she?" Cornelius asked and turned around, to see Jak's older sister, carrying a morph gun, and Jak himself standing two metres behind her.

"Daaaaad! Kate's stealing my guns again!" Jak cried.

"Oh stop whining Jak, she's a pacifist so you'll probably get it back sooner or later" said Damas who just happened to be there, sitting on Jak's head since he was still a hamster for some reason.

"Do you think my name-suggestion was stupid-assed?" Kate growled at Cornelius.

"E... no no. I didn't say that… Keira said it!" Cornelius said.

"Traitor!" one of his dogs said and ran of.

Next thing Orochimaru heard was a loud bang and no one heard from Cornelius again…until he got out of the hospital ten minutes later. This place had some kick-ass doctors!

As soon as he got out of the hospital, Cornelius went to the pet shop to buy more gerbils.

He was checking a list of name-suggestions from his friends on the way that they had written on a piece of paper for him.

"Mort, no. Mickey, no. Gerbily, not bad but no. Sid, no. Hanne, who on earth names their child that? (A brick fell on Cornelius' head) **(Sai: a brick? (A house fell on Sai's head))** Ouch, no. Alphonse Elric, no. Mitch, no. Cornelius, yuck! What an ugly name! Tanya, no, I already have a pet named that. Keira?" Cornelius read out loud, as he found the last name on the list, written by his brother. "That's perfect! It's so perfect I'm going to name all my new gerbils Keira!"

"Big surprise" Tanya sighed.

Cornelius walked into the pet shop.

"100 gerbils please, and I don't need cages, I've got plenty at home" he said.

The Guy at the store just stared at him.

"Are you sure you want 100?" he asked.

"I can take in a hundred more if you have problems selling them" Cornelius said.  
"No no, that's not necessary. A giant snake just came in and ate all our gerbils anyway" The Guy said.

Cornelius stared at him in disbelief. "All of them?" he asked.

"Yes. I even tried to tempt him with some feeder-rats but he completely ignored them and went for our fine gerbil breeding stock" The Guy said.

Behind him all the feeder-rats were dancing.

"So you don't have any left?" Cornelius asked.

"I'm afraid so. You should probably go check with a breeder or another store or something" said The Guy.

"Okay. Thanks all the same" Cornelius said. "BTW, are you related to Civilian Guy?" he asked.

"Yes. How did you know?" The Guy asked.

"I was just guessing. Bye" Cornelius said and walked out.

So after finding out he was the only gerbil-breeder in Haven City except for Daxter but he refused to give him any kits, Cornelius went to Sunagakure, where all the gerbil-breeders, in real Dork-style where living in the exact same neighbourhood.

"Ah. I'm sure we'll find a gerbil or two thousand here" Cornelius said.

"Just don't buy too many again. Remember what happened the last time you did that?" Tanya asked.

"Well how could I know 700 females and one male didn't go into the same cage?" Cornelius asked and walked in to the first breeder.

"Give me 100 gerbils to go!" he yelled as soon as he had opened the door.

"What do you think this is? A fast food store or something?" the breeder asked.

"Er…no" Cornelius said.  
"Good, cause that's what the snake thought. It ate my entire breeding stock" the breeder said.

"Oh… Do you know any other breeders or pet stores around that haven't gotten their gerbils eaten by snakes?" Cornelius asked.

"Er… Nope. I think he took all the gerbils in the country" the breeder said.

"That awful snake. Don't worry mr. What'shisname. I'm going to capture that snake and bring back all the gerbils to their rightful owners" Cornelius said and ran out the door.

"I'd rather not" mr. What'shisname said. "I should have done like my cousin Anonymous and breed demon tanukis instead".

**Miss.Ecofreak: before we cut of so that I can go write the next chapter, I'm going to explain to you what a tanuki is.**

**Zakura: science-class! (Runs of with her friends+Fluffy and Fuzzy whom she hates)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: as I was saying… (Gets a rock in her head)**

**Ivy: you suck (runs of too)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: ungrateful little rodents…**

**Everyone but Fluffy: WE'RE NOT RODENTS!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Fine! I get your point! Tanuki is an ANIMAL. Happy now?**

**Everyone: sure, whatever**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Good. Please review, pleasepleaseplease (gets another rock in her head)**

**Zakura: stop begging stupid tanuki-rabbit.(Tanuki is japanese for racoon dog. HAH! Sneaked it in!)  
Zakura: damnit!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: whimper**


	75. Attack of the teletubbies

**Miss.Ecofreak: who loves teletubbies?**

**Zakura: Jak don't!**

**CHAPTER 75**

**ATTACK OF THE TELETUBBIES**

Somewhere, in some country, at some point in this story… neh, whatever.

Cornelius and his friends were driving through a cave, in search of the snake that had eaten all the gerbils.

"So, why are WE here again?" Daxter asked. "I should probably be home training ninjutsu so I can protect Mary and Daxter Junior".

"I'm just here because Kate ran of with my morph gun. I have no idea where they went so I might as well follow this weirdo" Jak said.

"Come on Jak, Dax might be annoying but he's not a weirdo" Cornelius said.

"I wasn't talking about Daxter, weirdo" Jak said.

"Guys, stop fighting" Tanya said before Jak and Cornelius started shooting at each other (well not really since Kate stole Jak's gun he was using Daxter as a gun and Cornelius left his gun at home and was using his fingers.)

And so the happy four friends drove further into the cave… the dark cave… scary dark cave… with spiders around… and someone humming the teletubbies-song.

"AAAARGH! WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!" Jak yelled as he was shaking the driver aka: Cornelius.

"Stop it! I can't steer!" Cornelius said and crashed into the wall.

"Oh great. Now our car is broken" Daxter said.

"Ah, don't worry you guys, its Vuker's car" Cornelius said.

A loud scream was heard in the background, Veger sure has great hearing being so old.

A loud growl was heard in the background.

"But we're still stuck here, with no one to defend us" Jak said.

"Defend us? But aren't you the hero?" Cornelius asked.

"I can't fight teletubbies man! They're too powerful! We're all going to die!" Jak yelled and started shaking Cornelius again.

"Shut up!" Tanya yelled.

All turned silent; a cracking noise was heard in the distance.

"Someone's coming" Daxter whispered.

"It's the teletubbies, they're coming to kill us" Jak whimpered.

"Let go of me" Cornelius said and tried to push Jak away.

The sound came closer and closer, the shadow of something yellow with a TV on its stomach became visible on the walls…ehm…?

"TELETUBBIES!" Jak, Daxter, Cornelius and Tanya yelled and ran as fast as they could away from the shadow (Tanya flew, being a sparrow she can't run very fast)

Everyone hid in a treasure chest deeper into the cave, after a few hours someone opened it, seeing the two elves, ottsel and bird (somehow they seemed to have escaped the effects of the Usagi No Jutsu) cuddled up inside the chest.

"Get out, this is our hiding place" Jak said.

"O…kay. I don't want to know" Link said closing the chest. "Sony's characters sure are silly."

"You're right, luckily you'll never se us doing something that dumb" Ratchet said… don't ask me where he came from.

"Yeah… Hey wait! You're a Sony-character" Link said.

Our cowardly heroes waited in the treasure chest for a few more hours, before they decided the teletubbies had left.

"I think the teletubbies have left" Jak said.

"Well duh, the author already said that. Let's go find a way out of this cave" Daxter said.

And so they started walking, but they were unable to find the way out since they were walking in the wrong direction.

"It's so dark in here" Tanya said.

"Scared of the dark little chicken?" Jak asked and laughed.

"I'm not a chicken; I'm a sparrow-flut. There's a smurf on your goggles by the way" Tanya said.

"AAAAH! SMURFS!" Jak said and tore of his goggles and started jumping on them.

"This must be the fabled cave of Childrens TV" Daxter said.

"Jetix?" Jak asked.

"There aren't smurfs or teletubbies on Jetix dumbass, at least not as far as I've seen" Cornelius said. "This means there are no smurfs or teletubbies on Norwegian Jetix."

"Does Miss.Ecofreak watch Jetix?" Daxter asked. **(Miss.Ecofreak: well sure! They have Shaman King! Zakura: no they don't. Miss.Ecofreak: fine… but they did have it in Bulgaria. I want Shaman King)**

"CNN then?" Jak asked.

"Ain't that a news-channel?" Daxter asked.

"How am I supposed to know? You blew up TV when they took Hamtaro of the air" Jak said to his ottsel friend.

"Ah, I'm going to miss that little hamster" Daxter said sadly.

Then suddenly, the team noticed a shadow of something green with a…

"Hey wait a minute! Why is there colour on the shadow?" Tanya asked.

"Beats me, RUN!" Cornelius said and so they ran.

The happy… freaked out four friends ran as fast as they could, three teletubbies and twenty-something smurfs were chasing them.

"HEEEELP! WE'RE BEING ATTACKED BY JETIX-CHARACTERS!" Jak yelled.

"THEY'RE NOT JETIX-CHARACTERS YOU MORON!" Tanya yelled, helpful as always.

Suddenly an elf appeared before them.

"Don't worry my love! I will protect you" the elf said.

It was Torn.

"AAAAAH! TORN!" Jak yelled and jumped into the arms of the nearest teletubby.

"Big hug?" the teletubby asked.

"On second thoughts, that's even gayer. RUN!" Jak yelled and started running to the side, between Torn and the TV-characters and crashed into the wall.

Daxter, Tanya and Cornelius were still trapped between Torn and the TV-characters, too scared to move.

All except Tanya that is.

"Am I the only one here who seems to have a brain in this fic?" she asked.

"In this chapter: Yes" Zakura said as she walked up to them and stood next to the teletubbies and smurfs.

"Zakura the Killer Rabbit, we meet again" Cornelius said coldly.

"Are these your new army?" Daxter asked.

"Yup. I realised since Jak was horrified of any childishness I figured this is the perfect army! I also have Barney the Dinosaur" Zakura said.

Everyone screamed and ran away, picking up Jak as they left.

Sasuke LBB (Legendary Black Beast) came up next to Zakura.  
"Er… Zakura-chan? We don't have Barney the Dinosaur" he said.

"I know, but THEY don't know that! I couldn't let them figure out the real purpose of this cave or they would blow it up" Zakura said.

"Real purpose?" the rex-rabbit asked.

"Miss.Ecofreak stores discs with spare-copys of the Dork-fics in here so the characters won't find them" Zakura said.

Somewhere else, more precisely at the Naughty Ottsel, Gaara was chatting on Daxter's computer as Daxter, Tanya, Torn and Cornelius ran trough the closed door, still carrying the unconscious Jak.

"What's up? You look like you've seen a large purple dinosaur" Gaara said.

"We were chased by teletubbies!" Daxter said.

"AND smurfs" Cornelius said.

"And their own stupidity" Tanya sighed.

"Why didn't you just use your awesome sand-powers to finish them of?" Gaara asked.  
"We don't have awesome sand-powers" Cornelius stated.

"Oh right. Losers" Gaara said before turning to the PC again.

Three seconds later the horrible incident was forgotten and Daxter walked up to the tanuki who was using his PC.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm on an internet-chat room for jinchuurikis" Gaara said.  
"Jinchuwhatis?" Daxter asked.

"Kickass people who have demons stuck in them" Gaara said.

Daxter just looked at the screen.

The whole chat room was filled with 8 people (Counting SandTanuki, aka: Gaara) who were saying bad words and showing their fingers at each other over web-cam.

The only person who wasn't pissed all the time was a dude called "NinetailedRamenlover" who only kept asking for noodle recopies all the time.

Wonder who that was?

"You guys aren't a very friendly bunch are you?" Daxter asked.

"Shut up or I'll squash you like a squash" Gaara said.

Daxter decided to leave, and walked up to the cage where his two gerbils lived.

"Mary, Daxter Junior, daddy's here" he said.

No answer. Well duh, he's talking to rodents.

"Mary? Daxter Junior?" Daxter said again.

He opened the cage and searched the cage, only to realise the gerbils were gone.

"NOOO! THE GIANT SNAKE MUST HAVE EATEN MY GERBILS!" Daxter screamed and started running around in panic. Not noticing Tess' cat, Mimi who was sleeping right next to the cage...

**Miss.Ecofreak: will Daxter and Cornelius catch the snake?**

**Zakura: nah… doubt it**

**Miss.Ecofreak: why not?**

**Zakura: Fluffy transformed into a mongo and ate it yesterday**

**Sasuke LBB: Then who ate Daxer's gerbils?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: you weren't the sharpest of your litter were you? Please review.**


	76. The world's dumbest pet store

**Miss.Ecofreak: Well what do you know. I'm not dead yet... A lots of things happened since last time. Zakura got spayed…**

**Zakura: good. Then Fuzzy will never be born in real life.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: and I got a hamster**

**Zakura: Oh darnit!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I would like you to meet Sabaku no Temari, in this fic I'll be calling her Tempus, to avoid confusion.**

**Sasuke: you bet**

**Sasuke LBB: confusion sucks.**

**Tempus: hiya!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Houdini should have been with me too… but… he passed way yesterday (Mind you: This is one of the few things in Dork Period that is NOT a joke!)… I found him cold in his cage, and have tried to warm him up for a few hours but its no use. **

**Tempus: NO! Why? That means I'll never have kits**

**Fluffy: but I'm still here!**

**Tempus: (stares at Fluffy) I'll never have decent kits**

**Fluffy: (moans)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Poor baby… In order to get my mind on something else, I decided to finish this chapter.**

**Anyhow, I started this chapter a while ago, not being able to finish it. But then I figured I might as well do a parody on how stupid pet stores sometimes are. I've heard so many strange stories from pet stores; also their animals are not always kept in proper cages and such. Even so, I saved one :)**

**Tempus: lucky me!  
Miss.Ecofreak: this pet store however, is in Haven City, and as you know everyone there are morons, so the pet store owners… **

**CHAPTER 76**

**THE WORLDS DUMBEST PET STORE**

A week had passed since the tragic death of Daxter Junior and Mary; Daxter had given up trying to pull the gerbils out of Mimi the cat's mouth (he figured she must have taken them since the giant snake was already full after eating Cornelius' gerbils anyway).

So now, Daxter was on his way to the pet store, in order to buy some new gerbils, he felt the Naughty Ottsel was so empty without them, and Erol was a bad replacement for the rodents.

Even the hundreds of people from various games and TV-shows who for some reason made the Naughty Ottsel their meeting place, couldn't cheer him up.

So he walked up to the counter at the nearest pet store, only to realise he was too short.

"Er… hello?" He said, trying to get the shop keeper's attention.

The woman behind the desk looked down at him.

"Oh my, one of the rats got out of the cage" she said.

"I'M NOT A RAT DAMN IT! And I thought pet store keepers were supposed to know anything about animals" Daxter said.

"Er… then… what are you?" the woman asked. "I need to know what cage to place you in. A bird? A sparrow?"

"I am NOT one of your "pets". Besides sparrows ARE birds. I'm a precursor" Daxter said.

"They are? I have to change the sign then" the woman said, and walked up to the budgie cage and wrote "sparrow" over "bird".

Daxter sighed; he decided to give up lecturing the woman.

"Look, I am here to give you money" he said.

The woman's eyes lit up.

"…in change of pets" Daxter said.

She looked at him with a puzzled expression. "You want to buy Ehm?" she asked.

"Not pests! I want an animal!" Daxter said. "Or isn't this a pet store?"  
The woman ran out the door, and came back in five minutes later, after having read the sign outside.

"It appears you're right. So what type of animal are you after? We have some lovely smurfs who just came in" the woman said.  
"Er… no thanks. I was looking for a pair of Mongolian gerbils, my girlfriend's cat seems to have eaten my last ones" Daxter said.

"Gerbils? Er… I'm sorry. First we had all our gerbils eaten by a giant snake, we just got in a new litter but this brown-haired kid came in and bought them all" the lady said. "Why don't you just go over to our cages and see if you find something else?"

Daxter walked up to the cages and looked at what animals were there.

"Guinea pigs, no. Ottsels, no. winter white dwarf hamsters, no. Egyptian gerbils, no. Rabbits, hell no. Neji dressed up as a budgie…"

Daxter stared at the budgie cage.

"Neji… what are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm hiding from Hinata, she's in such a grumpy mood again" Neji said, and then he quickly added "Squawk"

Daxter stared at him for a moment, and then she turned to the woman in the store, whom he noticed her name tag said "PetLuvr 3"… funny name…

"Hey, did you notice there is a ninja in the budgie-cage?" he said.

PetLuvr 3 stared at the rat cage.

"Er… no. the budgies" Daxter repeated.

PetLuvr 3 continued staring at the rats.

Daxter looked at the sign in front of the birds.

"Sorry… I meant the sparrow cage" he said.

PetLuvr 3 turned around to look at the budgies.

"A ninja? Where?" she asked.

"He's right there, between that blue and the green budgie" Daxter said.

"All I see is a black white-eyed bird" PetLuvr said.

"That's not a bird! It's a boy!" Daxter said.

"No… judging by the colour of its beak I'd say its female"  
"Not like that! It's a human boy with a cardboard beak on his mouth!" **(Zakura: Say, is my Usagi No Jutsu wearing of? Miss.Ecofreak: yup. Zakura: I hate you)**

"I'm a bird. Squawk" Neji said.

"See?" PetLurv said to Daxter.

"Only because it can SAY it's a bird doesn't mean it IS a bird" Daxter said.

"Yes it does. Sqawk" Neji said.  
"I agree with the bird. After all, it IS squawking" PetLuvr said.

"Fine. I give up" Daxter said.

Then he looked at one of the hamster cages.  
Inside was a cute black long-haired Syrian hamster, looking at him with big blue eyes.You can probably guess the rest.

**(Miss.Ecofreak: black longhaired Syrians are the best! Tempus: You're chocking me!)**

A few minutes later, the door opened at the Naughty ottsel, which was pretty useless as the bar didn't have any walls anyway.

"Honey, I'm home" Daxter said.

"Did you get some cat-food...? I mean gerbils?" Tess asked.

"No. But I bought this cute little hamster" Daxter said, showing his new pet of to his friends and girlfriend.

"OMG, its super cute daddy!"

"Thanks it's really… since when did I have a daughter?" Daxter asked, staring at the little red ottsel in front of him.

"Er… I delivered triplets while you were gone?" Tess suggested.  
"…Works for me. Come on kid, lets go place this hammy in his new cage" Daxter said and ran upstairs, followed by three baby-ottsels.

Daxter put the hamster in his old gerbil's cage.

"What are you going to call him daddy?" one of his kids asked.

"Yeah, and what are you going to call US?" another one asked.

"I think I'm going to call it Daxter the third… and you guys I'll just call kids" Daxter said.

"Yay!" the kids shouted.

"We're named after a Norwegian band!" one of the girls said.

"She's in love with her teacher!" the boy said. (Fun fact: the Kids are a band in Norway, One of their songs is "In love with the teacher")

"I'm not!" the other girl said.

**Miss.Ecofreak: R&R… I want Houdini back (sniff)**


	77. Kingdom Dork

**Miss.Ecofreak: Hey guess what! There's still people reading and reviewing this fic (feels loved)**

**Zakura: hurray! That means I can torture Sai some more (tortures Sai some more for no reason)**

**Sai: heeelp!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: Okay. In this chapter I will be introducing some more new characters to the fic. Tess and Daxter's pups have gotten better names too, they are now Jackie, Danny and Diana. Pics can be found at my Deviantart-account, follow the link in my profile.**

**Other new things is that I got Kingdom Hearts 2 last week, and it was so good I had to introduce some of the characters into DP. If you haven't played KH it doesn't matter, the characters are acting out of character anyway.**

**What you SHOULD know before reading this is that it may contain a few spoilers (but I haven't completed the game yet and neither have I played the first game or Chain of Memories so they won't spoil too much).**

**Also at the start of this chapter, Sora, Donald and Goofy (yes, the Disney-characters, Sora is… some anime/Final Fantasy-person) are looking for the king of Disney castle, Mickey Mouse, who's gone missing agaaaain.**

**Roxas is a heartless version of Sora, yet he's not really evil… Axel is his friend.**

**Riku is Sora's old childhood-friend, who disappeared in the first game. Currently he's inside a closet, if you wonder how he got there, read this chapter: **

**CHAPTER 77**

**KINGDOM DORK**

Back at Haven Central Pet Store (the one Daxter was in earlier), Neji was still sitting in the bird cage, having a nice conversation with the other birds about how to stop cruelty to birds and how to neuter every cat in Haven City (not for the good of the cats, but so no other cat would be born), as a boy with a giant key came in, followed by a duck and a dog.

"Can I help you?" PetLuvr asked.

"Er… yeah. We were actually looking for our king Mickey, but we've figured it's too bothersome to look, so we figured we might as well go buy a new one. Do you have any mice?" the boy asked.

"No, but I have a nearly-talking duck and a tall stupid dog" PetLuvr said.

The boy turned around, and examined his two friends.

"Sorry. Already got that" he said.

Then suddenly another boy, quite similar to the first one, also carrying a large key, ran in and knocked out the first one.  
"Darn it Roxas! Will you stop pretending to be me?" he said.  
"Er… what's going on? Squawk?" Neji asked.

"Oh… sorry. We didn't introduce ourselves" the new boy said. "My name is Sora, these are my friends Donald and Goofy, and this kid here is Roxas. He's a nobody".

"You mean he's not popular?" Neji asked.

"No. He IS a nobody, come on guys, lets go to another store and see if they have any mice" Sora said and left.

Neji was confused. So he bought himself so he could leave the store, and decided to take the unconscious Roxas with him back to the Naughty Ottsel to question him later.

Roxas woke up after 5 days, while Daxter and his family were burying him because they thought he was dead.

"Oh, so you're not dead. You have no heartbeat" Daxter said.

"Well…I have no heart" Roxas answered.

"Oh well that explains it. You're lucky Neji brought you here though, otherwise that crazy woman might think you were a guinea pig or whatever and put you in a cage and that is the same pet store that took in Zakura's young so you'll never know what kind of monsters you'll be sharing cage with" Daxter said. "By the way, who are you?"  
"I'm Roxas, Sora's "evil" counterpart or something…" Roxas answered. "I have also been a member of Organisation 13 which is a group of nobodies who kidnap princesses and stuff".

"But if you don't have hearts, how come you're still alive?" Daxter's son, who had recently been named "Danny", asked.  
"I dunno. As Square Enix or Disney" Roxas said.

"Okay… So you're a nobody then?" Daxter said.

Roxas got tears in his eyes.

"Oh… don't cry. He didn't mean to hurt your feelings" Tess said.

"Don't sweat. He doesn't have any feelings. Nobodies just pretend" said Sora, who just popped out of the bushes.

"Shut up meanie!" Roxas yelled, and ran away crying straight trhough the Naughty Ottsel, breaking the walls in the process.

"Aw man! Why does everybody do that?" Daxter asked.

Jak noticed the hole in the wall, and used his scatter gun to make it bigger so he could come out to his friends (ignoring the door completely).

"So…wazzup?" He asked as Daxter glared at him.

"Aw… that's no way to treat your doppelganger" Tess said to Sora.

"Screw him. I don't even get why he's here" Sora said, before he darted into the bushes again.

"So… should we go find him or something?" Daxter said.

"No. You are. I have to go feed my cat" Tess said.

Before Daxter got time to protest, Tess walked into the bar and locked the door.

So Daxter had no other choice than to mount his trusted elf and go look for nobody.

**Roxas: (glares at Miss.Ecofreak)**

"Come on Jak. With this rate we'll never catch up with him" Daxter said.

"Take this stupid saddle of me" Jak said and threw of the saddle, so Daxter fell to the ground.

"Fine! I know someone who will not be getting any bird-seeds tonight!" Daxter said (See, Jak and his gang don't ride horses, they ride flut-fluts and leapers)

"Hey! Look over there!" said Daxter's daughter Jackie (guess who she's named from!), who had decided to tag along.

Jak and Daxter stopped arguing, so they could hear someone saying "boohoo! I'm so sad"… said person wasn't crying, he was just talking normally.

The happy three friends (who were pissed at each other) walked around the corner of a house and found Roxas, reading "The Far Side", as he was trying to comfort a red-haired guy who didn't look at all sad.

"Er… what's up?" Jak asked. "You guys aren't Jak and Daxter characters are you?"

"Of course they're not. They look like they're from Final Fantasy or something" Daxter said.

"Well not really, we're from Kingdom Hearts" the red-haired guy said.  
"Two" Roxas added.

"DIE!" Jak screamed, and pulled out his scatter gun. Roxas and his friend ran away saying "aaaaargh!" (No screaming)

"JAK! What did you need to do that for?" Daxter yelled.

"Sorry…forgot this fic was moved to the crossover-section" Jak said.

Daxter sighed and jumped on to his faithful flut-flut…which was really Erol's faithful flut-flut but that didn't matter…not to Daxter at least. Phoenix the flut-flut was only snapping at Jak.

He pulled out a small machine from his pocket.  
"What is that dad?" Jackie asked.

"Oh… It's a radar. I fitted Roxas with a radio-collar when he wasn't looking in case something like this happened. You've got to be prepared for everything in this fic" Daxter said.

"You're the smartest daddy in the whole world!" Jackie said. "You're even a smarter daddy than Torn!"  
"Yeah I know…TORN HAS A KID??" Daxter screamed.

Meanwhile somewhere else, more precisely Sunagakure **(Miss.Ecofreak: yay! (Glomps Gaara) Gaara: guards! (Looks at Temari and Kankuro with a scared look))**

Roxas and his friend Axel were walking around the street.

"Say… wasn't that the weasel screaming?" Roxas asked.

"Are you sure? I mean this IS another world right?" Axel asked.

"Yeah…which leads us to HOW the f did we get here?" Roxas asked.

"You hijacked Sora's gummi ship remember? Or did he hit you in the head with his keyblade that hard?" Axel asked.

"Yeah… I mean I WAS unconscious for 5 days remember?" Roxas asked.

"Want a cookie?"  
"Sure!"

And so the two nobodies went to get cookies… Neither of them noticed the giant collar Roxas was wearing.

Meanwhile somewhere else, Daxter and Jackie were riding Phoenix through Konoha, as Erol ran behind them (occasionally hiccupping and falling over) demanding to get his bird back.

How Daxter got there? Same way he always does; I have no idea.

"We're getting closer now" Daxter said as he was looking at his radar, then he stopped a random ninja who just happened to be passing by. "Have you seen this nobody?" Daxter asked and held up a copy of Kingdom Hearts 2, Roxas' face outlined.

"Nope" Kakashi said, not looking up from his book.

"Oh… tell me if you see him then" Daxter said and left.

"Okay" Kakashi said to Erol, because Daxter had already gone.

Erol decided to have some fun, and started putting on Kakashi funny hats and took pictures of him. Kakashi was too caught up in his porn to notice.

Meanwhile at a cookie-restaurant (Gaara had that one made) in Suna, Roxas, Axel, Sora, Donald and Goofy were happily eating cookies together.

"Wow, these cookies are the best, aren't they Donald?" Roxas asked.

"Stop talking to my friends, impostor!" Sora hissed.

"Sora… he's allowed to talk right? I mean your nobodies are my friends, right?" Donald quacked.

"I didn't understand what you just said. Would "Sandwich" be a suitable answer?" Sora asked.

"Er…sure" Donald said.

"Good. Hey! Nobody!" Sora yelled to Roxas.

Roxas looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"We don't take kindly to your kind in here" Sora snarled.

"There, there Sora. He ain't hurting anyone. Ahyuck!" Goofy said. **(Miss.Ecofreak: anyone watching South Park that has seen the "Sexual Harassment Panda"-episode should recognise this line)**

Roxas didn't reply. He just raised an eyebrow at Sora.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked after a few minutes.

"Well… we just came from Jack Sparrow's birthday party and he had…ehrm… a lot of rum. Ahyuck" Goofy said.

"So why aren't you guys drunk then?" Axel asked.

"We had to be sober drivers. Goofy was assigned to drive him Sora and I had to drive Riku, who halfway into the party started making out with Davy Jones** (Zakura: ARGH! Get those mental images out of my head! (Starts banging her head into the wall))**" Donald said and shivered. "We decided the best was to just knock him out then and there and hide him in a closet somewhere".

"Speaking of closets. HIC!" Sora said. "I hope you remembered to let him out".

Donald flinched. "Oh crap!" he said and ran of.

"Sora, I am so disappointed in you. You're too young to drink!" Axel said.

"Who are you? My mother?" Sora asked.

"No. But SOMEONE has got to take responsibility. Unlike your dumbass duck and dog-pal here. You're setting a bad example for Roxas" Axel said, and covered Roxas' eyes so he wouldn't see his…whatever…drunk.

"Er… Axel? I have already seen him you know" Roxas said.

Axel removed his hand so that Roxas could just se Sora standing up at the table dancing to the Llama Song that just started playing on the radio.  
"On second thought..." Roxas said and hid behind Axel's coat.

Two hours later Donald returned, with Sora's still unconscious pal Riku in a trolley, and found Sora crying over Roxas' shoulder, Axel and Goofy were at he other side of the room laughing as Roxas just looked miserable.

"What's been going on here?" Riku asked.

"Hey! Weren't you just unconscious?" Roxas asked.

"Not everyone stays knocked out for 5 days you know. HIC. Why is Sora crying?" Riku asked.

"He's sad because Hamtaro ended" Roxas said and pointed to the TV that was in the restaurant.

"Oh" Riku said, before he too started crying.

**Zakura: random…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: sure hope so. It got long. But at least I had fun writing. So how did you like it? Please review or I will put Fuzzy's littermates in your mailbox.**

**Fuzzy: trust me! You don't want that. **


	78. Never give alcohol to kids

**Miss.Ecofreak: this chapter will be different from the others. Instead of utter nonsense it will be serious and tragic, and with an important lesson at the end.**

**Zakura: what the? What are you drinking?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: huh? YUCK! (Throws away the sugar-free coke, and drinks a whole bottle of Coke with extra sugar in a matter of two seconds) Never mind, this chapter will be just as dumb as the rest. But it WILL have a moral though.**

**Zakura: but not at the end. The moral is never to give alcohol to kids, especially not Sora and Riku…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well then, since I still haven't gotten any reviews for the last chapter (due to my own rules I shouldn't even be uploading this but I love writing about drunks) I'm going to go put baby bunnies in everyone's mailboxes**

**Zakura: Sorry, already sold them to a pet store**

**Miss.Ecofreak: doh!**

**CHAPTER 78**

**NEVER GIVE ALCOHOL TO KIDS**

"This appears to be the place" Daxter said.

He and Jackie (Erol had long since caught up with them and brought Phoenix the flut-flut home) were standing outside the cookie-restaurant.

Yet they were unable to enter the door because Donald had parked the Gummi Ship in front of the entrance (that is Sora, Donald and Goofy's space ship, though Roxas had already stolen it so its kind of strange Donald was able to find it)

"Okay! Who parked that there? I got to write a law about this so I can arrest whoever put that there" Gaara (who suddenly appeared) said.

He wrote down on a note "It is illegal to park a Gummi Ship in front of the door to a cookie-restaurant. Anyone who does this will get their Gummi Ship painted lime green and are grounded in their rooms for 5 hours. Signed: Kazekage" and put the note in a random mailbox before he effortlessly pushed the space ship away from the door, and then left.

"He wasn't even going to enter?" Jackie asked.

"Don't know. But at least the ship is out of the way so we can go in and comfort Roxas" Daxter said and walked in.

However he didn't find a sad and distressed Roxas, instead he found Sora, Riku and Roxas dancing on the table, singing "Mickey Mouse Club March", while Axel was laughing his head of. Donald and Goofy were nowhere to be seen. They had probably hidden because of the shame.

"Er… what's going on? I thought this store only sold cookies and milk?" Daxter asked.

"Riku brought some beer along from Jack's birthday party" Axel said, wiping a tear of his face, still giggling.

"I thought you didn't want Roxas to drink" Donald said from under the table.

"I can't force him to not do something he doesn't want to do" Axel said.

"You poured the bottle down his throat while Sora and Riku were holding him dumbass. Ahyuck!" Goofy said.

"Everyone's out to get me today is it so?" Axel said and put his nose up in the air.

"Are they even old enough to drink?" Daxter asked.

"Nope. I guess that's why they all got that drunk from only one bottle" Axel said.

"Well, Roxas certainly don't need any cheering up anymore, what he needs is a membership in Alcoholics Anonymous but I can't help there (since Jak and I already blew up their main office for stealing my costumers). Tess should be happy though. I'm of" Daxter said and left.

A roar of an engine was heard from outside, and Donald and Goofy ran towards the window.

"Sora! Riku! He's stealing our Gummi Ship! Ahyuck!" Goofy yelled.  
"M. I. C. K. E. Y. M. O. U. S. E!" Sora and Riku sang.

"Never mind then. Ahyuck" Goofy said.

Ten minutes later the Gummi Ship landed in Tess' flowerbed outside the Naughty Ottsel.

Daxter quickly ran in to check on Daxter the Third before Tess got time to complain about the flowers.

Daxter ran into his room and found the hamster peacefully sleeping in his tank.

He looked as if he had gotten fatter since the day before, perhaps Diana (Daxter's other daughter) had fed him while he was gone.

Suddenly Tess entered the room.  
"Hi honey. Is everything okay?" Daxter asked.

"No its not. I have a few questions for you mister!" Tess said. "1. Where is Roxas? 2. Why is there a space ship parked on my petunias and 3. Where is my cat?"

"1. Roxas found some friends who assaulted him and forced him to drink a whole bottle of beer so now he's drunk dancing in a restaurant in Suna. 2. Because we don't have a parking lot and 3. I don't know" Daxter said.

Tess glared at him, wondering what she was supposed to yell at him for first, she decided to start at the top of the list.

"Roxas got drunk??? But he's only a kid! He's too young to drink alcohol!" she yelled.

"It wasn't me who gave it too him! Besides why do you care so much about him anyway? You don't even know the guy; Neji only came in here and dumped him in Mimi's bed!"

"Well he DID stay there for 5 days, and Mimi thought he was comfortable to use as a mattress" Tess said. "Besides he doesn't have a mother, someone's got to care for him."  
"How do you know he doesn't have a mother?" Daxter asked.

"Cause if he did he would undoubtedly have woken up screaming "Mommy!" after being unconscious for 5 days. Duh!" Tess said, as if that was the most apparent thing in the world.

Yet Daxter and Cornelius (who just happened to be in the room, trying to breed Daxter the Third to a chinchilla) didn't really see the logic in that. Neither did I, and if you do I pity you.

"So… you want me to go back and get him then?" Daxter sighed.

"Yeah, you should!" Tess said. "And Cornelius, hamsters and chinchillas can't be mixed".

"That's what the vet said about my rabbit and the fur coat too but she delivered yesterday!" Cornelius said.

"The fur coat had kits? What did they look like?" Daxter asked.

"Moths" Cornelius replied.

"Alright then. I'll go in search of Roxas again" Daxter said and pulled out his radar.

To his surprise the radar showed Roxas was right outside the door. Curious.

Daxter walked out and figured the signal was coming from inside the gummi ship.

As he entered, he opened a luggage box, where he found three sleeping rabbits.

Two of them were blonde, yet one was darker then the other and the brighter coloured one was wearing a radio collar that was too big for him, the third was silver-coloured, he was snuggling a beer bottle as if it was a teddy bear.

"It looks like Zakura's been on the move again" Daxter said. "Either that or Sasuke got a hold of more coffee…or Itachi or Konohamaru was looking for some fun".

"Oh that's so nice, I love you Kairi" the silver rabbit muttered to the beer bottle.

Suddenly he woke up, and stared straight into the eyes of a pissed of Sora-bunny.

"Riku…Is that MY beer bottle you're snuggling?" Sora asked.  
"Er…" Riku hid the bottle behind him, Sora pulled out his keyblade (which now was three times his own size, yet somehow he was still able to carry it).

"GIVE THAT BACK!" Sora yelled. Riku screamed and jumped out of the box, Sora followed close behind.

All the noise woke up Roxas, who threw up on Donald's luggage.

"How did you get in there?" Daxter asked.

"Don't ask me, I don't remember anything except for Sora and Riku coming towards me, and Axel with a beer bottle in his hand…" Roxas said. "My head hurts..."

Suddenly Roxas noticed his hands, they were fuzzy.

A normal person would panic at this, but Roxas, being a nobody…"AAAAARGH!"…he panicked as well…

"Yeah…I should probably have warned you. That happens every now and then in this fic" Daxter said.

"I'm a rabbit!" Roxas yelled.

"Yeah… I've noticed" Daxter said.

"What happened?" Roxas asked.

"Well… since I left once I saw you guys dancing on the table I wouldn't know but there are a few maniacs running around in this fic who likes to transform people into rabbits" Daxter explained. "It will pass… how long it takes varies on how soon Miss.Ecofreak forgets about the bunnyfication ever happened, or if she's sick of you being a rabbit".

"I hate this fic."

"Welcome to the club" Naruto muttered from the street.

He was sitting in the middle of the road sulking, because Sora had stolen his ramen to throw at Rikku.

"Hey! Where did my friends go?" Roxas suddenly asked.

"You mean the ones who assaulted you, forcing alcohol down your mouth?" Daxter asked.  
"Yeah, Sora and Riku" Roxas said.

"Well… the other two rabbits just ran of" Daxter said.

"I'll better go find them before they hurt themselves or others" Roxas said and got up, but quickly fell down again because of the heavy collar.

"You might want to take that radio collar of first" Daxter said.

"What radio…? How'd this get here?" Roxas asked, as he suddenly noticed the collar around his neck.

"I have no idea" Daxter said and whistled innocently.

As soon as Daxter had removed the collar, Roxas went into the Naughty ottsel where he found his "friends".  
Sora had finally gotten his bottle back and held it like a baby, Riku suffered from several bruises after being hit with the keyblade.

"You guys not sober yet?" Roxas asked.

"I am, he's the one acting nuts" Riku said pointing to Sora. **(Miss.Ecofreak: these guys sober up very quickly… Zakura: unlike someone else we know (Stares at Erol) Erol: HIC)**

"I HIC am NOT!" Sora said, before he opened the bottle and drank all its contents.

"And if he wasn't drunk already, he certainly is now" Riku added.

"Want some?" Sora said handing the empty bottle to Riku.

"Sure!" Rikku said and drank what was left…the bottle had magically refilled itself, while Roxas was screaming in terror.

"Want some Roxas?" Sora said, handing the now refilled bottle to his clone…or whatever.

"Oh no! Never again!" Roxas said and backed of.  
"Come on, you'll love it" Sora said, both he and Riku were now slowly advancing Roxas, who was trapped in a corner.

"Y-you better back of. I have a keyblade" Roxas said and pulled out his keyblade.

"So do I" Sora said and showed him his. "And I'm more experienced in using it".

"Stay back" Roxas said, and started climbing up the walls. How he managed THAT is a miracle, but miracles happen a lot in Dork Period.

"Stay away from him drunks!" Someone from the counter yelled.

Tess was standing on top of the counter, holding Jak's bellowed morph gun.

"Weasel!" Roxas said happily… he didn't know Tess' name anyway.

"Want some too?" Roxas asked.

"No. Get away from that kid, or I'll shot you both" Tess threatened.

"Hah! I've been fighting HIC cursed pirates and heartless. Do you think I'm afraid of a small weasel like you?" Sora asked.

Riku hiccupped in agreement.

Yet they did a fatal mistake.

They had turned their backs on Roxas… who was holding the keyblade and knocked them both out.

**Miss.Ecofreak: so ehm… please review. **


	79. Raiding the Fridge

**Miss.Ecofreak: Hurray! I just finished Kingdom hearts 2**

**Zakura: yay for you**

**Sora and Riku: (falls over because of the half an hour long battle)  
Roxas: how come I only got to be in the game for two hours?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: aw, that game was so great. Maybe I should do a parody of it?**

**Sora, Riku and Roxas: NO! (All pull out their keyblades pointing them towards Miss.Ecofreak)**

**Axel: that'd be fun**

**Daxter: no it won't. Trust me.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (sigh) fine. I still have several other fics to finish, Ancient Ones, Demon Prince, Undercover Ottsel (Most likely not)… darn it… But at least, here's a new Dork Period chapter…about raiding fridges…not (Warning: Contains spoilers for Kingdom Hearts and KH2. This time it's for real) **

**CHAPTER 79**

**RAIDING THE FRIDGE**

After Roxas' "epic" struggle, Neji came in, finding Sora and Riku unconscious on the floor.

"Hey Tess. Did you know there are two dead bunnies in the bar?" he asked.

"They're not dead, just unconscious" Roxas said as he was drinking… milk.

"Oh… I see you're awake! And bunnyfied…" Neji said.

"Seems like it… weren't you that guy who was sitting in the budgie-cage at the pet store when I was knocked out?" Roxas asked.

"Yup. And if it hadn't been for me maybe you'd be eaten by guinea pigs!" Neji said in a heroic manner. "Name's Neji."

"Like I care."  
Neji started crying.

"Oh great! Now he's at it again" Tenten (who just happened to be in the room) sighed.

Then Axel entered, along with Donald and Goofy, who quickly ran over to Sora and Riku, trying to wake them up.

"Roxas! There you are. Feeling better now?" Axel asked.

Roxas threw Sora's magical beer bottle at his head.

"THAT was for getting me drunk. I told you NOT to do it again!" Roxas said. **(Zakura: o.O He's done it before?)  
**"Aw. Come on Roxas. Can't we settle this over a drink?" Axel asked before he was knocked out by Roxas' keyblade.

"You're going to loose all your friends if you keep doing that" Daxter said.

"Well that is only because all my friends are COMPLETE MORONS!" Roxas yelled.

"So you hit them hard in the head… see a pattern?" Jak asked.

Roxas stared at him for a moment.

"He started!" He said, pointing to Sora who was just waking up…with a severe headache. "Now I'm sure he wouldn't be that way if he didn't keep getting drunk all the time."

"Funny. Never saw him get drunk in Kingdom hearts" Sasuke said. "Not even on coffee. Glorious coffee."

"Well of course Disney left that part out. It's an American company and they can get sued for just about anything." Roxas said. "Yet I happen to be Sora's nobody. Created when he pierced his own heart with a keyblade, which is about the dumbest thing he's ever done ("It worked didn't it?" Sora said) so I'm pretty much half of Sora myself. Minus the drinking."

"And the heart" Sora added.

"And the headache. Which is about to get worse if you don't go lay down" Roxas said. "And I'm NOT giving you your bottle back."

"I'll look after it for you" Riku said.

"No way! I think I'm going to keep this myself" Roxas said and left, with Sora's bottle.

"You're an evil heartless person Roxas!" Sora yelled after him.

"Nobody!" Roxas was heard yelling from the outside.

Sora was left confused and alone since Riku went to raid the fridge or something, trying to figure out the difference between a heartless and a nobody. Neither had hearts. What WAS the big difference?

As Sora sat there pondering over this very important question, also refusing to accept the fact that he'd been a heartless for about 10 minutes after the "unfortunate" Stab-myself-with-a-keyblade-episode (which was also the cause of Roxas' existence), Gaara entered the bar with a jar of cookies.

"Hi guys. Who was that blonde bunny I just saw running of with a bottle near the palace?" he asked Sora, who apparently was the only person in the room as everyone else had gone to raid the fridge.

"Nobody" Sora replied. "Say, you wouldn't happen to know the difference between a nobody and a heartless would you?"

"Well duh! When a person with a strong will becomes a heartless a nobody is born. Nobodies may look like normal people and will sometimes pretend to have feelings when they really don't. Duh!" Gaara said, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world, before he too left to raid the fridge.

"But I've never turned onto a heartless" Sora said. He's in denial….

As he was thinking, and looking up in random books (like Harry Potter and Winnie the Poh) Riku returned from his fridge-raiding.

"Find out anything?" He asked.

"No. There's nothing about heartless OR nobodies in this book" Sora said.

"Geez. Wonder why. But after all, haven't you BEEN a heartless?" Riku asked.

"No. What ever makes you think that?" Sora asked.

"…Just a thought" Riku said, the memory of a little black bug-thingy with yellow eyes called Sora. "You know Sora, nobodies are born when a person turns heartless. Roxas is your nobody, and you and I both remember that fateful day that I decided stabbing yourself was the only way to save the world."

"You were dreaming."

"Okay… then ask Goofy, Donald or Kairi."

"They were all dreaming too".

"Fine. Be that way" Riku said before he went to raid the fridge…again.

"Damn it everybody! This is MY food!" Daxter yelled from the kitchen.

"Why is everybody raiding Daxter's fridge?" Sora wondered to himself, and turned to his children's books for answer.

The books didn't provide any answers. All he learned was how to hide a dragon in a small cottage, but he was sure he was never going to need that bit of information, unless he suddenly became a dragon knight, like in Eragon…

Well then, he might as well sit there waiting for Roxas to return with his beer, or until hell froze over, whatever came first.

Three hours passed. The bar was closed since Daxter had to go out to get more food (and it was 4 AM) yet Sora was still in the Naughty ottsel, he had fallen asleep on his seat and was now dreaming about riding pink elephants to the world that never was, and using his keyblade to challenge Roxas for his stolen beer.

Sora suddenly sat up, fully awake.

Might be because of the dream, or since Riku threw a bucket of water on him (note: threw the bucket, not just the water).

"I've got it!" Sora yelled, as if he had just figured out a way to read funny fanfictions and playing KH2 at once.

"You just realised it was a dumb idea to stab yourself with a keyblade?" Riku asked.

"No. I know how I'm going to get my beer back from that wicked nobody!" Sora said. "All I need is my keyblade, and flying pink elephant!"

Riku started at him for a while, before emptying the bucket in Sora's head.

"The keyblade I can fix, but its going to be harder with the pink elephants" he said.

"You threw cold water at me!" Sora said accusingly.

"We could of course just ask Dumbo for help" Riku said.  
"Why did you throw water at me??" Sora asked.

"But it may just be easier just to use the gummi ship" Riku kept talking, ignoring Sora's complains.

"It's cold!"

"But even that's going to be hard considering we can't reach the pedals"

"Darn it Riku!"

"What was your plan anyway?" Riku asked.

"Well… first of all, no throwing water at your friends, secondly; I figured we might as well go to the world that never was and get the beer back from my kleptomaniac nobody!" Sora said.

"Didn't you already steal that bottle from Aladdin?" Riku asked. "I guess even Roxas got his kleptomaniac behaviour from someone…"

"Come on! Let's go find a pink elephant!" Sora said and ran out the door, closely followed by Riku.

**Miss.Ecofreak: and so starts Sora and Riku's new adventure..somewhat random I know...**

**Zakura: going to the nobodies' homeland to get their beer back…**

**Tempus: the world that never was?  
Miss.Ecofreak: don't look at me, I didn't name it. Please review.**


	80. The World That Never Was

**Miss.Ecofreak: Welcome back readers. To the very first chapter of Dork Period that takes place in the world of Kingdom Hearts.**

**Zakura: which is actually many worlds, a mix of locations from Disney-movies and other random places where the Disney and final fantasy-guys lives.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: yeah… This chapter takes places in the World that Never Was. Home to the nobodies and Organization XIII (13) **

**Sora wants his stolen beer back, and decides to take his fight with Roxas to the top, more precisely Roxas' boss… that leads to more craziness.**

**CHAPTER 80**

**THE WORLD THAT NEVER WAS**

It was night in The World that never was.

Actually 5 PM, so all the inhabitants were asleep (or most of them…show Demyx practising playing his sitar.)

Riku and Sora had somehow found their way from the Naughty Ottsel to Organization 13's headquarter (sees pink elephants flying in the background) and were now making their way towards Roxas' bedroom. How they knew where to look was a mystery to us all…lets say Riku knows where Roxas' bedroom is, he knows a lot of funny stuff, like that stabbing yourself with a keyblade is a stupid idea. **(Sora: will you just drop it already?? Don't forget if I hadn't done that your second fav. Character of the game would never exist. Miss.Ecofreak: oi. You've got a point)**

Anywayz, back to the story.

The two bunnies made their way through the corridor; Roxas' room was at the other end, so they had to sneak past everyone else's room first.

Riku had to drag Sora away from Demyx's room so he wouldn't run in and break that blasted sitar in two.

It turned out not to be difficult to sneak in unnoticed. 12 out of 13 members of Organization 13 had all put paper in their ears (Probably prints of Dork Period to show how much they really hated the fic) and the last one was playing loud annoying music.

Eventually they reached Roxas' room. It took a while since Sora kept running back to Demyx's room and started banging on the door telling him to stop, only to be attacked by a watery figure (strangely enough no one, not even Demyx, reacted to the fact that their two mortal enemies were in the castle but… Demyx has always been an idiot, so it's safe to assume he's an even bigger idiot now).

Roxas' room was easily recognisable due to the large sign on it which said "Nr. XIII (13 in case you didn't know that) Roxas. No drunken Soras, Rikus or Axels allowed in. Also, drunken Xemnases, Demyxes, Kairis, Captain Jacks, Bambis, Pikachus and pretty much everyone else drunk are not allowed to set foot inside this door. Sora and Riku aren't allowed no matter how sober they are".

"Wonder if this is the place?" Sora asked.

"Well duh!" Riku said and knocked on the door.

Now was it was Sora's turn to roll his eyes.

"Riku…he's not going to open the door to us" he said. "It's sound proof".

"How do you know?" Riku asked.

"Cause otherwise he should have opened it by now…" Sora said.

Riku sighed and opened the door.

There was no bed in the room, only a dog-bed… Roxas however was sleeping on the locker, with lots of paper stuck in his ears so he wouldn't ear Demyx's ugly singing (yeah, he's singing too).

"Now that was random" Sora said.

"Let's find the bottle" Riku whispered.  
"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU" Sora yelled.

"LET'S GO FIND THAT DAMN BOTTLE BEFORE SOMEONE SMARTER THAN DEMYX NOTICE WE ARE HERE!" Riku yelled back.

"Okay" Sora whispered.

"What?" Riku asked but Sora just slapped him and sneaked into the room.

The two friends started turning Roxas' room upside down. There was no reason for that; they just felt like bothering him.

Unfortunately Roxas woke up when they tried placing the locker on his back…who wouldn't?  
"WHAT THE F ARE YOU DOING?!" He yelled.

"We're…trying to find our beer?" Sora said.

Roxas gave both of them the death glare of doom, before pulling out two keyblades and walked out of the room.

Demyx's playing stopped, and a voice could be heard from another room. "Hey! You broke my sitar!"

Afterwards Roxas returned, and continued glaring at Sora and Riku, who just smiled nervously, obviously forgetting that the two of them could probably take out Roxas (Demyx might also help since Roxas had destroyed his sitar) but what Sora and Riku doesn't know won't hurt Roxas.

Instead, Sora started begging.

"PLEASE give me my magical beer bottle back! If you do I'm gonna be your best friend forever!" he said. "Second to Riku" he added as Riku glared at him.

"And why should I do that? Every time the two of you get drunk you're stalking me and try to force that stuff into me!" Roxas said. "And you destroyed my room."

"We were only trying to cheer you up. You're so mad all the time" Sora said.

"I'm mad because you keep getting me drunk" Roxas said.

"Hey! I stole that beer legally! If you don't give it back I'll go tell your boss!" Sora said.

"Whatever" Roxas said.

"XEMNAS!" Sora yelled and ran out of the room.

He ran to the other end of the corridor and into Xemnas' room. He was already awake, enjoying the silence as Roxas broke Demyx's sitar, yet he didn't seem at all surprised at seeing his arch-enemy run in the door.

"What is it now Sora?" he asked.

"Roxas stole the beer I stole from Aladdin and he won't give it back" Sora said. "Tell him to stop."

Xemnas sighed.

"Sora, you're 15 years old and I am not yours or Roxas' mother so will you PLEASE stop bothering me with these silly things? For a moment there I thought you might want to fight me for trying to steal the Kingdom Hearts or something."  
"I couldn't care less about the Kingdom Hearts. I only want my beer back!" Sora said.

"Then tell it to HIM! Don't come running in here every time your nobody steals stuff from you" Xemnas said as he was reading the Newspaper That Never Was, the local newspaper.

"I _did_ talk to him. But he won't give it back to me" Sora said.

Xemnas looked up form his newspaper and gave Sora an annoyed look, yet it didn't seem like he was going to leave anytime soon. He sighed.

"Fine then. ROXAS GET IN HERE!" he yelled.

Roxas entered the room, closely followed by Riku who had nowhere else to go, and Axel who just happened to show up.

Well as a matter of fact Darth Sidious looked in too since he has a tendency to show up unexpected.

"Roxas. Did you steal Sora's beer again?" Xemnas asked.  
"Yes" Roxas said.

"Okay then. Will you please throw these two nuisances out of my castle now and go back to your room?" Xemnas said.

And so the scene repeated himself. It had happened at least 50 times before that Sora ran into Xemnas' room, complaining that Roxas had stolen something, only to be thrown out. No wonder Roxas ever cared whether Sora told his boss.

When the three boys had left, Xemnas turned to Sidious.

"So what do you want?" he asked.

"Xigbar stole my priced toy car" Sidious said.

Xemnas just glared at him for a while.

"Does this LOOK like an orphanage or something? Throw him out Axel" Xemnas said.

And so Darth Sidious was thrown out, landing on a pile of other people who had been complaining that some organization-member had stolen something from them. Talk about organised crime…

**Sasuke: spooky people this organization XIII**

**Roxas: you think THAT'S spooky? Back in Twilight Town there was this guy (glares at Riku) who kept coming by and steals my stuff, and I didn't even know who he was or where he came from. My friends couldn't even see him; I thought I was going nuts.**

**Riku: (giggle) you were such an easy target.**

**Roxas: (pulls out his keyblades) do you want some of this?  
Miss.Ecofreak: boys stop fighting.**

**Sora: man this sucks. Why can't you write a serious story about us? You already have several of Jak and the gang and one of Naruto.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: sure I can. **

**Sora: yay!  
Miss.Ecofreak: but I'm gonna make Roxas a main character**

**Roxas: yay!  
Sora: what? What about me?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: and I'll have to make you into a heartless.**

**Sora: o.O**

**Roxas: sucker!**

**Riku: You're so dead Roxas (starts chasing him)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: that was chapter 80. Complete with preview for a planned fic. Not sure when it will be up, I'm trying to find Kingdom Hearts 1 first… or I might loose my patience again. Please review.**


	81. The World That Has Been At Some Point

**Miss.Ecofreak: Well this must be a new record or something... I only just got the message of a new review on my email, and I've already promised myself to update as soon as one review comes in if possible. So here's the next chappy!**

**Zakura: title inspired by the last one:p**

**CHAPTER 81**

**THE WORLD THAT HAS BEEN AT SOME POINT**

"That's it! I'm so telling his mother about this" Sora said.

The unhappy two friends (aka: Sora and Riku) were back at the Naughty Ottsel, trying to get Tess to serve them some alcohol, which she refused since they were underage.

"Sora. Roxas doesn't have a mom" Riku said.

"Well then I'm telling his daddy!" Sora said annoyed.

"He doesn't have a daddy either."

"Then who had sex with his mother?"

Riku sighed.

"I thought I told you already. Roxas is a nobody, nobodies are born when a person with a strong will turn heartless, such as you" Riku said.

"Ah." Sora thought over this for a moment. "But that means…If Roxas got created when I turned heartless **(Zakura: at least he stopped denying that ever happened...)**… doesn't that mean…?"

Riku stared at him with a startled look. "No…way."

"Oh Roxas is so going to pay" Sora said and laughed evilly.

Back in the World that Never Was, Roxas was having fun playing with the toy car that Xigbar had given him, in exchange for Sora's magical beer bottle.

Man did he hate that bottle.

After trying endlessly to break it, he figured it might as well be best to give it to someone who was old enough to drink. Hopefully Xigbar wouldn't abuse it like Sora and Riku did.

Ten minutes later he heard screaming as Xigbar ran by in the hall wearing nothing but his underwear and he knew he had done a bad choice.

Whatever. At least Xigbar wasn't bothering him so the bottle was now someone else's problem.

But where were we? Oh yeah.

Roxas was playing with his toy car, meaning he kept throwing it into the walls to see what broke first, the car or the wall.

After a couple of tosses he figured it was the wall.

Larxene, who lived in the room next to him glared at the boy, after the toy car had hit her in the head.

"It was him!" Roxas said and pointed at his teddy bear before he jumped out of the window and ran of into the distance.

Larxene kept glaring. "I'm gonna get you for this!" she screamed before started beating on the poor defenceless teddy bear.

The bear was so going to get Roxas for this one day.

Meanwhile the real culprit was already far away.

He had somehow gotten all the way across the border to the neighbouring world, The World Has Been At Some Point, and was now sitting by a road sign complaining that he had broken his legs from jumping from the tall building…yet he was able to make it there…

This was all Sora's fault, he thought. If he hadn't stolen that bottle from Aladdin and forced Roxas to drink it, Roxas wouldn't have to steal it and trade it for a toy car that he threw in Larxene's face so he had to jump out of the window to avoid the wrath of Organization XIII's only female member at the wrong time of the month.

He had to find a way to get back at his other somehow, also to avoid his teddy bear from killing him in his sleep…Roxas would probably have to apologise to the stuffed bear later.

What Roxas didn't know however was that his enemy was slowly catching up to him.

Not the bear, but Sora and Riku.

How did they find him you ask?  
Sora had a map, more precisely the Marauders Map.

"How do to expect people to stop stealing from you when you keep stealing stuff from others?" Riku asked.

"I didn't steal the map, I took it. There is a slight difference" Sora said. "Harry Potter won't miss it anyway".

Back at Hogwarts Harry was about to get a nervous breakdown because he had lost his map.

Back in The World That Has Been At Some Point the happy two friends had found nobody (AKA: Roxas) and quickly hid behind a bush.

"Why are we hiding?" Sora whispered.

"Don't ask me, you're the one who hid here" Riku whispered back.

Sora sighed and jumped out of the bush, landing on a frog.

"There you are you thief!" he said accusingly to his nobody.

"You…killed frog" Riku said and started crying.

Sora and Roxas ignored him.

"Did you steal that map from Fred and George?" Roxas asked, pointing to the marauder's map

"No. I TOOK it from Harry Potter. Now hand over my beer thief!" Sora said.

"Frog…"

"Shut up Riku. It was already dead when I stepped at it!"

Riku kept whining.

"Hah! My friend isn't whining like that" Roxas said mockingly.

"That's because your friend is a heartless pyromaniac. NOW GIVE ME BACK MY BEER!" Sora said.

"Nu-uh!" Roxas said.

"Stop being so childish" Sora said.

"Dude, I was born like two years ago what did you expect?"

"Ah…right… which reminds me" Sora said and started breathing heavily. "Roxas. I am your father."

That didn't give him the response he wanted, Roxas only stared at him with a bored look on his face.

"So?"

"So what?"

"I fail to see how that has anything to do with your beer. Also I didn't ask to be created by a jerk like you".

"Riku!" Sora turned to his friend.

"I'm not talking to you Frog-killer" Riku said.

"Fine. Be that way. Go to your room!" Sora said to Roxas.

"Can't. My bones are broken and my teddy would murder me" Roxas said.

"Your teddy?" Sora said confused.

"I need a beer" Riku muttered.

"Yeah… I accidentally threw a toy car at Larxene and told her the teddy did it. And it's all your fault!" Roxas said.

"Nu-uh!"

"Yeah!

"Nu-uh!"

"Yeah!

"Nu-uh!"

"Yeah!

"It appears that during the creation of the nobody, Sora's brain must have been cut in half" Riku said, as he took a break in crying over the dead frog.

"Nah. This happens to all who enter Dork period" Darth Sidious said. "Just look and Neji and Seem".

The duo in question were currently only a few feet away, arguing whether it had been Sora's fault that Roxas' teddy bear was now out to kill him. In other words, the exact same thing Sora and Roxas were arguing about.

"That will never happen to me! Right Froggy?" Riku said and petted the dead frog.

"This chapter sure was another waste of time" Sidious said.

"Isn't the whole fic? Why did we sign up anyway?" Anakin asked.

"Because Miss.Ecofreak gave you chocolate" Sidious said.

"Oh yeah. Wonderful chocolate" Anakin said dreamily.

**Miss.Ecofreak: who doesn't like chocolate?**

**Zakura: me!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: you never had any...**

**Sora: I hate you!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I love you too (cuddles Roxas)**

**Roxas: wtf?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: please review**


	82. The Search For Riku

**Miss.Ecofreak: finally. Finished another 3 pages of randomness**

**Zakura: only 3?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well I could change the font size but it wouldn't make any difference in how much randomness I can put into this fic. Anyways, this chapter introduces (finally) Kairi, Sora and Riku's friend, who is not very impressed over their drinking habits… The name of the chapter is inspired by KH, where Sora first sets out to find his friends Riku and Kairi, he finds them, Riku leaves again and so in KH2 you'll meet Sora, who is looking for Riku…again… wonder what KH3 will be about?**

**Zakura: Riku has already been found so it can't be the same thing over again can it?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I love the ending of KH2 :)**

**Zakura: sigh! Just start the chapter already before you spoil too much.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: fine! Here's chapter 82.**

**CHAPTER 82**

**THE SEARCH FOR RIKU**

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess living in a big castle.

Well actually there was no castle; it was a regular house on an island.

But anyway, the princess was on this island waiting for her "prince" (who was not really a prince) to return…so she could beat him up for getting drunk again.

"Sora you idiot. Why the f did you go of stealing Aladdin's magical beer bottle?" Kairi said.

"I don't think he can hear you" her friend (who's name I keep forgetting) said.

"SORA! RIKU! GET OVER HERE SO I CAN BEAT YOU UP!" Kairi yelled.

"…Now they're definitely not coming back" her friend said.

So Kairi decided to go find Sora herself. She jumped into a small rubber boat and set sail for The World That Never Was. (How she knew Sora was there or how she was able to get there in a rubber boat is one of the many mysteries in this fic that will never EVER be explained).

Meanwhile, Roxas had somehow made his way back home without too many injuries from Sora hitting him with a stick (he left the keyblade at home…whether that is possible or not since it seems to just appear in his hand whenever he needs it anyway.)

Sora and Riku had followed him the whole way, and were now searching Xigbar's room for their stolen beer (Xigbar himself had fallen asleep on the kitchen counter).

Just as in Roxas' room, the duo started putting everything upside down for some reason, before the bottle fell out of a cupboard.

"MY BABY!" Sora cried and hugged the bottle as if it was… a baby.

"Finally! Now we can go back to the Naughty Ottsel and get drunk!" Riku said happily.

"Oh no you don't!" a new voice said.

The two rabbits turned around to see who had appeared in the door.

"KAIRI!"

"What the f do you two think you are doing? Didn't I tell you to get rid of that bottle?" Kairi said.

"Er…" the boys said in unison.  
"Thought so. Now just give that bottle back to Aladdin!"

"But Kairi…"  
"No buts Sora. It is NOT your baby that Aladdin had kidnapped soon after its birth. You're a boy so you can't give birth, whether it's a baby or a beer bottle. It's a bottle that makes you go nuts. Just give it to me and I'll get it back to its real owner."

"No! It's mine!" Sora said and grabbed the bottle tighter.

"Sora…"  
"We can't give it back! Aladdin was abusing it!" Riku said.

Kairi stared at him, but it was Sora who answered.

"He kept it in a locker all day. So it could never see the sun" he said.

"Sora. Riku. It's a bottle! It can't see anything and it doesn't have feelings"

"Ah. Just like Roxas then?" Sora asked.

"Er…No. The bottle is NOT like Roxas. It is a dead object!" Kairi said.

"Like Roxas" Riku said.

"Roxas isn't dead" Kairi said.  
"He will be when his teddy bear gets through with him" Sora said.

Kairi stared at the two…again. Clearly logic wasn't getting her anywhere in this fic.

"Still… Aladdin locked the bottle in because he knew if anyone (like you two) got a hold of it you would get completely drunk and go nuts" Kairi said.

"Please! We promise never to do that" Sora said.  
"…again" Riku added.

"…except during parties" Sora said.

Kairi grabbed a conveniently placed club, and knocked both boys out. She stuffed them both in a cat cage, and brought the bottle back to its original owner, before putting the bunny-boys into a cage back in the Naughty Ottsel.

"And you're placing them here because?" Daxter asked.

"Because I don't want to hear their whining when I'm going to bed. Bye" Kairi said and left.

As soon as she left, one of the HAFL-agents stuck his head in the door.

"Oh my god! That girl just abounded her pet rabbits in a bar!" he said.

"Er… I'll just adopt those, thank you" Daxter said and the agent left. Sora and Riku might be idiots, but he didn't want anyone to be taken in by the HAFL. They would probably figure out Riku was too aggressive and put him down, only to realise Sora wouldn't manage on his own (he always whines whenever Riku is gone, even in the game!) and put him down too, in a rather violent way.

Two hours later Riku woke up, complaining he was in a cage.

Sora didn't wake up until 5 days later.

"Why did you stay unconscious that long? I was just wondering if you had died but I noticed you had a heartbeat" Daxter said.

"Oh well… I like to sleep long" Sora said. "Where's my beer bottle?"  
"I don't know…"

"So… where's Riku?" Sora asked.

"He left. He got bored waiting for you to wake up and used his keyblade to break out" Daxter said and pointed at the large hole in the cage.

Sora looked through the hole, as if he was able to see Riku through there or something.

"Riku?" Sora said. As he realised his friend wasn't going to reply, he started crying.

"Uhm… I'm sure he'll be back" Daxter said. "Sooner or later everyone in this fic is bound to show up here. I don't know why but lately this place has been a gathering point for idiots".

"Are you sure? What if he doesn't? What if he's been run over by one of Cornelius' pets? What if he's killed by a dwarf hamster? What if Final Fantasy becomes a movie? What if he's given in to darkness again? What if I never get to be a daddy???" Sora said, panicking.

Daxter just stared at him.

"I didn't understand the last one… neither the Final Fantasy thing, hasn't it already been made into a movie?" he said.

"ARGH! RIKU IS DOOMED!" Sora said and ran out through the hole, and later the broken window.

"So… the fact that FF Advent Children became a movie means Riku is in danger?" Daxter said. "I am never going to understand these Square-dudes."

Sora ran through Haven City shouting for Riku, after a few hours he encountered his old friends Donald and Goofy again.

"Hi Sora. What are you doing?" Donald asked.

Sora stared at him. "I don't want a violin. I'm looking for Riku. Final Fantasy has been made into a movie so he needs my help!"

Donald and Goofy stared at him.

"Why? Ahyuck?" Goofy asked.

"Why does Cloud get a movie and not me?" Sora suddenly asked, changing the topic for no reason.

"Aw… don't worry Sora. I'm sure someone will make a movie about you someday too" Donald said.

"Donald. I don't get what you are saying! Stop quacking!" Sora complained.

"I'm a duck damnit! I have to quack!" Donald said.

"So where's Riku?" Goofy asked.

"Oh right. I was looking for him. RIKU!" Sora yelled and ran of again.

Goofy and Donald looked as the keyblade-wielder ran of into the distance.

"So… who thinks he's gay?" Goofy asked.

Donald raised his hand.

Meanwhile, Sora ran through the desert looking for his friend who was obviously in great peril (shows Riku sitting in Damas' castle watching Final Fantasy Advent Children with Sephiroth. No, don't ask me what Sephiroth is doing there).

But anyway, back to Sora.

"Have you seen this character?"

He had just found some new friends… six marauders in their cars stood around the rabbit, guns facing towards him as he showed a picture of Riku.

"Not?" He asked.

The marauders started shooting at him, luckily for Sora he was small and quick, and so he didn't get hit, but ran of into the nearest town, which of course was Spargus.

Safely inside he met Kleiver.

"What are you doing here bunny?" Kleiver asked. "I was just about to have a snack. In fact I like rabbits."  
"Um… I was looking for my friend. Have you sent his retard?" Sora asked and showed Kleiver a mirror.

Three seconds later Sora was thrown into Spargus, badly beaten. According to Kleiver he was too mean to become food.

So Sora kept on looking for his "lost" friend, also trying not to be eaten by the leaper lizards.

**Miss.Ecofreak: will Sora be able to find his friend?**

**Zakura: dude, he's in Damas' castle, not very far away. What is Sephiroth doing there?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: told you not to ask... I don't know. I just felt like putting in a FF character too.**

**Zakura: you've never played FF…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: have so! My brother has Tactics Advance and my friend lend me FF X-2**

**Zakura: which you never bothered to finish… (Sephy isn't even in that game...)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: details… but just because I haven't played FF doesn't mean I don't know who Cloud and Sephiroth is! They're FF-characters…**

**Zakura: doesn't get more detailed than that…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …and they appear in KH2. Please review**


	83. Mystery of the Missing Pets

**Miss.Ecofreak: HELLOOOOOO!**

**Zakura: mornings**

**Sasuke: HI!**

**Tempus: I like pie…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: and with that random comment over. I have another chapter filled with randomness for you guys, and a return of Daxter's hammy.**

**Fluffy: I don't like that hamster.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: course you don't. You're a Syrian; such hamsters rarely enjoy company of their own kind.**

**Fluffy: pie my love? (Offers pie to Tempus)**

**Tempus: yay! Pie!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: but of course… exceptions exist. Well I should probably warn you guys, there is a little yaoi-reference in this chapter and not to mention a mayor spoiler for KH2**

**Zakura: funny 3 words can contain such a large spoiler…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I marked it as good as I can I guess, so if you don't want the secret spoiled I suggest you skip Riku's line, it doesn't have much importance to the plot anyway.**

**Riku: and I thought so hard on making up that line (sighs)**

**Zakura: its three fricking words! Get over it! **

**Miss.Ecofreak: so… here's chappy 83**

**CHAPTER 83**

**MYSTERY OF THE MISSING PETS**

Back at Naughty Ottsel everything was at peace.

"COME BACK WITH MY COOKIES!"

As if!

Daxter was cleaning a random glass, and ignored Gaara who was chasing his pet hamster around in the bar. Apparently Daxter the Third had taken Gaara's cookies, and had stored them all in his pouches.

"DAXTER!"

Now that wasn't smart to ignore.  
"What is it Tess?" He asked.

"Where's my puppy?" Tess asked him.

"You have a puppy?" Daxter asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes! I bought it after Mimi disappeared. His name was Roxas **(Zakura: o.O. Miss.Ecofreak: heh… Daxter has a new rival…) **But now I can't find him" Tess said.

"You named the dog Roxas?"

"Don't change the subject!"  
Daxter sighed.

"No Tess. I haven't seen him."  
Tess looked at the two animals running around on the floor.

"Say, hasn't your hamster gotten very fat?" she asked.

"He has. I was trying to exercise him but he stole Gaara's cookies. Well…he's still getting exercise. I need to talk to the kids about not feeding him too many sunflower-seeds" Daxter said.

Daxter left to talk to the kids, as Riku and Sora entered (Sora was still panting after running all over the wasteland looking for Riku)

"Hi boys. What have you been up to?" Tess asked.

"Nothing. Just been to watch a movie" Riku said.

"You should have left a note" Sora said.

"Well duh! You've got to stop freaking out whenever I'm not within 10 feet of you" Riku said and walked away, positioning himself exactly 11 feet away from Sora.

"GASP! Don't leave me!" Sora yelled and jumped at Riku (No naughty thoughts. He just jumped and landed on top of him…not anything nasty).

Jak did start thinking naughty thoughts, and immediately jumped out of the window.

"Okay" Tess said.

"Sora…get of me" Riku growled.

Daxter's hamster jumped over the two who were lying on the floor, and so Gaara tripped over them as well.

"Hey! Why are you two lying on the floor? Don't you know it's illegal to make the kazekage trip?" he said annoyed.  
"Gaara. This is Haven City, you have no authority here" Temari said from her seat.

"Oh…"  
"And don't even think of starting a war to take over the city."

"Damn…"

"Fine. Now that that's settled. GET OF ME BOTH OF YOU!" Riku yelled.

Sora and Gaara both jumped of and ran to the opposite side of the room.

Riku was scary when he was mad.

While Riku was glaring at the two (and for some reason this was freaking not only Sora but even Gaara out…) nobody entered the door…Roxas and Axel that is.

"Hi Riku wazzup?" Axel asked.

"Oh. Nothing. I was just being crushed under a fat bunny and a dumb racoon that's all" Riku said.

"Dumb???" Gaara said.

"I'm not fat… am I?" Sora asked.

"Uhm… please don't tell me you're going anorectic too?" Roxas said. "You're already an alcoholic, a fuzzball, an ex-heartless, obsessive, crazy, nuts and foolish".

"The last three meant the same thing… and I'm not!" Sora said. "Besides, you're a heartless, kleptomaniac, pyromaniac ("No. that's my friend here" Roxas said pointing at Axel) a bunny, and an anti-alcoholic!"

"Geez Roxas that really hurt me. I'm not a pyromaniac! Now I'm going to go put something on fire to cheer me up!" Axel said and left, humming happily to himself.

"MY PETUNIAS!" Tess yelled and ran after him.

By this time Daxter returned.

"What did I miss?" he asked, as he picked up the fat hamster from the floor.

"Just a bunch of randomness as usual" Jak said, as he climbed back in through the window, now that Sora had stopped clinging to Riku like… whatever.

"Why do I bother asking?" Daxter asked and returned upstairs to put the hamster back into his cage.

It didn't take long until Tess appeared again. She had saved her petunias by giving Axel something else to burn.

"Darnit! Once it stops falling down it burns to the ground! I give up!" Torn sighed, and walked away from the ashes of the palace (again).

"Thank god. I thought I would never see my flowerbed again" Tess said. "I wouldn't stand loosing both them and Roxas".

"Huh?" Roxas said confused.

"She's talking about her dog. Whom she named Roxas for some reason" Gaara said.

"Huh?" Roxas said confused.

"Oh well… maybe I should go buy a ferret instead, and call it Ansem" Tess said.

"WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP STEALING MY NAME???" a random guy in the corner said as soon as Tess had left.

"Huh?" Roxas said confused.

**(Warning: Mayor KH2-spoiler ahead)**

"Geez, cool it DiZ" Riku sighed.

**(Warning: Mayor KH2-spoiler over. Wait that was no warning…)**

Daxter returned to see what all the noise was.

"What's all that noise?" he asked.

"Well I think that guy in the corner will try to murder Tess' new ferret, but I wouldn't worry too much about that" Seem said.

"Tess is getting a ferret?" Daxter said. "Wonder where all her pets go anyway…"

"Well I'm kind of curious as to why your hamster seems to be getting fatter every time one of Tess' pets disappears" Jak said.

"Maybe he eats because he's sad? He was probably missing the cat and the puppy" Daxter said. "Maybe I should get him a friend".

"Don't! He's a Syrian hamster and will kill any trespassers into his cage" Fluffy said, popping out of nowhere. "And I should know…"

"Alright then… I'll just have to feed him less" Daxter said.

Ten minutes later Tess returned with her new pet.

The man in the corner glared at it.

"Daxter! Come see my new pet!" Tess said and opened the box.

Inside was a ferret, about Tess' size, so it was kind of funny she was able to carry the box.

"Er… that's nice dear. But I have to go and get more beer, Errol has emptied the storage room again" Daxter said.

Tess set her ferret loose on the floor, and it ran up to the second floor (if there even is one) and into Daxter's room where his hamster-cage was.

"Aw… he's so cute" Tess said.

"I sure hope it doesn't eat Daxter's hamster" Jak said. "It was such a cute hamster".

**Miss.Ecofreak: now wonder whatever happened to all of Tess' pets?**

**Fluffy: I sure hope whatever happened to them ever happens to me…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: unrelated news: Yay! I got my period back :D After spending quite some time as "MissEcoFreakTheDarkPrecursor", I have now decided to change my pen-name, also adding in my DeviantArt-nick, Usagi-Zakura.**

**Zakura: sounds a lot better than Miss.Ecofreak anyway**

**Miss.Ecofreak: yeah, I bet you think so. However I'm thinking of removing the Miss.Ecofreak-part too, but currently I'm keeping it like this since it's quite drastic to change directly from Miss.Ecofreak to Usagi-Zakura. So I just put in both instead :D**

**Back on topic: PWEEEAAASSEEEE REVIEW!**

**Tempus: AND GIVE ME PIE!**


	84. Fluffy's Secret

**Miss.Ecofreak: hi... see…this chapter is short. I wasn't really sure what to write about so I figured it was time to explain why Tess' pets have been disappearing lately...also explaing some other stuff**

**Fluffy: as if there's any doubt (runs of)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: erhm… just read please**

**CHAPTER 84**

**FLUFFY'S SECRET**

For once the Naughty Ottsel seemed peaceful.

The guests were all sitting down in their seats, laughing and talking about memories past.

Roxas was in fact talking about all the embarrassing stuff Sora did as a kid (don't ask me why he suddenly has Sora's memories… he just does…nobodies usually have the memories of their past lives, but Roxas was the exception) making Sora want to kill him but he was stopped by Kairi, who was very interested in hearing the stories (she was holding Sora in a tight grip so he wouldn't charge at his nobody).

Riku went back to trying to order beer, which Tess still refused to give him.

Errol was in his usual drunk mood and his old friend Civilian Guy had returned to write up how many beers he had that day.

Daxter was sitting on his throne looking out over his "Kingdom" aka: bar, and Torn was complaining over that Daxter had bought a throne.

Then…something happened.

A cat entered the room!  
"Er… what is that cat doing in my kingdom without permission?" Daxter asked.

"Geez Daxter. Owning a bar has really gotten to your head" Jak said.  
"I was thinking just the same thing. We have so much in common" Torn said.

Jak panicked, but luckily for him Keira entered and knocked Torn out.

"Back to the cat-thing. Who owns that?" Daxter asked, pointing to the black and white kitten.

Roxas looked up at the kitty.  
"Trixy! There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" he said and grabbed the kitten.

"Is that your cat?" Daxter asked.

"Well duh" Axel said, glaring at the cat. "He found that cat in Twilight Town and fell hopelessly in love with it."

"I didn't think nobodies had feelings" Sora said.

"No. That confused me too" Axel said. "But he definitely cares for it a lot".

"Trixi is not an "It" he's a "she!" Roxas said. "And she's the most cutest cat in the entire worlds. Aren't you kitty? Yes you are."

"And yeah, he completely messes up his grammar whenever he talks to it" Axel added.

"That's just dumb" Riku said. "That cat can never beat my pet frog in cuteness".

"That frog is dead" Sora said.

"So… what happened to Trixi? As you're saying you've been looking all over for her" Kairi asked.

"Well… she got loose. Someone must have let her out of my room when I wasn't looking" Roxas said.

Behind him Axel whistled innocently.

"You know Roxas. I think Axel might be jealous on your cat" Kairi said.

"Nah. You think?" Roxas asked. "I haven't noticed."

"That's because you're so insensitive you never care about other people's feelings!" Axel complained.  
Roxas just stared at him.

"I don't have feelings and neither do you" he answered.

"Oh…right" Axel said, and went back to putting his table on fire. Demyx was close by and kept putting the fire out so the organization wouldn't have to pay for yet another restaurant-table.

Suddenly a scream was heard, and Tess ran down the stairs.

"Hi Tess. Weren't you just in the bar?" Daxter asked.

"Ansem is missing!" Tess said.

"Er… no. He's in that corner eating ice cream" Riku said, pointing to the guy in the corner eating ice cream.

"Not him. I'm talking about my ferret" Tess said.

"Fine. I'll go look for him" Daxter said.

Daxter went up to his own room, where the ferret was last spotted.

He saw nothing suspicious, sure the fish tank where his hamster lived was somewhat bloodstained and Daxter 3. fatter than ever, but he saw no signs of the ferret.

"Nope. Can't find any ferrets here. Have you seen Ansem Daxter 3?" Daxter asked the hamster.

The hamster burped in reply.

"Nope. Didn't think so" Daxter said and was about to leave when a small beige miniature horse appeared in his door.

"Don't touch that hamster!" the horse said.

"Er… Fluffy? Is that you?" Daxter asked.

"Damn right it's me! Do you know any other beige miniature horses in this fic?" Fluffy asked. "Where did you get that demon?"

"Demon? That's my new pet hamster, I bought him at the Haven Central Pet Store" Daxter said.

Daxter 3. looked out of his tank and saw the horse.

"Fluffy? Is that you?" he asked.

"Do you know him Daxter 3?" Daxter asked, he didn't seem surprised seeing his pet talking, after all he was a talking critter himself.

"Daxter 3? What kind of dumbass name is that? His name's Buster, at least that's what our breeder called him" Fluffy said.  
"_Your_ breeder?" Daxter asked.

"Yup. We're brothers" Daxter3/Buster explained.

Daxter looked at the two for a while, and then he screamed and ran out of the room.

Buster sighed.

"Great. Now you've chased away yet another one of my owners. I've been to 14 different homes already! This one time I even met a cute Papillion girl in Konoha. We had a nice litter of puppies together but then of course my breeder figured I was a demon and sold me to Haven Central Pet store" he said.

Suddenly Kankuro appeared in the door, he had been listening in to the conversation.

"Aha! So that's why…" he said, and left.

**If you want to figure out what he means, reread chapter 71.**

"Right. Why don't you come with me to Miss.Ecofreak's house? She seems to be collecting rapid pets anyway" Fluffy said.  
"Great! Thanks brother!" Buster said and jumped up on Fluffy's back, Fluffy collapsed.

"Darnit Buster! What have you been eating?" he asked.  
"Just a cat, a puppy, a ferret, a guinea pig, three mice, an anaconda and Daxter's spare bed" Buster said.

"How did I become related to this jerk?" Fluffy sighed.

**Miss.Ecofreak: short, not too many jokes and a complete waste of time. Won't blame you if you don't like it, but I felt like clearing up some things:P**

**As I have already shown at my DeviantArt-page, Fluffy and Buster are really demons, which is why they can transform into any species they want.  
Their true forms are longhaired Syrian hamsters with red wings, horns and a demon-tail. Buster is black with a white stripe on his belly (rather normal in black hamsters, I've yet to see one that's completely black) and Fluffy (as mentioned before) is beige. In their demon forms, their nose, feet and ears also get a darker colour.**

**Also introduced Roxas' cat… made by coincidence…**

**As those of you with me on their alert-list might have noticed, I've uploaded a new fic in the Dork-series, based on Kingdom hearts 2, that one had a small comment in it that proved Roxas had a cat… that cat is Trixi. I named her so since I needed a name with an X in it.**

**Zakura: why?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I'll tell you why. Let me just sum up the names of all the members of Organization XIII:**

**Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, Vexen, Lexaeus, Zexion, Saïx, Axel, Demyx, Luxord, Marluxia, Larxene and then of course Roxas. See a pattern?**

**Zakura: X…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: exactly…Please review…**


	85. Wonderful Chocolate

**Miss.Ecofreak: well what do you know? I actually did get a review for last chapter… rather good too…thanks. This chapter will be longer and hopefully, much funnier. It also reveals a rather mayor change in one of the characters' thoughts about the Dork-series, due to a certain favour done in the newest instalment of the series, Kingdom Dorks 2. Enjoy!

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 85**

**WONDERFUL SUGAR**

Sora and Riku were not doing well.

They were both lying unconscious on the floor for some reason.

"Knock it of you guys. You can't die from lack of alcohol" Kairi said.

"Can too" Sora said.

"Hah! You just talked! You're not dead!" Kairi said.

"Darnit!" Sora said.

"We need beer! I'm dying of thirst here!" Riku complained.

"Then drink water!" Kairi suggested.

"Eywh!" Riku and Sora said in unison.

"Fine. Then take this soda" Kairi said and threw a coca cola at the two bunnies on the floor.

"I don't want this fake beer-thingy" Sora said and threw the bottle away, Roxas grabbed it.

"I'll take it. I like Coke" he said as he opened the bottle, this freaked Demyx out for some reason.

"Don't you dare open that bottle! Remember what Xemnas said about drinking that stuff?" he said.

"Pfft. What Xemnas doesn't know doesn't hurt him" Roxas said.

"He will know…" Demyx said.  
"Not unless you tell him" Axel added.

"I will!" Demyx said.

"Do that and I'll tell him that you've been sneaking of here instead of taking care of the rat problem in the basement as you were instructed" Roxas said.

Demyx turned to Axel instead.  
"Axel please stop him! You're his friend, he listens to you (on rare occasions) and you know how he gets whenever he's drinking cola!" he said.

"Hey… you're right" Axel said, he quickly grabbed the bottle from Roxas, tore of the top and poured the contents into Roxas' mouth.

Demyx stared at him with a look as though he had just seen Roxas drink one half litre of coke…oh he just did…

"This will be fun" Axel said as he threw away the now empty bottle.

"Damnit Axel! Will you stop pouring stuff down into my mouth?" Roxas said annoyed.

"He seems normal enough" Kairi said.

"Trust me. This is not good" Demyx said.

As soon as he had said that, Roxas jumped out of his chair and ran out the door as fast as he could.

All the other guests in the bar (apart from Demyx who looked horrified, and Axel who seemed pretty happy) stared at the door with a confused look.

Sora glanced at Demyx with a questioning look.

"He'll be back" Demyx said.

Sure enough, five minutes later Roxas returned, carrying a large bag of candy over his head, which he threw at the floor (on top of Riku and Sora).

"Woo! Chocolate!" Sora said happily.

"Don't touch! Mine!" Roxas said.

"But you threw it on MY head!" Sora said.

"But I bought it!" Roxas said.

So the two rabbits started fighting. Demyx sighed in relief.

"At least he didn't kill me this time" he said.  
"He hasn't killed you before or you wouldn't be here" Axel said.

"It's just a saying" Demyx replied.

"Oh geez. Sora is so stubborn when it comes to candy" Riku said. "Yet I always wondered who would win if he started fighting his own nobody over candy… apparently they're just as stubborn at that point."

"Never get between Roxas and his chocolate, especially not when he's already sugar-high" Axel said to confirm what Riku had just said. "Demyx did that once".

"Never…mention…that…again!" Demyx said as he started shivering in a corner.

"Yeah… good times" Axel said dreamily.

"Shouldn't anyone stop them?" Tess asked.

"Are you nuts? I'm not going to stand between Sora and a bag full of chocolate" Riku said.

"Or Roxas" Axel added. "Then again those two _are_ two parts of the same person".

"Just let them fight, we'll just call the vet afterwards" Kairi said.

"Usually we would call the crocodile hunter but since he passed away…" Riku said. "No one but him ever dared to go near Sora and chocolate more than once." **(Miss.Ecofreak: I miss that guy).**

"Not even the beast?" Daxter asked.

"Nu-uh" Riku said.

"Harry Potter?"  
"Nope"

"Ansem?"

"Hell no."

"Mewtwo?"

"He tried twice. But no more."

"Zakura?"

"…"

"Hey that wasn't such a bad idea" Kairi said.

"But how are you going to get Zakura here?" Tess asked.

Naruto peeked out from behind the counter, what he was doing there was beyond my understanding.

"I have an idea!" he said happily.

He picked up Sasuke (now what HE was doing behind my counter was also beyond my understanding) and threw him into the cloud of dust that was Roxas and Sora.

Within seconds however Zakura ran in the door.

"Did I just hear Sasuke scream?" she asked.

"Er… no, we couldn't hear anything" Kairi said.

"That's because it was to high-pitched for human ears to hear" Gaara said, rubbing his ears. "Thanks a lot Naruto."  
"You're welcome" Naruto said happily. Sarcasm peeled of on him like logic peeled of on Miss.Ecofreak's overfilled brain (overfilled with randomness that is).

Zakura threw herself into the fight, and quickly grabbed both keyblade wielders by their ears, and untangled the Kingdom Key and Oblivion, (K.K is Sora's keyblade, Oblivion belongs to Roxas) before throwing both into the wall where they both got stuck, and took Roxas second Keyblade (Oathkeeper) and pointed it at the two hyperactive rabbits (Sora had gotten hyper just by the thought of sugar).

"If you two come anywhere near my Sasuke-kun again, I'm gonna personally tear out your hearts and sacrifice it to the Fanfiction Gods, praying there will indeed be another 100 chapters of Dork Period".

Only Sora looked frightened at this though, Roxas yawned.

"I don't have a heart, and I don't really fear another 100 chapters of Dork Period since I already made a deal with the author to prevent me from getting any serious injuries (physical and mental) in this or any other Dork-fics" he explained.

"Oh right… in that case you're free to go" Zakura said and dropped the blonde rabbit, who immediately started eating the ton of chocolate on the floor, not noticing half of it was missing...

Riku was currently sneaking of through the door, which would probably cause Sora to get a nervous breakdown again but it was either that or facing Roxas' wrath…

However, something came to Axel's attention, more precisely something his so-called best friend had said just a few seconds before Zakura left, carrying the red-eyed black Sasuke in a transport cage designed for cats.

"Hold on a second Roxas" he said.

Roxas glared at him for interrupting his candy-eating.

"Just keep eating… I was just wondering you made a deal with the author?" Axel asked.

Roxas nodded, his mouth was too full of chocolate for him to answer.

"Why?"

Roxas swallowed a chocolate as big as Kingdom Hearts…which is huge… bigger than Roxas's moth…bigger than Roxas… but hey, no one said this fic made sense (in fact I believe the previous 84 chapters should have convinced most readers of the opposite by now)

"Well… it actually in that other fic Miss.Ecofreak just started writing, you know, Kingdom Dorks? I figured if I gave her what she wanted, I could use Oblivion sooner than I would in the original game in which the fic was based on. So I gave her a second deal, stop bothering me and I would provide her with inside-information any that would make any fangirl scream" the chocoholic explained. "Seeing as she just gave me a truck-load of chocolate…don't mind if stuff are missing from your room tomorrow".

Axel stared at him.

"You do know Xemnas is going to murder you if he finds out?" he said.

"What Xemnas doesn't know can't hurt him" Roxas repeated. "Either way Miss.Ecofreak said she would deal with him".

Meanwhile in the world that never was, Xemnas had other things on his mind than the whereabouts of nr XIII (13 for those who don't understand roman numbers, and Roxas for those of you who can't remember his rank within the organization).

"DEMYX!" the superior yelled at the top of his voice, as he was drowning in rats.

To be honest, the author did not put all those rats in there, she only put two rats into the building. It's not my fault those rodents breed like rabbits (or even worse since rats have shorter pregnancy, gets bigger average litters and sexually mature much earlier than rabbits.)

* * *

**Miss.Ecofreak: A quick biology lesson: Rabbits: Pregnancy period: 28-32 days. Average litter size: 5 (dwarf rabbits anyway) sexually mature at 10-16 weeks. Rats: Pregnancy period: 27 days? Average litter size: could get up to 10 or waaaay more. Sexually mature at 5 weeks.**

**So no, there's not all randomness that swirls around in Miss.Ecofreak's head.**

**Zakura: stop talking about yourself in third person. I can't believe you actually got one of the characters on your side. Usually not even your own OCs want to stay anywhere near you.**

**Ehm: (zooms through the room) SUGAR KICK!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: HEY! NO stealing my coke! **

**Zakura: well except for him… but he's plain nuts anyway…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well it turns out either way most characters with hearts are just to preoccupied with the thought of having to betray their friends. Roxas didn't really seem to mind as long as he wouldn't have to use the Kingdom Key in Kingdom Dorks 2 and get a role as a main character in Lost in Darkness.**

**Roxas: which reminds me; when will you be giving me back the Oathkeeper?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: we'll talk about that later, once we're back in the fic in question.**

**Anyways; how did you like this chapter? Don't hesitate to review; I'm still determined to write at least 15 more chapters of this, as well as writing two parodies of Kingdom Hearts.**

**Sora: we're doomed!**

**Roxas: sea salt ice cream?**

**Sora: Yay! (Grabs ice cream)**

**Zakura: what's with all this ice cream?**


	86. Kairi and Demyx at the Cinema

**Miss.Ecofreak: welcome back to another random instalment of Dork period.  
This chapter is random… so here it is:**

**CHAPTER 86**

**KAIRI AND DEMYX AT THE CINEMA**

It was a pretty normal day in the Naughty Ottsel.

Errol was drunk, Sora was running aimlessly around in the room screaming for Riku who had just left, Roxas was laying on top of his chocolate, in order to protect it from his other, Demyx was still trembling and Axel was putting the table on fire, and as Demyx was too busy trembling to put the fire out, he had now burnt three of them to the ground.

So in other words, nothing new.

…

I'm bored…

"Uh-oh. That is never a good sign" Daxter said as he noticed that last line the author wrote.

Sure enough, to cure the author's boredom, the Millennium Falcon suddenly crashed through the roof and onto Roxas' pile of chocolate, the nobody had seen it coming and quickly jumped of before the space ship hit him, but now he had no chocolate…

Han Solo quickly jumped out of the space ship.

"Hello Daxter old pal! Long time no see!" he said happily.

Then suddenly he noticed a low growl behind him, he turned around and saw Roxas.

"Oh… did you get a bunny? It's cute" Han said and bent over to pet the bunny, but before he got time to do that Roxas pulled out his black keyblade, the Oblivion, and nearly cut Han's hand of.

"You. Crashed. On. My. Chocolate" he said.

Han looked at the M.F, which was indeed parked in a pile of melted chocolate (the space ship had been so hot entering the atmosphere making the chocolate melt).

"Oh… Sorry about that" Han said.

"No one EVER parks their space ship on my chocolate and goes unpunished!" Roxas said, pulling out his second keyblade, the Oathkeeper.

"O…k…" Han said.

"NOW YOU SHALL DIE!" Roxas yelled.

Han screamed and ran out the door… screaming… Roxas and Sora followed keyblades raised, Sora seemed to be just as pissed over his nobody's loss… probably because he hoped to steal some later.

"Phew. I wasn't killed this time either" Demyx said. "Hope he doesn't come back before his sugar hype has worn of."

"You know… I haven't seen the star wars dudes in a while. Wonder what they have been up to?" Jak said.

"Probably hiding. This fic isn't exactly a good place to be" Daxter said.

"You've got that one right" Demyx said as he put down his glass of beer on the table…which wasn't there… Demyx just spilled his beer. "Aw man…" Hold on a second, Demyx was drinking?

"Darnit Axel, why did you have to burn the table for?" Demyx asked… but Axel didn't answer… he wasn't there.

"Where did he go?"

"I think he went with Roxas and Sora to kill Han Solo or something" Kairi said. "Now I'm all alone. Riku's gone missing too…"

Demyx stared at the girl at the opposite side of the bar, sitting there all alone, then he stared at the empty seats around him and the broken glass on the floor.

"Oh, whatever" he said eventually and walked over to sit next to Kairi just so that she wouldn't be so lonely.** (Miss.Ecofreak: Demyx and Kairi…how's that for a pairing? Zakura: don't even go there…)**

"So… who was that guy anyway?" Kairi asked.

"You just said his name…" Jak said.

"It was on his ship" Kairi said, and sure enough, Han had put a name tag on his space ship…

"Okay. Well you see… he's one of the main characters in the original trilogy of star wars" Jak said.

"Who? I've seen episodes 1-3 yet I've never seen that guy" Kairi said.

"1-3 was actually the newest movies. The original trilogy consists of episodes 4-6" Demyx said.

"But that's like…did they start with episode 4?" Kairi asked.

"Yup" Demyx replied.

"…that makes no sense" Kairi said. "And why are you sitting next to me?"

"Because Axel burnt down all the other tables" Demyx said. "And I was lonely."

"Okay… want to go see a movie or something?" Kairi asked.

"Sure!" Demyx replied and so they left, leaving Daxter alone in the bar.

"Hey… where did Jak and Erol go?" Daxter asked.

"I don't know…" Darth Sidious said.

"And when did you show up?" Daxter asked.

"I don't know…" Darth Sidious said.

Meanwhile at the Haven City Cinema

"So, what movie do you want to see?" Kairi asked.

"Oh! Oh! How about Grease? I love that film!" Demyx said.

"Sorry. That one doesn't run" Kairi said checking the tables. "What about Lord of the Rings?"

"But that one's got so little music…" Demyx said.

"…There is a short musical number with Merry and Pippin dancing" Kairi said.

"Okay! Let's go!" Demyx said and dragged Kairi into the cinema.

Just as the two ran in, two rabbits eating ice cream came strolling down the street.

"Hey Sora, wasn't that Kairi and Demyx over there at the cineama?" Riku asked.

Sora dropped the ice cream he was eating and stared at the cinema in shock.

"It cannot be!" he said. "I JUST DROPPED MY ICE CREAM!"

"Did you even listen to what just I said?" Riku asked.

"Did it have anything to do with beating the final boss in "Heart of Darkness"?" Sora asked.

"Er… no" Riku said. "I just said I saw Demyx and Kairi."

"So?"

"At the cinema…"

"So?"

"Together…"

"Is there a point in here?"

"I just saw Demyx and Kairi entering the same cinema together."

Sora stared blankly at his friend for a moment, then at the ice cream, then at the cinema, then at a random cat, before he looked back at Riku again.

"Wait a minute… are you saying you just saw Kairi enter that cinema over there with that sitar-playing wimp from organization XIII?" Sora asked.

"Yes Sora. That's what I've been trying to tell you the past ten minutes" Riku sighed.

"OMG!" Sora yelled and ran into the cinema, got thrown out, bought tickets, and ran back in.

He found Kairi and Demyx sitting at the last row.

"Kairi! What are you doing here??" Sora asked.

"Uhm… I was bored so I figured I'd go see a movie" Kairi said.

"And what is HE doing here?" Sora asked, pointing at the melodious nocturne… that's Demyx by the way.

"He was bored to so he figured he'd go see a movie" Kairi said. "But keep it down Sora, the movie is about to start".

Sora muttered something about loosing his ice cream but sat down next to Kairi, as the movie started he didn't watch it, he just glared at Demyx who was at the other side of Kairi.

Demyx looked back at Sora with an absolutely horrified look. He didn't dare to take his eyes of him in case Sora would attack or something.

Three hours later the trio exited the cinema, Riku was standing outside waiting for them staring at a stick in his hand. His ice cream had melted long time ago.

"Hi guys. How was the movie?" he asked.

"Oh it was wonderful! Orlando Bloom is so hot!" Kairi said.

Sora stopped glaring at Demyx and stared at Kairi instead.

"What? That's it! I'll murder that elf!" he said and ran back into the cinema, got thrown out, bought tickets and ran back in.

"What was he going to do?" Kairi asked.

"I don't know…" Demyx said. "But at least it has nothing to do with me this time".

"So… wanna go get some pizza?" Riku asked.

"Pizza sounds nice" Kairi said.

"Yay! Pizza!" Demyx cheered.

And so that trio (meaning Kairi, Riku and Demyx, Sora was still in the cinema) went to go get a pizza.

**Miss.Ecofreak: so how's that?**

**Zakura: does the Millennium Falcon have a parking lot in the middle of the Naughty Ottsel?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: probably… It can't seem to land properly at all in this fic.**

**Roxas: (whines) I want my chocolate back. (Chews on Miss.Ecofreak's chair)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: hey! Knock it of (gives Roxas chocolate to make him stop chewing). So then…**

**Please review or Roxas will eat your chair.**

**Roxas: mmm… chair**


	87. Sora's New Adventures

**Miss.Ecofreak: Hello! And welcome back to "All that!"  
Zakura: this isn't all that…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: it's not?**

**Zakura: nope. But even more confusing.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: figures…

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 87**

**SORA'S NEW ADVENTURES**

The Naughty Ottsel was noticeably empty.

Without any company other than Errol who had fallen asleep under the table, Daxter was starting to worry if his escaped hamster had started eating his friends, now that Tess had given up getting another pet.

He clearly remembered having talked to Jak only a few hours later, then both he and Errol had disappeared, Darth Sidious had stolen the Millennium Falcon and escaped through the broken roof.

"I'm so lonely…" Daxter said to himself. "At times like this I miss my old gerbils. Even Daxter the third, although he was a cannibalistic nutcase."

"Well you could always give in to the darkness" a voice said.

"Who said that?" Daxter asked.

"I did…" said the voice.

Daxter looked around in the room, all he could see was two tables, quite a lot of ashes and one of Errol's mechanical arms sticking out from under one of the tables, the Wack a Metalhead-game had also been burnt to the ground. Axel was so going to pay for this.

The noticeable fact was that apart from Errol (who was snoozing) there was no one in the room.

"I'm on the seat right next to you dumbass" the voice said.

Daxter looked to the side, and surely there was a guy sitting right next to him.

"How long have you been sitting there?" he asked.

"I've been her all the time but you didn't notice. Now give me some beer, I'm dying of thirst here!" the guy said.  
Daxter gave the guy what he wanted, and decided since he was the only sober (at the moment) person in the room, he might as well start a conversation.

"So who are you? Another character from Miss.Ecofreak's new obsession? That Queendom heart or whatever?"  
"Kingdom hearts" the guy corrected. "And yes, my name's Xeanort's heartless."

"What a dumb name…" Daxter said.

"Well you could call me Ansem if you like" Xeanort's heartless suggested.

"NO YOU CAN'T!" said a guy who just popped his head into the door, then left.

"Er… I'll just call you Xeanort if you don't mind" Daxter said. "Are you a friend of Sora and Riku?"

Before Xeanort had time to answer a certain brown-haired boy ran in the door, keyblades raised (yeah... he had two).

"You! You're the bad gay from Kingdom Hearts 1!" he said.

"For the last time Sora, I'm straight" Xeanort sighed. "See you're not fuzzy anymore."

"Course not, I have magical powers remember?" Sora said.

"So, I guess this means you're _not_ a friend of Sora and Riku, especially not of Sora" Daxter said.

"You bet! He stole my keyblade!" Sora yelled.

"No I did not. Surely I took over Riku's body but he took the keyblade all by himself" Xeanort said.

"Alright…then I'm just going to hate you for taking over my friend's body…although he did steal my keyblade…and my other friends…and the last cookie at Jack Sparrow's birthday party… SO YOU MUST DIE!" Sora said as he summoned his keyblade.

Sora charged Xeanort who simply finished his drink and disappeared into a black portal, causing Sora to fall over the counter.

"Aw great going Sora! You just chased away a potential new best friend" Daxter said.

"Mmmm… Tequila!" Sora said from his position at the floor, behind the counter.

"OH NO! DON'T OPEN THAT!" Daxter yelled.

Meanwhile, at a random restaurant.

"What do you mean I can't have any wine? How about just a normal beer?" Riku yelled to the waitress.

"S-sorry. You're not old enough to drink any alcohol" the waitress said, as she held up the meny in front of her face hoping it would protect her in case Riku decide to use his "Road to Dawn"-keyblade.

"Riku, knock it of. You're not getting any alcohol and your behaviour is scaring Demyx" Kairi said and pointed to the nobody who was currently hiding under the table.

"Anything scares Demyx Kairi" Riku said. "Just watch".

He picked up a cute little kitten from his bag, god knows why he had a kitten in his bag… but he placed it under the table with Demyx.

"AAARGH! MACAVITY HAS COME TO EAT MY BRAIN!" Demyx yelled and ran out from under the table and pulled out his sitar. "No way kitty! You took my heart and you won't get my brain too!"

"A cat took his heart?" Kairi said, as she looked at Neji with a strange look.

"Don't look at me. I haven't checked the background at EVERY organization XIII member" Riku said.

Suddenly Kairi noticed something zooming past the window.

"Er… wasn't that Sora?" she asked.

Riku looked in the direction she was pointing.

"Aw man! Where did _he_ get alcohol?" he asked.

"That's it. I'll kill him" Kairi said and ran out the door.

Riku, Demyx and Riku's cat followed soon after, Riku to get a hold on any alcohol Sora hadn't drunk yet, and Demyx to get away from Riku's "evil" kitten, mentioned kitten was feeling lonely without its owner, and ran after Riku.

After running through the city for a while, Riku, Demyx and Riku's cat got lost, and spent the next hour looking for Kairi and Sora.

They went to the palace grounds, where they found said keyblade master trapped under the palace that had fallen down again, Kairi stood next to the place where the Palace was usually standing, and quickly hid her flower-covered keyblade as she saw her friends (or at least one of her friends, one member of Organization XIII and a cat) arrive.

"So… you got him?" Riku asked.

"Get this building of me!" Sora cried.

"Er… the palace thing was entirely by accident. Whoever builds a house on top of a pillar anyway?" Kairi said.

"Why did you have your keyblade out just now?" Riku asked.

"…I was fighting heartless" Kairi said.

"What heartless?" Riku asked.

"…they are dead. I killed them all" Kairi said.

"Why do I get the feeling you're lying?" Riku asked.

"…I'm not" Kairi said. "And I was definitely not using the keyblade to knock the palace over."  
"Okay! Good to hear! Cause if you did I would have to kill you" Riku said.

"Wow Riku! I didn't know you cared so much about me!" Sora said.

"Shut up! The only reason I'm mad is that the palace could have hurt your keyblade, which I planned on stealing once you fell asleep" Riku said.

Sora used his one arm that wasn't crushed under the palace and summoned the Kingdom Key…it was broken in half.

"Nope. It broke" he said sadly.

"Am I the only one who wonders why he's not crying in pain?" Demyx asked.

"Yes. Should he?" Riku asked.

"I don't know… maybe he's paralyzed" Demyx suggested. "Or maybe someone snuck pain killers into whatever he's been drinking."

"Ow…."  
"Or maybe he's just very slow" Demyx added.

"THIS FREAKING HURTS YOU KNOW!" Sora yelled.

Within a flash, the HAFL suddenly arrived on scene.  
"Stop it right there! This is clearly a scene for animal abuse" Agent nr Sixteen said.

"I'm human…" Sora said.

"Were you or were you not small and black with creepy yellow eyes in one of your previous adventures?" Sixteen asked.

"Are you talking about the heartless?" Sora asked.

"That's the one. Now were you or were you not a heartless at some point in your life?" Sixteen asked.

"For ten minutes but…" Sora started.  
"Works for me!" Sixteen said as he pulled Sora out from under the palace, put him in his car and brought him to the vet.

The other three+Riku's cat, just stared after them.

"What the fuck just happened?" Riku asked.

* * *

**Zakura: what the fuck just happened?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: stop copying Riku, he might get hurt.**

**Riku: so you making me act like a moron isn't supposed to hurt my feelings?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: psht. Everyone should endure a little crazy Fanfiction.**

**Jak: this fic is freaking 87 chapters long and the series already consists of 3 other crazy stories so this isn't A LITTLE CRAZY FANFICTION!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: …okay. **

**Daxter: Jak! Where did you go?**

**Jak: I was at the movies with Keira. We saw "Shrek 2", very entertaining.**

**Daxter: you left me all alone!**

**Jak: Erol was there.**

**Daxter: Erol is a drunken psycho cyborg. I don't like you anymore; from now on Xeanort's heartless is my new best friend (hops onto the shoulder of Xeanort's heartless)**

**Xeanort's heartless: yey! I got me a best friend!**

**Xemnas: not fair… I want an ottsel best-friend too! Hey Saix! Go jump into a hole of dark eco!**

**Saix: wha?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: People! The chapter is over! No making fun of yourselves in the authors note! Please review people!**


	88. Xemnas wants a pet

**Miss.Ecofreak: continuing on from last chapter's author's note (funny, usually the characters act pretty normal outside the story… Xemnas must be drunk…) here's the story of Xemnas and (for some reason) Roxas looking for a new pet.**

**Zakura: that "some reason" can't be simply because you love Roxas is it?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: so what if it does? If you had your way this fic would only be about Sasuke. **

**Zakura: ….fine.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 88**

**XEMNAS WANTS A PET**

Daxter was not happy.

And when Daxter was not happy, it usually meant he was either sad or mad.

This time he was both.

He was sad because Jak had left him with no other company than a drunken cyborg, and mad because Sora had stolen his tequila.

Luckily he didn't have to swear revenge over Sora since he was already at the vet getting treatment for broken bones as Kairi had "accidentally" knocked the palace over him.

But since Sora was now in his human form, no one was quite sure why the HAFL decided to take him to the vet. Something about having been a heartless… but Sixteen's explanations didn't really make a lot of sense.

But back to Daxter.

The ottsel had now found himself a new best friend, sure he had no heart, but that didn't matter.

Xeanort's heartless, or just Xeanort for short, was just glad to have a friend.

His nobody however was not happy. That might be because he was a nobody and therefore had no feelings, but this day Xemnas was less happy than usual.

"Why does he get to have an ottsel for a friend?" he asked Roxas as he just happened to walk past his office on his way to the bathroom.

"Who's got what as a what did you say?" Roxas asked. He hadn't been around in the last chapter, or the authors note for the last chapter actually…he had been raiding Miss.Ecofreak's fridge, so he had missed out on the action.

"Why does my heartless get to have an ottsel for a best friend? Daxter deserted Jak and decided to go become Xeanort's best friend so now I'm all alone!" Xemnas cried.

"More alone than usual superior? You haven't exactly been hanging out with either Daxter or your heartless in the past" Roxas said. "And you still got Saix."

"But Saix isn't an ottsel" Xemnas pouted.

Roxas sighed.

"Superior please. Last time you didn't want Xigbar as a friend because he didn't have a left eye, then you didn't want to hang out with Larxene anymore because she didn't have blue hair, and now you don't want Saix because he's not fuzzy??? These aren't just toys you can throw away when you're bored of them! They are live people with feelings… oh wait they haven't… but you can't just throw your friends away just to get new ones!" Roxas complained.

"Why not? They're all so dull!" Xemnas said. "At least your friends are fun to hang out with. You were lucky."

"Sure. I feel so happy with Axel pulling me around and constantly trying to get me drunk" Roxas said sarcastically. "But if you want an ottsel so bad why don't you head down to the pet store and get one. Then you can have the ottsel as a pet and keep Saix as you friend. Then everyone's happy… well as happy as you can be with no feelings involved anyway."

"Great idea nr 14!" Xemnas said and stood up.

"Er… 13… the organization has only 13 members…not counting Namine" Roxas added.

"Oh right… I guess it's called Organization 13 for a reason" Xemnas said.

"Don't look at me, you made it up" Roxas said and walked away.

"Not so fast kid! You have to take me to the pet store!" Xemnas said.

"Why me?"

"Because I just drank a can of beer so I'm not allowed to drive!"  
"But I don't have a drivers licence."  
"Oh right… then let's both go drive! With my drivers licence and your soberness no one can arrest us!" Xemnas said and grabbed the teenager, who was starting to think his boss has had more than just one can of beer.

The organizations nr I pulled young nr XIII through a portal, making Roxas wonder why it mattered that one of them could drive anyway, especially since no one in the organization had any cars, and after a short travel through the dark realm, they found themselves in front of Haven Central Pet Store.

"Why did we have to go here? They have pet stores in the world that never was too" Roxas said.

"Ah, the good old Pet Store that Never Was. Sorry Roxas. That won't do! Anyone of the organization are banned for ever entering again since Demyx drowned all their fish last week" Xemnas said.

"Ah, forgot about that… how do you drown a fish anyway?" Roxas said. "But er… Superior? Would you mind letting me go now? People are staring."  
Xemnas let go of the sleeve of Roxas' cloak, and walked into the pet store, Roxas figured he should follow, you'll never know what a nobody would do when drunk.

"Hello! Can I help you?" asked the woman behind the counter, yup, good old PetLuvr, who sold Daxter his hamster and couldn't tell the difference between a Pappy the dog and Godzilla…then again temper-wise those two were pretty alike…

"I don't know. Can you sell me a pet?" Xemnas asked.

"Er… yeah. That's what I'm here for" PetLuvr said.

"You know Superior, perhaps we should check another store, this one's… weird" Roxas said.

"Do I know you?" PetLuvr asked.

"Nope. Never seen you in my life!" Roxas said quickly.

"Oh now I remember! You're that guy who appeared back in chapter 77 asking for a duck and a dog!" PetLuvr said.  
"Can't have been me. I asked specifically for a mouse" Roxas said. "And that's when you told me you only had a duck and a dog which I already had… but then Sora came and took his friends back… so now I have neither".

"Well are you still interested in them then?" PetLuvr asked picking up a Goofy-clone and a Donald-clone.

"Aw! They're so cute! They look just like Sora's two pets" Xemnas said. "Maybe you should buy them!"

"Why?" Roxas asked.

"Because they are so cute!" Xemnas said.

"If you want them why don't you buy them? I already have a cat."  
"I was here for an ottsel. Not a dog or a duck. Which reminds me, do you have any ottsels?"

"No. But we have precursors" PetLuvr said.

"Aw… that won't do" Xemnas said sadly. "Come on XIII, let's go find another store."

"Wait up! I was thinking of getting Axel a birthday present. He said he always wanted a fire breathing dragon" Roxas said.  
"Sorry. We don't sell those anymore. Not since one of them burnt down half the store" PetLuvr explained.  
"Sounds like the perfect pet for nr VIII (8, Axel) come on Roxas" Xemnas said and pulled Roxas out by the sleeve of his coat again.

"Superior? Does Dragons breathe fire?" Roxas asked.

"Yes Roxas. Fire breathing dragons generally breathe fire" Xemnas said. "Geez. And I thought I was the dumb one in this chapter…what are you eating?"

"Chocolate! Miss.Ecofreak said she'd give me some if I said something dumb" Roxas explained.

"Aha… wait a second! Are you on friendly terms with the author?"

"Ehm…no?" Roxas said and quickly hid his chocolate.

"Good. Cause if you were I would have to punish you. That girl is an evil heartless bitch!  
"We're all heartless" Roxas reminded him.

"Don't you answer me like that young man!" Xemnas said as he pulled the keyblader through yet another dark portal.

Soon the two nobodies arrived in front of Suna Central Pet Store.  
"Did Miss.Ecofreak run out of names for these stores?" Xemnas asked.

"Obviously. Now let go of me!" Roxas said and pulled himself out of Xemnas' grip.

"Well then, let's go inside my young apprentice!" Xemnas said.

"I'm not your… oh…he's in star wars-mode again" Roxas sighed as Xemnas started swinging his red light sabres around,(and in case you wonder, YES in the game Xemnas' weapons are red light sabres) killing random ninjas passing by (they were in a ninja-village after all).

The moment Xemnas opened the door to the pet store however; he was attacked by a vicious dog.

"AAARGH! ROXAS! GET IT OF ME!" he yelled.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" a boy said and picked up the dog, which was in fact remarkably small. "Pappy-chan! How many times have I told you NOT to jump at heartless men in black coats?"

"Hey! Haven't I seen you at the Naughty Ottsel?" Roxas asked.

Kankuro stared at him. "Oh yeah! You're that heartless kid. Name's Kankuro. I was just out to find a new collar for my brother's dog. She's chewed her to bits again and he's too busy being Kazekage and making up dumb laws to make his life more fun to buy one himself" Kankuro explained. "And although I hate this bitch so much… she needs a collar or she'll run of and kill all the neighbours. Not that we have many neighbours since we share home with two demons…"

"Hi new friend! My name is Xemnas and this is my subordinate Roxas! We were here to buy new pets!" Xemnas said happily. At least he pretended to be happy; he was in a friend-making mood.

"Er… right. Just don't buy any rabbits" Kankuro said and walked away still carrying the struggling Papillion.

The nobodies entered the pet store and were met by a girl who looked awfully familiar.

"Hi! My name is AnimalLikr. How may I help you?" she said enthusiastically.

"Hey… you don't happen to have a sister or something in Haven City, do you?" Roxas asked.

"Yes. How did you guess?" AnimalLikr said.

"Never mind. We were looking for an ottsel and a fire breathing dragon. Do you have any?" Xemnas asked.

"No. But we have a brand new litter of heartless ready to be sold" AnimalLikr said.

"No thanks. We have enough heartless. And they're breeding like crazy! I wish people didn't have that much darkness in their hearts" Xemnas sighed. (Random info: Heartless are made from the darkness in people's hearts, when a person looses his or her heart.) "Well thanks anyway."

He turned to leave but then Roxas suddenly jumped out of the way.

"Don't even think of grabbing my sleeve again!" he said.

"There there Roxas, why would I do that?" Xemnas laughed. "Come on silly".

Roxas glared at his superior as he walked out the door, but still decided to follow him for some strange reason. The sooner Xemnas found his new pet, the sooner Roxas could go home and not having to worry about his boss doing something awfully stupid, putting the entire organization to sham… which was pretty much what Axel and Demyx did all the time…so really there was no reason for Roxas to follow Xemnas.

"Whatever" he said and jumped through a portal headed back home.

* * *

**Miss.Ecofreak: Cool. Xemnas is acting very out of character, now he's part of the crazy gang too:D**

**Zakura: sure YOU'RE not drunk?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: I don't drink.**

**Sasuke LB: don't you get thirsty?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: no bunny, I meant I don't drink alcohol, I drink other stuff though.**

**Zakura: "other stuff" means Coca Cola**

**Miss.Ecofreak: and milk...**

**Zakura: mostly Coca Cola**

**Miss.Ecofreak: sugarsugarsugarsugar... please review.**


	89. Max and Maxine

**Miss.Ecofreak: Hiya! I had some fun writing this chapter. Espesially the directions on how to keep an ottsel happy, enjoy, and remember this in case you ever feel like getting an ottsel for a pet.**

**CHAPTER 89**

**MAX AND MAXINE**

It took Xemnas a few hours to notice he had been abounded.

He started to notice after he figured no one was questioning his crazy ideas anymore.

"Erhm… nr XIII?" he said turning around, but there was no one there.

"Roxas? Key of Destiny? Sora's nobody?" he asked.

But neither Roxas,the Key of Destiny or Sora's nobody answered, probably because Nr XIII, Roxas, the Key of Destiny and Sora's nobody were all one same person, who was currently back in the World that Never Was, in his own room playing Pokèmon crystal version.

"You weren't supposed to say that!" Roxas yelled as he threw his pillow at Miss.Ecofreak.

Back to Xemnas… wherever Xemnas was…Tatooine… He made his way towards Tatooine Central Pet Store.

"Dude. Tatooine is a planet. Does this mean this is the only pet store on the whole planet?" he asked.

"Yup" Said the shop keeper. "Do you want anything? Bantas? Jawas? We have a new litter of wookies who just arrived".

"Ehm… no. I was looking for an ottsel… and my friend wanted a dragon but he's not here… so I guess I'll just take an ottsel" Xemnas said.

"Are you sure? Ottsels aren't easy to care for" the shop keeper said sceptically. "They would usually need free access to the house, which means you'll have to litter train them which is not easy. They are also very social animals and if you're not home for more than 19873 hours a day you should consider buying two. You should neuter them or they escape and start breeding with all stray ottsels around. They have guns so don't expect you can keep it in the house if it wants out".

"I think I can… wait a minute. They have guns?" Xemnas said.

"Yup. And if you don't give them one, they will make one out of your bed. Very smart creatures these ottsels" the shop keeper said.

"So… they're going to destroy my bed and make a gun out of it? What if I don't give them access to my bed room?" Xemnas asked.

"Then they will sit in the middle of the room pouting until they die from starvation. This is the most common cause in death for ottsels, since people don't realise they need guns in order to stay happy" the shop keeper warned.

"O…kay? But what if I gave it a toy gun? Say a water gun?" Xemnas asked.

"That could work… if you filled it with acid"

"And if I don't?"

"They will kill you in your sleep."

"Wow! I didn't know ottsels was that sadistic! Sounds of like Roxas on a bad day" Xemnas said.

Back in the Castle that Never Was Roxas glanced over at the radio next to him, which was connected to the microphone he had fixed on Xemnas before leaving him in Sunagakure.

"That's it! I am so going to kill that guy" he muttered. "Or maybe I should ask Sora to do it… hah! The glorious pain."

Back at the pet store…

"These aren't guinea pigs!" Jak said to PetLuvr as he pointed at the tarantulas.

Ups, wrong pet store.

Back at the Tatooine Central Pet Store, Xemnas was still talking to the Shop Keeper (whose name obviously WAS Shop Keeper) about what pet would be suitable for him.

"I need a pet that requires minimal care as I am the leader of an evil organization constantly working for retrieving our lost hearts. So it would either have to be happy to stay home alone, or fit to follow me around wherever I go as an evil sidekick or something" Xemnas said.

"Ah! Like an ottsel?" Shop Keeper said.

"I thought you just said they were awful pets" Xemnas said.

"Well no, I only said they were hard to care for. As long as you remember to let them have free access to your home, neuter it and let it have a gun it will make the perfect pet!" Shop said. "In fact, if you get a pair, male and female they will stay with each other and not run of to find new mates. If they like each other."

"So how will I know if they like each other or not?" Xemnas asked.

"If you find one dead one morning and the other one badly injured they don't like each other" Shop said. "Within 10 minutes of figuring out they don't like each other one usually dies."

"Okay. Thanks for the tip. I'll be getting a pair then" Xemnas said happily.

Later at the Castle that Never Was, Axel was in the hall playing with Roxas' cat Trixi, as Roxas was too busy playing his game boy and spying at the superior to play with any of them.

Suddenly the door slammed open, and Trixi the cat was trapped between the wall and the door.

"Good news people!" Xemnas said happily as he entered.

"You squashed Roxas' kitty…" Axel said.

"No, not that. I just got me a pair of new pets! Look!" Xemnas said holding up a box.

"That's a box" Axel reminded him. "And you squashed Roxas' kitty".

"Well duh! They're in the box stupid! And I didn't squash any cat" Xemnas said and opened the box. "I would like to introduce you to Max and Maxine! Since you know, everyone in this castle needs an X in their name. You're not going anywhere Namine!" he yelled at the blonde girl walking towards the exit.

"But you said…" Namine said.

"Witches don't count. Go back to your room!" Xemnas said.

Namine was sure enough the only nobody in the castle who didn't have an X in her name, which was probably also the reason why she was not a member of the organization; she was different from the other nobodies….but that is another story.

"Whoa! Nice pad man! This is going to be a great place to spread chaos! I mean live…" Max said happily.

"Hey! Spreading chaos is MY job!" Axel said. "And you squashed Roxas' kitty."

"Calm down VIII. I'm sure you and Max will become best of friends" Xemnas said. "And you know the rules; no killing the other members' pets, that goes for Roxas' kitty as well".

"But you just squished Roxas' cat and flushed Namine's clown fish down in the toilet" Axel reminded him.

"Okay, nr 1: Namine is NOT a member of the organization, nr 2: I was helping poor Nemo back to his daddy and nr 3: I never laid my hands on no cat!" Xemnas said.

"That wasn't Nemo you idiot! It was a newly hatched fish, his mom and dad both lived in the tank with him!" Axel said. "And if you flush a fish down in the toilet it will die before reaching the ocean! AND you squashed Roxas' kitty with the door."

"No they won't! Haven't you ever seen finding Nemo?" Xemnas said. "And there is no cat behind the door!"

"And what about Trixi?" Axel asked.

"I never squashed any cat! Especially not nr XIII's cat! Come on Max and Maxine, let me show you your new room" Xemnas said.

"And weapons?" Max said eagerly.

"Oh yeah, we'll get to that too" Xemnas said as he walked away with the two ottsels.

"Meeeow" Trixi moaned from behind the door.

"Can't agree more kitty" Axel sighed, not having the slightest idea of what the cat just said.

Xemnas led the two ottsels up to his room.

"And this is where you will be living" he said.

"Oh! Look it's a bed!" Max said.

"I call shotgun!" Maxine said and jumped into the bed, her boyfriend soon followed, both started jumping.

"Erm… listen guys, you're not allowed to jump on the furniture" Xemnas said.

"Talk to the hand!" Max said.

"Look! A fridge! Maybe there's chocolate inside!" Maxine said and both ottsels immediately ran towards the fridge.

"Don't touch that! That is my food!" Xemnas yelled. "And for the record I have no chocolate. I think Demyx has some though."

"And where do we find this "Demyx"-person?" Max asked.

"Oh no! No stealing from the other members" Xemnas said. "Though they're all kleptomaniacs..."

"COUCH!" Maxine yelled.

Both ottsels ran towards the couch and started jumping in it.

"Didn't I tell you guys not to jump in the furniture?" Xemnas asked.

"Hey Maxine! Let's go swing in the ceiling fan!" Max said.

"I don't have a ceiling fan!" Xemnas said.

"Then let's make one!" Maxine said and the two ottsels quickly set out to make a ceiling fan out of a carpet.

Xemnas was starting to realise why Shop Keeper said ottsels were hard to keep. Then again Max and Maxine were still young, that may also be the reason for their hyper activeness.

"Uhm… fine. You do that. I have some important matters to attend to" Xemnas said.

He walked out of his room and almost walked straight into two glaring teenagers, one of them was holding a badly beaten cat.

"Oh, Nr XIII, Freak… Trixi. How are you guys feeling?" Xemnas said, only addressing the cat by her name, Namine addressed as "freak" but what more can you expect from a guy that has no heart?

"Well Namine and I don't really have feelings but Trixi's feeling hurt and has broken nearly every bone in her body THANKS TO YOU!" Roxas yelled.

"Why? What have I done?" Xemnas asked.

"You slammed the door into her!" Roxas said.

"Did I? Strange nr VIII (still Axel) never mentioned that" Xemnas said.

"You nearly killed my cat!" Roxas said. "And you killed Namine's fish!"

"Freed Freak's fish" Xemnas corrected. "It wasn't happy in that tank."

"Xemnas. Clown fish don't thrive in the sewers" Namine said.

"Ah, but you know Freak. All drains end in the ocean! You two are both the youngest nobodies in this building; don't you watch Pixar-films?" Xemnas asked.

"And that guy is supposed to be our leader" Roxas sighed.

"I'm glad I'm not a member of the organization" Namine said. "Come no Roxas, let's go take Trixi to a vet; he's not going to listen anyway."

And so the teens left Xemnas to his attempts to stop his new pets from totally wrecking his room. They were making themselves quite at home.

**Miss.Ecofreak: wow. All the characters in this fic seem to be getting more and more pets. There's Gaara's dog Pappy, Roxas' cat Trixi, Cornelius' zoo consisting of all kinds of animals all named Keira, Daxter's late gerbils and runaway hamster, Tess' late pets who were all eaten by said hamster, Riku's cat and now Max and Maxine, Xemnas' two nutty ottsels.**

**Zakura: not to mention Orochimaru's pet rabbit Fuzzy and Namine's clown fish.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: oh yeah. Can't expect me to remember ALL the animals in this fic…**

**Namine: Why does Xemnas call me a freak?**

**Miss.Ecofreak: because you're weird, you have no X in your name.**

**Namine: riiiiight...**

**Miss.Ecofreak: please review people! Next chapter up is chapter 90...wow...**


	90. Sora and Riku's dramatic escape

**Miss.Ecofreak: hello everybody and welcome back to the newest episode of Dork! Chapter nr… (Stare)**

**Zakura: what? **

**Miss.Ecofreak: 90????**

**Zakura: it's official. You're nuts.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: (Dances around) I wrote 90 chapters of randomness, I wrote 90 chapters of randomness.**

**Daxter: that's not a good thing! It's bad! Really bad!**

**Max: PARTY! (Runs of to have a party).**

**Xemnas: Max! You forgot your collar!**

**Daxter: IT'S THE WORST THING EVER!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: geez! Someone woke up on the wrong side of the burrow. Now this chapter finally reveals what happened to Sora, after he was picked up by the HAFL when Kairi "accidentally" made the palace fall on him...strange she never got prosecuted for that.**

**Kairi: they didn't have any proof it was me. Besides I'm a princess so I have diplomatic imunity! MUHAHAHA! (Heads of to rob a bank).**

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay! Have fun! Here's the next chapter.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 90**

**SORA AND RIKU'S DRAMATIC ESCAPE**

After being examined by the world's fattest vet, Sora was put in a cage to wait for his dinner, before the vet walked out of the room, the drunken kid decided to ask.

"Ehm… vet-person sir? HIC!" he started.

"What eyh?" asked the vet.

"I was just HIC wondering what the HIC am I doing here? I assume seeing as you've X-rayed me and all you may HIC have noticed that I'm not an animal, I'm human" Sora said.

The vet stared at him from his flying chair thingy.

"Have you or have you not been a heartless for approximately 10 minuets?" he asked.

"Yes but what does…"

"Case closed" the vet said and floated out of the room.

"What the HIC!" Sora said confused.

Before the keyblade master had time to ask the cat in the cage next to him why everyone kept thinking he was an animal, something resembling a giant bat wing pierced the ceiling.

Sora watched as the wing turned and cut a hole in the roof, just before a silver-haired person jumped through the hole.

"Riku? How come you didn't just use the HIC door?" Sora asked.

"Because, the fat vet is blocking the entrance idiot" Riku said, pointing to the vet who had gotten stuck in the door, it was a wonder he had even managed to get in.

"Can someone help me out eyh?" the vet asked.

Riku ignored him; he just let Sora out of the cage.

"Come on! We've got to hurry before they start conducting horrible experiments on you" he said.

"Horrible HIC experiments? These are vets!" Sora said.

"That's what they want you to believe" Riku whispered into his best friend's ear. "Now hurry! And keep your keyblade out just in case we are attacked by giant evil card-players".

"My keyblade is broken HIC in half and HIC card-players?" Sora said.

"GOD DAMNIT SORA! This is no time for panic do you understand? Even if it's the last thing I'll ever do I WILL get us out of here alive! Even if we both die!" Riku yelled into Sora's face, shaking the poor kid.

"Okay…HIC!" Sora said.

He decided it was probably best not to argue with Riku at the moment. He had most obviously been drinking, not that Sora could complain since he was drunk as well, but even now he knew that his friend was acting very silly.

Riku decided it was best they didn't use the same hole he came in through to get out, so he cut a second hole right next to it and crawled up on the roof…which wasn't a roof, they were in a skyscraper, they ended up inside a shoe shop which was positioned above the vet clinic.

"Do you need any help?" the shop keeper, a teenage girl named Mimi asked, slightly annoyed by the two holes Riku had made in the floor, two feet away from each other.

"Ehm… no thanks. We were just looking" Riku said and pulled Sora out of the shoe shop.

Riku dragged his friend along through the hallways, humming the mission impossible team as they went, whenever someone appeared he would pin himself against the wall hoping not to get noticed.

Whenever this happened though, Sora just stood by and watched, sipping his coke, no one quite knew where that came from; he had most likely stolen it from Mimi at the shoe shop.

"Hi Sora, and…Riku… what's up?" said a guy who just arrived.

"Shh! We're trying to escape" Riku whispered.

"From what?" Tidus asked, he was one of Sora and Riku's old childhood friends, currently on his way to the shoe shop to buy… I don't know….shoes?

"Evil fat veterinarians HIc" Sora said casually.

"Okay! Good luck with that" Tidus said and left.

Riku glared at Sora for no particular reason.

"Why do you stand there? What if anyone sees you?" he asked.

"Well HIC! The vet is stuck in the door and I don't think anyone else even cares I'm missing" Sora said.

"Oh…" Riku replied, before grabbing Sora by the sleeve of his shirt and pulled him along through the corridors again.

As they were running, the duo (or mostly Riku since Sora didn't seem to notice a thing) didn't notice nobody stepped into the hallway before them, and so they crashed into no one.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" Roxas yelled.

"Sorry. Didn't see you there… oh it's just you. Never mind then" Riku said and was about to walk away.

"Hold on there, where are you two going?" Roxas asked.

"Out?" Sora said.

Namine appeared next to Roxas, with a bag in her hand.

"Why is Riku hiding behind a plant?" she asked.

Sure enough, Riku was hiding behind a plant.

Sora shrugged. "I don't know, and I don't think I want to know HIC!" he said.

Roxas glared at him. "Have you two been drinking again?" he asked.

"I have, not too sure about Riku… but I guess he has too HIC" Sora answered. "Not sure what though but he's got to be high on something… but what are you nobodies doing here anyway?"

"We just were at the vet to drop Roxas' cat of. Xemnas squashed her behind a door, AND we bought some new fish! Look!" Namine said, holding up a transparent bag, containing a clown fish and a salmon. "I call the clown fish Sora and the salmon is Kairi. Also we were going to send the bills for the vet and the fish to Xemnas, since he was the one who injured Trixi and killed my fish."

Sora glanced at the fish. Wondering why on earth she had bought a salmon to keep in a fish tank, but then again Namine was a very strange girl, even by nobody-standards (may have been why Xemnas always addressed her as "Freak" instead of plain "Namine" like everyone else, except for DiZ, he would usually address her as "Witch"). He was also kind of curious as to what Xemnas had done to her previous fish and Roxas' cat, but that was another story…last chapter really…

"Why did you name them after me and Kairi?" he asked.

"Well… I wanted to name them after ourselves but Roxas thought that'd be too confusing so I decided to give them our original names instead" Namine said.

"Oh. I'm HIC flattered" Sora said.

"Think of it as a thank you for stabbing yourself in the heart with a keyblade" Roxas said.

"Anytime" Sora said.

"Okay. Will you please do it again? You're an idiot and I hate you" Roxas said.

Sora wasn't really sure what to answer to that. Sure enough stabbing himself with a keyblade hurt like hell+ it caused him to turn briefly into a heartless (and for some reason this seemed to cause these idiots to think he was an animal). It wasn't really something he wanted to try again.

_I miss my beer_ he thought for no apparent reason.

"Sora! Stop talking to yourself and get moving!" Riku said and pulled his comrade out of the building.

"I wish he just killed himself" Roxas said.

Namine glared at him. "How can you be so heartless?" she asked.

"Because. Sora stabbed himself with a keyblade and turned into a heartless, thus creating another copy of himself with no heart, AKA: me. I have no heart, never had one, deal with it" Roxas said.

Riku ran like he was being chased by 1000 angry lawyers, well Sora wasn't entirely sure what he thought he was running from but it had to be something horrible, maybe it was Zakura.

"Riku? Exactly what are we running from?" Sora said.

Riku stopped, and looked like he was thinking hard.

"I… can't remember" he said. "Could it have been evil scientists?"

"There are no scientists here HIC!" Sora said.

"Zakura?"

"She's too busy bothering Sai over there".

"Tempus?"

"Miss.Ecofreak's hamster? She's too busy eating."

"Kairi?"

"She's our friend…Though she did take our beer...besides she's too busy robbing the bank."

"Pie?"

"Okay, now you're not making sense! Why don't you just accept the fact that you're nuts and are seeing stuff. Let's go find some alcohol!" Sora said happily.

"Great plan Sora!" Riku cheered but then they were suddenly surrounded by heartless.

"Oh…now I remember what we were running from" Riku said. "I just noticed Maleficent was sending a bunch of her strongest heartless of to kill you".

"Okay… so that's what it was" Sora said. "And here I was thinking you stole my tequila"

"HIC!"

Sora glared at Riku as the heartless threw themselves at the two.

* * *

**Miss.Ecofreak: well yeah, quick note at the end here, Maleficent is the bad guy/woman in Kingdom Hearts 1. She controls heartless so she keeps sending them at Sora every now and then, and if she doesn't send heartless at Sora, some of her subordinates do or Riku.**

**Sora: (glares at Riku)**

**Riku: (blush) he he…**

**Zakura: and the same witch appears in Disney's Sleeping Beauty I believe.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: that's the thing about Kingdom Hearts. It's a mix of various Final Fantasy games and Disney Movies such as Steamboat Willie, Beauty and the Beast, Tarzan, Lion King (I love that level), Nightmare Before Christmas (featuring Sora as a vampire! Love that one too!) and various others. Also most of the main bad guys in KH1 are from Disney movies, except Riku and Xeanort.**

**Riku: I'm not a bad guy…**

**Miss.Ecofreak: are too.**

**Riku: are not.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: are too.**

**Riku: are not HIC!**

**Miss.Ecofreak: are too.**

**Riku: are not.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: are too.**

**Riku: are not.**

**Zakura: sigh… just review**

**Miss.Ecofreak: are too.**

**Riku: are not.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: are too.**

**Riku: are not.**

…**this goes on for quite while untill Riku suddenly pukes and falls asleep...**

**Miss.Ecofreak: hah! I won the argument! **

**Zakura: this surely made no sense at all...**

**Miss.Ecofreak: just an end note before I rap this chappy up**

**Zakura: geez! (goes to bed)**

**Miss.Ecofreak: sometimes I'm curious as to how many people actually read this thing anymore. No one but Hyper Kid has reviewed since chapter 78, not that I mind, I'll still keep uploading even if there's only one person reading because I love this fic and do want to accomplish my goal of uploading 100 chapters of randomness. I've seen there's more than one hit on my page, but I can't really tell if that's other people reading or just me rereading the whole thing (cause I tend to read it online although it's on my computer) **

**However, "rules" are still the same, I'll update this as soon as I get one review and I get the next chapter done, so you'll see if Sora and Riku survives the heartless-attack. Plz review:D and try to guess who the veterinarian was:p**

**Zakura: ZZZZZz**


	91. Random stuff

**Miss.Ecofreak: hi there faithful fans! Well… faithful fan at least… to another random instalment of Dork Period. This chapter is pretty random.**

**Zakura: in other words, just like the previous 90 chapters of the fanfic, enjoy!

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 91**

**RANDOM STUFF HAPPENS**

It was a lovely sunny day inside the Naughty Ottsel.

How it could be sunny inside a building is beyond my understanding…no wait, it doesn't have a roof, then there's no mystery to it.

"Wow. She actually came up with an explanation for something" Daxter said.

"Is that unusual?" his new friend Xeanort asked.

"Yup. Usually random stuff happens and we don't get an explanation at all, I'm surprised people are still reading this fic" Daxter said.

As he looked around he saw his friend sitting behind his laptop, laughing to himself.

"Leave that coffee table alone… this girl's a genius" Xeanort muttered.

Daxter slammed the laptop shut.

"Don't you dare send in a review! You'll only encourage her!" he said.

Suddenly Sora and Riku ran in the door and slammed it shut.

"What's up with you two? You look like you've seen a rabbit" Daxter said.

"No. Well, it was almost as bad. We were ambushed by 1995 heartless" Sora said.

"And you took your time to count them all?" Xeanort asked.

"I can beat 1000 heartless in one battle, but that's it" Sora said. "Riku here can defeat 992 at once so we had to figure out if we were able to kill them or not, that's why we counted them."

"And we figured it was three more heartless than what we could handle so we ran for it" Riku said as he stood against the door to keep the heartless from entering. The reader is asked to remember that the bar has no walls…only a door and a few windows, as well as a large pillar with another window on top.

Soon Roxas and Namine appeared; they climbed in through the window since the door was blocked…forgetting the mentioned fact that there are still no walls.

"Now what?" Roxas asked.  
"We're trying to prevent the place from being overrun by heartless" Riku said.

"Oh? You mean the 1995 shadows that were running by a few minutes ago? I killed those" Roxas said.

"You can defeat 1995 heartless at once?" Sora said. "How?"  
"Actually I can defeat 2023 heartless and 1283 nobodies in one match, using my dual keyblades!" Roxas said and summoned the two keyblades, Oathkeeper and Oblivion.

"Aw man. I wished I could use two keyblades at once?" Sora moaned.

"You can't? How hard can it be?" Riku said and stole Sora's keyblade. "Look. Now I have two as well".

"For the love of…stop taking my keyblade! You've got your own!" Sora said and took it back and started hugging his keyblade.

"But…I want your keyblade" Riku said. "Besides you've got like 20 of them already".

"I have a lot of keychains, they make my keyblade change appearance yet I only have one" Sora said. "Or two in limit-form…"

"How come you can only carry two keyblades when you're using that special skill of yours? I mean, Riku's right, it's not that freaking hard" Roxas said.

"Yeah, Sora. When Riku and Roxas actually agree on something it's got to be right" Namine said.

"Are everyone against me today?" Sora asked.

"Yes" everyone in the room said even those who didn't know him, and three random idiots who weren't in the room.

"Do you always have to add a few people who aren't in the room? I think you've done that several times before" Daxter said to the author.

**Yes I do. Now keep making a fool of yourself or I'll kill this fly!**

"Fly?" Daxter asked.

"Better listen to her, she will do it" Roxas said.

"Sure but… a fly? I don't care less about a fly! Oh wait a second! She's taunting me! I'M MAKING A FOOL OF MYSELF RIGHT NOW!" Daxter screamed.

"There's no escape little guy. No matter what you does she will always make you look funny" Roxas said with an evil laugh.

"And you're okay with that?" Daxter asked.

"I don't really care" Roxas said laid back, taking another bite of his chocolate. "As long as she lets me have this chocolate and I can use Oblivion in Kingdom Dorks".

"Wow. You really are heartless" Daxter said.

"I'm a nobody, there is a slight difference" Roxas said.

"But you ARE heartless. You don't have a heart, so you're heartless" Sora said.

"And you are brainless" Roxas said.

"Are not".

"Are too"  
"Are not"

"Okay, this is just dumb" Riku said. "Why don't we just settle for the fact that Roxas is missing a heart, Sora is missing his appendix, Kairi is missing any darkness in her heart and I'm missing patience for idiots who argue over useless stuff like who's missing what? Now shut up before I slice you both up with my super-awesome-so-much-cooler-than-Sora's keyblade".

"My keyblade is cooler" Sora muttered.  
"IS THAT CLEAR?" Riku yelled.  
"Yes sir!" Sora and Roxas said in unison.

"Good. Now let's go find something constructive to do" Riku said. "Like… bothering Roxas!"

Sora cheered.  
"Hey wait a second!" Roxas said, before running out the door, slamming it shut after him so it hit Sora in the nose, Riku ran into Sora, and then Namine ran into Riku and all three fell over.

"Ow… that hurt" Sora said.

"What were you running for anyway?" Riku asked Namine.  
"Nothing. I just felt like running into you guys" Namine said.

"O…k?" Riku said. "Now what?"

"I'd say we take the next flying pink elephant to the World that Never Was and continue to bother various Organization XIII-members!" Sora said.

"Great idea…except for the elephant thing… let's use a dark portal instead. Hey freak, open a dark portal" Riku said.

"Only if you stop calling me freak" Namine said. "It's annoying enough when Xemnas says it".

"So what am I going to call you?" Riku asked. "Witch?"

"No"  
"Idiot?"

"No".

"Slightly unusual girl?"

"No".

"Weird nobody?"

"No."

"Namine?"

"No."

Riku stared at her. "But… that's your name… what am I going to call you?" he asked.

"You may call me the supreme world famous artist Vincent Van Namine!" Namine said.

Sora and Riku stared at the girl, and then backed of slowly before bumping into the door again.

"Let's ask someone else to take us to the Orgy's castle" Sora said.

"Best plan you've had all day" Riku said and so both ran out of the door.

Meanwhile, in the World that Never Was Roxas was already back in his room.

Now you might wonder how he got there that fast. Then I guess now's the time to explain that nobodies (as well as other people who use dark powers such as Riku) can open dark portals to wherever they want whenever they want. So hah! More explanations! I've got to stop doing that or the randomness-level of this fic will drop, and yeah, Riku lost most of his dark powers in KH2 so he can't open portals anymore poor kid…

But back to Roxas, as mentioned he was now back in his room, only to find it was extremely messy, it looked as though someone had been in there searching for something. He knew it wasn't Sora and Riku, as they had a strange habit of putting everything upside down whenever they were searching for something.

So who could it be?

He thought over who inside the castle who could have done it.

Sure Xigbar had been looking through his room every now and then before Roxas gave him Sora's beer bottle, but now a day he was in agrabah trying to steal the same bottle back from Aladdin.

Had it been Xaldin all of Roxas' stuff would have been blown away.

Vexen was busy with his strange experiments in his own room.

Laexeus was too busy doing stuff.

Zexion was hiding from Miss.Ecofreak, scared of what she would do if she found him.

Saix wouldn't do anything like that, sure he was psycho, but wouldn't mess around other people's room for no reason.

Axel was last seen in Marluxia's greenhouse, burning all of his plants.

Demyx was too scared to bother Roxas, or anyone else for that matter.

Had it been Luxord Roxas' room would be filled with cards.

Marluxia was too busy protecting his plants from Axel and Larxene was last seen at the pet store, killing innocent puppies.

Xemnas was the boss, why would he mess up somebody's (or nobody's) room like that?

That levelled it down to the organization's pets.

Xigbar had a little puppy, that could possibly be the culprit, but then again Xigbar had a tendency to use his pets for target practice so Roxas was unsure whether the dog was alive or not.

But hadn't the superior gone of to buy some new pets recently?

Roxas had never seen these ottsels, but according to Axel they were a pair of nutcakes, and if Axel thinks they're nuts, they're REALLY nuts.

He might as well pay them a visit.

The young nobody walked towards Xemnas' room and found there was a hole in the door, he opened up to find the two ottsels inside, with various stuff they had stolen fro the different member's rooms.

"Er… what are you doing?" Roxas asked.

"We're building a ceiling fan!" Maxine said happily.

"Using a teddy bear?" Roxas asked, looking at Demyx' teddy bear which Max was holding.

"Do you have a problem with that kid? Wait, who are you?" Max asked.

"I'm Roxas, the Key of Destiny or Nr XIII, whatever you feel like calling me" Roxas explained. "I was just wondering if it was you who have been messing around in my room?"

"Big white door? With a sign that says XIII and a long list of people not wanted in your room?" Max asked.

"That's the one."

"Yup. That would be us".

"Clean it up".

The two ottsels glared at him.

"Clean it up? What do we look like? Maids?" Maxine asked.

"You made the mess" Roxas said.

"And? Don't you know only stupid people clean up, geniuses create chaos" Max said. **(I read that on a sign that my dad put on our mirror once).**

"You're not geniuses, you're a bunch of silly weasels with a sick fetish of building random stuff out of more random stuff, now clean up the mess you made in my room" Roxas said.

"Make me!" Max said.

Roxas glared at the ottsel.

* * *

**Miss.Ecofreak: what will happen to Xemnas' bellowed pets? Is Xigbar's puppy dead? Does the rest of the organization have pets as well?  
The answer to that may or may not come up in the next random instalment of DORK PERIOD!**


	92. Bothering RoxasSora

**Miss.Ecofreak: this chapter is 5 pages long…**

**Zakura: no, it's just 4 pages and then one line at page 5.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: still it's long considering to what I usually write.**

**Also this chapter contains spoilers to KH CoM and KHII (again) in that it explains how certain Organization members died.**

**Zakura: although none of them are dead in this fic.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: still…apparently it has already happened. Enjoy:

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 92**

**BOTHERING ROXAS…OR SORA?**

Xemnas had just gone out to the super market that never was to buy some new groceries and chocolate for his new pets, when he found said pets on the floor in his room, all covered in bruises.

"OMG! What happened here?" Xemnas cried.

"There was this guy in here who wanted us to clean up the mess we made" Max groaned.

"Then why didn't you do it?" Xemnas asked.

"We're severely injured" Maxine explained.

"Who did this?" Xemnas asked.

"The same guy, he was mad at us for not cleaning his room".

"Then why didn't you just clean his room??"  
"Hello! We're severely injured!"

Xemnas looked at his two pets with a puzzled expression. Once again he realised logic didn't get him anywhere.

"Okay. I'll go talk to this person. Who was it?" Xemnas asked.

"Some kid with spiky hair" Max said.

_Okay… that narrowed it down to just about everyone in Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy_ Xemnas thought. **(The ironic thing is that one character in Kingdom Hearts 2 actually appears asking for someone with spiky hair… in front of Sora who has spiky hair, just like a whole bunch of KH or FF-charries)**

"Could you be more specific?" Xemnas asked.

"He…had no heart" Maxine said.

"There are 14 people living in this castle and none of them have hearts, also plenty have spiky hair" Xemnas said.

"How does your blood get around in your body then?" Max asked.

"PLEASE! Just tell me who hurt you two" Xemnas said.

"No one did. We fell of the ceiling fan" Max said.

"…then why did you bother telling me about the person who was mad at you?" Xemnas asked.

"He was scary" Maxine said.

"He walked away and slammed the door shut so hard the fan fell down" Max explained.

Xemnas sighed. Surely the other 12 members of the organization+Namine and Itachi would come into his office complaining that the ottsels had been stealing from them. (Why Itachi you might ask? I don't know…) Why did he always drag so many kleptomaniacs into the castle?

"Xemnas!"  
Wait a minute, that didn't sound like any of the organization members…it sounded like…

"Sora? What are you doing here?" Xemnas asked as he saw Sora and Riku running through the hallway.

"Ah, the usual. Have you seen Roxas anywhere?" Sora asked.

"No… how did you get to this world this time?" Xemnas asked.

Sora opened his mouth to answer, but didn't come up with anything.

"Er… yeah, how DID we get here Riku?" he asked his friend.

Riku just looked out the window and saw a flash of pink.

"Ehm… someone opened a portal?" he said at last.

"Yeah, that's right! A random person opened a random portal into the realm of darkness and it just randomly led us here" Sora said. "And we definitely did not come here riding flying pink elephants".

"Good. Because they don't exist" Xemnas said.

"Right. They don't. Only really drunk people see pink elephants, and you'd have to be seriously drunk to actually ride them!" Sora said.

"That's not even possible" Xemnas said.

"Correct! It isn't!" Sora said.

"Good. Now that we've sorted that out, what are you doing here?" Xemnas asked.

"I forgot…" Sora said.

"Sora… this isn't castle Oblivion" Riku reminded him. **(Castle Oblivion is from Chain of Memories. The moment Sora and his friends entered that castle they started loosing their memories).** "We were here to bother Roxas. Is that a problem?"

"As long as you don't bother me. I'm too tired to care" Xemnas said and went into his room to take a nap.

"Hey Xemmy! Did you know you have to unconscious rats on your floor?" Sora yelled after him.

"I don't care!" Xemnas yelled back.

"Woa… he's moody today" Sora said.

"Considering the fact that he has no feelings that is somewhat odd" Riku added. "Come on; let's go find your other half so we can make his life miserable".

"Great… hey wait; if we make my other half's live miserable won't that make MY life half miserable?" Sora asked.

Riku thought over this for a moment. "Maybe… but bothering Roxas is going to get you happy again, I swear" he said.

"Okay!" Sora said happily.

The happy three friends…Sora had a cricket in his hood (Why? Keep reading)… ran towards Roxas' room and pulled the door open, only to find it empty… and I mean completely empty.

"He's not here" Sora said.

"Well duh…" Riku replied. "Where is he? And where is all his stuff?"

"I don't know. Let's go ask his neighbour" Sora said and walked into Larxene's room.

Riku stood outside and stared as Sora was thrown out and landed head first into the wall on the other side.

"Ow…On second thought… let's go ask Marluxia" Sora said and walked into the room next to Larxene's.

The inside of Marluxia's room looked like a greenhouse, only pink… a pinkhouse.

"Okay...that is about the gayest thing I've ever seen" Sora said.

"Can I help…oh it's you guys" said a man with pink hair, before disappearing into the jungle.

"Hi Marly wait up! I was just wondering if you've seen Roxas somewhere" Sora asked.

"No. He's your nobody, you're going to have to find him for yourself" Marluxia said.

"Oh… alright then, we'll just go ask number 10 instead" Sora said and left the room with Riku.

"Btw, who is nr 10 again?" Sora asked as they walked back out into the hallway.

"I don't know… I can't remember all the organization members by number" Riku said.

"Maybe I can help" said the cricket in Sora's hood, more precisely Jiminy Cricket, known from the movie "Pinocchio". He was the royal chronicler at Disney Castle and had been following Sora around since the start of his adventure, writing about all he did and all the people they met in his journal. He lived in Sora's hood. So now you know why he has a cricket in his hood.

Jiminy opened said journal and found the pages telling about the different people they had met, more precisely the organization, whom he for some reason had full record over even though Sora had never even met Zexion and Lexaeus, and shouldn't be able to remember meeting Larxene, Marluxia and Vexen thanks to Namine. However they HAD met nr 10, and should remember him quite well.

"Nr 10 Is the Gambler of Fate. Luxord" the cricket explained.

"Oh yeah, that's the guy who kept turning me into a dice and started playing cards when we were supposed to be fighting" Sora said. "He's a fruitcake".

"Who here isn't?" Riku asked.

"Good point. Let's go see him" Sora said and opened the door to Luxords room.

Inside they found Luxord playing strip poker with a sewer rat.

"What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy?" Luxord asked.

"Erm… why are you playing strip poker with an animal? They don't wear clothes" Riku said.

"She does" Luxord said and pointed to the rat.

The rat in question was wearing Luxord's clothes, Luxord was wearing…

"Bye!" Sora said and left, he didn't really want to see Luxord naked.

"Okay, so he's a fruitcake. Let's go see Nr 9 instead. Who's nr 9 in the organization?" Riku asked the cricket that was now sitting on Sora's head.

"The Melodious Noctourne, Demyx" Jiminy said.

"He's an even bigger fruitcake. Let's go see nr 8… no wait, that's Axel, let's go to Saïx instead" Riku said.

And so the trio went to go visit nr 7. The Luna Diviner, who just happened to be the second in command, Saïx, who liked to go berserk and getting Sora mad by kidnapping his girlfriend (well technically Axel did that, but then Kairi escaped and was caught by Saïx).

Riku knocked on the door which read "Nr VII"; he wasn't interested in getting the berserker mad by just barging into his room.

Soon Saïx opened the door, like everybody else he didn't seem too surprised to se the Organization's two worst enemies outside.

"I've told you before, I'm not interested in an anger management class" he said.

"That's not why we were here. We just wondered if you've seen Roxas lately" Riku said.

"He's not interested in an anger management class either."  
"We weren't going to ask about that. Have you seen him?"

"No".

Riku slammed the door in Saïx' face before running on to the next door, closely followed by Sora.

The duo then found themselves in another empty room.

"Nobody here" Sora said.

"There's not even nobody in here. Who lives here anyway?" Riku said.

"Nr. 6. I don't think I've even met that one" Sora said.

"Nr 6… that's Zexion, the cloaked schemer" Jiminy explained.

"Zexion, I know him. That's the emo guy" Riku said.  
"How can a nobody with no emotions be emo?" Sora asked. **(I've always wondered about that… but for some reason this seems to be the common understanding regarding Zexy-kun) **

"I don't know ask the fangirls" Riku said. "But he doesn't appear to be here."

"Here's a note" Sora said and picked up a piece of paper that was lying on a table. "Dear Miss.Ecofreak AKA: Usagi-Zakura or any spy she may send (that means you Roxas). I am not home at the moment so unfortunately I'm not able to make an appearance in your fic. Also, you're a bitch, if only I had a heart I would hate you, but since I don't… I still hate you.

From Zexion. Aka: nr. 6, The cloaked schemer, Ienzo."

"Wise move" Riku said.

"Do you think it would work?" Sora asked.

"Nah, I'm sure Miss.Ecofreak will find him sooner or later. Let's just go to the next room" Riku said.

"Nr 5 is Lexaeus, the Silent Hero" Jiminy said. "One of your old friends isn't he Riku?"

"Friends? He's a member of Organization XIII! That number itself shouldn't mean any good" Riku said. "And why the heck does he call himself "Silent Hero" when he's one of the bad guys?"

"I don't know. I didn't write the script, just my journal" Jiminy said.

"Let's just skip him. This chapter is starting to get long enough as it is" Riku said.

"Nr 4… that's the crazy scientist guy isn't it?" Sora asked.

"How would you know? He only appeared in Chain of Memories which you're not supposed to remember" Riku said.

"I read about him on Wikipedia" Sora said.

"You're right. Nr 4 is the Chilly Alchemist Vexen" Jiminy said. "We met him in Castle Oblivion but we don't remember anything that happened in that castle because Namine erased our memories".

"That's rig… how the heck do you know that if you don't remember? I'm confused" Sora asked.

"Well…that's probably just one of the many strange happenings of this fic that will never be explained. Such as why all these characters are still alive when you guys killed all of their members in CoM and KH2 combined" Jiminy said.

"Actually… no. Vexen was killed by Axel and Zexion was apparently killed by my evil clone" Riku said.

"And Axel killed himself, that dumbass" Sora said.  
"Oh yeah, and Roxas didn't really die either, but he's not supposed to be running around…" Riku said.

"Fine. But let's just stop spoiling and go see Vexen" Sora said.

He knocked on the door marked nr IV and Vexen opened.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"We're looking for Roxas. Have you seen him?" Sora asked.

"No…why don't you ask Axel?" Vexen asked.

"We don't like him".

"Well I haven't seen him. Goodbye" Vexen said and slammed the door shut.

"Why is everyone in here so rude? It's not like we killed him or anything" Sora asked Riku.

"But if Axel hadn't killed Vexen, wouldn't you try to kill him instead?" Riku asked.

"Good point. Let's go to the next guy" Sora said.

"The next guy" was Nr 3. Also known as Xaldin or the Whirlwind Lancer, not the friendliest…but then again this is Organization XIII. They're a bad group.

"Hi buddy! Have you seen Roxas anywhere?" Sora asked in a friendly manner as Xaldin just happened to walk past.

"Since when were we friends?" Xaldin asked.

"Aw come on Xaldin. Don't you remember that day in Beast's castle when Belle made us cookies and we all sat down playing Singstar all night?" Sora asked.

Xaldin stared at him, and then he looked at Namine who just happened to pass by.

"Have you been messing with his memories again?" he asked.

"Yup. Its fun, you should try it sometime" Namine said.

"I don't think so" Xaldin said and left.

"Don't forget we were going to se Cars at the movies this Friday!" Sora yelled after him.

Riku looked at Namine.

"Could you make him forget about ever beating me so he thinks I'm superior to him in any way?" he asked.

"Why sure, that's easy!" Namine said.

* * *

**Miss.Ecofreak: So instead of bothering Roxas Sora was the one who ended up bothered...and loosing his memories:p Review…please!**


	93. The Search for Fluffy

**Usagi: randomness coming up.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 93**

**THE SEARCH FOR FLUFFY (NO, NOT THE HAMSTER)**

It was a crazy sick and perverted day.

Daxter was once again having his hands full trying to keep random losers form raiding his fridge, as his new friend Xehanort was helpfully watching and drinking wine.

Just as Daxter had thrown Krew out of the kitchen, the door slammed open and a rather pissed nobody entered.

"I'M GOING TO KILL THOSE OTTSELS!" he yelled.

Daxter looked at Roxas with a puzzled expression.

"Not you" Roxas said.

"Phew. What a relief. What happened?" Daxter asked.

"The superior's new pets destroyed my room to make a ceiling fan out of my stuff! Honestly! Are all ottsels total idiots?" Roxas asked.

"For that comment you are not getting any alcohol in my bar mister" Daxter snapped.

"Thank kingdom hearts. Give me a glass of soda" Roxas said.

"No f-ing way. Not after what happened the last time you had a sugar kick" Daxter said.

The nobody groaned.

That's when Riku and Sora entered the door.

"There you are Roxas! We were looking for you at the castle but you weren't there" Riku said.

"No. Because I'm here. What do you want idiots?" Roxas asked.

"Actually we just wanted to bother you".

"…If I had a heart, I would have hated you."

"Hi Riku!" Xehanort said happily.

"Go jump of a cliff Xehanort" Riku muttered.

"Sigh… I give you more power than you've ever had in your life and this is how you thank me… come to think of it without me you wouldn't stand a chance against Roxas. Blindfolded or not" Xehanort said.

"Yup. This is how I thank you for trying to kill my two best friends, dumbass" Riku said.

"Not to mention for betraying me, run of with my girlfriend, make me fight an evil heartless version of myself, running of with my friend Geppetto's wooden puppet, stealing my keyblade and give in to the darkness" Sora said.

Riku stared at him.

"Xehanort didn't do all that, I did" he said.

"Oh yeah…. Why are we friends again?" Sora asked.  
"Beats me" Riku said.

"Are they like that all the time?" Daxter asked Roxas.

"Pretty much. It's very tiresome" Roxas sighed.

Then suddenly the boss herself entered the door.

"Okay, WHERE is Fluffy?" Usagi asked.

Everyone in the room stared at her.

"Fluffy?" Xehanort asked.

"Isn't that her killer hamster?" Daxter asked.

"I don't think she's talking about the hamster" Roxas said.

"Darn right I don't! He's right here on my tail" Usagi said, pointing to Fluffy the Killer Hamster who was indeed hanging on to her tail for some weird or most likely no reason. "I'm talking about FLUFFY! Where is he?"  
"Listen, you've got to stop adding several people into the fanfic with the same name cause I have no idea who you're talking about" Daxter asked. "At least give me a hint, what fandom is he from?"

"Kingdom Hearts. You guys know who I'm talking about right?" Usagi asked Riku, Sora and Roxas.

"Oh" Riku said as he finally understood what Usagi meant.

Sora just looked confused.

"Did I miss something?" he asked.

"Yup. Lost in Darkness, every chapter from chapter 2 up until now you've been a mindless shadow. She's talking about Zexion" Roxas said. "Whom she for some reason has renamed "Fluffy".

"He's probably hiding from you… has he even appeared in this fic yet?" Riku asked.

"No he hasn't! He's somehow managed to avoid any actual appearance and it drives me nuts! ZEXION YOU DARN KITTY! GET OVER HERE!" Usagi said.

"Kitty?" Sora said confused.

"Yeah… You've probably noticed already Usagi can't draw humans? So she draw's Zexion as a cat" Roxas said. "The rest of us usually ends up as ottsels or anything lame like that."  
"For that you're not getting served ANYTHING in my bar" Daxter said.

"Well I don't care. You three go find him now or there'll be hell to pay!" Usagi said and ran back out.

Riku, Sora and Roxas just stared at the door in shock.

"Did she just ask us for help?" Riku asked.

"More like ordered" Roxas said.

"And we're going to help her because?" Sora said.

"Good point. Get me three glasses of beer Daxter!" Riku said.

"What the? I never wanted a beer!" Roxas said.

"You do now! Hold him down Sora" Riku said as he grabbed a beer bottle from Daxter who had forgotten all about not letting the kids drink alcohol.

Ten seconds later (wow, that was fast) everyone was drunk, Daxter and Xehanort too.

As for Zexion?

…

…

…

Oh darn it.

Well Vexen was out looking for him.

Vexen looked up from his book and stared at the author with a bored expression.

I said: Vexen was out looking for him.  
"Fine! I'm going already" Vexen sighed. "Riku! I'm going out to look for nr VI, make sure the Superior's weasels don't come in and break stuff again."

"Riku" wasn't really Riku, it was a replica that Vexen had made back in Chain of Memories, and he was not happy.

"WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME!" he yelled for pretty much no reason and went to sob in his very own emo-corner… that is one corner of Vexen's room where he had put up a sign saying "The Riku-Replica's emo-corner. No happy trespassers allowed". Vexen had put up that sign earlier when he got sick of finding the replica sitting around at random places in his room (like right in front of the TV or on top his sandwich) moping.

Now just about anyone should probably know by now that the reason Vexen didn't "love" the replica was because ha had no heart and therefore was unable to feel love.

The replica however, had a heart; sure it's a fake one, but a heart all the same.

Several fans (around two or more) had asked themselves the question of why Vexen couldn't just clone hearts for himself and the rest of the organization seeing as he was able to make a replica with a heart, it may have something to do with the replica being overly sensitive and emo… but that may just be because he's a clone of Riku…he's weird like that.

While the Riku-Replica was sobbing, Max and Maxine crept into the room and started tearing stuff apart, and steal Vexen's belongings.

"Like taking candy from an emo-clone" Max said.

"Sure am glad Vexen didn't clone any of the really though guys like Sora or we'd be screwed" Maxine said.

Meanwhile, in the bar.

"DUDE! I think someone's talking badly beHIC my back!" Riku suddenly yelled.

He turned around to see Sora talking to Roxas.

"…and his mother made him wear diapers until he was HIC 7 because he always wet his bed at night, also his hair isn't _really_ silver, it's simply plain grey" Sora told his nobody.

Riku glared at him.

"Uhm… I wasn't talking about you; I was HIC talking about…HIC…Sephiroth!" Sora said.

"You haven't known Sephiroth sine he was 7" Riku commented.

"Oh snap" Sora said and ran out, or tried… he was so drunk he kept falling and crashing into stuff, luckily for him, so was Riku, so both of them ended up spinning aimlessly around in the bar crashing into stuff.

That's when the door opened and a very depressed little boy entered.

"Hi Riku!" Sora said happily to the guy who just entered.

"Oh great… I've been drinking so much I'm seeing two of them" Daxter said.

"Nah… HIC. That's Vexen's emo Riku-clone" Roxas said.

"I am NOT Emo! No one understands me! You think you're all so cool just because you're "real" and all! I got sick and tired of being left alone in Vexen's room with nothing else to do than sobbing and trying to keep those darn weasels from wrecking stuff so I came here. Got any alcohol?" the Riku-Replica asked.

* * *

**Usagi: randomness over. But trust me there will be more**** (6 more chapters and this fic will be 100 chapters long).**

**Zakura: and that must be about the shortest author's note you've ever written. Please review. **


	94. Vexen's new Clones

**Usagi: hey yep I'm back. Hopefully this chapter is a little funnier than the last one… It introduces two new OCs…sort of… they're clones of old characters from Final Fantasy and Kingdom hearts but their PERSONALITY is far of.**

**Both originated in a MSN-conversation… it also introduces Zexion!**

**Zakura: eh, yea about that… We still can't find him.**

**Usagi: not? Oh well, he'll probably appear someday.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 94**

**VEXEN'S NEW CLONES**

Now about Zexion…

….

No?

…  
Not here…

Darnit!

Back in the Naughty Ottsel, everyone in the building was now drunk.

And this time it included four people who weren't old enough to drink, Riku, Sora and their doppelgangers, Roxas and the Riku-Replica.

They were all singing happily on "Mickey Mouse Club March" again.

"M-I-C. K-E-Y. M-O-U-S-E!"

It was a very catchy tune, you should hear it sometime.

But soon however, someone walked in the door who wasn't drunk.

"Sora! Riku! What did I tell you about drinking?"

"Oh hi Kairi" Sora said. "Ehm let me think… you said HIC don't drink?"

"And what have you been doing?" Kairi asked.

"Ehm… drinking?" Sora said.

"And what else did I tell you about drinking?" Kairi asked.

"Don't force HIC Roxas do drink if he doesn't want to?"

"And you did?"

"HIC! You lost me there".

"Idiots" Kairi sighed. "And what are you doing? You're not old enough to drink either" she added to the replica.

"You're not the boss of me! HIC!" the replica said. "Nobody understands how it feels to be a clone! NOBODY!"

"Actually I don't get it either HIC" Roxas (who is litterally nobody) replied.

"Okay…. He's more emo than ever. Come on boys, we're going home" Kairi said and grabbed Sora and Riku.

"But we were just getting to the second verse" Sora cried. "Come along, sing along!"

"Shut up!" Kairi said as she dragged the boys out the door.

Meanwhile let's see what Zexion is doing.

…

That's it! He's going down.

…

Vexen was having problems of his own.

He had been looking for Zexion for 10 minutes but then gave up, only to find his room in a total mess and the Riku-replica gone.

"Darnit! That emo-freak can't do anything right" he said. "Maybe it's time I made a new one, someone smarter, someone with less emo-ness… Like a replica of a final fantasy character or something".

"As if. Since there's obviously NO emo final fantasy characters" Xigbar said sarcastically as he randomly walked into his room, petting a puppy.

"Maybe. But Riku's not very emo in this fic? So did his replica turn out that way? Funny. Maybe I should just pick out the most emo character among Usagi's favourites and make his personality way of? That should get me a suitable non-emo clone" Vexen said to himself, and walked out to gather DNA from the most emo character among Usagi's favourites.

Meanwhile, where Zexion was…

…

Why do I bother?

Meanwhile, in the Naughty Ottsel, the Riku-Replica had started crying again.

"And then…sob… Sora was so mean to me and started fighting me and stuff, and Vexen doesn't love me!" he cried.

"Sora was fighting you because you attacked him first and you can't expect Vexen to love you, he doesn't even have a heart" Roxas said, he was looking quite bored, although the replica was now crying on his shoulder; Roxas was carelessly reading a magazine.

"You hate me too!" the replica cried.

"No. Like Vexen I am heartless so I don't really care about you whatsoever" Roxas said. "Though I would be grateful if you stop making my coat vet".

"You heartless bastard!" the replica said and walked away from the table, looking very offended.

"Get used to it" Roxas answered without looking up from his Shonen Jump Magazine. "You live in the World That Never Was, sharing your home with 14 nobodies for KH's sake. You may have a fake heart but did Vexen forget to give you a brain?"

"I did it!" shouted Vexen, who suddenly ran into the Naughty Ottsel through a portal.

"What? I'm having an identity crisis here!" the Riku Replica said.

"I know Riku, you have one of those every week or so. that's why I decided to make you a little brother!" Vexen said happily.

The replica halted and looked at him.

"A what?"

"Two actually. Come meet my newest clones, created from the DNA of Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy VII and my old friend Ienzo" Vexen said as two kids came through the door. "I call them Chibi-Cloud and Mary".

"HI!" Chibi-Cloud said in a hyperactive manner.

"H… Mary??" the Ienzo-clone added in disbelief. "Couldn't I just be called Ienzo? Since the old one got turned into a heartless ages ago and his nobody refuses to make an apperance".

"Yeah, whatever" Vexen said.

"Why are they kids?" the Riku-replica asked.

"Well Riku, I've gotten really sick of you and your teenage angst and identity crisis, also Cloud and Ienzo were never the most cheerful among the Square Enix-characters… So I made them into 5-year olds!" Vexen said.

"You don't understand my feelings at all."

"I haven't even had feelings of my own for years now so that's understandable. Now I would like you to baby-sit these two while I go help Xemnas create a suitable sleeping pill for his ottsels. K, thanks" Vexen said and disappeared through a portal before the Riku Replica had time to protest.

"But I hate kids…" the replica said, and looked from the two grinning kids, to Roxas.

"Hell no" Roxas said and disappeared through a portal as well.

"Daxter?" RR said, turning to the ottsel.** (I'm sick of writing Riku Replica all the time).**

"Actually… I have to buy some more alcohol since you and your pals drank it all. Bye!" Daxter said and disappeared through a portal as well.

"Damn! I got to learn how to do that… wait, how can Daxter open portals?" RR said confused, and then he turned back to the two kids again.

"So, what do you wanna play first Ni-san?" Chibi-Cloud asked. **(Ni-san is Japanese. It means big brother)**

"How about Hide and seek? You go hide and I look for you" RR said.

"Okay!" the two kids said and ran of in different direction.

"Haha, suckers" RR said and sat down at the table again, and picked up the magazine Roxas had left behind.

Three hours later, the two kids in the garbage bin outside the Naughty Ottsel were starting to get bored.

"You know Ienzo? Ni-san sure sucks at hide and seek" Chibi Cloud said.

"Really? Are you sure he doesn't just pretend to be bad to give us a chance?" Ienzo asked.

"Oh yeah… But let's go anyway. I'm bored and this place stinks" Chibi Cloud said.

The little blonde stuck his head out of the garbage bin, just as another person walked by.

The man looked like a bigger version of Chibi Cloud himself, and carried an abnormally big sword.

"HI! You look familiar somehow" Chibi Cloud said.

"Is that so?" Cloud asked. "Who are you?"

"My name's Chibi Cloud! And this is my bro Ienzo. We were made by Vexen".

"Aha. Figures… hey kiddo… you wouldn't mind coming with me for a while? I know someone who would freak out if he saw you" Cloud said.

"Okay!" Chibi Cloud said happily.

No one ever told the kids to stay away from strangers... even if the stranger appears to be the guy you were cloned from.

Meanwhile Zexion was…

Hiding…

Get in here idiot!

No response.

Inside the Naughty Ottsel RR was finally done with the magazine (yeah, it took him three hours to read one single Shonen Jump Magazine).

"Geez. I should probably go find those little bastards soon. Vexen won't be happy if I don't… not that he's ever happy" he said and walked outside.

He opened the garbage bin and found Ienzo, who was reading the newspaper for yesterday.

"There you are. Where's CC?" RR asked.

"Who?" Ienzo asked.

"Chibi Cloud. CC. Can't you read?" RR asked.

"Nope".

"Then what are you doing with the newspaper?"

"Well either way, how do you expect me to read in a dark garbage bin?"

"But what were you doing with the newspaper?"

"I got bored".

"But why… ack. never mind. Where's Chibi Cloud?"

"I don't know. He went with some swordsman" Ienzo said, looking back to his newspaper.

"What swordsman?" RR asked.

"I don't know… I didn't even see him. Chibi Cloud was standing on my head. I was going to help him get out of the garbage bin and then he would pull me out but since he left I'm stuck here. Now I'm really glad you came to save me because this…hey!"

But RR just slammed the lid back on the garbage bin and ran of, leaving poor Ienzo trapped inside. (That way he knew where to find him later)

"Darnit! Didn't Vexen ever tell those two not to trust strangers? That guy could be a rapist or worse… a fangirl in disguise! I got to save him or else Vexen will murder me!" he said to himself as he ran through the city.

However Chibi Cloud wasn't in danger.

Cloud took him to Radiant Garden, a city known from Kingdom Hearts as Hollow Bastion; Cloud was obviously waiting for someone.

"Now you wait here. I got to go fix something okay? And take my sword too, I don't want to loose it" Cloud said and placed the sword on the ground, CC was too small to carry it anyway.

"Okay Cloud! Have fun!" CC said happily.

Cloud ran of giggling like a little girl or something, leaving the smiling CC alone.

But CC wasn't alone for too long, as he was trying to lift the heavy sword, a one-winged-angel descended from the sky.

"HI!" CC said happily.

Sephiroth stared at the kid.

"That's it. I definitely need a break" Sephiroth sighed and walked away.

"Hey! Where are you going?" CC asked.

Suddenly his big brother ran in, how did he get there without using portals you ask? Well one thing's for sure, he did NOT get there on flying pink elephants!

"Thank Kingdom hearts I found you kid. Are you okay?" RR said, panting. "Was that Sephiroth?"

"Who? The silver-haired man? He just looked oddly at me then left" CC said.

"Okay… sounds like Cloud wanted to play a prank on his rival… so unlike him… but then again, this _is_ Dork period" RR said.

"Why does Cloud and Sephiroth hate each other?" CC asked.

"I don't know. I never played FF VII, neither did the author and I can't know more than her since this is her fic and all… What I do know is that they definitely hate each other" RR said.

"But they shouldn't hate each other. I wished they'd just talk things over and be best friends just like you and me" CC said.

"Yeah yeah. Shut up bastard and let's go home. I've already missed ten minutes of "Emo Rangers" and if I miss any more you and Ienzo will be the ones to pay" RR said and dragged his "little brother" back to the World that Never Was.

* * *

**Usagi: strange enough for you? A little explanation about the replicas perhaps… The Riku Replica was introduced in the last chapter but he first appeared in Kingdom hearts Chain of Memores, so he's not my idea. **

**The other two however, were my idea. Created for just about no reason. **

**Chibi Cloud is a clone of Cloud Strife, known from Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy Advent Children and even the Kingdom Hearts games. But as RR mentioned, I only know him through KH and Advent Children. But as Cloud is a rather silent type, and somewhat emo, CC is a hyperactive kid who greets everyone with a smile, even Sephiroth (known from the same games and movie as Cloud) Cloud's mortal enemy, and to prove otherwise that he's completely unlike Cloud in any way, he talks _all_ the time.**

**Ienzo is based of the guy who's been hiding from me since… well… someday. Meaning Zexion. To explain who he is I guess I should explain something about the Organization's origins.**

**The organization XIII was founded by the nobodies of Ansem's six assistants. The names of these assistants were Xehanort, Braig, Dilan, Even, Elaeus (or something) and the youngest, Ienzo. These six refused to listen to their master's warnings, played too much with the dark powers and people's hearts and eventually it swallowed their hearts, making them heartless.**

**But as these six turned into heartless, 6 nobodies were born. Casting aside their original names, they called themselves Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, Vexen, Lexaeus and Zexion (their original names, mixed up and added an X, cept Xehanort cheated, taking the name of his master) **

**Ienzo was Zexion's real name, and although the other half never appeared in the original game, I decided to let Vexen clone him, making him a kid.**

**I have no idea what kind of personality Ienzo has (using Sora and Roxas as an example; nobodies don't always have the same personality as their past selves) but Zexion has gotten the mark "emo" by the fangirls.**

**Why I'm not quite sure, I know him mostly through the Chain of Memories Manga, where he's usually seen reading or talking to Lexaeus and Vexen. He also fights Riku at one time and is later killed, in the manga Riku kills him, but in the game apparently he's killed by the Riku Replica.**

**Where he is now… SOMEONE TELL ME!**

**Zakura: he doesn't want to be in your fic.**

**Usagi: but why? He hasn't appeared in any of my parody-fics before.**

**Zakura: no. But he's appeared in LiD, but even though that one is actually tagged "Tragedy" you turned him into a kitten, put a **_**pink**_** ribbon on him and gave him the nick-name "Fluffy", as well as placing him with the same little girl who adopted Daxter in "Undercover Ottsel" (who also made a short appearance in Chapter 12) **

**Usagi: oh yeah… that was kind of mean… but I'm sure he's forgiven me by now.**

**Zakura: have you even seen him in this fic?**

**Usagi: he's mentioned… but you're right, he never made an actual appearance… Well whatever. Please review while I go looking for Nr VI of the Organization. **


	95. Room Trouble and Lost Chapter

**Miss.Ecofreak: Once again I've written a chapter so random I didn't know what to use as a title….well anyway, enjoy.**

**CHAPTER 95**

**ROOM TROUBLE AND LOST PUPPIES**

"There you are kids! Did you have a good time?" Vexen asked like a proud parent as his three creations entered the door.

"Hell no" RR said. "Chibi-Cloud ran of with Cloud to scare Sephiroth and Ienzo smells".

"Well you left me in a garbage bin!" Ienzo complained.

"I want chocolate!" CC yelled.

"Why don't I have a cool abbreviation of my name?" Ienzo asked.

"Because the old Ienzo's dropped his heart somewhere and his nobody doesn't even dare to make an appearance giving you a weird name as "Chibi-Ienzo" is just silly" RR said.

"I hate my name" Ienzo pouted.

"Now don't you dare go emo. I don't have enough corners in my room to make another emo-corner so you'd have to share with Riku" Vexen said.

"No way! That's my Emo-corner! There's no way I'm sharing with him!" RR said and ran of to pout in his emo-corner.

"There there Riku, you must share with your little brothers. After all, this place is already quite crowded" Vexen said.

"It wasn't my dumbass idea to create three clones and put them in your room. Why don't you ask Xemnas for a bigger room or even better; give me a room of my own so I won't have to look at those bastards!" RR said.

"Hm. Good point. Maybe I should do that" Vexen said. "Meanwhile you can go pout in Zexion's room since he's not there".

As Vexen left the room, RR hurried over to Zexion's room to get away from the annoying kids.

Vexen went into Xemnas room where the superior was busy trying to feed the ottsels.

"Listen Maxine! You're not fat! You have to eat or you'll die!" Xemnas said. "OH Vexen… what's up?"

"Well… my Riku-replica is sick of sharing his room with me, Ienzo and Chibi-Cloud. He wants his own room" Vexen.

"Well I told you it was a bad idea to make those things" Xemnas said.

"But they are so cute…" Vexen said but Xemnas signalled for him to shut up. "What?"

Xemnas didn't answer, just went over to the window and looked out, before sighing and returning again.

"It's okay. They're gone now" he said.

"Who are?" Vexen asked.

"Sora and Riku. They just made themselves a death star and are now flying around the universe with it trying to take over it and get free beer" Xemnas said.

"But aren't they the good guys?...besides how the heck were those two able to build a death star?" Vexen asked.

"Apparently they found an instruction booklet on the internet. Blasted internet. They even hired an evil crew consisting of a dog and a rapid rabbit."

"Not…Zakura?"

"Luckily no. Their names are Sam and Max. Apparently from some kind of sick cartoon, they call themselves "freelance police"…or now "freelance stormtroopers"… also Riku has an army of heartless aboard that he commands and pretends to be the emperor and Sora pretends to be Darth Vader…after accidentally they turned the old Darth Vader into a heartless…he wanted to pet Riku's pet shadow."

"Riku has a pet shadow?"

"Yes. He calls it Roxas."

"Okay… that pretty much proves they're both nuts…or did they get drunk again?"

"Both, by the looks of it" Xemnas said. "But I expect them to fall down soon. They ran out of bolts so they used paper clips and the armour is made from cardboard. I'm shocked they even got it to fly."

"Well it's quite obviously not being pushed by pink flying elephants."  
"Of course not Vexen. That would be ridiculous, even for DP" Xemnas said.

So, rooting out the flying elephant-theory the two nobody-scientists decided to completely ignore the problem and sit down and have a nice cup of tea, forgetting everything about poor RR's space-problem.

Meanwhile Xigbar was running aimlessly around the castle that never was when he accidentally crashed into Roxas who responded by poking out his eye…which he did a lot when people bumped into him, old habits die hard.

"What's up Xigbar?" Roxas asked, not showing any signs of even remembering having poked out his fellow nobody's eye.

"Oh, hi Roxas. I was just looking for Bullseye" Xigbar said, not showing any signs of noticing that his eye was missing. Now observant fans may point out that if this is supposed to be after KH2 (despite the fact no one is dead and Roxas isn't…well whatever he is at the end of KH2, he's not), Xigbar didn't have that eye to start with, which **explains** why no one cared that it was missing.

However it did cause for a few questions on how Roxas was able to poke out something that wasn't there to start with.

"What's that?" Roxas asked.

"Bullseye? That's my puppy" Xigbar said.

"Ah…the one you use for target practice?" Roxas asked.

"Yup. He went missing and I can't understand why. Hey! Maybe you could go get your cat to sniff him out!" Xigbar said.

"Uhm…. Trixi's not very good at sniffing people out. You should go as Max or Maxine instead" Roxas said.

"Good idea! I'll go ask the superior right away" Xigbar said.

Meanwhile back at Xemnas' office, Xigbar barged in the door.

"Er… weren't you just with Roxas?" Vexen asked, the freeshooter ignored his question.

"Xemnas, can I borrow one of your ottsels? I need them to sniff out Bullseye for me" Xigbar said.

"Well if you didn't keep shooting the poor thing maybe it wouldn't run away all the time" Xemnas said.

"Do you honestly care what I do with my puppy?" Xigbar asked.

"No. Not really. Max? Do you mind helping Xigbar find his object of torture?" Xemnas asked as Max the ottsel blasted his way out of the metal box he was in.

"Yessir! That dog won't stand a chance against my bazooka!" he said and pulled out a bazooka, who knows what he had made that out of. (Shows Saïx pondering where his fruit basket went).

"Er… I would like to have it alive if you don't mind" Xigbar said. "I usually shoot it with tranquilizers".

"Oh? Okay" Max said and put the bazooka away, clearly saddened because he wasn't able to test his bazooka. (Show's Saïx going berserk on the table wondering where his fruit basket went).

Instead he pulled out a metal detector, only it was labelled "Puppy-detector". Who knows what he made that from (Shows Saïx who stopped attacking the table as he realised it wasn't even there…)

So Xigbar and the ottsel bounced happily through the flower-covered corridors of the castle that never was (Marluxia had decided to decorate it…he likes flowers), searching for Bullseye the puppy.

"So….exactly what breed of dog are we looking for?" Max whispered.

"I don't know. Mixed breed I guess…. I stole him from a shelter" Xigbar whispered back.

"Stole?" Max asked.

"You don't honestly think any rescue shelter would give a puppy to someone who would use it as target practice, do you?" Xigbar whispered.

"Why are we whispering?" Max asked.

"Don't ask me, you started" Xigbar whispered back.

"Oh" Max said. He was quiet for a moment and then finally he whispered: "I like pie".

While these two are having a random conversation let's see what Zexion is doing?

At an ice cream stand in Twilight Town, a cloaked man was eating ice cream, then he panicked, lost his ice cream and disappeared into a dark portal.

DANG! So close!

Back at the castle, Bullseye the puppy was in safe hands.

He was hiding out in Saïx' room, under his bed.

"He shoots at you? Dreadful" Saïx said, apparently he was able to understand the puppy for some reason. Maybe he went to bark-class with Inuzuka Kiba, or it has something to do with him being transformed into a dog in Lost in Darkness.

"Well don't worry little guy, he won't find you here".

The blue-haired nobody suddenly heard a strange beeping noise outside his door, and then the door blew up.

"Take that darn muts of the underworld!" Max yelled as he carried a huge flamethrower on his shoulder. Who knows how he made that. (Shows Saïx looking at the ottsel with a puzzled expression, while wondering what happened to his "My Little Pony"-collection).

"What on the earth that never was is going on?" Saïx asked.

"Oh, hi nr VII. We were just looking for Bullseye. Have you seen him?" Xigbar, who just popped his head in, asked.

Saïx glanced at the bed, then moved one step to the side to block Xigbar's view.

"No nr II. I haven't seen your dog anywhere" he said. "Have you checked Roxas' room? Maybe he's chasing that bloody cat?"

"Max' puppy detector led us here" Xigbar said.

"Well there are no puppies in here. So get out" Saïx said. "And please repair my door or I'll have to go berserk on both of you."

"Er…. I think that door is beyond repair" Xigbar said, looking at the pile of ash on the floor.

Saïx looked at him.

"…But you can have mine! Just a minute!" Xigbar said and disappeared. He soon returned with a new door, the sign on it said "XVII" but he just removed the X, seeing as the organization had only 13 members they didn't have a 17 that could be annoyed to see his door missing.

After putting the door up, Xigbar and Max left and Bullseye crawled out from under the bed.

"Don't worry little guy he's gone now" Saïx said.

"Good, cause you smell" Bullseye barked.

Saïx stared at the puppy as it left his room.

"That dog is so dead" nr VII growled.

**Miss.Ecofreak: poor puppy… and hey! ****There's a preview to one of my upcoming fics in this chapter. Sneaked in…just to be evil I'm not going to tell you what the preview is or what kind of fanfic it is, you'll have to guess that for yourself.**

**Zakura: it's in your profile**

**Miss.Ecofreak: aaaaand…. I was going to upload it after finishing DP, which means….5 more chapters. Please review, so I will finally reach my goal of writing 100 chapters of random shit. **


	96. Monster in the closet

**Miss.Ecofreak: okay we're back! With another chapter filled with random jokes and shameless advertising of my own fics…+another fic in my favourites list.**

**Zakura: which doesn't really matter cause there's only like two people reading.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: 2 or 2 million. Doesn't matter. There's a new character appearing in this chapter, he's and OC… but I didn't create him… He comes from the Fanfictional Story written by Rilaveke (who kindly asked/begged me to put his character into DP, and seeing as after 95 chapters I am getting short on stuff to write, I let him in)**

**Sora: sure hope it's not a villain.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: ehm….enjoy!**

* * *

**CHAPTER 96**

**MONSTERS IN THE CLOSET**

* * *

Roxas had been having a long day, trying to avoid his other half and his best friend, who for some reason had made it their goal to stalk him and bother him at every occasion.

Now they had finally gone home (meaning: Kairi had appeared and dragged both Sora and Riku out of the Castle that Never Was by their ears) and nr XIII had time for some much needed rest.

He had given Axel some sleeping pills and hid Demyx' sitar very well (+tearing it apart, hiding the different pieces on different places), and was now ready to go to bed.

"Finally. At least no one can bother me now" he said as he tucked himself up in his bed.

Fate however, seemed to be against XIII that day, as the moment he turned the light of, he heard a strange sound.

Roxas turned on the light and looked around, no one there, so he turned it of again.

Once again he heard a strange sound, so he turned the light on again.

"Anybody there?" Roxas asked, then thought, and asked again.

"Nope, nobody here" said a strange voice.

Roxas glared out into the air, not knowing quite where to glare.

However there was something about that voice, it didn't sound like Axel…or Demyx…or anyone else in the Organization, yet still it seemed familiar somehow…

He walked over to the closet and opened it; it was empty, yet with an aura of darkness inside as if someone had just used a dark portal in there.

"Who is it? Show yourself!" Roxas demanded.

A man wearing an organization cloak carrying a large sword suddenly appeared in the room.

"Oh no, not you" Roxas sighed.

"Hi there nr XIII. Have you missed me?" the stranger asked.

"Definitely NOT. What are you doing in this fanfic?" Roxas asked.

"The author of my own fanfic, FFS, is on vacation so I figured I go visit Usagi's most random fanfiction. I found a portal between the various fanfics and for some reason it led me to your closet" said the man, who was in fact no other than Sword Master. The new leader of Organization VI from the Fanfictional Story.

"You can't just barge into another fanfic like that, you're supposed to take over the organization after Xemnas' death but he's still alive in this fanfic, you can't co-exist!" Roxas said.

"Well… Daxter wasn't supposed to take over the Naughty Ottsel before after Krew's death yet he's still alive and kicking" SM said, and pointed towards Roxas' fridge where Krew was in fact raiding it.

"Well yeah but…. Krew! Leave my cake alone! It's for Trixi's birthday party!" Roxas said.

"You baked a cake for your cat?" SM asked.

"Namine did. It's a rat cake" Roxas said and Krew started coughing and then disappeared into a dark portal.

As he did, the Riku Replica portalled in. "How did he do that?" he asked.

"Get out of my room, both of you" Roxas said.

RR didn't need further convincing as he had no real reason to be in XIII's room anyway, but SM didn't leave.

"Why aren't you leaving?" Roxas asked.

"Wanna join Organization VI?" SM asked.

Roxas sighed. "No" he said.

"Of course, with you it would be Organization VII…"

"I don't care. Leave now" Roxas said and opened the door, signalling for SM to leave trhough it.

"Aw, come on, it'll be fun. We have a swimming pool" SM said.

"Right now all I want is a good night sleep, get out" Roxas said and pushed SM out, before locking the door.

He walked back towards his bed but was stopped by SM who was once again standing right in front of him.

"How did you get back in?" Roxas asked.

"Dark portal" SM just said.

Roxas suddenly figured it was really useless for him to lock the door as everyone in the castle knew how to use dark portals (though some weren't as good at deciding where to go, like Namine's fish, several of them had died when they accidentally portalled out of the water).

Now was the question, how to get rid of annoying OCs… Usagi's OCs were crazy enough now she was inviting OTHER PEOPLE'S OCs into her fanfics, and even if she did keep inserting other people's OCs couldn't she at least pick someone who didn't act like a complete moron?

**In Dork Period? Dream on XIII.**

Riiiight.

"Ach, whatever" Roxas said and disappeared into a dark portal.

Shortly after he reappeared in Namine's room.

The blonde witch sat up quickly in her bed as she noticed there was someone in her room, and stared at Roxas.

"What is it this time? Axel not letting you sleep again?" she asked.

"No. The sleeping pills you suggested works great. No, this is worse than Axel, way worse" Roxas said.

Namine stared at him with a confused expression, and before you get any naughty thoughts she was wearing pyjamas and was completely wrapped up in her bed-sheets.

"Sora and Riku?" She asked.

"Worse".

"Gremlins?"

"…no, worse".

"Sword Master from Rilaveke's The Fanfictional Story?"

"How did you know?"

"Cause he's standing right behind you".

Roxas turned around quickly and sure enough there was SM.

"There you are Roxy. I looked for you in Axel's room but I should have known you were with your girlfriend" SM said.

"How did you get here?" Roxas asked.

SM replied by gazing at him for a long time.

"Right… dark portals… what does it take for you to leave me alone?" Roxas asked.

"Have you seen Fluffy anywhere?" SM asked.

"Fluffy?" Namine asked.

"He calls Zexion that…he's obviously been reading Lost in Darkness too much" Roxas said.

"Why Fluffy?" Namine asked.

"It's a strange story" Roxas said. "And a quite good one too, I'm the main character and Sora eats wood. Rather amusing".

"Gah, I wished Usagi would stop using Dork Period to advertise for her other fanfics" Namine said.

"Meh, why bother. There are only about two people reading anyway" Roxas said.

"Hello? I asked a question, why isn't anyone answering?" SM asked.

"What? Oh, Zexion. No. He's been absent through the whole fic" Roxas said.

"He did appear in last chapter but then he left again" Namine said.

"Dang. Oh well I'll find him" SM said and dark portalled away.

"Phew, thank Kingdom Hearts he left" Roxas sighed.

"Good. Could you go back into your room now?" Namine asked.

"Well I could… but since I'm here and all and no one's watching…"

Before Roxas got time to finish his sentence and add more stuff to the already quite long list of disturbing stuff occurring in Dork Period (like shonen ai, OOCness, drunken cyborgs and Darth Sidious) Namine opened a dark portal in which she pushed both Roxas and Darth Sidious trhough, back into Roxas' room.

Roxas sighed in defeat, pushed the sith lord out of his room and went back to bed, hoping he would never see SM's face again…not that he actually HAD shown his face as he had been having his hood up throughout the whole chapter but…Roxas still didn't want to see his face…or his hood….or any other part of his body or clothing…which he probably would sooner or later…Usagi was annoying like that… but she did let him have certain advantages over the other characters in her fics so he probably shouldn't complain.

* * *

**Miss.Ecofreak: that was that! Hoped you liked it, especially Rilaveke and HK**

**Zakura: Is there even anyone else who reads this thing?  
Miss.Ecofreak: if there is then they haven't bothered reviewing in a looooong time.**

**Xehanort: I read it.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: well yeah but you don't exist so you don't count.**

**Please review!**


	97. Hour of Dorkness

**Miss.Ecofreak: a new random chapter, oddly enough uploaded in broad daylight.**

**Although there are only 3 more chapters left of this fic, I had to include some characters from a new game I've recently started getting interest in.**

**Zakura: even though you've never actually PLAYED the game, only watched an anime about it.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: details….. the game/Anime in question is Disgaea Hour of Darkness, a game about demons (I love demons) who treat penguins as slaves…. They're not normal penguins. They're prinnys, souls of sinners who have to work and make money to pay for their sins, if they succeed they will be reborn. **

**But enough talk, here's the chapter.**

* * *

**CHAPTER 97**

**HOUR OF DORKNESS**

It was breakfast time in the Castle that Never Was, and all but 4 of the members were eating, or in Xigbar's case, throwing food at the other members.

Then the door to the kitchen opened, and Roxas, Axel and Demyx came in, all looked extremely tired.

"What's up with you three? You looked like you've been up all night putting scary stuff into Nr XI's shampoo again" Xemnas said.

Marluxia screamed and ran out of the room.

"No, it wasn't like that" Roxas said. "I couldn't sleep because Sword Master randomly appeared into my room during the night."

"If I had a heart I would so pity you" Vexen said, taking another bit of his sandwich, he, Lexaeus and Zexion knew SM from FFS, but Zexion was quite noticeably not in the room… there was however a silver-coated cat hiding under the table, but that's completely un-related.

"What's your excuse?" Xemnas now asked the other two.

"Roxas hid my sitar in various places so I had to stay up all night looking for the different pieces then taping the whole thing together and I think Axel's been eating too many sleeping pills" Demyx said as Axel fell asleep on his shoulder.

Roxas whistled innocently.

"Where's Nr VI?" Xemnas now asked.

"How many times are you going to keep asking about that?" Roxas asked.

"Until he shows up. Now shut up, I'm trying to read" Xemnas said, once again looking back into his book; "Ottselcare for Nobodies".

Roxas was about to point out that Xemnas was the one who had been asking, but decided not to, it was not wise to anger the Organization's leader so early in the morning…even though technically Xemnas was unable to feel anger but that's not important.

Suddenly Namine barged into the room carrying a newspaper.

"Guys!...and Larxene…have you read the newspaper today?" she asked.

"Seeing as you're the one holding it, no" Xaldin said, as he looked up from his book; "How to Make a Tornado".

Might I now mention that every Organization member cept Xigbar, Roxas and Axel were reading some kind of book.

Vexen was reading; "How to Tell Kids Where Babies comes From" (seems CC had been asking tricky questions lately, which even Cloud refused to answer, he'd scream and hide in the curtains), Lexaeus was reading "How to Not Look like you're Big and Dumb", Zexion was….missing, Saïx was reading "The New Adventures of Fluffy Bunny and the King of Chaos", Luxord was reading a Yu-Gi-Oh-manga, Marluxia was reading "Shonen Jump" and Larxene was reading "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince".

"I can't believe that…." Larxene started before he was interrupted by Marluxia.

"HOLD IT! I haven't read that book yet and refuse to let anyone spoil it for me" he said.

"It's been out for a long time now" Larxene said.

"Yes, but I was going to read them all at the same time, that way I won't have to wait so long between each book" Marluxia said.

"So you waited 10 years to read them all?" Larxene asked.

"HEY! I'VE GOT SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY!" Namine yelled.

"Sorry Freak, we weren't listening" Xemnas said. "Please continue."

"The World that Never Was is being attacked by Demons!" Namine said.

"Oh come on, like I wouldn't notice that" Xemnas said and looked out the window, he saw demons attacking. "Oh my… guess you're right".

"See? Told you not everything I say is complete nonsense" Namine said.

"Not now Nr Freak, can't you see we're being attacked by demons? This is no time for stupid talking and reading of silly books" Xemnas said.

"But this is the best part!" Saïx said. "Fluffy Bunny is going to the King of Chaos' birthday party but the evil Freddy Wolf is putting up traps for her and wants to steal the presents!"

"What kind of book is that anyway nr VII?" Xemnas asked.

Meanwhile, outside the castle, 12 out of 13 members+Namine and Itachi gathered at the doorstep…oi, that was fast.

"Not so fast Demons!" Xemnas said.

But as he looked in front of him he could only see one drunken demon lying right in front of the memory skyscraper.

"What the?" Xemnas said. "Itachi will you go check it out?" he asked.

"Why me?" Itachi asked.

"Because you're not a member and no one knows why you're even here right now no one would miss you in case that demon murders you" Xemnas said.

"I'm pretty sure I have more fangirls than you, nobody, but I'm going" Itachi said and left as Xemnas started sobbing in a corner for being called nobody.

"Superior…. You ARE a nobody" Roxas said.  
"No reason to rub it in" Xemnas said and kept sobbing.

"And that guy is supposed to be our leader" Roxas muttered.

"See now why I'm so much better?" SM asked as he randomly appeared.

"Go away" Roxas said.

"VILLAIN!" Sora yelled as he suddenly came up from a nearby trashcan.

"Sora, we're in the World that Never Was, homeworld of the nobodies, OF COURSE THERE ARE VILLAINS HERE!" Riku yelled from another trashcan.

Meanwhile Itachi walked up to the drunk demon sitting by the skyscraper.

"Hello, little fella" he said.

Looking closer at the demon he realised it looked like a penguin, with demon wings and funny feet.

It was carrying a bag on its belly, filled with beer boxes.

"Hic" it replied.

"Er… yes, what are you doing here?" Itachi asked.

"Drinking. Hic!" the penguin said.

"Yes, I can see that, but why are you HERE drinking?" Itachi asked.  
"Well why are you HIC here?" the penguin asked-

"GAH! That damn prinny is destroying my master plan!" said a new voice.

Suddenly a new band of demons appeared next to the skyscraper, their leader appeared to be a small boy, he had blue hair which formed a couple of antennas. He wasn't wearing a shirt, only a pair of short pants and a large red scarf.

"All kneel for the great demon overlord Laharl!" the boy said and laughed manically.

Itachi wasn't impressed. The boy didn't have any tails, so he wasn't all that interested.

_I was hoping there would be at least some bijus in this battle_, he thought.

"Who are you?" he asked.

The boy fell back.

"I just told you. I'm the great demon overlord Laharl" he said.

"Never heard of you" Itachi said.

Laharl growled and turned his attention to the penguin, or "prinny" as he had called it.

"You! You destroyed my plan of ambushing these nobodies, if they saw us attacking they would all storm out to stop us and then we could take them out but you had to lie there as a drunkard, and then the nobodies just send out this one guy to investigate while the rest of them hide out under that castle over there like a bunch of chickens" the demon said.

"We're not chickens!" Larxene said. "He is, but not us" she added, pointing at Demyx who was sobbing in the corner with Xemnas.

Laharl ignored the nobodies.

"Etna, get this bastard out of my sight" he said.

Another demon, a girl with spiky red hair and not wearing more clothes than necessary walked up to the boy.

"Alright Prince, prinny team! Come on!" she yelled.

No reaction.

"….I have cookies" Etna said.

Suddenly a whole pack of penguins…prinnys appeared from dark portals.

"They have never appeared in this fanfic before and still they know how to do that…" said the Riku Replica, as he came out the door followed by his two little brothers and Cloud wearing pyjamas, he and ChibiCloud had been having a slumber party.

"Where are the cookies Etna-sama, dood?" the prinnys asked.

"There isn't any. Now go get that bastard out of the way" Etna said.

The prinnys sighed, but realised Etna giving them cookies was far too OOC, even if it was Dork Period, it would be being nice, and Usagi didn't do nice very often.

Instead they picked up their comrade and carried him out of the way before Etna went back to torturing them.

"Now where are you going?" Etna asked.

"Home, the Adventures of Fluffy Bunny and the King of Chaos the Movie is on TV tonight, dood!" the prinnys said.

"It is??" Saïx said in disbelief and ran after the prinnys.

"Alright enough randomness" Xemnas said getting up. "What are you demons doing in my world?"

"I just felt like expanding my territory and this world seems nice" Laharl said.

"Well this is my territory and you can't have it" Xemnas said.

"Do you need this huge city for housing 13 people?" Laharl said.

"Actually there's 17 of us, counting Namine and Vexen's "kids", not to mention all our pets and Cloud, Sora and Riku who visit regularly" Xemnas said.

"Still… there's 17 of you+pets and visitors, and you have this needlessly huge castle, do you ever USE the City for anything?" Laharl asked.

The nobodies pondered over this for a moment, after all the city was big and didn't exactly have many functions. There were a few stores, like the Pet Shop That Never Was, but the Organization were banned from most of them due to certain "accidents" usually caused by Axel, Demyx or Roxas.

Whenever they needed something they just went to other worlds, usually Twilight Town as it was the closest, though because of the dark portals distance didn't really matter.

"You know what? You're right. Let the demons take the city but stay clear of my castle" Xemnas said. "And btw: no banning Organization members from the stores. It's getting really annoying".

"I'll pass the message on. Not" Laharl said and laughed evilly.

* * *

**Miss.Ecofreak: There you have it, and thanks to my Laptop Rabbit for not crashing even though I feel like smashing the screen in sometimes when it's working too slow. Please review.**


	98. PrinnyTeam Come on

**Miss.Ecofreak: here's another random chapter. Named for the prinnies, I like the prinnies. Don't know what a prinny is? Read this chapter.**

* * *

**CHAPTER 98**

**PRINNY-TEAM, COME ON**

Back at the Naughty Ottsel which seemed to have disappeared of the face of earth since chapter 94, it was revealed it had _not_ disappeared after all. Either that or the black hole that swallowed it spit it back out.

Daxter was busy bragging about his heroic actions in another fanfic by Usagi, Lost in Darkness, as someone once again commented and told Usagi stop using the Dork-fics to advertise for other fanfiction.

Then suddenly Larxene ran in and said the biggest Harry Potter 7-spoiler ever.

"Cedric dies!" she yelled.

"That wasn't a HP7-spoiler" Daxter said, raising his eyebrow.

"Well no, Usagi censored the spoiler" Larxene said. "Of course for Marluxia that's just the same as he hasn't read any of the books".

"NOOOOO! My favourite character!" Marluxia yelled.

"How can he be your favourite character when you haven't even read the books?" Aerith asked.

"For the love of flowers, stop talking" Marluxia said, adding on to Usagi's ever-lasting hatred towards Aerith's KH2-voice.

Then at random, Aerith was killed by a passing one-winged angel, which may or may not have happened before, take a guess!

"Oh perfect. I thought I stated clearly I do not want any murders in my bar!" Daxter said, pointing to a sign which said "No murders allowed".

"Oh, sorry. I didn't see that sign" Sephiroth said as he cleaned of his sword and left.

The body was already gone, seeing as they were in a game-world where bodies usually did disappear into thin air like that…cept for Praxis, but that has already been established.

"Speaking of murders, where's Errol?" Larxene asked.

"Oh he died in a car accident. Kept telling him it was a perfect good idea to drive while drinking" Cornelius said.

"Isn't that a very bad idea?" Larxene asked.

"Not when you're an asshole" Cornelius said.

"Strangely enough soon after he died this guy appeared" Daxter said and pointed to the prinny (penguin demon from the last chapter) sitting on Errol's seat. "I have no idea where he came from."

"Hm. Isn't that the same penguin that appeared in the Dark City in chapter 97?" Larxene said.

"Well what do you know… I think you're right" Marluxia said.

"Do you know this penguin?" Daxter asked.

"Well no, he randomly appeared in the previous chapter. We have no idea who he is" Marluxia said.

"Well whoever he is he's making me rich. Don't kill him" Daxter said and added a sidenote under his sign, now it said "No murders, especially not of the demon-penguin. Krew however is free game".

Everyone in the bar who read that sign, gazed over at the fridge which Krew was currently raiding (again).

"Uh-oh" Krew said and floated away before the angry/over-extreme violent gang could launch themselves at him.

Luckily the guests were too drunk to walk in a straight line and Krew (as the only sober one) managed to escape.

"I've always found it strange how he's actually able to get out trhough the door" Daxter said.

"Even stranger that he bothers to leave trhough the door seeing as we lack both walls and a roof" Jak added.

Suddenly the non-existing roof got torn of and the demon overlord Laharl appeared, laughing manically.

"Perfect. More nutbags" Daxter said. "Where does Usagi find all these weirdoes?"

"On the internet mostly. I've come to take over this city!" Laharl said.

"…why?" Daxter asked.

"Ever since love-freak Flonne here moved into my netherworld the demons have been multiplying like rabbits. We needed to expand" Laharl said.

"Why can't we just all be friends instead?" Said love-freak, a fallen angel named Flonne said.

"Come on! Demons and humans can never be friends!" Laharl said.

"But your mother was a human" Etna mentioned.

"And a kind one too, dood!" a pink prinny said.

"Shut up all of you! I'm trying to take over the world here" Laharl said.

"You have a spot right there" the prinny said and used a towel to wipe of a spot of Laharl's face.

"Thank you now get lost….now where was I? Oh yeah, who leads this town?" Laharl asked.

"Well…. It used to be Mar's heritage so it should be Jak" Ashelin said.

"Hell no! You're the governor, kill her" Jak said.

"No Jak, I think it's time I gave back the rule of the city to you, it was your legacy after all. Bye" Ashelin said, tossing a crown at Jak before running out of the bar.

"How long has she been carrying that?" Jak asked, as Etna's Prinnies suddenly threw themselves at him. "Gah! Get of me evil penguins! Just take this stupid crown". Jak threw the crown in Laharl's face, who immediately called of the prinny-attack.

"Haaahahahaha. Two worlds countered in less than a day. I'm really the best overlord that ever was" the demon said.

"Wow! I got to get one of those penguins!" Roxas said excitedly, and ran out the door.

"Funny… I would have expected him to ask where we got them…where did he go?" Etna asked.

"To the same place everyone in this world goes when looking for something animal-like" Daxter said.

Sure enough, two minutes later Roxas barged into the Haven Central Pet Store.

"PetLuvr quick! I need a blue stuffed penguin with long beak, purple wings, legs made by wood and that are animated by the souls of sinners" the nobody said.

"You mean a prinny?" PetLuvr said.

Roxas was baffled, could really the shop keeper be right for once? The same one who mistook budgies for rats?

"You're lucky. We just had a party of three prinnies coming in today" PetLuvr said and picked up a box, she opened the box and three prinnies stuck their heads out.

"Aw… they're so cute. How much?" Roxas asked.

"Well they're usually 2 orbs each, but you look like a kind-hearted kid so I will give you all of them for 6 orbs" PetLuvr said.

Roxas was a little confused over how getting 3 prinnies for 6 orbs would save him money/orbs if it was the exact same price he would have gotten anyway but still agreed.

"Come here prinnies, we're gonna have so much fun" he said, and took the box with the prinnies back to the Naughty Ottsel.

"Aw, they're so cute" Namine said the moment they entered. "What have you named them?"

"Who in their right mind names a prinny?" Laharl asked.

"They must have names, how else are we supposed to call them?" Namine asked.

"Well I think I'll call this one…. Prinny Nr 1, this one will be Prinny Nr 2 and this one…..Mark" Roxas said.

"Not fair! I wanna be nr 1! Dood!" Prinny Nr 2 said.

"And I'm a girl, dood" Mark said.

"Really? What's the difference in male and female prinnies?" Roxas asked.

"Mark" looked down at her feet. "Well… I WAS female before I died".

"Though luck, from now on you will be known as Prinny nr 53, because I don't like you" Roxas said. "And while we're at it, are you two boys or girls?"

"Boys, at least I used to be, now I'm not so sure" Prinny nr 1 said, also looking at his feet.

"I wanna be prinny nr 1….dood" Prinny nr 2 said whining.

"Shut up, or else your name will be Fartboy, and you'll be forced to clean out Trixi's litter box every day, and I should warn you, all the other Organization's pets (including Namine's fish, don't ask how) use that litter box too, and you'll usually have to seek it up since the Superior's ottsels keep stealing it" Roxas said. "Then you'll need to clean whatever deadly weapon they made the litter box into."

"Yay! I'm Prinny nr 2! Dood!" Prinny nr 2 said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

* * *

**Miss.Ecoreak: 2 chapters to go before Heart Wars****. And trust me, that one will be good.**

**Prinny: review, dood!**


	99. Searching for a Prinnybed

**Miss.Ecofreak: dood, two chapters in two days…**

**Zakura: stop copying the prinnies**

**Miss.Ecofreak: but I like prinnies…dood … okay so I wasn't all that pleased on how the last chapter turned out dood. It felt rushed….which probably makes it even weirder that I'm updating now some 25 hours later (or would be hadn't Fanfiction been having a Down-Time as finished this)…still freaked out and random but that's what DP is all about. Deal with it. More pet-shop-bashing in this chapter! Enjoy!**

* * *

**CHAPTER 99**

**SEARCHING FOR A PRINNY-BED**

The organization soon figured they could have much fun with Roxas' prinnies.

Seeing as Roxas (by number, him being nr 13 of an organization of 13 members (+Namine, the replicas and all their pets)) was the lowest ranked nobody, everyone in the castle (even the replicas) made sure the three little penguins never ran out of work.

"Yo Prinnies! My dog's gone missing again. Go find him" Xigbar said one day.

"Dood. Maybe if you stopped shooting at him he'd stop running away, dood" Prinny nr 53 said, as she collapsed on the floor right before Xigbar.

"Hey, I don't tell you how to look after your pets do I?" Xigbar asked.

"I don't have any" Prinny nr 53 said.

"Precisely. Now go find Bullseye or else you can take his place" Xigbar said, summoning his weapon.

Prinny nr 53….fainted.

"Roooxas. Your prinny is broken" Xigbar whined.

"Aw, poor thing, she just needs some rest, that's all" Namine said and picked up the unconscious penguin. "I'll go take her back to my room; she can sleep in my spare bed."

"I'm still curious as to why you have a spare bed…and be careful so she doesn't start using your fish as a weapon again" Xigbar said as Namine carried Prinny nr 53 away.

Namine pondered over this, and decided to take the prinny to Roxas' room instead, seeing as she lived there she probably had a bed of her own in there.

When she entered Roxas' room he was busy staring at Prinny nr 1 and 2 who were cooperating on cleaning Trixi's litter box.

Trixi was there too, constantly going back to pooh in the box soon after they cleaned it and Roxas forced them to clean it all over again.

"What are you doing?" Namine asked.

"I just love looking at other people working" Roxas said. "Ops. Guess you need to start over" he said as Trixi pooped again.

"How much does that cat eat to produce all that shit?" Prinny nr 2 complained.

"Er…right. Prinny nr 53 is tired, where's her bed?" Namine asked.

"Over there" Roxas said, and pointed towards the cardboard box the prinnies came in.

"…You can't let them sleep in that. It's hardly room for one in there" Namine said. "Actually I'm surprised you were able to bring them in that."

"No problem, you just got to squeeze them in. Look" Roxas said and took Prinny nr 53 from Namine.

He put the prinny on top of the cardboard box and started pushing her in, eventually he decided it was enough, the prinny was on her head in the box, the feet and butt were sticking up.

"That can't be very comfortable!" Namine said.

"I don't hear her complaining ("She's unconscious idiot!") and besides I did put in a pillow, I look very well after my pets" Roxas said proudly.

"You've been feeding Trixi wrong again, she's got diarrhoea for the 6. Time this week! Honestly! Well I'm going down to the pet store and get them some REAL beds…and maybe some cat food" Namine said and left, as the two prinnies that were awake started cheering.

"Hey! Didn't I tell you guys to clean out the litter box? It reeks!" Roxas said.

"Say that one more time and your kitty will get it" Prinny nr 2 replied, holding Trixi hostage.

"Funny….Etna never said this could happen" Roxas said.

"You never asked for help either, you're on your own kid" Etna said from the window, before she bounced of again.

Meanwhile, Namine arrived at the Pet Store That Never Was, which was now overtaken by demons like the rest of the city.

The pet store had changed quite a bit, not only did the shop keeper look a lot like the animals he sold, they had started selling humans there too, Namine guessed for demons humans counted as animals, yet it was surprising that they would actually keep them as pets..

"Need any help kid?" the shop keeper asked.

"Er…yeah, I was looking for a bed for my boyfriend's prinnies, 3 of them" Namine said.

A few prinnies in a cage next to her cheered, but the shop keeper kicked their cages to make them shut up.

"Sorry kid. We don't have any prinny-beds" he said.

"Oh…but maybe you have some large dog-baskets then? I'm sure they would fit" Namine said.

"Sorry kid. We don't have big dogs here so we don't sell big dog beds either" the shop keeper said. "All the dogs we have here are miniatures such as these sweet little Chihuahuas". He picked up a little pink longhaired Chihuahua and started petting it. "Isn't that right my little Smoochie-kun?" he said.

"Er…ok…. I'll just go somewhere else then" Namine said, and slowly backed out of the door.

A couple of hours later she showed up at the Haven Central Pet Store, wearing brand new shoes, which could explain why it took her two hours even though she could have easily used a portal.

"Hello PetLuvr. You wouldn't happen to have any prinny beds do you?" Namine asked.

"Prinny-beds?" PetLuvr asked, sounding confused.

"Yeah, or just any bed in which a prinny could fit into is fine" Namine said. "Heck I'm sure they would settle with a mattress, anything's better than the box Roxas keeps them in".

PetLuvr looked at her with a confused expression, then she pulled out a rubber duck.

"Er… I don't see how that is going to help" Namine said.

PetLuvr then pulled out a small pet-bed, apparently made for hamsters and mice.

"No, that's too small. I need one to fit a prinny" Namine said.

"It does, look" PetLuvr said as she picked up a hamster from one of the cages, and placed it in the bed.

"…That's a hamster" Namine said.

"No it isn't"

"Yes it is."

"No no. This is a hamster" PetLuvr said and pointed to the donkey behind the counter.

Why the heck there was a donkey behind the counter was beyond anyone's understanding but PetLuvr appeared to have gone back to her usual idiotic self.

"You wouldn't happen to have an identical twin do you?" Namine asked.

"Yes, but she did plastic surgery on herself and now she's my not-very-identical twin brother" PetLuvr said. "His name's FootBallYay."

"Okay then that's not it… well see you later" Namine said and left.

PetLuvr shrugged, and put the hamster back into its cage, then she turned and gazed at the donkey.

"OMFG! Who took a donkey in here?" she suddenly yelled.

Namine was almost starting to feel that she would never find a suitable bed for her prinny friends (cause she had become friends with them over just one day), but as she didn't have a heart and therefore could not feel, she kept going.

She decided to go to Konoha, where she found a pet store named "Inuzuka's Pet Store".

As she entered she noticed this pet store sold nothing but dogs, but she decided to give it a shot anyway.

"Hello? Anyone here?" she asked as she entered.

"Hello there kid! How may I help you?" said a familiar face, Kiba appeared over the counter, alongside his trusted dog Akamaru.

"Yeah…why is everyone calling me kid? I'm not that much younger than you" Namine said.

"Oh really? How old are you?" Kiba asked.

"I'm 15" Namine replied.

"Actually…. I've played KH2 and you can't be that much more than 2 years old all things considering" Kiba said. "Kairi's 15, and you were created from Kairi so therefore, your name is now "Kid", now what can I do for you Kid?"

"My name is Namine!"

"Mary".

"Namine".

"Listen Lucy. Were you going to buy anything or what?" Kiba asked.

"Actually I changed my mind" Namine said.

"See you later then, Freak" Kiba shouted at her as she left.

Two seconds later the shop blew up. Completely unrelated. Right.

Luckily Kiba had left for lunch just 30 minutes before the shop blew up which doesn't make sense whatsoever but that is why this fic is called Dork Period.

* * *

**Miss.Ecofreak: wow…. How did Namine learn to blow up stuff in 2 seconds?**

**Namine: I borrowed some explosives from Deidara.**

**Miss.Ecofreak: oh well in that case… Well Roxas is bothering prinnies, Kiba started his own pet store, Kiba's pet store blew up and PetLuvr has a split personality…. Talk about plot twist.**

**Zakura: or it would be, if this fanfic actually had a plot. **

**Miss.Ecofreak: and it most certainly does not…. Please review.**


	100. OMG

**Usagi: hello people! And welcome to chapter…C**

**Zakura: C?**

**Usagi: C.**

**Sasuke LB: C?**

**Usagi: Yes, C. Do you bunnies have a problem with that?**

**Bunnies: yes.**

**Usagi: fine… so it's chapter…afraid to say it…XXXXX**

**Roxas: or C.**

**Sora: or 100.**

**Riku: or Usagi is a freaking moron.**

**Usagi: I heard that! You have no idea how hard it was to write this chapter. I mean hey! After 99 chapters you'll run out of ideas too…. But at least it's the longest chapter of the Fanfic, it includes more Final Fantasy-characters, a Death Star (named SWD-DS-2000), lots of violence, randomness and Sam and Max, Freelance Police. **

**Riku: and me being an über awesome star emperor (evil laugh)**

**Usagi: and Cloud on sugar-high.**

**Riku: (stops laughing) Cloud on what?**

**Usagi: just read.**

* * *

**CHAPTER…..C**

**DEATH STARS AND SUGAR CLOUDS**

It was a random morning over Naughty Ottsel.

Since it was 6 am the bar was rather empty. Cept for Daxter, Erol (who apparently both lived there) and Riku, who was busy reading something on his laptop.

Beside him sat his kitten, still un-named, drinking beer from a bowl.

"What are you reading?" Darth Sidious asked.

"What are you doing here?" Riku asked.

"Oh I just like to randomly show up" Sidious replied. "So what are you reading?"

"Just a guide on "How to Be a Star Emperor." Sora and I decided to build a death star so I was looking for some tips on how to have fun with it" Riku said.

"Didn't you already make one?" Sidious asked.

"Yes, but it fell apart. I told Sora it was a bad idea to use cardboard and paperclips" Riku said.

"K…" Sidious said as suddenly a brown-haired Final Fantasy-character ran into the bar in a very un-final fantasyish/emo-way, pushing the emperor out of the way, stole the cat's beer and drank it.

"You're making a death star? Cool! I have one too!" Squall said.

"You do?" Riku asked.

"Yup. But I had to hide it, if not Yuffie would steal it and use it to cause chaos in the universe" Squall said.

A large boom was heard outside.

"Er… I got to go" Squall said and left in a hurry, leaving Riku to buy more beer for his cat. Why was he feeding the cat beer? Well, he wasn't completely up-to-date with basic cat-care….or cat-naming for that matter…

Meanwhile in the castle that Never Was, Lexaeus peeked into Zexion's room.

"Zexion? Are you there?" he asked.

"No. I'm in Disneyland" came the answer.

"Ok. I'd better go look in Di…wait a minute" Lexy said. "Why are you abbreviating my name?"  
**Caush itsh hard to wvite.**

Lexy rolled his eyes and so wished the author would learn to spell properly, and stop breaking the 4. Wall with such silly remarks, till he noticed the 4. Wall had a door on it…so that's why…

But instead of arguing with the author (which after 99 chapters everyone should know leads them nowhere) he walked into the room to find out where the voice came from.

He opened Zexion's closet, and found….

"HI!" said ChibiCloud.  
"What the f are you doing in Zexion's closet?" Lexy asked.

"You shouldn't say bad words, and I was searching for candy!" CC explained happily.

"Candy?" Lexy asked.

"Yes… I wanted to share some of mine with Cloud and he…ate it all" CC said.

"Cloud ate your candy?" Lexy asked.

"Yup. He reeeeeeeeeally likes sugar you see" CC said. "Just like me!"

A strange thought entered Lexy's mind…Cloud on sugar high…but he quickly threw that thought away, there was no way Cloud Strife, the man who was brooding all his way trhough FFVII Advent Children, could get hyperactive, right?

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Then again….this IS Dork Period.

Lexy looked out into the hallway just in time to see the blonde hero from too many Final Fantasy games/movie run past him, hands outstretched, like Squall, he was acting very non Final Fantasyish, at least very non-Cloudish.

Lexy looked back at CC with a questioning look, in which the replica replied "AIRPLANE!" then he too ran out into the hallway.

"Oh…perfect. Now we have one more madman on the loose" Lexy said.

"I can't believe I lost to that guy…twice…thrice…I've lost count" said Sephiroth…who just happened to be in the room.

Suddenly the wall broke down, falling on Sephiroth and scaring a small silver cat out from under the table, and a girl in black hair came in, carrying a machine that was marked "Cloud-detector" which now was beeping rapidly.

"Have you seen a boy with spiky hair?" she asked.

"Let me see…that narrows it down more than half of the characters in both Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy" Lexy said. "Could you be more specific?"

The girl looked at him with a questioning look.

"He's emo" she sad eventually.

"Name someone who isn't".

"Yuffie?"

"What?"

"You told me to name one who wasn't emo. Okay, he's got spiky blonde hair, blue eyes, is emo and carries a uselessly large sword…what else? Oh yeah, he should never in any situation come close to anything sugar or caffeine" the girl said. **(So wrong fanfiction if you want to avoid that…)**

Lexy looked out the door again. "Oh-uh".

"What do you mean "oh-uh"?" asked the girl.

Lexy didn't have time to answer, as suddenly Cloud and his replica were back and barged into the room.

"WEEEEEEEE! Oh shit! Tifa!" Cloud said and quickly ran of in the opposite direction.

CC however, didn't see what was so scary.

"HI!" he said.

Tifa looked at him for a while.

"SO CUTE!" she said and hugged CC. "Though somewhat disturbing…who or what are you?"

"My name's ChibiCloud. I'm a replica of Cloud Strife made by Vexen cuz he was bored" CC said.

"K. That explains it. Where did Cloud go?" Tifa asked.

"What do I look like? His clone or something?" CC asked.

Tifa gazed at him for a moment. "Yes".

"Okay. Good, cause that's what I am. He went to the kitchen, probably to find more sugar" CC said.

"Not if I can help it he doesn't!" Tifa said and ran out the door.

"Who was that girl Lexuepus?" CC asked.

"It's Lexaeus. And I have no idea" Lexy said.

"Lexaeaueus?" CC asked.

"Lexaeus"

"Lexypus?"

"Lexaeus"

"Lexywexy?"

"Lexaeus"

"Mortimer?"

"Shut up ChibiCloud".

Tifa continued to run trhough the hallway looking for her childhood friend, if she encountered any nobodies or any of their pets/the replicas on the way she pushed them out of her way before they had time to ask "Who are you and why have you broken into our home?" or before the prinnies had time to shout "DOOD! You stepped on my foot!"…this was weird since they had sticks for legs.

As she ran into Sora and Riku however, it was Tifa's turn to stop.

"What are you doing here? And Riku, weren't you just at the Naughty Ottsel?" she asked.

"No….or yes…but then we came here by…er…something that's not pink flying elephants" Riku said.

"Or purple hippos" Sora added.

"Or Xehanort's heartless" Riku added.

A man dressed in a brown cloak walked by in the background with a hunched back.

"Are you two drunk again? What did Kairi say to you about drinking?" Tifa asked.

"That its fun and we should do it more?" Riku suggested.

Tifa sighed. "I don't have time for this, so I'm just gonna call Kairi and then go find Cloud" she said and picked up her cell phone.

"NO! Don't do that! We'll do anything!" Sora said.

"Stop drinking?" Tifa asked.

"Except that".

"Then tough luck kid" Tifa said and left, sending an SMS to Kairi who appeared 4 seconds later and dragged Sora and Riku out of the castle and into the Death Star they had coincidentally parked just outside. (They're fast at building no? Or they could have borrowed Leon's…)

Tifa went into the Kitchen but she found no Cloud, instead she found a chocolate cake on the table, which Trixi was now eating, apparently Riku wasn't the only one who didn't know what a cat was SUPPOSED to be eating.

"Okay Cloud I know you are in there" Tifa said.

No answer.

Tifa pulled out her phone and dialled Cloud's number; soon she could hear a happy tune playing from inside the fridge.

Tifa opened it, and found Cloud inside, hitting his phone trying to silence it.

"You know Cloud, I used to be annoyed that you never answer the phone when I call you but at least you won't turn it of…and do you have the chocobo theme song as a ring tone?" Tifa asked.

"What? It's catchy" Cloud said. "Though treacherous…"

"Have you been eating sugar again?" Tifa asked.

"…no?" Cloud replied.

"So… you were running through the hallway shouting "WEEEE" and pretending to be an airplane just for fun? Or was it a clever plan to defeat Sephiroth again?" Tifa asked.

"It worked didn't it? Do you see Sephiroth around?"

"No. Because I just crushed him under a wall. But you Cloud, is hyperactive! The doctors told you plenty of times to STAY AWAY FROM ANY SUGAR!" Tifa said.

"But it's so…I just wanted…LOOK! YOUR FANCLUB!" Cloud yelled.

"I HAVE A FANCLUB?" Tifa asked and turned around. "Hey… that's just Caith Sith's fanclu…wait a second? Caith Sith has a…where did he go?"

Cloud had disappeared again, this time he left his phone behind, very un-Cloudish. So he wasn't as dumb as everyone in this fanfic appeared to be.

"Damn" Tifa said, and ran out of the kitchen, nearly stepping on the tail of the same silver cat that had been around for quite some time now.

"Say doesn't that cat slightly resemble Caith Sith?" a girl in Caith Sith's fanclub asked.

"Despite the fact that they're both cats…no" another one said.

"He resembles someone…But I can't put my finger on it" a third member said.

"Yay! I have a fanclub!" a black cat-thing riding a huge moogle said. Caith Sith…obviously.

"Guys, this is getting annoying" the silver cat said before a gigantic laser hit the wall, blowing up half the kitchen so that the only survivors where the three cats, Trixi, Caith Sith and the silver cat.

"What the…" the silver cat said.

"Meow?" Trixi finished.

"Meow is right" Caith Sith said.

Outside the castle hovered a gigantic round space station.

It had big eye-stickers on it, and a sign saying "IMMAH CHARGIN MAH LAZARZ!"

"Holy meow! Get away from that thing!" Caith Sith suddenly yelled and grabbed the other two and ran of before the Death Star fired again, and the rest of the kitchen+half of the living room and the bathroom blew up. All that was left of the bathroom was a toilet…which Xemnas was sitting on.

"Er?"

Riku suddenly showed up from a small hatch on the top.

"HAH! That was undeniable proof that we totally owned you lamers!" he yelled.

Next to him another hatch opened and Seifer came up from it. "That's my line chicken wuzz!" he said.

A white rabbit appeared from a third hatch, with a gun, he shot Seifer.

"Thank you Captain Max. I don't get what he was doing in our death star" Riku said.

"Why does it have this many hatches?" Max the rabbit asked.

"You crack me up little buddy" said a brown dog, who came up from the same hatch Seifer first appeared in, Seifer had randomly disappeared, like most game-characters do when they die.

"Can I help you?" Xemnas asked, not looking shocked at all, duh, he's heartless.

"Ah yes, I have decided to take over the universe, and in order to do that we have decided to kill you for some reason" Riku said and pulled out a machine gun. "So please die!"

Xemnas portaled away.

"DAMNIT! I hate it when they do that! AFTER HIM! Let's show them the power of the SDW-DS2000!" Riku said.

Sora appeared from a 4. Hatch. "We can't get the Death Star into the castle" he reminded Riku.

Kairi appeared out of a 5. Hatch. "Meh, just blow the castle to bits, nobody would miss it" she said.

A strange man came out of a 6. Hatch. "The alarm's going of brother, who wants to type in the code before the computer maybe destroys the world or something".

"I don't give a damn about the dumb computer and who's idea was it to install all these hatches?" Riku asked, and pressed a random button. Hatch nr 6 blew up, sending Desmond burning out of it. "Ooooh. This is a violent chapter".

Using the tiny remote control, still sitting on top of the death star, Riku used the SHOOP DA WOOP-laser to blow up random parts of the castle; occasionally he caught glimpses of Xemnas running trhough the building.

However when Xemnas started running towards the middle of the building, things were getting harder.

Blowing the entire castle up at once would surely make their job easier, but it would also kill their friends who were still in the building (Tifa who was chasing Cloud, Cloud who was being chased by Tifa and Caith Sith who was raiding Vexen's fridge) and not even Riku and Sora were that drunk…okay they were, but since Kairi was in the death star they couldn't just do that.

"Oh so you wanna play rough huh? Sora! Put down the landing wheels!" Riku yelled.

4 wheels appeared on the underside of the death star, they happened to be hamster wheels, but they did the trick somehow.

The SWD-DS landed on the remaining floor in the castle and as it did, the people on top heard a shrieking sound.

"What was that?" Riku asked.

Sora (who had disappeared from Hatch nr 4) stuck his head out of hatch nr 87 which was on the underside of the death star.

"I think we hit Roxas' cat" he said, looking at Trixi, whose tail was stuck under the death star.

Roxas suddenly portaled in, right in front of the death star, carrying Prinny nr 53.

"Leave my cat alone you drunkards! I have a prinny and I'm not afraid to use it" Roxas said.

"A…prinny?" Sora said.

"I have a fish" Prinny 53 said.

"Hey! That's mine!" said Namine, who was hiding behind a rock. Why was there a rock inside the castle? Ask Lexy.

"Listen XIII. I'm sure that on some world a fish and a demon penguin might be very scary but this is…" Riku was cut of as something exploded on the Death Star. "…A suicide prinny?"

"Well what do you expect? The way Roxas treats them?" Namine said.

"They have exploding birds! Run away!" Max said.

"Fine. I guess we can't kill the Organization before the next parody begins. We'll get you for this Roxas! You and that girlfriend of yours!" Riku said and disappeared into Hatch nr 2 (he bounced out of hatch nr 1 into nr 2…no reason really) and the death star rolled out of the castle before disappearing.

"What did I do?" Namine asked.

"I don't know" Roxas said. "But I have a nasty feeling we're going to find out".

* * *

**The end**

* * *

**Usagi: PSYCH! Cliffhanger!**

**Roxas: ey…this IS the last chapter isn't it?**

**Usagi: only the last chapter of Dork period, XIII. Longest one too… I've wanted to get this finished for quite some time but I was horrified it would get boring….so instead I made it even longer than the rest of the chapters.**

**Roxas: does that automatically make it funnier?**

**Usagi: no, but it's longer.**

**Roxas: longer doesn't always mean better.**

**Usagi: IT'S LONGER!**

**Riku: when will I get to test my death star out for real?**

**Usagi: oh yeah. That was a preview for my next fanfic. Heart Wars: A parody of star wars, starring the KH2-characters.**

**Kairi: Yay!**

**Usagi: not you.**

**Kairi: aw…why not? I want a part in that fic too!**

**Usagi: well…you could always play Padme.**

**Kairi: Yay:3**

**Usagi: but since Heart Wars only features episodes 4-6 of Star Wars you'll be dead.**

**Kairi: eyh…:(**

**Zexion: at least she didn't turn you into a silver cat, and refused to say your name throughout the whole chapter.**

**Usagi: never happy are you guys?**

**Zexion: well no, I am a nobody, I have no feelings.**

**Usagi: Well you know the drill people; please review and the next chapter will come sooner….nope. Not this time people. But please review and Heart Wars will come sooner.**

**Zakura: like you won't upload that one 10 seconds after uploading this.**

**Usagi: fine… please review….and this chapter wouldn't feel completely wasted. SAYONARA!**


End file.
